Blasphemy! I'm bringing Pip later on to the story. I know this makes no sense since Pickman was mentioned, which would mean this is with reference to the anime, but I like Pip a lot. He's fun. Plus he has cool hair. It was a request.

Plus this story doesn't make much sense anyway. It's kind of random in my opinion.

DISCLAIMER: don't own crap… but I pwn in UT2004.


I don't get men.

Like I think I said once, men, alive or undead, are the same. As long as they are male, I don't seem to understand them. I am confused. Yes, women are also temperamental and weird sometimes but we do have excuses for this. We have enough problems with surfing the crimson wave once a month, but they have no excuse!

Clay is absolutely determined to make me his girlfriend. And I am absolutely determined to get that thought out of his head. It is amazing how ironic life is. Now that I don't want anything serious, I get a sweet and cute guy knocking on my door every other night, asking if I am ok. I get a kiss, a hug, and a tender good night. This would be incredibly sweet and I should be making cartwheels up and down my barracks in happiness, but the fact is that as I am at the door, most of the time there is a certain vampire hiding behind it, right beside me, tickling me with his 'thingies' as I say goodbye to my dirty blonde, blue eyed co-worker.

After our little... encounter about a week and a half ago, Alucard continued to come a few times a week for blood as he had been doing. But I began to see how he would drink less and less; he would start, as always, drinking from my forearm from a self-inflicted cut, then little bites would travel up my arm... and suddenly we were making out on my bed. My arm completely ignored. Last night I found out his punishment was over a few days after our little... thing. Seras told me this. But with the marvels of his skills, the truth is I don't mind. I will play dumb and make him think I don't know anything.

So why am I complaining? Well, there is one thing that these two have in common; they won't go further than making out. It is pissing me off. Why are they doing this? I have no idea. Clay might be acting very gentlemanly, but I don't get Alucard. Him and his self-interest don't really make sense now.

I am too old for this.

It seems I WILL die a virgin.

Anyway, in other matters, it's my leave and I have to clean my room.

(Depeche Mode - Dream On)

God I love this song...

It moves me I can't help it... it makes me sway to the rhythm in less than Christian ways... I have always categorized Depeche Mode songs as foreplay music...

I circled my hips while singing into the broom as if it was my microphone, my other hand over my head.

I felt that peculiar sensation on my skin again.

I stopped.

And sighed.

"Vampire?"

"Human?"

"You are taking liberties I consider extremely violating..."

"Such as?"

"What the hell are you doing in my room?" I turned around and looked for him.

Nothing yet.

"I thought you said you would feed me today..."

"Ok... one, what ever happened to waiting outside the door... and two, it's a bit past noon, what are you doing up?..."

"I was just curious about what my favorite human was doing." He finally appeared on my bed, lounging comfortably. I felt a bit weird remembering my skimpy appearance.

"'Favorite human'?" Of course his tone implied a big, fat lie.

"Yes."

"Get out, I am not dressed enough to feel comfortable with a guy in my room..."

"I'm no man..."

"You look like one enough to make me feel uncomfortable so leave..."

"How easily you forget--"

"What now"

"I have seen more than this of you"

"So."

He scanned me up and down and then tilted his head as he met my eyes.

"I think I'm getting the idea you are... deciding when you enter or leave my room... or how much you see or not see of me... and I am not liking this..."

"I do not follow, milady."

"Ok, I'm gonna be very serious with you, playful snapping aside and all..." I said and sat beside him on the border of the bed, facing him. " I want to know why were you here all night, I could feel you..."

Silence. He looked at me as if I was still speaking.

"Alucard."

"Yes?"

"Why where you here last night?"

"Why was Brendon here last night?"

"What does Clay have to do with my question?"

"Why do you question me and not him?"

I ignored his question.

"Why did you stay here, hidden in the shadows like some weird stalker..."

"Maybe I was doing what Brendon was doing..." He said but his tone was so fake.

"Clay was showing himself and his concern for me... I was hurt in the mission so he came to help. You were hiding in the shadows, peeping... it is never the same..."

"He has his humans ways I have mine..."

"Alucard I don't like it..."

Silence.

"I don't like you hiding in the corners of my room... it's not right..."

"Why?"

"Because I need my privacy! what do you mean why!"

"He was invading your personal space... at times I couldn't tell who's arm was who's... why am I getting questioned then?"

Silence. I glared at him. A lot.

