Llef ylil yhw -By Yo-yo

Disclaimer: C chappie #1.

Chapter 6- Love and Hate:

"So, where is Frank now?" she asked, gently running the brush through her long blonde hair.

"Well, he's doing some Head Boy stuff right now, but he's already spoken to Dumbledore and we've got this whole romantic night planned." Alice squealed, a permanent smile on her face.

Sunny sighed putting down her own brush.

"You are like the luckiest person ever!"

"What do you mean?" she asked, watching as Sunny pulled on a pair of tight, navy jeans.

"You've got the greatest boyfriend in the world," Lily replied, brushing Alice's blonde hair to the side of her head, tucked behind her ear.

Alice Popinopolis and Frank Longbottom had been together since forever. Not one person in Hogwarts didn't know how much the handsome Head Boy loved the round, kind-faced sixth year. They had known one another for their whole lives and it seemed their love had bounded them together forever. From the first day that Allie had entered the Great Hall, Frank was by her side. By Allie's fourth year and Frank's fifth, they'd both realized their attraction and had been together ever since.

"Yeah, he's great," Millie piped up, her voice laced with sarcasm.

They were all sitting in their dormitory, doing their own thing. Mildred lay out on her bed, one of Lily's Muggle books in her hands and her eye glasses cast aside as she perused it. Sunny was getting ready for a date. Lily was helping Alice get ready for her night with Frank and Alice was listening to the conversation and watching the blue and purple swirls as they whirled on the walls.

"How's that?" Alice asked, perplexed.

Frank had been her best friend, her first boyfriend, her first love, hell, her first everything. She guessed that all boyfriends were like Frank; sweet and attentive to her feelings.

"He's the sweetest guy ever," Sunny answered, a dreamy look on her face as she tried to explain. "He totally cares for you, and doesn't put up this elaborate façade around everyone else. He makes you laugh, and makes you cupcakes. He dances with you at all the school dances and always whispers sweet nothings in your ear no matter if anyone's looking or not. He so doesn't care about PDAs, and is always there when you need him."

"Yeah, everyone's so jealous of you two," Millie smiled, pushing a lock of ebony from her eyes.

Mildred Quiglesby reminded Lily of her childhood memories of witches. Her long, straight black hair fell down her back, past her waist. It was so long that she usually just sat on it. She had grey eyes that seemed to captivate anyone that looked at her. She was thin and pointy, reminding her a little of Petunia, except she was short and seemed to drown in everything that she wore. Although she looked harsh and unsympathetic, she was still one of the nicest (although sarcastic) people that Lily had ever met.

In contrast, Alice Popinopolis looked like your favorite aunt, the one that spoiled you with kindness and showered you with gifts. She was one of the most optimist people that Lily had ever met and she seemed to bring a ray of sunshine into their sixth year dorm. Alice was round and jolly. Her kind face seem to offset everyone, but drew them into her benevolence. Her light brown eyes weren't the most beautiful, but they were soft, gentle, and nurturing. Her long honey-blonde hair fell down to her elbows in gentle waves, framing her cherubic face.

"Has anyone seen my blue sweater?" Sunny asked, abandoning the brush and turning back to the other girls.

"Didn't you loan it to Fly last week?" Alice asked as Lily wound a purple elastic at Alice's nape, just below her left ear.

"Yes I did," Sunny realized, standing up and leaving the dorm.

When Sunny left, Lily got up from her trunk and lifted a box of hot rollers.

"I want what you've got," Lily sighed, as Alice touched her wand to each one of fingernails, testing colors to see which would look better with her outfit.

"What's that?"

"I want a guy that can love me completely, despite all my faults. I need a guy that can deal with my Obsessive Compulsive habits, and won't voice how contradictory I am when I leave behind a mess. I need a guy that can stimulate my mind, but still known how to romance me. I want a guy that can make me laugh, make me cry, make me hate him and love him at the same time. I want a guy who's protective of me, but will let me go if that's what I really need. I want a guy that wants me and needs me, and can't imagine life without me."

When she felt Lily let go of her hair, she maneuvered her torso, so she could see Lily.

