Harry Potter's Sixth Year in Bad Fanfiction
BY LARGEMARGE
Disclaimer: Nah, still don't own Harry Potter books or any of the characters. If anything changes, I'll letcha know.
WHEREIN HARRY GETS RESOURCEFUL AGAIN
A few days later Harry found himself seated in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express. The trip to Hogwarts began, deceptively, as any other. Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Harry, Neville, and anyone else who felt like it were seated in the compartment together, avidly discussing the details of their summer.
Ginny, Harry couldn't help but notice, was beginning to look like a Swedish supermodel. But he immediately pulled his mind from that subject, reminding himself, I'm in a lethargic depression; I'm moody and despondent; I'm unhappy and suicidal...I don't care about Swedish supermodels.
Everyone was so absorbed in themselves and their own adventures over the summer that they didn't even notice how quiet Harry was.
That is, until he started screaming.
"Harry! Harry, what's the matter?" Hermione frantically shook his shoulders and shouted to be heard over his screams. Harry was holding his head and writhing in agony. Such agony...agonizing agony...agonizingly agonizing agony...
His screams could be heard up and down the train. Suddenly he slumped over in a dead faint.
"Is he all right?" Ron gasped.
"I don't know," Hermione said tearfully. Students pressed in around the doorway.
"Somebody get some help," demanded Ginny. "What if he's dying or something?"
"Yeah, right," Ron scoffed. "You can't kill Harry that easily."
Suddenly Harry sat bolt upright. "It's Voldemort!" he gasped. "He's taken over the school! Killing all the professors!"
"Snape?" Ron asked hopefully.
"We've got to do something!" Harry insisted.
"But Harry, what if it's a trick?" Hermione asked doubtfully.
"Yeah, Harry," Ginny mused thoughtfully. "You never have showdowns with Voldemort until the end of the school year."
Harry paused, caught in that thought. "It's true," he admitted. "But I think he wanted to catch us unawares." He tensed as another white-hot sear of pain went through his scar. "He's waiting for us," he said tensely, gritting his teeth through the pain. "He wants the teachers out of the way so he can attack the train when it arrives."
"You're sure, Harry?" Neville inquired from the doorway.
Harry nodded.
"Then what can we do?" Ron asked helplessly.
Draco Malfoy pushed his way past Neville at that moment. "What's going on here, Potter? We heard your screaming all the way at the other end of the train. You're scaring the first years."
"Get out, Malfoy," Hermione said curtly.
"You're awfully testy, mudblood," observed Draco. "Wow, it felt good to get that out of the way. The first insult of the year is always a little awkward." He ducked as Ron predictably tried to take a swing at him.
"Get out unless you want to help, Malfoy. We're taking over the train," Harry said tersely.
Everyone turned to stare at Harry. "We're taking over the train?" Ron asked incredulously.
Harry resolutely squared his shoulders. "We're taking over the train," he repeated.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Ginny asked doubtfully as a line of students, led by Harry, made its way to the conductor's car.
"Yeah, Harry. We don't even know if the train has a conductor. What if it's conducted by magic?" Ron spoke up. The line paused for a moment and everyone turned to look at Hermione, the walking encyclopedia.
She shrugged. "Beats me. I've never read anything about the Hogwarts Express."
Harry closed his eyes for a moment, trying to guide his thoughts in his suddenly exhaustingly exhausted brain. "Well, we can't just wait for Voldemort's attack like a bunch of sitting ducks. If we can take over the train it'll give us the element of surprise."
There was a murmur of assent throughout the group. Pointing his wand in front of him, Harry resumed the lead once again.
When they reached the conductor's car, Harry stopped abruptly and tried to form some kind of plan in his head. Nothing came to mind, so instead he nudged the door to the conductor's car open and peeked surreptitiously through the crack. And caught his breath.
"What is it, mate?" Ron breathed breathlessly behind him.
Harry shook his head. "You'll never believe me."
Ron nudged him in the back as though saying, Come on, spill it.
"It's an elf!" Harry whispered back.
"A house elf?" Ron asked in amazement.
"No, we're on a train," Harry reminded him. "A train elf."
Word spread quickly back through the group about the train elf conducting the Hogwarts Express. Harry, meanwhile, prepared for attack.
Suddenly Hermione appeared at his elbow. "What're you going to do, Harry?" she asked with concern. "You're not going to hurt it, are you? It's just an innocent little...train elf."
Harry grimaced. "I thought I'd invite him to have a cup of tea; that all right with you, Hermione? And maybe a nice piece of cake, too."
She frowned. "Well, you don't have to be snippy about it. I was just concerned, is all."
Harry took a deep breath to calm himself. "I'm not going to hurt him if I don't have to," he told her.
Hermione didn't look exactly pleased with that admission, but Harry didn't particularly care. His scar was once again searing with pain, and he knew that if they didn't succeed in their takeover of the train, it may be the last chance for Hogwarts and all of its professors.
