I don't own any of the o.c. characters

Lol so yea I don't know why I keep writing this story if no one reads it um….but yea someone lets call her QUEEN PIMPSTER is making me do it so yea here it is.

THOUGHTS

It was the day before the first day of school I was just shocked that Kirsten didn't tell anyone about me cutting. My dad being his protective self now decided to go with me to get my scheduled.

As we were waiting in line behind the rest of the R-Z, I decided I needed a break so I told my dad that I needed to use the little girl's room.

I walked by the A-J, that's where I seen her Kirsten Cohen the women I thought would have destroyed my life but she didn't, she did not tell anyone about what happened that day in the restroom, As I walked by her she looked at me I put my head down there was no way after what I told her in the restroom that I could ever look at her straight in the eye's again.

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SETHS POV

I was looking to see if any of my friends were here, man that sounded even gay in my head the only friends I have are Summer and Ryan and Marissa which none of them were in sight.

So I decided to go wait in line with my mother since Ryan took off somewhere with Marissa to have sex or something who knows right now.

I arrived back in line as I waited with my mother, I saw her Summer Roberts walk by she didn't give me a second look at all she put her head down an she past me and my mother.

I have to do something to show that I am sorry for leaving, I have nothing.

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RYANS POV

Well I just had a BIG fight with Marissa about everything going on and she told me she doesn't want anything to do with me a part of me should have been hurt, but I couldn't hurt for myself after seeing what exactly mine and Seth departure had done to everyone we loved.

I saw Summer quickly walk by I knew she would not talk to me so I decided to do something every young man only dreams about, that's right I decided to go into the girls bathroom. As I walk in I couldn't believe there bathroom had a couch.

"Ryan what the hell are you doing in here?" said the petty brunette from the corner of the restroom

"Um... I actually came to talk to you"

"yea in the girl's bathroom since everyone does it now right" Summer seemed pretty upset, I could tell because she was resting both of her hands on each side of her hips.

"Look Summer we need to discuss Seth ok, I think u should forgive him"

"FORGIVE HIM YOU WANT ME TO FORGIVE HIM YEA RIGHT, look Chino I have to go so yea bye!" Summer left

I was standing in the girl's restroom and said what the heck I mean once in a life time opportunity to sit on the couch.

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SUMMERS POV

I walked back to the line only to see that my dad was gone and now sitting down talking to Kirsten Cohen.

I walked over to my dad and sat down, Kirsten looked at me and nodded her head

"hey sweetie Mrs. Cohen was just talking to me about the fashion show for this year, do you want to sign up for it again Marissa already did" said Neil

"Um…Yea why not I mean Coops doing it sure so yea sign me up"

Seth walked up

"mom I can't find Ryan it's like he just disappeared off the planet" said Seth

"Actually I think he is in the girl's restroom"

Everyone looked at me really puzzled they didn't know what to say.

"Why is he in the girl's restroom Summer, and how do you know he is in there?" Said Neil

"Well see what had happened is I went to the girl's restroom to touch up on my makeup and he walked in, and wanted to talk to me about something but I told him I had to leave so yea that's why he is in there" I said

"It's been great catching up with you Kirsten tell sandy I said hello, goodbye Stanley I hope you find your brother" said Neil

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LATER THAT NIGHT

Summer was sitting at her desk looking at herself in the mirror

"what have I done to myself, I look deader then the real dead people"

Suddenly there was a knock on the door

Summer got up and walked over and opened it to only reveal Ryan Atwood, well Summer guessed he didn't have all the time to talk to her well he was in the girl's restroom.

"Chino can I help you?" Summer said

"actually we never finished or discussion earlier about Seth" Ryan walk in and sat on her bed

Summer closed her door an took her seat on her desk chair

"I thought we finished it, I don't want to forgive Cohen and that's that"

"but Summer it's really my fault he left, if it wasn't for me he would have never left" said Ryan

"oh we would have broke up anyway were not meant to be together so we would have done it either way Chino, Look I know your never going to go away unless I give you a good reason why me and Seth are not going to get back together no matter what so yea, Cohen and I were just both on different paths, he hurt me really bad I don't know ok I just don't…." Summer couldn't finish because Ryan cut her off

"Summer I know how you feel you're scared you don't want to get hurt again but that's what life is like" said Ryan

"No life sucks for me ok, everyone I love leaves, maybe its me who makes them leave I don't know, but I am sick an tired of sitting in my room crying over everyone who leaves me!" said Summer

"Summer I know people leave me too all the time but I got over it, I have learned how to push past it and you should to" said Ryan

Ryan noticed something on Summer's long sleeve shirt it was a baby blue one but it had red stains on them

"look Ryan I don't have much time anymore so maybe you could like leave now" said Summer

"yea I think I should to I will see you at school tomorrow um…. Summer I think you may have…" said Ryan

"May have what?"

