With this chapter Harry goes to the Deathday party because I've based this on the book rather than the film so most of this chapter is just made up.

I've finally got round to writing another chapter… Enjoy.

Chapter four: The Moanings of An Overgrown Dungeon Dweller

Halloween

My favourite festival of the whole year. The time when I don't get strange looks and I can look as evil as I want without either McGonagall or Dumbledore raising their eyebrows at me. I'm currently sat at the Staff Table, waiting for Dumbledore to make a little speech and to welcome the Wonky Strepsels or whatever they are called.

"Welcome everyone!" Here we go, I bet he says at least one thing that he thinks is hilariously funny, one word of warning and one phrase of wisdom. I have listened to his speeches since I was twelve years old. I swear I could recite parts of them.

"Before we begin our WONDERFUL feast I would like TO welcome the Weird Sisters, who WILL be providing us with what I am ASSURED will be INTERESTING entertainment." That's bit he thinks is hilariously funny and some pupils smile at him because they think he's bonkers and are really wondering why we haven't carted him off to a loony bin yet.

"Please do not venture FAR from the school tonight, Halloween is not JUST for the more well-mannered creatures." There's the word of warning. I don't know who is referring to when he says 'well-mannered.' He obviously has never met me after nine o'clock on a night.

"I will not HOLD your attention any longer, a man with an EMPTY stomach is HARDLY a man at ALL." And there are the words of wisdom that no one understands but everyone still sits and nods at him.

What is that awful racket? Oh, it's the Weirdo Sisters 'tuning-up' their instruments. I'm hungry, I wish Dumbledore would get on with his speech.

"Everyone TUCK in!" At last, I was sure I was disintegrating for a moment there. At least Dumbledore had the sense not to get bats this year. The smell of freshly roasted bat might be delightful to me, but others might be quite sickened by it. Filch is lurking near the entrance hall, probably to catch any brats who are trying to go into the grounds. I have started to notice that Filch does a lot of lurking, last year I was too busy trying to get away from Quirrel but now I have the time to observe and criticize how the other teachers behaviour more.

You will never guess what Lockhart is wearing. McGonagall leaned back and I caught a glimpse of his robe. He hasn't resorted to black, which is traditional on Halloween might I add, instead he has gone for a vile shade of purple which looks like a pair of curtains from an old fogey's home. It clashes horribly with his hair. Wait, I didn't just write what I thought I wrote…did I? I did. I am complaining that Lockhart's robe doesn't go with his hair colour. The House Elves have slipped something into my soup again.

Had to get out of the Great Hall

Lockhart is driving me crazy. Dumbledore went off to waltz with McGonagall, Flitwick is trying to do some sort of lion dancing with Sprout and Popsicle. I was sat with Trelawney on one side; who declared (very loudly) that all the 'high emotions' was clouding her 'inner sight,' and Lockhart a few seats down with his purple curtain. He kept grinning around like a kid in a candy store and when he saw me looking 'down in the dumps' as he so kindly put it he decided to come and have a chat with me. I told him I was going to go and get some fresh air. You will never believe his reply.

"Going to go and dance around a cauldron to get into the Halloween spirit?" I give him 'dancing round a cauldron.' And if I see one more 'canary yellow', 'seaweed green' or 'zingy orange' robe I am going to grab the nearest thing to hand and smack him round the head with it. Have I mentioned his 'zingy' orange robe before? It looks like whale sick: big, orange and floaty.

I am currently spying on a group of third years who have obviously made it past Filch. Filch just smiled at me and that cat of his stalked off, annoyed that I had the cheek to check outside for pupils. I have joined the conversation at a very interesting time:

"I reckon that he's part bat. Always wandering around the corridors late at night, in the dark and he seems to get from one end of the castle to another in a few seconds."

"What, he transforms into a bat, flies around the corridors and transforms back to a human whenever he hears someone coming?"

"Well he could."

"Yeh perhaps he could. Or he just doesn't sleep and can see in the dark."

"Maybe he fell into his cauldron one time and came out with really powerful vision."

They're really getting it into the swing of it aren't they?

"That doesn't explain how he can get from one end of the castle to the other in a few minutes."

"I bet that after everyone has gone to bed he takes a potion that can make more versions of himself and they all patrol the castle and disappear in the morning?"

How likely is that? Not a bad idea though…

"Maybe he knows some secret passages?" Someone with some sense at last. I think I shall give my input.

"Or perhaps I can materialise anywhere in the castle when I concentrate or maybe I can see through walls with my super powerful vision and I only turn into a bat on the weekends?"

The picture of pure horror is looking at me from three directions and I love every second of it. Which one will talk first, my money's on the one who was going on about super vision.

"Sir… We were just…." I win the bet; he needs to think up an excuse though. I'll give him five seconds.

"Er… We needed to…" Four seconds.

"George had to…" Three seconds. George is his other friend.

"I felt… sick and I needed to come out side to get some fresh air." Crap excuse. Two seconds.

"And we decided to come with him to make sure he didn't… faint or something." Getting worse. One second.

"But I'm okay now." Zero.

"I shall go and ask Mr Filch to confirm your story." Horror once more fills the air. Begin to walk away, swish cloak slightly. "However it is very likely that your story cannot be confirmed because it is not true." Turn around slowly, slight sneer, superior stance.

"Get back into the school. NOW!" I love the way that they run at my every command. I am going to go and gloat, Filch let some brats him and I'm not missing this chance.

Oh no

"Feeling any better Severus?" Oh no, Lockhart is stood with Filch. "Started to feel a bit light headed myself." Must have caught a reflection of himself in a goblet or something.

"Yes thank you." No chance to gloat at Filch, I will have to save it for another day.

"I have been thinking about why your mood is always so black and I think it is because you surround yourself with black. The robes you were, the colour of the dungeons. Do you get my point?"

What am I? A bloody project for you to study?

'Why is Severus Snape a moody old git?'

There is one sentence that will explain this.

'Stupid people insist on trying to talk to me when I don't want them to and pompous brightly-coloured tramps keep telling me how to dress!'

I won't stand for it!

Next thing I knew a very ugly statue of the Great Witch of Doncaster was flying through the air, heading straight for Lockhart's big blond head. Mrs Norris shot out from the doorway into the Great Hall. Filch had the sense to move out of the way when Lockhart had started talking and so only got a few shards hitting the floor near his feet.

Lockhart however…