It was much easier than any of them had anticipated. Harry pushed the door open, backed by fifty or so Hogwarts students, each with their wands out. Twenty curses flew by him before he could even open his mouth, and the poor...train elf never even had a chance. Hermione, unsurprisingly, flew to the elf's side.
"Well, now what?" Ron inquired, glancing around the conductor's car curiously.
"Drive the train, you idiots!" Hermione ordered while frantically pulling the poor train elf out of the way.
Harry stepped up and looked over the panel. "Well, I guess we want to get there faster, huh," he mused out loud.
"Speed up?" Ron asked. "Where's the speed up button on here?"
They stared stupidly at the dials for a while.
"What about this one?" Harry finally asked, pointing at a button.
"Speed of light?" Ron asked. "I dunno, mate. Sounds a little too fast to me."
"Oh, for the love of –" Hermione broke off, peering past them at the knobs and dials. "You haven't figured it out yet? Here." She reached past them and pushed the speed of light button. With a lurch everyone tumbled backward, and with another lurch the train was pulling to a stop, throwing everyone forward again.
An eerie silence filled the air.
"Are we there?" asked Neville uncertainly from the line of collapsed students.
Harry pushed his way through the students. "Wands out, everyone," he ordered. "D.A. members move to the front. First years stay on the train."
"Wow," said Ron. "I can't believe that button's been there all this time, and still we're forced to sit on this stupid train for hours at the start and end of every year."
"That's hardly important right now, don't you think Ron?" asked Ginny.
Ron and Neville insisted on being the first to emerge from the train, saying that Harry would be too easy a target. If they were expecting something dramatic and blatantly evil to be waiting for them, they were disappointed. All that greeted them as they stepped down from the train was the deserted platform at Hogsmeade Station.
"We've got to get to the castle," Harry insisted. "Voldemort's attacking; I know he is."
"I'm not going anywhere," Draco sneered, folding his arms. "And hopefully you're going to be expelled for this stunt, Potter, like you should have been long ago."
"Shut it, Malfoy," Ron said curtly. "You filthy pureblood." He paused. "Geez, that just doesn't have the same ring to it as mudblood, you know?"
"But Harry, it's going to take us too long to get to the castle from here! All the professors could be dead before then!" Hermione wailed.
Harry looked around helplessly for a moment. Suddenly a glint of genius appeared in his eye. "Brooms!" Harry said triumphantly. "Everyone get your brooms out. We're flying to the castle. And anyone without a broom, get a ride or walk. Run, I mean."
For a few minutes there was general chaos as students rummaged around in their trunks. Harry fumbled through his belongings and came up first with a fistful of invisibility cloak. Well, that might come in handy. He tucked it under his arm. A moment later he clapped hands on his broom. He didn't even wait. Seconds later he was zooming toward the castle.
"Harry! Harry, wait!" Hermione called after him. He didn't even look back.
Harry dropped to the ground at the entrance to Hogwarts. Again with the eerie silence. There was no sign of movement anywhere. Cautiously Harry approached the entrance, slipping the invisibility cloak around him as he went. Curiously, the door was ajar. Harry slipped inside.
The room was strewn with bodies.
An evil cackle filled the air. "My plan has worked, Wormtail," said a sadistic voice that sent chills through Harry's very soul. His heart sank. Despite his invisibility cloak, Voldemort could see him! How stupid of him to barge in here without any kind of a plan.
The evil cackle continued. "And now, Dumbledore," Voldemort continued, "You will die and then...all of those innocent little witches and wizards on the Hogwarts Express."
Wait! It wasn't Harry Voldemort was speaking to! Harry's head whipped around. There, in the corner. Voldemort's wickedly malevolent figure had Dumbledore backed up to the wall, the stooped figure of Wormtail beside him.
"You'll never get away with this, Tom," said Dumbledore calmly. "You know as well as I that if you kill me on school grounds, by default you become the headmaster of Hogwarts. Now, you don't want that, do you?"
Voldemort paused, caught in that thought.
"All those little minds to be molded and shaped, looking to you for guidance, running to you with every problem. 'I need advice on my love life, Mr. Voldemort.' 'Professor Snape is failing me in Potions, Mr. Voldemort.' 'I'm having trouble at home, Mr. –"
"Enough!" snarled Voldemort, waving his wand for silence. "He's right, Wormtail, curse his ugly carcass. But it doesn't matter. He's not what I came for today." He indicated with his head. "Bind Dumbledore and wait for my instructions."
Wormtail dragged Dumbledore away and Voldemort began pacing up and down, tapping his fingers together.
The door burst open at that moment.
"On guard!" yelled Ron, tearing into the room followed by fifty or so students with their wands out.
If Harry hadn't been so scared, he might have rolled his eyes.
A/N: Review and I pledge to vote for you in the next election.
