b Chapter 1: The search for Cheryl begins and adventures a Sandwich Elementary school. /b

When Harry woke up from the car crash he noticed that Cheryl was missing. He started walking into the town of Silent Kill and the first thing he noticed was his daughter in the distance slowly skipping away.

"Cheryl, wait!" Harry called out.

Cheryl continued to skip away from her father to a deserted alleyway. Harry pursued her and started walking through an alleyway. Suddenly for no apparent reason it was getting dark. Harry took out his lighter and whilst being lit he walked along the alleyway. He soon noticed a corpse strung up against a fence. It looked as if it had been skinned alive, but the oddest part was that the guy was holding a jar of cherry sauce. Harry looked at the abomination and yelled out, "What in Pete's name is this thing?"

Suddenly without warning a group of 3 Krueger Teddy Bears appeared. They slowly began to circle around Harry and started to chant.

i Oompa loompa
doobedy doop
Oompa loompa
doopedy doob

We are evil teddys from Hell
We have claws that really can kill

Oompa loompa
doobedy doop
Oompa loompa
doopedy doob

We will knock you out cold
Then will watch as you get sold.

Oompa loompa
doobedy doop
Oompa loompa
doopedy doob /i

Harry fell to the floor, screamed and passed out. When he woke up he was in a cafe. He looked around his surroundings and noticed a blonde woman in a police uniform sprawled out in a chair scratching her crotch. She stopped scratching herself long enough to walk over the Harry and extend her hand.

"Umm hi, uhh nice to meet you." Harry stammered not shaking the woman's hand.

"I saw you passed out in the alleyway. I figured it must have been a mugging because your pants were missing."

Harry looked down to see that in fact he was clad in only his boxer shorts. "Damn it, those were good pants! Those evil teddy bears will pay."

"What the hell are you talking about?" The woman asked.
Meanwhile

"As a service here are the pants you wanted ma'am." An evil teddy bear handed the pants to Alessa.

Alessa rolled her eyes and proceeded to tell the demonic yet stupid teddy bear that she was a size 2-4, not a size 10. Cheryl who was still with her cried out "Daddy? Daddy where are your pants?"

Alessa muttered "Guess I still have to wear this stupid school uniform, damn if it doesn't show off my cleavage though."

Meanwhile

"By the way my name is Cybil Bennett. I'm from the next town over in Brahms. What brings you here?" Cybil asked.

"I'm on vacation with my daughter. Only problem is this. When we almost got into town a young woman stepped in front of the car and flashed us. I wanted to protect Cheryl's innocent mind so I covered her eyes, this caused me to swerve and crash the car. When I woke up my daughter was missing. I was attacked by those demon teddys and here I am now. Have you seen a little girl around here? Short, black hair just turned 7?" Harry asked.

Cybil shook her head, "She most likely took off to get help, I'm pretty sure the local cult has her by now. Anyways I'm going to leave, do you own a gun?" She asked.

"No, my extreme left-ious views don't allow me to own a gun." Harry replied.

"Well here, forget your political leanings for awhile and take this gun. Only shoot it when needed and please don't shoot me in the ass!" Cybil handed Harry gun and proceeded to leave. Harry looked around the café; he grabbed some painkillers, a knife, and found a memo pad to write in.

i To whoever finds this.

This is a bizzare town. Upon arriving I was mugged by evil teddy bears who took my pants. I met a woman named Cybil and I think she's a dyke. She was scratching her crotch like I do when Cheryl's over at a sleep over and I'm watching TV. I must now search for Cheryl and my missing pants.

Harry Mason /i

With that Harry tried to exit the shop but was suddenly distracted by a radio that started to play noise metal. Harry looked at the radio and asked to know one in particular "Hmm radio, what's with that radio?" He stepped closer to investigate the radio.

Suddenly without warning a huge winged beast came flying in. "I'm krieg, bitches!" It screamed while flapping it's wings.