"What about James Potter?" Mildred asked, looking up from her book.

"What about Potter?"

"Well," Alice began as Lily tapped the roller container with her wand and sat back down on her trunk. "Well, everyone knows he's crazy about you. Everyone knows he'd move heaven and earth just to be with you . . . everyone knows that someday you're going to break down that stone wall and let him in."

"Yeah, well he obviously doesn't like me enough to stop being the total asshole that everyone knows and loves," she rolled her eyes. "I mean, if he really liked me would he . . ."

She trailed off, placing the curlers in Alice's hair.

"So," Alice said turning towards Lily, gauging her reaction. "Do you admit that you fancy him?"

Too tired of this discussion to begin her usual tirade, she merely rolled her eyes and pivoted Alice's head forward.

"I don't like James Potter, I never could. He's everything I despise; in fact, I could even go as far as saying that I, Lillian Evans, hate James Potter."

Both Alice and Mildred gasped and whirled around to face their roommate. They knew that Lily was sensitive when the subject of James Potter was presented, but they could never have imagined her feelings for him to be so . . . callous.

"Surely you don't mean that?" Millie asked, her dark eyes probing.

"I know it sounds harsh, more than he deserves, but sadly, it applies." She replied nonchalantly, placing the last curler in Allie's hair and standing up.

"Lily, no one deserves to be hated. You can't just up and hate someone at the drop of the hat!" she said, a frown on her face.

"I've got my reasons," Lily sighed, lifting herself from her trunk and pulling a record from her collection.


"Checkmate," he grinned, his hazel eyes glittering as he looked back at Peter who looked at him indignantly.

"How in bloody hell did you do that?" Peter ejaculated, his eyes glaring at the chessboard.

"That, my man, is my secret!" James clapped Peter on the shoulder and took a seat on the davenport next to sixth year Monica Torres.

No matter how dense Peter Pettigrew could sometimes be, he was still a pretty smart man. In fact, he was one of the best Wizarding Chess players in the whole school. He had a great mind for carefully calculated tact. He knew good timing and how to abort sticky situations. In fact, one of the reasons why he was a Marauder wasn't because he shared a dormitory with them, but because he could help them schedule and carry out some of the most intricate schemes, without a blink of the eye or the flick of a wrist.

"Hi James," Monica smiled, her voice laced with insinuation.

"Hey Monica," he smirked, taking her in as he did with all the other girls; his hazel eyes leering.

"So," she whispered softly, "What are you doing tonight?"

"I don't know," he grinned, cocking a brow, "What do you suggest?"

Before she could actually respond to his innuendo laced comment, she'd attacked him with her lips, pressing herself against him.

"Slut," Sunny thought, seeing the display as she exited the girls' dormitory. "Hey Fly, did you borrow my blue sweater?"

"Yeah," Fly answered absently, her eyes trained on the tiny broomsticks levitating above a miniature Quidditch field. She was trying to teach the two new recruits, third years Jacob Taylor and Ashley Tate plays for the next day's practice (the rain was so hard that night that they had to cancel practice). The two boys seemed to be totally engrossed in her tutelage, but in fact, both their eyes were glazed over.

"Can I have it back?" Sunny groaned, perturbed by Fly's apathetic attitude.

"I don't know," Fly replied, not looking away from the display. "Millie has it now."

"Couldn't you have at least told me?" Sunny asked, rolling her eyes. "I need the sweater; I've got a date tonight!"

All four Marauders looked up from their respective seats in the common room. Padfoot and Prongs had both been making out on separate couches with separate girls. Wormtail had been in the corner of the common room staring determinedly at a chessboard (obviously he'd lost a game). And Moony had been in another corner, practicing a potion.

"With who?" Sirius asked, disregarding his "date" and walked towards her.

Fly looked up for a moment, her eyes following him as he placed an arm around Sunny's shoulders and gave her a friendly squeeze. Her eyes returned to the board when Sunny said, "Jeffrey Diggory."

"Amos's brother?" Sirius frowned, obviously voicing his distaste of the Diggory clan.

