Title: I'll Be There - Don't Wanna Say Goodbye

Author: Kaede Yuki

a.n.: WARNING! This is a death fic! The genre clearly states that it's a tragedy, - you have been warned! Anyway, I'm really sleepy now… I've been writing till 4 a.m. … So, if you find mistakes along the story, I apologize beforehand. My mind is in a complete daze when I wrote this… and I still am. It's not perfect, I know…but I just want to finish this fic as soon as possible. I was going to post this up after I've received Shirubaa Kitsune-san's review for my previous chapter since Kitsune-san always does… But something came up and I've decided to complete this fic before my exams next week. Anyway, I hope Kitsune-san gets this. Though I know Kitsune-san doesn't like death fics very much, this fic is partially in tribute to Kitsune-san.

Other than that, this fic is also dedicated to an ardent fan of my fics, - Caitlin-chan. I hope you like it!

Now, on with the story…


The engine roared in protest when the driver slammed his feet onto the accelerator as soon as the traffic light signaled the man that he was good to go.

"Hey! Slow down, will ya!" shouted the passenger in the car along with the manic driver.

"I know you have a death warrant with ya, Grim Reaper. But please double check! It's not my name on the warrant! So, let me live a little longer!" Drake pled, yelling at the fuming driver over the loud honking that was directed at the man behind the wheels.

Black enticing orbs narrowed dangerously as the man charged past a changing light, only to swerve the entire car at a sharp 90 degrees turn to their left, creating havoc in the streets along the way.

Frustrated by his colleague's lack of sensibility, Drake gave up on talking sense into the blond detective. Obviously, his desperate attempts to call forth rationality in the man were futile. Words just fell onto deaf ears.

Thus, he said no more until they came to a screeching halt in an empty parking space, northeast end of Pelham Bay Park.

"Goddamnit, Ryo! You're an officer of the law, but have you any idea how many offenses you've commit throughout the whole drive! Five! Five, Ryo! Three for charging past the red light, one for reckless driving, and one for a homicide-to-be, - whom the unfortunate victim is me! I swear I'm going to get a heart attack! So, refrain yourself, or I'll place a restraining order against driving on you!"

"Why don't you just revoke my license?... Oh, while you're at that, take my badge as well…" the half-Japanese bit back with bitter sarcasm.

"Ryo…"

"Two weeks!" Ryo slammed both his forearm against the steering, "Two bloody weeks, Drake!" His head fell on top of the steering as his grip around the round rim tightened till his knuckles turned white.

It wasn't the first time he'd seen the man throw a fit over the missing detective. In fact, it was like a routine. Every time they went on a scavenger hunt for Dee, the Japanese detective would end up breaking half the traffic rules in the book before breaking into tears. It was no different this time.

"Where is he?" whimpered the ash blond detective as tears cascade unceasingly.

"Look… you're tired and restless. And since you've drove us all the way here, why don't you use the opportunity to take a breather and relax your mind?" Drake suggested with an encouraging smile.

"But we're still on duty…"

"I'll be here if we're on call. Moreover, the car's probably overheated. Let it cool down a little while you take a stroll," the man said with a wink.

"Thanks, Drake…" Ryo replied turning to give his friend a faint smile.


The sun that evening was exceptionally orange with reddish highlights to emphasize its burning passion, scorching the clouds with its fiery colors as it sunk ever so slowly beneath the horizon. Somehow, if he could interpret Mother Nature's actions into words, he would like to think of it that the sun was somewhat reluctant to say goodbye to this day. Just like how unwilling he was to say goodbye to this world. But neither he nor the sun could run away from their fate. Eventually they will have to say their goodbyes.

And as how the sun bade the day goodbye, knowing very well that there will never be another today, he would have to bid the world and its people adieu for he knew that he might not have a tomorrow.

Ebony tresses streaked golden brown in color, while his body emitted the radiance of ethereality when the color of his pale complexion contrasted the tangerine glow. His shirt clung onto him loosely, as though it was fighting a losing battle against the ferventness of the ocean breeze.

Spreading out his arms, Dee inhaled a lung full of refreshing cool air.

'How much longer can I breathe?' a random thought came to mind as he deliberately held his breath. A nonsensical notion crossed his mind.

'I might never get to smell the freshness of the air, spiked with the scent of the ocean… I might never breathe again…So, if I can hold on…just a little longer…maybe…'

He knew that he was just being silly and childish. He knew that he was just trying to be ignorant. He knew that a part of him was still hoping that he could live a little longer. But he also knew that a dream will always be a dream.

A short fit of cough finally forced him to release the air held in his lungs, forcing him to let go of his ludicrous belief.

And despite the solemnity that graced his façade, he was laughing like a mad man, - laughing at how twisted his life has become for the last two and a half months, how one cruel luck changed him from who he used to be.


The blond Japanese detective wandered absentmindedly as he treaded his polished leather shoes along the sandy beach. It was nice to get out once in a while, - stop and smell the fresh air. It would have been the ideal choice of relaxation just to get stress out of the mind. It would have been the case, if it weren't the fact that his heart would let someone out of his mind, - a certain someone with the hair color that rivaled the night and eyes that were hexed with the spell to charm.

"His name is more than enough to start your hunt… His name is… Dee Laytner…"

The doctor's words reverberated clearly in his ears. He remembered how his heart stopped when she said his name. He vaguely remembered hearing a cracking sound in the back of his head, the cracking of his sanity. He exerted more effort than usual to keep his rationality at that one moment in time.

