Chapter nine: The Moanings of An Overgrown Dungeon Dweller

I don't think she appreciated my poem

Apparently my valentine was 'only a joke' from 'all of the staff', it wasn't 'mean to be offensive' and Minerva was 'very insulted by her reply valentine' and hurt that I had 'immediately thought that she had sent.' I told her to pull the other one- its got bells on. Lockhart gave a gasp of outrage; he likes Minerva because she's the only one who will listen to him prattling on. I could tell that Flitwick wanted to laugh; he turned an interesting brick red colour. Same colour as Lockhart's robes actually. The Mandrakes are having parties every night, so those twits, I mean, poor people, in the hospital wing will be revived. Great, I so enjoy being tailed by Filch and Mrs Norris.

Just given the second years my thoughts on subject choosing

It went along the lines of 'if any Gryffindor thought they could drop potions they are sadly mistaken, I have the pleasure of teaching you until fourth year. Excuse me while I jump up and down with the joy of it all.' Malfoy sneered at Potter, who didn't look interested. He is getting too big for his boots; no one can ignore a Malfoy glare when it's being directed straight at them. Even Malfoy looked a bit surprised. He'll be up all night sneering into the mirror to check he's doing it right. Sad boy.

Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff

Or as I like to call it, 'who gives a rats arse?' Hufflepuff are the worse Quidditch players ever, the Beaters are too pathetic to actually hurt anyone and Gryffindor have Potter the wonderful Seeker who could Snatch a Snitch from the Slavery Chops of Death.

You'll never guess what

Christmas, Easter, Harvest, St George's Day, Independence Day and every other festival from around the world that ever took place have all just come at once all that the same time. Granger… has… been…. PETRIFIED! Savour the moment. Savour the silence. Savour the empty air when I ask a question and no one knows the answer instead of there being an arm waving around in my face. At this moment I could even forgive Lockhart for being such an insignificant fart. Well, I could excuse him perhaps, not forgive him. And Hagrid has been taken to Azkaban; I don't really have an opinion on that. I have an opinion on everything else but Hagrid is just there, he doesn't seem to do anything, he just hangs around. He's a friend of Potter's but that's not his fault, it's Potters. Dumbledore has been taken out of the school as well by Lucius Malfoy. He always was an idiot, without Dumbledore here Minerva will become Headmistress and no one wants that. Perhaps I should apologise for that valentine?

I swear I am going to smack that boy

Draco Malfoy is strutting round Hogwarts like a hamster on heat. Just because his stupid father was stupid enough to suspend stupid Dumbledore and now stupid Minerva is the stupid Head. I went into potions today and he was described how his father got rid of Dumbledore, again.

"Sir, why don't you apply for the Headmaster's job?" Because I wouldn't be unintelligent enough to nick Hogwarts right from under Dumbledore's feet.

"Professor Dumbledore has only been suspended, I dare say he will be back with us soon." See, not biased, not mean, just the truth. I can be nice when I want to be.

"I expect you'd have father's vote, sir, if you wanted to apply for the job. I'll tell father you're the best teacher here…"

The best teacher here? I bloody well hope not. How to be a winner and a loser at the same time. It's like getting the employee of the month award. It's a Muggle thing, I won't go into it at the minute but its something about one person sucking up to the boss and getting hated by every other living person in a two mile radius.

And I bet the Gryffindors think I didn't see that Finnigan creature pretending to vomit into his cauldron. Disgusting child. I had to escort them to Herbology as well like a group of toddlers.

Minerva is acting a bit smug as well, but she has lost her beloved Dumbledore and 'Hogwarts is not the same place without him.' I told Minerva that if she grew a beard she'd look exactly like him. She didn't find it funny. That's why I've been asked to escort the Gryffindors everywhere today; I have to take them to Defence Against the Dark Arts next lesson with Lockhart. Sprout asked him if the Heir of Slytherin was still scared of him, or had they got over their initial fear. Lockhart told her she had nothing to worry about and he was within days of revealing the Heir. Everybody in the staff room at the time fell silent and just sat, staring at Lockhart who was beaming around everybody. I don't think I was the only one wanting to feed Lockhart to a suit of armour at that point.

They still have to do exams

Only one week and I get more free lessons to do absolutely nothing, they have to sit through extremely boring and tedious exams (i.e. Transfiguration) and then they have to wait months for their results. Granger is still in the hospital wing and therefore can't do her exams so I shall fail her completely for failure to turn up. Unless McGonagall stops me.

Its happened, the Chamber has taken a student

McGonagall just called a meeting in the staff room; Ginny Weasley has been taken into the Chamber. Flitwick squealed, Sprout clapped her hands over her mouth, I lent on the back of a chair. "How can you be sure?"

"Her skeleton will lie in the Chamber for ever." Its very original I must admit. Implies lots of things, like death. Flitwick burst into tears; he always was a drama queen.

"Which student?"

"Ginny Weasley." Oh why? Why couldn't it have been Potter? Of all the students it could have taken, and it doesn't go for Potter!

McGonagall has ordered all the students to their dormitories and they will be on the Hogwarts Express tomorrow morning. Then Lockhart came bounding in, said he'd fallen asleep and what had he missed.

"Just the man, the very man. A girl has been snatched by the monster, Lockhart. Taken into the Chamber of Secrets itself. Your moment has come at last." I had been preparing that speech for quite a while, and if it had been a bit darker with a few candles dotted around it would have been perfect. So its sorted, Lockhart is going in after the monster, which we all know he won't, the students are going home, Hogwarts is finished. Currently I'm doing a last check of the dungeons and surrounding corridors to make sure there are no students still wandering around. McGonagall thinks that I am the only teacher who has chance against the monster it seems, all other teachers have been sent to their rooms with orders to put protective charms around them. I have been ordered to wander round for a bit and 'keep watch' as McGonagall put it. She either thinks I am a great wizard or wants me dead and I don't think it's the former.