Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter
It has been over a year I think since I last wrote a chapter, that is because my Moaning of an Overgrown Dungeon Dweller one got taken off, I don't know why and frankly I am very annoyed about it. And the computer broke down.
I am dedicating this chapter to Blythe Fritzenwalden Felagund because she saved my work onto her computer and has very nicely agreed to send it back to me and I think I am going to upload it again with a few alterations. Or I might leave it exactly how it is and upload it again just to generally annoy people.
Chapter 5: The Moanings of an Overgrown Dungeon Dweller
All hail the Great Witch of Doncaster
Lockhart has a headache and is therefore unable to grace us with his presence this bright and sunny morning. Poppy the walking chemist offered to try and give him something but he insists that it is only mild and will go away shortly. Everyone knows he is just hiding from. After the Great Witch of Doncaster statue accidentally got knocked of its stand last night and a chunk hit Lockhart, I made a quite quick but still very (a) elegant and (b) stealthy retreat into the Great Hall. Filch shuffled his way over to Poppy and told her what had happened, (missing out the bit about me, obviously) and McGonagall just swivelled to look at me and I knew I that I had a 'guilty' sign stuck to my head with dragon spit. I made a pretty swift escape by telling some third years off for prodding the floating candles. Dumbledore is tapping his glass, I think he wants us all to sit down and I am getting as far away from McGonagall as I can manage.
"WHAT a WONDERFUL feast! I HOPE you are all feeling full and refreshed, but NOW to bed with you all!"
Could he get any more annoying? I'm being seriously. He could wear a tea cosy on his head then he would be a male version of McGonagall.
Anyway, they all started to file out and go up the stairs when Dumbledore looked around the hall, twinkled his eyes for all he was worth then said "Something…" McGonagall was sat hanging off his every word and then followed him out when he left. Of course, me being me, I had to follow because I am very nosy. It turns out Potter, Granger and Weasley have killed Filch's cat and scrawled a very nasty message on the wall saying 'THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED. ENEMIES OF THE HEIR, BEWARE.' They of course deny everything; say they were at a Deathday Party of that morbid Nearly Headless Nick ghost, but I know for a fact that the food at these 'parties' is inedible. That is either because ghosts are very lazy and can't be bothered getting fresh food or they cant taste it and need to intense the flavour. I'd bet my sanity on it being because of laziness, isn't everything?
We all went into Lockhart's office with Potter, Granger and Weasley. I was all for clamping them in shackles and bringing in some of them delightful chairs from Azkaban but Dumbledore shook his head before I finished saying "Headmaster, I think…" Which I think is exceptionally rude. McGonagall stood behind him with a triumphant glint in her eye.
Lockhart has millions of pictures up on the walls and they all had…wait for it… rollers in! One had a hairnet in. Potter claimed innocence; Dumbledore examined Mrs Norris and (unfortunately) its not dead, merely paralysed. Filch was crying with fury which is not a pretty sight. When Dumbledore said, "She's not dead Filch" he was the only one who showed any sign of relief. I even saw Weasley roll his eyes. Insolent wretch. I was stood just behind one of the candles that lit a small circle in the room, it was damn hot and I kept narrowly avoiding setting fire to myself but I knew that I looked bloody gorgeous. Dark glittering eyes, hair sweeped to one side, clean black robes on and sneer fixed firmly in place. I brought forward the point about inedible food and they made up some excuse about not being hungry. Children are always hungry, they're like bins.
I made a few more mild suggestions like banning them from playing Quidditch, giving them a truth serum, disembowelment, but nobody seemed that impressed. I'm currently sat in the staff room, I think Dumbledore has finally given up on the whole 'teacher bonding' thing- mainly because its absolute rubbish. Or he has just crossed me off the list because I keep scaring the people I talk to. Hang on, McGonagall's coming over.
That meddling old bag…Apparently McGonagall 'knows it was me' and is going to 'prove it was me' if it is the 'last thing she ever does.' I really couldn't care less what she does with the remainder of her life, it has made me glad that there is no CCTV in the main hall though, kind of ruins the illusion of Dumbledore being all knowledgeable. I have also found out that Dumbledore hasn't given up on the teacher-bonding thing, McGonagall said:
"You really should try harder Severus, you should have noticed that everyone else was in a pair except for you. Then again, it's like this most mornings."
Ooo, when I take over the world I am going to feed every single tartan hat to the Giant Squid and then send McGonagall in to find them.
"Gilderoy was your partner this morning, but because of his 'accident', you will be paired with him tomorrow. Maybe you could APOLOGISE for something?"
And then she did one of those sickly smiles which says 'don't and I will kill you.' I just sat there and looked at her until she left to talk with Flitwick. Great, so I get Lockhart to talk to tomorrow do I? I hope he's looking forward to it as much as I am.
I've got third years first lesson, I had better go and defrost those rotting Squid eyeballs. I love being a Potions Teacher, you can tell them to dissect, boil, mash up, cut up and shred anything and they can't complain. Correction, they can complain all they want but I won't take a blind bit of notice of them and they will get a detention with me for their troubles.