"Dee…"

He was clueless as to why he had the urge to whisper the man's name in the wind. Maybe… just maybe, he thought, - the wind might reach to him; reach the person who hid from him and the rest of the world…

Ryo knew that he was just being childish, that it was nothing more than a wishful thinking. But it wouldn't hurt to wish, would it?

He could feel his body's defense mechanism working against the misery that was trying to break its way into his heart. A sad smile graced upon his lips. But Ryo knew that it was just his sanity trying to provide comfort for his broken soul.

Weariness was weighing down on the half-Japanese detective, but it wasn't his body that was feeling worn out. It was his heart.

Somehow, he was just tired out this cat and mouse chase.

Maybe Dee doesn't want to be found…

Maybe that all this while he was being blinded by his own selfishness, blinded by his own greed for the man to stay with him, - when all Dee wanted was to be as far as possible from him…

The very thought alone stung, making his eyes rapidly blink away the growing tears.

'God! Since when have I been such a crybaby?' the blond man grunted mentally as he berated himself for being all feeble and weak.

'Since the day he left…' sardonically his devil conscience suggested, taking the opportunity to rub salt on the man's already wounded self-esteem.

Ryo could help but to cringe. For once, the devilish side of him was being paradoxical by speaking of the truth that lies deep within his heart.

Yes, ever since he was partnered with Dee…

Ever since he ignored Dee's advances…

Ever since he took Dee seriously…

Ever since the first time they shared…

And the times after that…

He knew that his life revolved around the one man alone. He was always under the impression that no matter what, Dee would be there for him. And he used it to his advantage, believing that after his parents died, after leaving Aunt Elena, after Bikky left him for a brighter future, - he would always have Dee beside him no matter what.

But now, he knew.

That even if Dee didn't leave him now…

Even if Dee didn't run from the hospital…

He would still have to face the harsh reality that the time for the man he loved was slowly running out.

A sob finally broke through the constraint in his throat, letting out a small choke-like cry as he collapsed onto his knees. A hand was brought up to clamp over his mouth from crying out loud, while the other snaked across to hold his shivering body.

Ryo knew that multiple pairs of eyes were training on him, while murmurs were heard as passer-bys began to stop around him. He knew that he was making a fool out of himself in public, but somehow, he could no longer contain the sadness that overflowed his heart.

He could hardly be bothered, but when an indistinctly familiar pair of black dress shoes came to a halt in front of him, tears were beginning to subside.

"Hey, there… You okay?" the man asked in a voice soft with concern.

The blond detective meekly nodded, nevertheless, his eyes refused to look up to whom were addressing him. The memories of his sudden break down came crashing down on him, making the man turned an impossible shade of red out of embarrassment. There was no way he could show his current façade to anyone!

However, he did feel a tinge of familiarity in the man's suave voice.

'It's just my imagination… It can't be…'

His mind has been so preoccupied that the detective didn't even register the man hasty departure. By the time he actually picked up his head, the man has mysteriously blended in with the crowd. He left as quickly as he came.

And while his ebony eyes still frantically search in vain for the stranger, his cell phone untimely rang.

"Yo, Ryo. Time to head back. I have to clock in before third shift," Drake said over the phone.

Withdrawing from his search, the flaxen man resigned with a defeated sigh, "Yeah. I'll be over in a while."


'Shit…shit…shit… Damn!' the dark-haired man cursed inwardly as he finally turned around the corner, disappearing from the blond detective's prying sight.

'Why? After all the effort to hide from him… why do they still meet in the end? I don't know whether to thank God for the opportunity or to curse Him for the fate that drew upon their encounter.'

He made a mental note to kill Drake for ratting out on him as his throat burnt from the harsh intake of breaths.

Dee wasn't even sure why he was panting when all he did was walk casually away from his lover. Hell, it didn't even exert much of a muscle to walk the distance less than a half a kilometer.

But why did it feel like he had just finished a race? Why was his heart pounding at such an insane rate that it felt like it was going to leap out of his chest any time soon? Why was he overwhelmed with uneasiness? Why did he feel like crying?

A hand firmly clutched the fabric over his chest as the growing sorrow intensified to the point where it hurt just to think about the blond Japanese.

Dee knew that feeling.

He knew of the pain all too well.

It has struck him more than once in a day since he left that fateful day.

It was there every time he was reminded of his lost love.

The painful aching of his broken heart…

Broken because he was no longer complete without his other half…

Broken because he could no longer reach out to hold the man even when he broke down to tears…

Broken because he had to see the man he loved so much suffer…

Broken because…

He was the one who broke the man he loved…


"Ryo…?" a dainty female voice called out as she shut the door behind her.

Silence greeted her in return while darkness welcomed her to the wintry abode. She could feel the very chillness in the air sting her delicate flesh as she took slow strides across the parlor to a plainly painted white door, where she knew she would find the person she was looking for.

Carol rapped lightly on the door before entering.

Looking around the room, "Ryo?" she hesitantly called out again before finding the said man seated on the colossal-sized mattress bed, while leaning against an oversized pillow as he looked out the window with distant eyes.

The younger blond knew that it was futile to call out to the man. Though his body was right there before her, she knew that the man's heart and soul was elsewhere.