"Yes," she sighed pushing back the stubborn curl, mentally reminding herself to cut it when she got the chance.

"When did this happen?" Peter asked, watching her as she averted her eyes from the group and moved out of Sirius's arms.

"Last night," she sighed, fixing the white blouse she was wearing.

"Why were you with Diggory last night?" James asked, carefully pushing Monica aside as he looked up at her.

Remus just stared; his hand paused in mid-motion, dripping far more drops of Rewstalk tears into his Aging potion than was good.

"Is that any of your business?" Sunny snapped, whirling on her heel and retreating into the girls' dormitory door.

"What flew up her ass?" Sirius asked, his brows knit.

"You guys interfering with her personal life," Fly muttered, not looking up at him.

"Well, she should know better than to associate with the scum of the earth."

"Well, she associates with you dilholes," she countered, "So you'd guess she was actually taking a step up."

"That was uncalled for," Sirius frowned, looking at the apathetic Delia. "Are you guys on your period or something?"

Delia jumped from her seat and glared at Sirius. He was taken aback for a second by the brown flames flickering in her eyes, singeing him.

Although Sirius stood at a respectable six feet three inches, he could still be taken down by Delia's penetrating stare.

Before he could force out some kind of makeshift apology, she bit into him, tearing him down to size.

"Dee, I just-"

"Why is it that whenever a girl goes against the man's opinions she's suddenly 'on her period'! And why in the hell would that be your first assumption as to why she doesn't think the same damn thing about every male that you know? First of all, I'm pretty sure you know nothing about a period, except that you don't get to have sex then. And secondly, if you ever throw that bullshit idea back at us again," moving so that they were just barely touching, she poked him in the chest, emphasizing her point. "I will personally prove that stereotype TRUE!"

With a final huff of annoyance, she followed Sunny and disappeared behind the dormitory door.

"Shit," James groaned, pushing his hair from his forehead. "She was really pissed! Practice is going to be a suicide mission tomorrow, I'll bet you ten Galleons."

No one laughed as they all stared at the door she'd entered, the entire room silent.


"What?" Some girl hissed.

James spotted the small group of girls that had congregated at a nearby table, heads together as they gossiped. He was looking for Monica to ask her to dance with him; Lily had decided not to forego the Halloween party and instead stayed up in the dorms by herself.

Noticing Monica's flaxen curls, he made his way towards the table, hoping to come out with as little confrontation as possible.

"Yeah, she was helping Allie get ready for her date with Longbottom and she just said it, boy were we shocked," Millie said, in a voice far louder than a whisper.

"Lillian Evans HATES James Potter?" Another voice asked unbelievably.

Now he stopped.

"I never knew she was capable of it," another voice said.

"Hell, I didn't think anyone was capable of hating James Potter," Monica whispered. "He's so hot! There's got to be something wrong with her to not like him."

"Well, she said she's got her reasons," Millie suggested. "It probably has something to do with that first day."

"Yeah, what he did was heinous." Monica frowned.

"But he was a kid, so I guess he was justified in his stupidity."

"I don't know why he's so hung up over her anyway, she's not even pretty!"

"Monica, get off it," Millie groaned. "You're not the hottest Witch to hit Hogwarts since pumpkin juice."

"Hey-"

But before James could listen to any more of their "riveting" conversation, he'd whipped around and dashed for the dormitories, determined to speak to Lily.

She hated him . . .

Hate was a very strong word.

Sure he knew that she despised him . . . that she was annoyed by him . . . that she'd disliked everything about him- but hate . . . that was something he wasn't prepared for . . . that was something he never wanted to confront.

He was just about to turn into Gryffindor tower when he heard an ominous snicker coming from one of the corners in the shadows.

Whipping around at the sound, the figure stepped forward; the whites of its eyes were the only feature visible. Then,

"That was a great stunt you pulled in there," it sneered, his black eyes glittering as he came forward.

James knew that voice. It was the same voice that taunted him on his first day at Hogwarts. It was the same voice that tortured him during his youth. It was the same voice that whispered curses at him in between classes and whenever he "felt like it." It was the same voice that called Lily a "Mudblood" . . . it was the voice of his arch-nemesis:

Severus Snape.