"So now I have a Dad here... ok, let's get this straight... stay away from my room... unless I let you in, got it?"

Silence. He cocked his head.

"I know you heard me... so you are warned..."

"Warned?"

"I will go to Sir Hellsing if you continue this stupidity."

"... and I am sure she would love to hear about our little... romps."

"Are you blackmailing me?"

"I thought a good girl like you knew about the Golden Rule..."

"'romps'?"

"--don't do on to others... and all that nonsense..."

"Wait--are you--are you--"

"--as always, I will never understand--"

"I can't fucking believe this, you are sounding like a goddamn jealous boyfriend!"

"--humans--hmm?"

Silence.

"Is there something that makes you believe you have some right over me? Is that why you are taking these liberties with me?" I suddenly felt my muscles swelling. This happens whenever I feel threatened in battle.

He glared at me.

"You owe me for last night's books--."

"And I will gladly pay you, but never even think this agreement gives you rights over me..." I said mad at him but controlling myself. He is still a vampire. "Take everything you need tonight ... the deal is off."

Silence.

I stood up and went to get my knife. I came back to a glaring vampire.

Silence. He stopped me as I was about to slash my arm.

"Not there." He almost mumbled.

"Huh?"

"I want your neck."

"No, if I give in to this I will end up a Mrs. Alucard by the way things look... no, my arm or nothing..."

"Milady--"

"No."

"This will be the last time, you said."

I sighed.

"Ok, fine, but you owe me, and this ends now." I said to end this nonsense.

"I will take much, I think it is better if you lie down."

"hmm... fine" I rested on the bed, knife in hand and he climbed up the bed beside me. I turned to my knife and then to him, me head snapping. "What happened?"

He was just in his shirt and pants.

"comfortable..."

"right..."

My dumb self made the cut on the opposite side of where he was sitting. But even before I realized it, he was sucking and licking my neck; almost leaning on half my body. I gulped and then knew... he had tricked me again.

In no time, again, we were on my bed making out.

(Missing scene. You can always read it at AFF, though it doesn't really change anything if you don't read it. It's just a little lime flavored action.)

(knock knock)

I heard him growl at the door. I didn't even realize someone was knocking until he looked that way.

"That kid is becoming a problem..." I heard his annoyed whisper.

"Hmm?"

A thought started to ring in my mind; judging by his comment and his actions, if he wants what I want so badly, then what the hell is he waiting for!

I knew he could read my mind so the fact that he ignored this thought made me furious. I have had enough of his teasing. What the hell is wrong with him.

My hands stopped moving. He opened his half lidded eyes fully, sensing something odd.

"... hmm... I see you've had enough..." I said lazily.

"I do think of my human..."

"Ok..." He stopped moving. He understood I was 'done'.

I began to almost squirm under him which meant he pretty much was done too. At least, with me.

"Good... I need to get ready... I am planning to do something tonight..."

"Oh?"

"Yes... it is my free day, remember?" I said fixing my beater and walking toward the bathroom. I turned on the shower and walked back to the room. He was still there.

"Milady should take good care of herself... I had quite a lot to drink..."

"I'm fine..." I dialed Clay. He wasn't picking up. I will leave a message then. "... hey Clay it's me... I want to go dancing... what do you say? Call me and let me know, ok? See ya!"

(click)

"You seem... a bit aggravated." He said slowly still on my bed, shirt in disarray, but looked so comfortable this could very well pass by his bed and room.

"... girl stuff. Don't worry... nothing that can't be fixed..." I answered simply and turned to him. "I meant the thing about my privacy, I'm gonna get ready..."

"I thought I owed you something? So ask..."

"Hmm yeah you do after all... I won't ask questions, I want something else..."

"Alright."

"Play for me."

"Pardon me?"

"Play for me... piano. After I'm done getting ready, I want you to play for me."

Silence.

"... or was it all talk...?"

"Fine, I will. Meet me in Integra's library tonight..."

"Tonight at what time."

"10."

"No, I am going out at that time, earlier."

"Then, cancel tonight and I will play for you"

Of course he grinned like a maniac.

"I am making the rules for this vampire... you owe me, it is not a favor..."

Silence. But the grin didn't go away.

"Alright. meet me at 8."

"Fine... see ya at 8."

And with this, he disappeared


"Good evening..." An alien thought crossed my mind.

"Good evening to you too..."