Approaching the bed the lovers once shared, "Hey…" Carol called out to the man with heartfelt concern tinged in her voice.

Snapping out of his reverie, "Carol! What are you doing here? How did you get in?" exclaimed the half-Japanese detective in utter surprise.

Heaving a sigh at the distressing sight of the heartbroken man, Carol shook her head slightly, "Remember when I told you last week that I was going to spend the weekends at LA with Bikky?"

Not sure where all this was leading to, he vaguely nodded in reply. Somewhere in the back of his head he indistinctively remembered something along the line, but to be honest, he wasn't even sure he got the message the first time.

"Well, Bikky gave me the keys to the apartment. Said that I should drop by to check up on you whenever I can. So, here I am!" she said with a cheerful hitch at the end. But she could very well notice that her attempts were fruitless.

"Thanks, Carol…" he gave her a frail smile that easily lapsed to its original frowning façade when he turned away from her, "But I really want to be alone right now."

A pregnant pause hung in the air around them before her small voice finally spoke again.

"Is that what you really want?"

Ryo blinked as his brows knitted slightly at the odd question asked.

"Is loneliness what you seek right now?" she asked, raising her voice slightly with the growing bravery to speak her mind. Anger was also notably laced in her voice.

Clueless as to the girl's sudden mood swing, "Carol… I…I …" he stammered as his brains failed to form something coherent to say in his defense.

"If loneliness is what you want, - then fine. Don't look for Dee…" her voice was no longer hinted with anger. Bitterness tinged her soft-spoken words instead.

Startled was an understatement to depict the shock look on the man's face; - bewilder was more like it.

"Carol? What are you saying?"

"I said, don't look for Dee if loneliness is what you're looking for,"

"What do you mean don't look for Dee? He's sick…" Ryo was about to continue his ranting when the solemn-looking lady locked her gaze on him, cutting him short with her voice as sharp as knives.

"Why don't you just say the word, Ryo? Why don't you just say that Dee's dy…"

"NO!" his voice came booming back at her in denial as he pressed his hands against his ears to prevent himself from hearing the word. Tears were freely flowing down his burning cheeks, but the older man couldn't be bothered to hide them anymore. His pride no longer meant anything to him for the pain alone was already unbearable contain.

"God! Why does it hurt so much?" the blond detective wailed in his dangerously broken voice.

"Because you love him…" She would be lying to herself if she said that she was unaffected by the man's sorrow. But for him, she had to be strong.

Because she knew that he was counting on her.

Only she could give the man the answer he was looking for.

Because he knew that only she could.

Taking in a deep breath, Carol mentally prepared herself not to break down midway. She knew that once she had started on it, she will have to finish it till the end no matter what.

Swallowing hard down her drying throat, "Ryo…" she began,

"Before I start, I just want you to know… that… Dee didn't mean to hurt you…The last thing he would ever want to do is to cause you any pain… But he knew that it was inevitable…"

Realization slowly dawned on the detective. "You've met him?" he exclaimed with widened eyes.

The young lady chew on her lips for a moment, contemplating on what to tell the man before deciding that it was best to be truthful all the way if she intended to go all out with it.

"Yes…" she paused momentarily, "… all of us had…but it was more like he came to us…"

All Ryo could do was drop his jaws agape as his traumatized façade hid nothing from her.

"He… went to… you?" he repeated. Somehow, she knew that he was unwilling to accept the fact that his lover went to everyone else but him.

"Why?" Ryo asked slowly as though he feared of the answer.

"To say his goodbyes…" she replied softly, in hope that the man would not catch her saying the last word.

"Ha!" a sad laughter broke out as he insanely laughed in sadness.

"Everyone… but me…" the Japanese man note out loud, still scoffing with laughter, "That goes to prove how important this lover was to him!" She knew that he was just being sarcastic, but the anger-laced-melancholy in his voice didn't go unnoticed.

"You're wrong to think that you're unimportant to him, Ryo," Carol said sternly.

"It's because you meant too much to him that is why he couldn't bring himself forward to tell you goodbye himself."

"Yeah, right!" he scoffed.

"Ryo…believe me when I say I rather he had not personally come to tell me goodbye. You had no idea how much it hurt. But I have to say that it definitely hurt him more than it hurt me,"

"So, he sent you instead?" She knew that he was purposely being difficult. But then again, could she blame him?

"I don't think he had any other choice. The guys at work practically beat the crap out of him, telling him to quit his weak bellyaching and come back to work already. Maybe just like you, they refuse to acknowledge that he was indeed dy… leaving them…" Luckily she managed to correct herself before Ryo could start a flood with his tears.

"And you? If the guys haven't come to me because they refused to accept the truth, then by coming here to tell me this, does this mean that you've already acknowledged his… nearing departure…?"

Sadly, she shook her head in refutation.

"It's not that I acknowledge his nearing death…" from the corner of her eyes she could see the man squirm at her crudeness, "… it's just that I'd reacted better than the others. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel like smacking his head against the wall for telling me that he was dying…" her eyelids cast lower as her voice slowly softened with the solemnity that surrounded them.

"I remember crying against his chest… telling him to go see a doctor or something… telling him to heal up or I'll kick his ass… But instead of the longwinded excuses, all he did was held me till I stop my ranting. I even remembered begging him to get better… for both you and himself. But all he did was smile. I was going to smack that stupid smile off his face when he asked for a favor… promising that it would be the one and only favor he'll ever ask from me…" A tear slowly trekked its way down her chin before dripping off onto the mattress below.

