Rules for Dating Lily Evans
Disclaimer: The plot is mine, nothing else.
Almost the entire chapter is dialogue, but I think it's funny dialogue. Mostly. Oh well, here's "Part Deux!"
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"Okay," Lily said, acting very business-like. "If we're going to pretend to date, we're going to have to set down some rules."
"Rules?" James asked, looking a bit worried about what he'd just agreed to. "What kind of rules?"
"Just, you know, normal ones. For our pretend relationship. And we have to get our stories straight. I don't want Petunia finding out that this is a hoax."
"Please. If anyone's good at lying, it's James," Sirius said.
"Sirius," Lily said.
"Yes?"
"I need you to write this down."
"What? But why?"
"Because James and I will be discussing the details. You'll write down the list of rules that we make up. Okay?" she asked.
"Fine," he said, accepting the paper and quill she was handing him.
"You've really thought this thing out, haven't you?" James asked.
"Yes. By the way, we've been seeing each other for about a month."
"Well that's lovely, can we get on with this?" Sirius asked impatiently.
"Calm down," Lily said. "Okay, rule number one: We only need to pretend we're boyfriend and girlfriend when other people are around. When it's just us, we can stop."
"That makes sense," James said as Sirius scribbled furiously.
"Okay." Lily looked at James. "What other things should we put down?"
"Can we hold hands?" he asked.
Lily sighed. "Yes, I suppose that will work. Let's say, two to four times over the course of... whatever."
"Over the course of?"
"Yeah, well, you might have to come over more than once."
"Oh, okay," James said, acting like he wasn't bothered by that. Actually, he was thrilled at getting to spend so much time as Lily's fake-boyfriend.
"Any other ideas?" she asked.
"You could hug each other," Sirius said, careful to hide behind the parchment.
Lily thought about it and sighed. "Alright, there can be two hugs maximum!"
"Fair enough," James answered.
"Any other bright ideas?"
"What about kissing?"
"NO!" Lily said forcefully.
Sirius jumped in, "Come on, do you really think you'll be able to pretend you're dating without kissing each other?"
"James isn't in to public displays of affection," Lily answered.
"Since when?" James asked.
"Since today."
"What if your sister still doesn't believe you?" Sirius added. James silently reminded himself to thank Sirius later.
Lily looked back and forth between the two boys. "Oh, alright! There can be one kiss. But just one, and only if it's really, really necessary."
James began to celebrate in his mind.
"Okay, there must be something else I'm forgetting," Lily said. "Oh! My sister's horrid boyfriend Vernon might be around, and maybe even other muggles. You can't mention magic around them. That goes for both of you."
"Fine, fine, no magic around the muggles," Sirius said, jotting this down.
"Oh, and no going through any of my stuff! Especially you, Sirius!" Lily said.
"I'll keep track of him, don't worry," James said.
"What am I, your pet?"
"Almost," James answered him.
"Alright then, I believe that's it."
"No, wait," James said. "I think I've thought of one more rule."
"What's that?" Lily asked
"Try to make your sister's life miserable?"
"Bothering Petunia as much as humanly possible?" Lily thought about this concept.
"We are experts," James said.
She smiled. "I love it."
"Okay," Sirius said, looking over his parchment. "So you two have been dating for a month. You should probably know something about each other besides your last names."
"Fine. My favorite color is blue, light blue but not baby blue. My favorite flower is-"
"A lily?" James asked hopefully.
"Please. Do you know how many times I've heard that? I like daisies and begonias."
"Got it," Sirius said, writing down this note.
"I'm not a big fan of sports, I love animals, especially dogs," she continued.
"Really?" Sirius asked.
"No!" James said sternly to his best friend.
"No what?" Lily asked.
"Oh, well Sirius has a dog, but I don't think we should bring it over. It's quite large and stupid."
"He is not! He's an adorable puppy!" Sirius exclaimed defensively.
"He's not a puppy."
"Oh you know what? That's just so... Yeah. Fine."
Lily looked at Sirius quizzically. The conversation had been quite confusing, but then again, so were most exchanges between the two boys. "Anyway...James." He looked up at the sound of his name. "Tell me about you."
"Me? Okay, well, I like quidditch. A lot." He stopped. "That's about it."
"That's it? You are insufferable, do you know that?"
"I've been trying to tell him that for years, Lily," Sirius said, shaking his head sadly.
"Okay, now if there are muggles around, like Vernon," Lily made a face, as if it pained her to say his name, "You two should probably just keep quiet."
"But I know muggle stuff," Sirius said.
James added, "And he's made me watch some of those talky picture things."
"Movies?"
"Yeah, those."
"Okay. If you must talk, stick to movies you've seen or muggle books you've read. Don't start blabbing on about sports. You're both clueless about muggle sports, and I'm highly disinterested in them, so I can't teach you."
"Alright, is that everything?" James asked.
"I think so. Sirius, lets see that list," she said, grabbing the parchment from him.
The paper read:
Rules for Dating Lily Evans
1. Only act like boyfriend and girlfriend in front of others
2. Can hold hands two to four times
3. There will be a maximum of two hugs
4. There will be a maximum of one kiss (only if absolutely necessary!)
5. Mention NO magic around other muggles (especially Vernon)
6. No going through Lily's stuff (especially Sirius)
7. Feel free to make Petunia's life a living hell
"Looks good," James said.
Lily checked her watch. "Oh, my mother's going to be here to pick me up soon. I have to go. Thank you so much, James," she said, getting up. "You have no idea how much this means to me." Then, she did something quite unexpected. She hugged James Potter.
James looked like he was floating. "Your welcome."
"Hey, does that count as one of your two hugs?" Sirius asked, looking over his list.
She smiled and shook her head. "No, it doesn't. See you at seven."
"We'll be there," James said.
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I realized about halfway through this that James doesn't talk a whole lot, so I tried to add more in. Hope it was good, and sorry the chapters are a little on the short side.
Thanks for reviewing!
J.E.A.R.K. Potter
PsychoLeopard
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