"um nothing I am going to go see you tomorrow bye" Ryan waved a goodbye an gave one last look at Summer

After Ryan left Summer finally took off her glasses to show her eyes the dark circles looked worst then ever, she decided to put on her tank top which were the kinds that stick to your body so you could see the shape, she looked at her arms they were fully showing now she regretted saying yes to the fashion show

Suddenly her door swung open

"hey Summer sorry I forgot my cell and…" Ryan looked at her she had the darkest circles he has ever seen her tank top couldn't even stick on her body she was way skinny, her arms were full of cuts he didn't know what to say he was in shock

"hey Ryan here is your cell" said Summer

Ryan didn't know what to do so he just left after her left Summer panicked she didn't know if he seen it or not.

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FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

Marissa and Summer sat talking on the bench in front of harbor when Seth and Ryan walked up to them Marissa and Ryan decided to go an talk about there fight yesterday.

"so what's your first class?" said Seth

"um geography"

"oh so is mine I guess I will see you there then"

"yea I guess so Cohen, I got to go bye"

Seth watched Summer the love of his life leave there was something different about her she always wore long sleeves and sun glasses

Seth decided to just drop it.

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GEOGRAPHY CLASS

Summer didn't sit by Seth she sat by the guy who was new his name was Andy or something

Summer kept looking behind her Seth sat with non other the NEW slut of harbor Jess she was all over him, Well I guess Seth just got over her or something cause he was not trying to stop her, or anything class ended fast Summer had a free period god she hoped Seth didn't cause he would want to talk to her. Summer walk to the lounge to sit and relax, when Ryan walked up and sat next to her.

"hey how was your first class?" he asked

"it was ok I mean Mrs. George is so boring, it sounds like she took George from Geography" Summer and Ryan laugh but Summer could tell Ryan wanted to ask her something

"Look Ryan if you want to ask something please ask it"

"I saw cuts on your arms last night when I went back for my cell, or you cutting yourself?"

"No, when you were gone to Chino My dad and I were in a car crash that's why I have cuts on my arm I haven't had a good night of sleep since then I am to scared to relieve what had happened that night"

"oh" Ryan had a feeling she was lying but decided not to push it "so yea I got to go late"

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2 months had gone by Summer, Seth, Ryan and Marissa had all decided to be nothing but just friends

Seth and Summer were walking to go and hang at the bait shop when Seth's new "girlfriend" Jess walked up

"hey sethie wethie my cutie pie" Jess came and gave Seth a kiss it seemed forever finally they pulled apart

"hey Seth on second thought I think I have to do something with my dad today maybe we can hang some other day so yea bye Cohen" Seth didn't know what was wrong with Summer she avoided eye contact with his mom , Always tensed around Ryan

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SUMMERS POV

IN HER ROOM

I ran upstairs took everything out of my purse and grabbed the blade I went into the restroom and pulled up my sleeve and went back and forth up and down faster and faster not wanting to stop, I walked into my room grabbing a CD that I had burned earlier that day and put it on number 12 repeat over and over.

Sometimes a man has to choose
And do something he doesn't wanna do
Do I live my life with you as my wife
Or do I go on and pursue my lifetime dream
I gotta do this for me
Cuz if I don't I'll probably regret it
But if I do I'll probably regret it
How do I cope

Chorus:
How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it
How do I deal with
The fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn away for your career
I gotta take it though it's heartbreakin'
It's something that I had to do
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad
So how do I live...how do I deal without you

I looked at myself in the mirror and got my blade again I went up and down back and forth faster then I have ever did.

It's killing me to know
That your heart's with me
But you're with him cause I chose
To be in this industry
Money, shows, and hoes come along with luxury and pain
Is all you see when you think about it
But this is the life that I was given
So I have to live it to the fullest
But how do I deal in the meantime without you

What was the point of me living I me really no one loves me enough to care I cant handle this no more I don't want to live

Chorus

How do you deal when you can't be with
the one you love but the one you love is
with somebody else
What do you do when you know she don't love him
but she love me but she cant stand lovin' you faraway
you just deal with it,deal with it
(I dont wanna have to live with it)
you just deal with it,deal with it
(no,no,no)
you just deal with it,deal with it
(I dont want nobody else alovin' you)
you just deal with it,deal with it
(I dont nobody else alovin' me)

Chorus

How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it...

As I layed there in the bathroom with my arms bleeding, feeling very lost and dazed I knew I was slipping away, but all I kept thinking about was no one is ever going to find my body.

OK so there it is the longest chapter I have ever done don't know if it was good an all so um I will try to update soon. The song is called "how to deal" bye Frankie J one of my favorite songs right now yea so review please!

SUMMERAN1