Rubbing stubbornly at her eyes till it turned all red, she tried her best to push away the despondency in her smile, "I'm not even going to bore you with details on how much I cursed him afterwards for putting me in such a sticky situation. But I'll tell you all about the favor he asked for."

Internally pacifying her growing urge to cry, Carol's dry lips trembled as she spoke.

"He asked that…" a sob caught in her throat, forcing her to stop before she could even begin.

Trying again, "… he asked that… that… I take care of Bikky… make sure that he doesn't get into too much trouble… make sure that he wouldn't cause you anymore unhappiness than he had already has…

He asked that I take care of you… make sure that you wouldn't be hurting after…" inhaling shakily, she continued, "… after he had left… make sure that you wouldn't try to do anything stupid… make sure that you would continue to lead the life you had before… before he came along…"

Soft but audible, she heard the man whisper that his life would never be the same again without him. A small but proud smile graced her bittersweet façade upon hearing the man's ringing in her ears. Because she believed too, that life would never be the same, - not without him.

"He also said to give you his consent if you ever found someone else to fill his place in your heart…" Those were the hardest words she had to say, and probably those are the last thing Ryo would ever want to hear, but since it was the man's request to make his wish known to the half-Japanese, she would have to respect that.

Ryo choked on a sob as his voice cracked in a vain attempt to contain his compulsion to cry out loud.

"Why?..." he asked in tears, "Why would he say such a thing? He knew that I could never love another… Why?..."

Closing in the distance between them, she cautiously wrapped her arm around the trembling man.

"I'm no genius. And I'm definitely not Dee. I can't tell you exactly why he left… but I have my own interpretations for his actions…" she whispered to the man, causing him to look up at her.

"I don't know how much of this is true, but I think that he doesn't want you to be hurt by his death…"

"But his disappearance… his lack of trust in me… hurt me far more painfully than hiding from me!"

"Ryo… he left you is because he doesn't want you to see him die. He doesn't want the memory of his death etched in your mind forever. That is why he doesn't want you to watch as the cancer slowly eats him away!"

"But the very thought of him dying alone… no one there to be there for him… to support him… Don't you understand, Carol! He could be dying… all in pain…and nobody will be there… until it's too late…"

"Of all people, I thought you would understand Dee best…" she sneered forlornly.

"You still don't get it, do you?" she asked.

"It's not sympathy that he asked of you, but understanding, - understanding that he needed to do this for both your sakes. He knew that you've witnessed too many deaths whether in the line of work, or even those people close to you. He told me that about your parents' unfortunate end. He said that their death was more than enough for you to grief over. His end wasn't something he wants you to woe over…"

Looking intensely at the downcast man whom was more than just a brotherly-figure to her, "Ryo… Dee wants you to keep on smiling… If there is one thing he longed to see, it wouldn't be tears in your eyes. But a smile, - a smile that reaches your eyes. Not a fake, but a real one. Could you do that, Ryo? Could you at least try to do that… for Dee?"

Ryo slowly lifted his head to look at the devastatingly sad smiling girl…

No. Carol was no longer the teenage girl who cried over her hairdo after Dee messed it.

No. Carol was no longer the street-smart teen he knew.

Was he that blind to see the changes that happened around him? Has he been so wrapped up in his own world lately to fail to see that this girl before him has grown wise beyond her age?

"Carol… I…" the half-Japanese detective was about to thank her for her wisdom when the door to the apartment burst open and people were flooding in frantically shouting out for him.

"Ryo, get your ass out here this instance!" demanded an all too familiar female voice.

Quickly wiping away the tear stains with the sleeve ends of his sweater, the said detective rushed out of the bedroom to investigate all those commotion in the parlor with Carol trailing close behind.

"Diana! What are you doing here?" he asked out of shock as he mentally registered the people in the room.

Diana… J.J.… Berkeley… and two rather badly beaten up detectives, whom he recognized nonetheless, - Ted and Drake…

"God! What happened to the both of you?" Ryo asked as he tried to steady the men whom were being pushed down by a rather infuriated police force sniper, who had the menacingly murderous glare directed at the two fellow officers.

"They finally came clean after four excruciating hours in questioning…"Berkeley answered nonchalantly, which led Ryo to believe that he was here because he was nothing more than just a perpetual tag-along.

"Come clean?" Ryo repeated as though he heard him wrong the first time.

"Yeah. All this while they knew where Dee was hiding," Diana hissed with heavy detestation in her tone, joining J.J. on a death glare competition at the two detectives.

Bracing himself, "Is that true? Drake?... Ted?..."

There was a hint of pleading in his voice and they both knew that it was already too late to hide the fact. But all they could was nod in reply.

"I'm sorry, Ryo…But Dee made us swear not to tell a soul about his whereabouts… that is… until someone decided to wring our head off our neck if we didn't tell…" Ted said, returning an equally lethal glare in J.J.'s general direction.

"Well, it's your own doing!" J.J retorted indignantly, "If you have said something in the first place, you wouldn't have to suffer our wrath, would you?"

"Do you think we deliberately hid it from Ryo just to watch him suffer?" Drake spat out with fuming anger at his partner's accusations, "Man, you have no idea how many times we wanted to go against our promise to Dee. Did you think that it was easy hiding the truth every time we see Ryo all broken, crying alone when nobody's watching? God! We were going all out for you to the extent of manipulatively lead him to Dee!"