Harry took out the gun and proceeded to shoot the bastard to death. After kicking it to confirm it's death it finally dawned on Harry that this wasn't a dream. Cheryl was missing, the town was being invaded, and his pants were missing. He took off for Sandwich elementary school, but before doing so had to collect a few items.

Cheryl had left quite a cryptic message for him that she was at the school. Attempting to get to the school though proved to be a difficult task since he had to collect The Key of the Diet Pepsi, The Key of the Dr Pepper, and The Key of the Frito in order to unlock the door to the only path to the school.

Once Harry finally got to the school he found some books with blood in them. 3 of them had cryptic notes in them.

When clock is at 10 pour acid on the old mans hand. He will drop something shiny. Shove the shiny gold thing into the golden slot of the clock tower.

When the clock turns 12 go to the music room. Hit the silent keys at random. Eventually a silver shiny thing will fall to the floor. Take this silver shiny thing and stick it into the silver slot.

When the clock turns 5 go to the basement and turn off the power. Now enter the clock tower.

With this new information Harry proceeded to do these tasks. After almost being killed by a cat, and other demented demon children Harry was finally able to enter the clocktower. When he stepped out he immediately noticed a strange symbol. It was a circle cut in 8 pieces. Each of these pieces had the letter C on them. "What is this symbol?" Harry asked himself.

While Harry is exploring the school let's take a trip back to 7 years ago when Alessa was still in school.

flashback

"Can anyone tell me how you spell Hypochondriac?" Asked Kim Gordon who looked at the field of bewildered 7 year olds.

Alessa raised her hand. "Anyone else besides Alessa?" Ms Gordon asked.

"She only knows cuz she's a witch!" A girl taunted her.

"You're mean Becky, I hope that in highschool you get boobs that are so big that men will pay attetion only to them!" Alessa shouted.

"Alessa! That was crass and uncalled for! Please don't hurt me though, I don't want to die." Gordon told the child.

Years later Becky had become a teenager with very large boobs. This was the only thing that the other guys noticed about her and it made her cry. "Damn that Alessa!"

Meanwhile back at the populated Sandwich elementary school Alessa was eating a sandwich when a young Stanley Coleman was drawing childish drawings of Alessa filled with hearts and stars and other things. Alessa saw this and muttered to herself "I hope that guy becomes a geeky pervert and is thrown in a mental hospital."

Meanwhile back to Harry.

Harry was reading a strange book.

Suddenly the cockroach rose from the ground. It took a look at the hunter and said "Fear me! I will crawl on top of you and puke on you! Bwa ha ha ha ha!

The hunter said to the cockroach, "Do as you will. I shall take my mighty spray and spray it into your mouth!"

The giant cockroach opened it's mouth to puke on the guy. This is what the man had been waiting for! He grabbed the bottle of Roach Spray, and sprayed it into the roaches mouth spraying it dead. The roach fell to the ground and the hunter squashed it flat..

Harry closed the book and looked at it in disgust. "This sounds like a ripoff of the old fairytale the lizard and the man."

7 years ago at Sandwich Elementary school.

"Class due to budget cuts we'll have to read the Lizard and the Man ripoff The Cockroach and the Man. Stanley please pay attention this is no time for drawing." Gordon said while handing out these papers.

Alessa who was very disappointed said "It would be cool if a giant cockroach would live in the school basement and vomit on people at random."

This was a mistake on Alessa's part. She soon had nightmares about the cockroach puking on her. "I wish a heroic man would kill the evil vomiting roach!"

Meanwhile

This was exactly what Harry was doing. He had gotten the roach to open it's mouth and was now spraying it with the cans of Raid he had found all over the place. Soon the roach fell down dead, and Harry proceeded to squash the bastard to gooey bits.

He soon heard sirens in the distance as the school began to turn normal. Before it did though he saw a young woman smiling at him. She then proceeded to unbutton her blouse so she could reach into her bra and pull out a key. She then disappeared.

"What in the world? Who in the hell was that, and why did they just show off their cleavage?" Harry asked himself. He spotted the key to Gordon's house and took it. He soon heard church bells in the distance.

"My next stop is the church" Harry noted whilst now taking off to the church.