"What do you want, Snivellus," James snickered, instinctively going for his wand.

"Well, I just want to thank you for a reason for me to do something that I've wanted for a very long time." He leered, his voice gilded.

"And what's that, praise me for my obvious superiority to you?" James smirked.

Both boys whisked out their wands quickly, never taking their eyes from the other. They were like two cats, circling one another, sizing each other up.

"What, you don't seem so tough without your blithering entourage standing beside you. Where's that dimwit, Black?"

"Probably making out with one of the myriad of girls that won't give you the time of day," James smiled. "Oh, do you know what that means? It means kissing . . . oh," he faked a frown, "you may not know that either, considering your own mother wouldn't come near you with a twelve foot pole."

"Oh, I know what snogging is," Severus chuckled darkly. "It's that thing that you keep trying to get Evans to do . . . if only she was as stupid as your usual conquests, then you wouldn't have to worry which Mudblood to shag tonight."

"Don't you ever say that name again," James roared. "You have no right to ever utter her name on that vile tongue of yours!"

Suddenly Severus muttered an incantation, and with the crack of a whip, James had found himself hovering ten feet above the lake with the giant squid. Before he could think to hold his breath, he crashed into the water's surface. The void swallowing him whole and the pressure making him sink to the bottom.

He gulped in a mouthful of the inky water, impenetrable by the far away lights of the castle. Struggling the fluid darkness, he tried to remember what his father had tried to teach him. It seemed Snape had uncovered both his weaknesses: Lily and swimming.

It was his own fault. If he hadn't transformed the Slytherins into heavy footed Neanderthals, he wouldn't have been in this situation.

Pushing against the darkness, he could feel his lungs burn for breath and his head grow heavy in drowsiness. He'd never been a strong swimmer, and accompanied by the fact that he couldn't see his own hand, dread flooded his veins like ice water, cooling the warmth surrounding him.

It felt as if he floated for years, his body thrashing wildly against the unknown until finally he gave up . . . his strength spent and his mind gone. Finally, his eyes closed and he gave in to the sleep that had goaded him for some time.

Then suddenly,

"James," a voice whispered amidst the darkness.

He could feel something compressing his chest, then releasing, in a feeble attempt at CPR. Then the person to whom the voice belonged pushed back his head and attempted to blow into his mouth. But the mouth-to-mouth ended abruptly with a sudden cry,

"I so don't know how to do this," the voice trembled, panic laced the voice.

He couldn't recognize the voice, but he tried to speak back, he tried to open his eyes.

Suddenly, he could feel something gurgling in his esophagus and he leaned over and expelled the water from his lungs.

"Eww. . ." the voice cried, her girlishness almost hilarious if the situation weren't so dire.

But neither his mouth, nor his eyes seemed to be working because nothing came out . . . nothing seemed to work.

"Hey James," the voice called again, "you're going to have to get up."

He didn't protest as he felt a pair of arms run under his back and pull him upward by the armpits. He soon felt himself being dragged over the grass to an undisclosed location. Then suddenly the person stopped, causing him to accidentally fall back.

"Oh, sorry . . ." the voice whispered. "Damn, I'm a witch," the voice said to herself, then, "Locomotor James."

He felt himself being lifted into the air, as if lying on an invisible stretcher, moving swiftly through the cool night's air.


"Hey Jamsie, how ya' doin'?" Sirius asked, throwing open the curtain of his four poster.

"How did I get here?" he asked, his head heavy as he tried to lift his head, making him heavy as he fell back to the bed.

"After Snape threw you in the lake, we took care of him and Sunny went and found you. Lily came in a little later and helped . . . we didn't want to go to Madame Pomphrey, she'd ask too many questions."

"Lily helped?" he groaned, their voices reverberating in his head painfully.

"Yeah, she was the only one left in the dorms, so when Sunny called for help, she was here. She looked really scared. She said she'd be back in an hour."

"She doesn't need to-"

"Yeah she does," Peter scoffed. "She's the only person who knows what to do when you get hurt. Granted she does it the Muggle way, but it works."