Realization slowly sank in as pieces slowly fell into places, "So, it wasn't just my imagination…" Ryo muttered softly, "It was really him, - at the beach, there today…"

Drake absentmindedly rubbed the back of his aching neck, "You have no idea how badly I got screamed at for pulling such a stunt…"

The other battered up officer could only just sigh.

"Look, Ryo…" Ted began with seriousness hinted heavily in his voice, "… You may think that Dee doesn't care about you when he left. But that's not true. He left because he cared too much for you. Though it doesn't seem that way, he made us watch over you, call us each night to ask if you were eating right, sleeping right, but most importantly, wasn't doing anything drastic…"

"Dee…he…" Drake swallowed hard, casting his eyes downwards in dejection before continuing, "…he…was there when Jess… his so-called father died. Jess…died in his arms… And for a very long time… Dee was haunted by the incident. He never told anyone this before and before you guys glare down on me, allow me to verify that there is, was, and never will be anything between Dee and I… It's just that I know the man far longer than any of you had. And things like these weren't exactly said in your everyday conversations… He was hardly even sober when he told me that…" The detective smiled a little at the reminiscence of his friend.

"What he's really saying…" Carol interrupted, making her presence known to the ignorant new arrivals, "… Dee doesn't want you to undergo the experience he had in the past. He knows of the pain so well that he's not willing to share it with you…"

"But…" Ted cut in crudely, "… if you still insist on knowing his whereabouts, we might as well tell you since the cat's already out of the bag…"

Pausing momentarily before continuing, solemnity in the detective's voice dropped lower than the chilly temperature of the room, "I'm warning you, though, there is a possibility that he would be heartless enough not to let you into the place."

"And if you're keen on doing so, I suggest you be quick…" Drake said, eyeing bleakly at the staggered Japanese detective, "… His days alone with a critical condition to boot, weren't all dandy and nice. There were times when we found him sprawled out cold on the floor and… believe me, the sight alone will make your heart stop…"

Annoyed by the detective's liking for prevarication, Carol stepped in again, "What he's trying to say is that…" lowering her voice by a decibel, "…don't get your hopes too high up… Dee…" forced to stop by the growing lump in her throat, "… Dee could be already…dea…" She never got to finish when J.J. ruptured into a bellow.

"He's not DEAD!" Tears were streaking evidently down the young detective's cheeks, "Will you stop making it seem as though Dee-sempai has died? He's not DEAD! We're going to find him… I'm going to cling on him till he shouts at me telling me to let go… and… and…" J.J.'s words were left hanging there for words could not longer for comprehensibly in his emotional state.

Falling down onto his knee, repeating words of denial…

"He's can't die… Dee-sempai can't die… He can't die…"

The pain wailed in J.J.'s cries weren't his alone to bear. Everyone in the room felt the same aching pain that stung their heart, - even Berkeley.

But for Ryo's not just a pain that will go away in time, it was a torment. The pain didn't just sting his heart; it was like whips were slashing his heart and soul repeatedly till he could no longer feel. His entire body felt numb.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? The fourth of July? Standing here like an idiot wouldn't change anything. If it's Dee you want, GO AND GET HIM!" J.J. severely reprimanded, shouting senses into the rigid man.

Dazed for a split second to register the younger detective's admonishment, Ryo broke into a run for the door.

"He's not going to know the directions, go with him. I'll be along shortly," Ted told Drake.

The brown-eyed detective could only nod before getting up from the cold floor.

"I'll go with you," Carol instantaneously added, tagging close behind the detective.

As soon as they were out the door, Ted turned his attention towards the remaining officers in the room.

"And I suppose you guys want to go, too?"


Time was passing at an agonizingly decelerated speed for Ryo's accelerating heart. And though the traffic was pretty smooth that evening, not much of a jam along the route they took, somehow it was still not enough to pacify the race in him.

"Drake… can't you go any…"

"Ryo! I've already gone beyond speed limits. Any faster, I'd be just as bad as you! Moreover, Carol's here. I don't want any accidents to happen, so bear with me, 'kay?" Drake replied with irritation. Somewhere in the back of his head, he was thanking his lucky stars for being able to talk the man out of driving. Perceptibly, Ryo's mentality wasn't in its right state to drive, more or less comprehend the danger of reckless driving.

"We'll be there soon enough… I promise…" Carol assured, in hope to soothe the man of his worries.

Not trusting his voice to speak, the blond Japanese could only nod in respond.

Just as Drake sweep into a corner, the sound of the radio crack to live broke the silence that encompassed Ryo's sedan.

"Calling all units… calling all units… Suspect, Kyle Tristan has been spot around Grant Avenue, Pelham Manor… Suspect is believed to be armed and dangerous…I repeat… suspect, Kyle Tristan has been spot around Grant Avenue, Pelham Manor…Suspect is believed to be armed and dangerous… All available units are to report there immediately…"

"God, that's too close…" Drake cursed softly as he tweaked the radio dial a little before snatching the receiver from its holster.

"Ted, do you copy that?" he asked through the radio, not noticing eyebrows knitting from the two passengers riding in the backseat.

"Yeah…too close…" replied the other.

Getting a little annoyed being left out, "Too close to what?" Carol asked impatiently.