Some soft lamps were turned on as I walked in the library, giving the place a greenish tint. He walked through a wall and I went to throw my jacket on the couch I chose to sit on.

"What's that?" I asked eying his hand.

"Wine..." He was looking attentively at me as I took the glass.

"Thankies... me likes zee wine..." I had some of it. "... hmm this is good..."

"Hellsing private collection... do not tell Integra..."

"I won't as long as you share... so how good are you?" I went to sit down.

"What do you want to hear?"

"Chopin... prepare my Goth mood, my friend"

"Something in particular?" He took a seat in front of the piano, still having wine.

"Nocturnes... anything is fine... except 9 no1... I'm sick of it already..."

"... it has been so abused..."

"I know..."

"We can start with a personal favorite..."

"Please..."

He had read my mind. Posthumous Nocturne; it fits him so well. All nocturnes are kind of melancholic but this one is one of the most, to my opinion. So I listened, rested my head back and looked at his hands and face as he played.

"You're good... very good..." I said as he finished the last note.

"Thank you very much, milady"

"And you remember it all? you're not reading right?"

"No."

"Wow... do you know the 27th?"

"Which part..."

He warmed his fingers a bit.

"Hmm... first one?

"Yes..."

"Can you?"

And again he began to play. Wow, he is damn good. I bet, all those years of practice, what can one expect? But I don't care what he says. There's more to interpreting than skill. There's emotion, something he prides in not having. The way his face slightly contorts as the song changes, tells me something different.

"I can see why you like this one..." He said as he was done.

"Why?"

"It is much like you..."

"Like me?"

"Adagios... crescendos, decrescendos... piano.. .then forte-piano..."

"Is that a nice way of saying I am moody?"

"Temperamental."

"Again... is that a nice way of saying I am moody?"

"... a bit..."

"Well it sounds good to me then... better than a boring telephone tone..."

"How can you dance with something so short?"

I was confused. And then remembered I was wearing a skirt.

"I can kill undead with something a bit longer, why not dance?"

"You wear something underneath your uniform..."

"How do you know I'm not wearing now?"

He half grinned and continued to warm his fingers with a simple, soft melody.

"You have X ray vision or something?"

"No... remember I have very good sight... and you have crossed and uncrossed your legs twice since you got here..."

"You are supposed to be playing... looking at the keys, Mr. Alucard..." I said sweetly.

"I know them by heart already... why waste a good opportunity?"

"You sound just like a man."

"Male, milady."

Silence.

"I have a question for you this time." He asked, his hands slowly coming to a halt.

"Ok... free of charge."

Silence. He came to sit beside me on the couch, his body turned a bit to face me.

"You do understand that there might be a chance that... the reason why you continue to be alive after all those times I come to you while starving, is this you hate so much..." He said looking at his gloves.

"Yes."

"I want to understand then... why do you help me?"

"I thought you could read thoughts."

Silence.

"... because... you are what you are..." I said simply after a few seconds of thinking.

"Care to elaborate?"

"You see this?" I forced a smile. "I have three dimples here on this side of my cheek... but none on the other side... people think it's cute... Clay loves it."

"Hmm..."

"It's not a dimple... it's a scar... a huge dog almost ate half my face when I was little. It was a she. She was hurt on her back but I didn't see the wound... so I went to pet her but she went crazy all over me. My dad shot her to save me, I remember. All the kids in that neighborhood were terrified of dogs for a while. But not me... I just saw it as a reaction. A natural reaction. Instinct. I didn't see bad intentions in her. It sucked because I looked like shit for a while but... you know... you're a smart guy you know what I mean..."

"You are calling me a dog?" He said innocently but I knew he was just messing with me.

"No... a bitch..." I said and smiled a little. He smiled back. Yes smiled. " Well thank you... now I have to go, my friend..." I said dramatically and sprung up of the sofa, putting the goblet on the piano.

"So soon?"

"It's 9:20... I have to meet Clay at 9:30... you are a very talented creature... I hope this is not the last time you play..."

"When I have a worthy audience I will."

"Hey you know where I live, just ring and I'll come..." I said a bit.. happy and buzzed. I walked to him, pulled back his hair softly and pecked him on the lips.
"Don't stay till too late, old man."

"Don't have too much fun, milady"

"Oh but I will" I grinned and began to walk away.


Believe it or not, this is not a pairing. At least not a final one. You will see later on if you stick around.