"Tell her not to come back . . ." James tried, attempting to move his head again, but the dull pain throbbed, making him lie back down.

"Just lay back," Sirius instructed the look of pain in his eyes evident.

An hour later, Lily knocked timidly on the door, her face red with embarrassment.

"Hey," Sirius whispered, opening the door for her to enter.

It wasn't he first time that she'd ever been in the boys' dormitory, but every time it felt as if an offense. Every time that she entered, it felt taboo . . . as if she were doing something wrong and should be reprimanded.

"Thanks," she replied in the same tone, meekly entering the chamber.

She walked over to his four poster, whose curtains were drawn all around him as his breath seemed to cut through the air surrounding him.

"How's he been?"

"In and out," he answered, noting the look of pure apprehension.

"C'meer." He muttered, coming towards her.

Walking into his arms, she let him envelop her with his warmth, soothing her tense muscles.

She didn't cry, she wouldn't let herself. But she couldn't hide the worry from her face. She couldn't conceal from her features the fact that she actually cared. She couldn't suppress the pain emitting from her heart as she'd watched him lay in his four poster; lifeless.

"Hey," he whispered against her hair, "he's gonna' be alright. He's fine."

"Yeah, I know," she sighed, pressing her head to his shoulder, "I know . . . I just get so . . . girly, I can't help it. It's in my genetic make-up."

"Hey, don't worry."

"I can't help it," she groaned. "For some reason all of you guys are in my heart, even that asshole, and whenever there's something wrong, I can't help but worry. I hate you all."

"We love you too," he smiled, placing a kiss to her forehead before stepping away. "I'll leave you two alone."

"Yeah," she said ruffling her curls back.

"He'll be ok," he smiled encouragingly before he pressed another kiss to her cheek and turned to leave.

"Oh, and tell Fly that he'll be ready for practice by next week."

"He'd better be," he smirked, opening the door. "That's our first game against Ravenclaw, and they've been pretty good for the last couple of years."

Closing the door behind him, she approached the curtain with caution.

Drawing the curtain vigilantly she watched as he lay there, calm- faced and reverent. He looked like she would have imagined him as a little boy: adorable and impish.

"Lily," he breathed through the depths of sleep.

"Hey," she whispered, sitting on the side of his bed, removing the wet towel from his forehead.

"What," he started, lifting himself from the bed, then groaning as he lay back down.

"Hey, how ya' feel?" she asked, placing her hand on his pale forehead, feeling for fever.

"Lily?" he asked, turning his head to see her.

"Right here," she smiled conjuring a new cool towel and placing it across his forehead.

"You hate me."

"What?" she asked, looking down at him.

"You hate me. Why?"

She didn't say anything as she stood up, "Are you cold?"

"I came here looking for you, that's when I met up with Snape. I heard them talking . . . they said you hated me. They were saying that you really hated me." He stated.

"I-"

"Lily, why do you hate me? Why is it that you can never seem to give me a chance? Why am I the only one you never let go?"

She looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes and hurt consuming her features. Finally, she took a seat beside him and replied.

"Do you remember our first day in Hogwarts? Do you remember what you did to me in the Great Hall?"

"Yeah," he frowned, remembering how he'd tripped her in front of the whole school. "But I've apologized for that. I though you forgave me?"

"I've tried," she whispered, "but I can't."

"You're really upset with me over something that happened six years ago?" he groaned, exasperation lacing his deep voice.

"You don't know what it's like!" she rationalized, a tear escaping its barrier.

"Lily, it was six years-"

"You grew up in this world; you knew what it was like. I was only eleven. I didn't even understand- hell, I still don't understand! I was so scared . . ."

"Everyone was scared. It was their first day too-!"

"Imagine growing up in a world where wizards and witches only existed in a fantasy world. Imagine a place where you sit in church for three hours every Sunday praying to some intangible being that you believed created the world in seven days and gave you the choice between knowledge and ignorance. Imagine growing up and being told that witchcraft and wizardry is all wrong and those who did were going to live in eternal damnation after their death. Imagine learning that the entire world that they told you was wrong was the one that you were destined to live in.