Drake threw a worried glance over his shoulder.

"Too close to Dee, - that's what…" he said grimly.

"You go send them over to Dee's. I'll head out with the rest of them to the scene," Ted said through the communication device.

"I'll catch up shortly,"

Not bothering to wait for a reply, Drake returned the communicator to its place almost too harshly as he stepped harder onto the accelerator.

"KYAHHH…!" the young lady screamed uncharacteristically as the sudden change in the car's momentum tossed her to slam against the door.

"Drake!" Ryo exclaimed.

"Sorry, guys. But if we don't get there soon, God knows what Dee will do," Drake's voice was laced heavily with panic.

"Where is he, Drake?" asked the half-Japanese detective gravely.

"Oak Lane… less than a block from the scene…"

It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to take a wild guess at what Drake was hinting at.

Absently, Ryo reached into his jacket just to make sure his pistol is in its holster. Upon his fingertip coming in contact with the cold metal safely tucked to his left, a foreboding feeling overwhelmed his senses.

Silently, - he prayed…

For God to listen to his prayer just this once…

To watch over Dee and keep him safe…

Till he could be there…

For him…


From where Drake pulled to a stop, roadblocks were already visibly stationed at the end of the road. Sirens could be heard from miles away, echoing fear into their hearts. Silently they all prayed that Dee would be safely tucked away in the double-storey terrace house, far from danger. But luck wasn't on their side when they entered to a pitch-black abode.

"Dee!" Drake called out to the silent house as he rushed into the parlor, searching for signs of the man.

"Dee!" Ryo's voice reverberated against the austere walls after his colleague's voice, taking a separate path leading to the floor upstairs.

But everywhere they went, darkness was all they could see.

"Ryo!" Carol shouted with anxiety from the kitchen, causing both detectives to come rushing in her direction.

"What?" both asked impetuously.

"He's out… He left a note on the kitchen counter…" she said in a small voice as she handed Ryo a piece of paper with Dee's messy scrawl.

But despite the lack of light and Dee's almost illegible handwriting, the flaxen detective could read what was written across the brownish piece of paper.

'Ran out of food supply. Be back in fifteen.'

"God! This has got to be a nightmare!" Drake who was reading the note over Ryo's shoulder cursed at their 'godsend luck', "The nearest convenient store is just down the lane behind Grant Avenue…"

Before he could even finish, Ryo has already bolted out the door.

Feeling defeated by fate that went against them, Drake sighed soundly before turning his attention towards the forgotten lass, "I need you to stay here just in case Dee comes back. Turn on the lights and bolt the doors as soon as I step out this door. We'll call you if anything comes up, but if Dee did come back, make sure you call Ryo to let him know."

Steeling herself for the task, Carol merely nodded.

Drake threw her a knowingly sad glance for something told him that he was just giving false hope to the girl. In the back of his head, he had long conceded to the implausibility of the man's return.

Reaching into his jacket pocket for his cell phone, the quick press of a speed dial directed his call to his partner-in-crime other partner in crime, - Ted.

"You had better tell me he's there," Drake could practically feel Ted's stinging hiss.

"He's not," he answered flat out, not bothered to confer suspense.

"What?" bawled the detective over the phone.

"Where the frickin' hell is he?" Ted added venomously.

"At your end…and before you go bite my head off, Ryo's coming your way, too," Drake made it sound nonchalant but he knew the gravity in the situation.

"Great! Why don't you just shoot me dead? Have you any idea how dangerous it is here? Tristan just engaged the force in a shooting spree! Both of them are practically walking into the lion's den!"

"Ryo would be a great help if he's there. Dee's the one I'm worried about. He's unarmed, remember?"

"Unarmed or not, he's still the impulsive bastard we know him for. God knows what he'll do!"

"Yea… God knows…" Drake agreed lackadaisically as he looked up into sky, searching for a sign or even a hint from God that everything is going to turn out alright in the end. But all he could see was an ominous dark clouds looming over the sky, engulfing the moon and the stars that strived to shine hope on his fading faith.


'Dee… Dee… Dee…!' Ryo frantically searched, skimming the people around him with his jet black eyes for signs of his midnight-haired lover.

Faint, but his ears perked up when he heard someone calling out his name.

"Ryo!" shouted the silver-haired detective-cum-sniper as he crashed into the man, "Duck, you idiot!", - forcing the preoccupied Japanese detective to crouch down.

"Do you have any idea that you've just walked into a battle zone?" J.J. has spoken too soonas sounds of gun firing cut through the silent night followed by retaliation from the force's officers.

"Shooting spree?" Ryo noted the obvious, earning a groan from the younger detective.

"Yes, you dolt! Now, arm yourself and don't make yourself a walking target again, do you hear me?" J.J. chastised before moving back into position behind a squad car positioned ten feet away from the suspect's hiding spot, which conveniently was a residential lot.

Ryo knew that his mentality at the moment wasn't quite right for the situation at hand, but he knew he had a job to do. And the continuous shooting that rang in his ears was a constant reminder of the oath taken when he took on a job as a law enforcer to protect civilians from danger such as this. Pulling out his gun from its holster, the Japanese blond prepared himself for battle.

Not much of an action followed suit. Only the Commissioner's voice booming through the loud speaker stating that Tristan should just give it up, something about being outnumbered and a whole lot of hoax to get the slithering bastard out of his hole.

Ryo mentally slapped himself for the lack of attention to the circumstances at stake. But his mind couldn't help wondering off in directions of his missing lover.

Only the sound of a roaring engine managed to snap the man out of his reverie. More sounds of gun firing followed as a car driven like a mad drunkard erupted out the semi-detached house's garage.

Tristan charged the outmoded Subaru in Ryo's general direction where two patrol cars were station to barricade the road. Even though the officers in the front line were shooting in hope to puncture a tire or two, the madman continued driving straight at them as he shoots those that stood in his way.

It was only mere seconds before the man rammed the car into the two obstructing vehicle. But Ryo made no move to get out of the way. In fact, he stood inline with the course of the rampant car with his trusty pistol aiming straight at the man behind the wheels.

"BANG!" resounded the shot he fired, hoping that the bullet would pass through the windscreen and hit the bastard in the head.

But he missed dearly for Tristan jerked his car slightly to the right, causing the bullet to only graze the side of his car.

A sickening smirk could be seen through the windscreen as thunder decided to strike down the moment the mad outlaw opt to take on the challenge thrown at him by the Japanese detective.

"Die…" he mouthed to blond man as he changed course for the detective rooted in his spot. He readied his gun to fire as the car moved closer to the half-Japanese.

And in a heartbeat, - in the very rapid tear in time, a whole life worth of ordeal occurred before his eyes at a speed so slow, it was almost as though he was watching an action movie that has gone bad in slow-motion, - where the villain escapes, and the hero dies. As much as he wanted it to be nothing more than just a figment of his imagination, the weight on his body told him that it was for real.

That in the very split second Tristan charged full speed at him, a blur black silhouette pushed him down with his own body, covering the man complete when shots intended for the flaxen detective was embedded into his savior's back.

Dee jerkily barfed out more than a generous amount of blood from his body as he laid sprawled across Ryo's body.

"God, no!..." Ryo's raspy voice begged as words came out hoarse and scratchy from his astringent throat. He forced himself to sit up despite the dead weight of his lover imposing over his own body.

"Help… Drake…help him…" Words failed to form a coherent sentence as the Japanese blond pled for him from his fellow detective who had practically skid down beside them after a mad dash all the way from his position.

Drake could feel every fiber in his body weakened to the man's crying pleas, but all he could do is grit the vulnerability down with his teeth and tighten his hands to form a ball of fist so tight that his fingernails were practically digging into his skin.

"Paramedics?... Where are the goddamned paramedics when you need them?" the brown-eyed detective lashed out his anger, intimidating the lower ranking officers that stood nearby. A few scampered for the medics, while others tried to stay clear from him.

Tuning out his chaotic surrounding, "Dee?... Dee, please answer me…" Ryo called out, plead was all too obvious in his voice as he shook the man lightly by the shoulders.

He could feel the warm crimson liquid steadily streaming onto his body from the man who reclined face down on him, forming a pool of blood right where he sat. But somehow his brains refuse to comprehend the lack of warmth in his lover when the red fluid that flowed in his veins were practically burning his flesh. Not even the rain that fell could soothe the scorches that taint his skin.


"Dee…It's not funny anymore…"

Rationality was no longer a part of him.

"Dee…wake up… Dee, wake up!…Wake up this instant, I tell you!"

Insanity was slowly eating him away.

"Dee's not dead…Dee's not dead…Dee's not dead so, stop telling me that he's dead!"

Denial was his only sanctuary.

"DEE!"


A set of footsteps could be heard echoing in the air as the sound of the heels clattering against the cemented pavement took slow strides in direction of a tomb under a Locust tree.

When he was told that he had to decide on a spot where they would have bury the man, his unexpected encounter with a lot under the tree seemed significantly suitable for the part.

Locust tree, in the language of flowers, - meant affection beyond the grave; the perfect meaning to depict his feelings for the man. Even to the graves, he would bring his love for the man with him as the man had for him.

The Japanese blond stood towering over the stone tomb, engraved with words so few; - it hardly felt enough to portray the man he was. His deft fingers ran across the carvings, tracing word-by-word, letter-by-letter on the coarse stone.

Dee Laytner

(19XX – 200X)

Died in the line of duty

His memories will forever live strong and hold dear in the hearts of loved ones

May his soul rest in peace

Ryo lowered himself on one knee as he rested a bunch of flowers on his lap.

"Dee… it's me again…" he started slowly with his voice barely louder than a whisper.

A sad smile dawned on his soft façade. Tears were already forming before he could even start his afternoon with the man. Silently he wondered, will he make it through the end without having an emotional break down like before?

His head told him he must, but his heart told him otherwise.

There was so much that he had wanted to say to his lover, so much to tell… but words never left his lips. Simply because he has no idea where to start.

But he knew he had to, somehow.

"I brought you flowers again… I know what you would say, - that I shouldn't bring such prissy thing over anymore…but Dee, I can find no other means to tell you what I'm feeling other than the flowers I bring…" he said. The very recollection of his lover made it so hard to keep tears from falling, lips from trembling, and his voice from failing.

Nevertheless, he forces a smile as he looked down onto the variety of flowers he brought with him.

"Dee…" calling out his name alone was hard enough to keep his composure from lapsing.