"Imagine a world where people physically picked up after themselves, survived on their own ingenuity, learned from their mistakes, and built a society based on working hard to build a better tomorrow. Imagine a world where chickens didn't breathe fire, dragons were myths, where lycanthropes were 'created' to manipulate little children. Imagine a world where a little girl couldn't even begin to believe that her destiny lay in the world of magic, even after she walked through walls, saw buildings that others didn't, shopped in stores that sold broomsticks and dragon's hide, and walked into a castle.

"I had no idea until that summer that this world even existed. Everything about this world that I knew came from fairytales, myths, and fables. I could barely believe it was real. Owl Posts, Wizarding Banks, Ministry of Magic, and broomsticks- I was so afraid.

"And here I was: eleven without a friend in the world or a familiar face. Sure my parents were ecstatic when I got accepted, and Petunia instantly grew repulsed by me, but no one in my family had ever been here, no one knew what it was going to be like.

"I felt abandoned, stupid, and even ashamed to be here. I met Sunny and Fly, and they took a liking to me, but I still didn't know them. And they were still born in this world, they knew the rules, they knew what to expect, what was expected of them and how to succeed. I didn't. I couldn't even hold my wand right the day I went to pick it out.

"And then there I was, standing in this huge- massive- hall with seven hundred eyes on me and I felt small. I felt insignificant. I was afraid, I didn't think I belonged. I kept imagining the Sorting Hat would start telling everyone that there was a mistake, that I wasn't a witch, and that I didn't belong. That they were looking for some other Lillian Evans and they got the wrong girl. I kept thinking that everyone was wondering what I was doing there, that the Hat would humiliate me in front of the whole school and tell me to get the hell out! I even though I would be killed in order to protect the Secret.

"And then that damn Hat called my name. I remember it screeching Evans, and I started." She said, another tear eroding a river down her cheek. "And I lifted my head. I began walking up to the stool, not even understanding how my legs carried me seeing how I was shaking; scared out of my mind. I was determined not to look scared. I was determined to make everyone think I belonged for as long as I could. I was determined to not let my paranoia get the best of me- And then suddenly, you stuck out your foot and I crashed to the ground, and an anvil of laughter crashed down on me.

"I was shaking when I got up Potter, I was so- God, it wasn't even fright that coursed through my veins anymore! And then I turned to you and you had that stupid smirk on your face, and all I wanted to do was kill you. And if I wasn't so little, I probably would have tried."

"Lily-," he began, but she cut him off.

"I cried for three weeks after that . . . you humiliated me in front of the whole school, and didn't even feel remorse. I sent daily owls home asking to be sent back. I even had a few conferences with McGonagall and Dumbledore expressing my duress and trying to figure out some sort of resolution.

"In the end, we decided on a trial basis of a year and I agreed." She looked up into his eyes, "I stuck it out and in the end I stayed. I may not have hated you, but I couldn't forgive you . . . I still can't."

Wiping the tears away furiously with the sleeve of her shirt, she left his beside and disappeared behind the door.

TBC . . .

A/N: I know this had taken a long time to get this up, but I've been doing some stuff and I started school today, and found out that I'm going to have a sucky senior year. Well, I'm ready to go. Also, someone, I think his/her name is Hoyin, well, they said that Moaning Myrtle couldn't be in Hogwarts during Lily and Potter's times there, but upon research, I figured she could.

According to book two, Moaning Myrtle died in 1942, fifty years before (according to Nearly Headless Nick's Death day Party, the year was 1992). After Myrtle died she spent some time haunting Olive Hornby until the Ministry made her stop and go back to Hogwarts. So, unless the Ministry had taken 35 years to take action on Myrtle, then she would have been there during 1977. also, in book two it is said that Lupin is fairly young, although he had grey hair, so that's why I guessed he'd be about forty by the fifth book, and seeing as they lived a long time, grey shouldn't be for a good couple of decades later.

Book II: p. 231( par. 4); p. 299 Book IV: p. 465 (par. 1&3 from the bottom)

Well, R&R.

W/ luv, Yo-yo