But trying to perk up a little, "I brought you tulips to declare my love for you…as you have for me. I wasn't honest with myself from the start, but you stayed true to me. You tell me you love me, but there were times I shun from you because I refused to believe it's true. But your endurance made me see the light in our relationship. So, no matter how many times I have to, I will do so, for this will be the first of the many declaration of love I will make to you…" he said as he placed a petite bouquet of purple tulips against the tomb stone.

Tears were cascading but he made no attempt to hide them.

"I've also brought you a champagne rose with orange-stripe ends because I think that…this flower best describe you among all," he said as he held a single rose in his hand, gazing at it with absolute interest before putting it next to the prior bouquet, "Warmth of the heart, - that is what you made me feel. Every time you held me in your arms, every time you kiss me with your lips, you made me feel warm and loved, and probably the luckiest man on the planet to have you by my side. Though I could no longer physically feel you, the feelings you left behind remains true inside my heart."

"And I never thought irises would be the perfect flower to leave you with, but it is. Iris means message, and now I'm leaving you with a message with every iris…" the detective said as the wind picked up a little making loose strands of ash blond danced to the rhythm of the wind.

"I will leave you a message that says I will love you forever more… I will leave you a message that says, don't worry for my heart will never be far from you… And more importantly, I will leave you a message that says, wait for me… I will come to you not now, because I know you would want me to live my life to its fullest…but eventually I will…so wait for me…"

He picked up three irises from his lap, whereby each iris represented one of the messages left for his lover, and laid them gracefully across the grass before the tomb.

"Lastly, a single stalk of peach blossom to promise you that I am yours forever… So, don't fret that I will love another… for no one could replace you in my heart, in my life…period."

Ryo could visibly imagine a smug on his lover's face upon hearing his reassurance. But it only pained him to remember that the man was no longer physically here to show him that smug.

"You are my everything, Dee…" his voice cracking into a sob, "…And I never knew that living without you would be so hard…"

"I tried to end it…" he said, fingering the wristwatch that hid the healing scar of his attempted suicide. He was ashamed for what he has done since the man gave his life away so that he could live. But he knew that living was the only way he could atone for his mistake.

"…I made J.J. so mad that he threatened to put a bullet through my head if I dared to pull such a stunt again…" laughed the half-Japanese a little.

"So, Dee… I'm going to live a little longer… But I don't wanna say goodbye either…" Ryo said as he began to stand on his feet again.

"…Because I know… that if I say goodbye… you'd truly be gone… But I know you're not… Your memories live within me… So, I'm not going to say goodbye… because I know…"

Smiling brighter than he ever had since his lover's death half a year ago, Ryo looked up to the clear azure sky, where he saw the mirror image of his lover conjured by his memory looking down at him with the same amiable smile,

"… I know that we'll meet again someday…"

- Fin -


a.n. 2: Okay people, I know that this a crappy piece of work… I personally don't really like how it was written…But I'm not planning on rewriting the whole thing and give Dee a happy ending… This was how it was planned from the start, this is how it will end in the end.

And for those who inquired about Feign, I thank you for remembering the first fic I've ever posted. I intend to finish it but you'll have to wait. I'll be taking my exams soon. I will be the last before I graduate with a Diploma…hehe…So, it will be a while before the last few chapters will be written… Yes, I know… I'm a procrastinator… sigh

But I should be returning soon… not under the FAKE category… but elsewhere…wink

Now, to thank those who had reviewed I'll Be There for chapter 3 and 4:

Sakura blossoms4-san: Thank you for taking interest in this fic. Your support is deeply appreciated. smiles

NightShadow131-san: You've been really a great sport. Thank you for your continuous support. Though our opinions contradicted before, your support means a lot to me. I hope that you like this chapter. Since you couldn't leave an extra long review, I thought, might as well leave you an extra longer chapter…wink

Firgodes7-san: Another reviewer whom I appreciates very much. I hope that this chapter meets your expectations…smiles

Caitlin-chan: You're the reason for the fast update. Your continuous support ignites my passion to continue this crappy fic. So, this chapter goes out to you. I hope that you like it. smiles

ColeridgeFan-san: Your short but emotional messages are rather amusing at times. Though your heart goes all out for Dee, I'm very sorry if this fic disappoints you in the end. I hope that even though it's a death fic of Dee, you'd still read and share your opinion with me. smiles

GreenEyedFloozy-san: Unfortunately as you've read, Dee's not late for death, but he choose to go to his death because his love for Ryo meant much more than his own life. I hope you like my explanation on his absence.

Amethyst-eyed-Koneko-san: I don't know whether this chapter has put away your fears or brought them closer. When I received your review, I was definitely surprised by your passion for the pair. And though I know no readers would like to read of their favorite character's death, I hope that you like what I've written. smiles

Shirubaa Kitsune-san: You've repeated more than once you hate death fics, but I'm sorry that until the end I could not meet your expectations. Though Dee had died, I hope that you would still read this fic. This chapter is after all, written because there are reviewers out there like you who have supported me in writing this fic…bow

I apologize for those whom I've left out, but I thank you all the same for the time taken to review this fic. bow If you have the time after reading this fic, please take a moment to convince this baka authoress why you think that this is a good fic… because seriously, I think I've done a very bad job at writing this. I wished I could received your overwhelming comments for a work I'm satisfied with…But unfortunately, everyone seems to like this more than the other works…sigh

All in all, thank you for reading I'll Be There.

- Kaede Yuki Yukiya (Sept. 1st, 2005)