Ok, again I have a dilemma with this chapter.

I understand not everyone can go to AFF. So what I will do, since this is an important chapter, I will have two versions. One in AFF and one here. I will tone down as much as I can the one here, without having to change the rating. I hate changing ratings in the middle of stories, but the truth is that this one is writing itself. It's almost as if I can't control it. So just so you know, there are two versions. You are free to read both. But don't get me in trouble here; parents calling me in the middle of the night to yell at me, is not nice.

Or I can just disconnect my phone. Yeah, I will do that.

Disclaimer: don't own crap... not even my wireless connection. He he.


I got a letter.

And the worst thing I could have done was read it before going to a mission. I excused myself for today; said I was terribly sick. I could not move. I felt as if the world had closed in on me.

Why him? He had been nothing but a saint; my protector, my friend. I know all I know thanks to him. It's not fair. And I wasn't there. Why did he have to die like this?

It was not a sickness. It was not an accident.

It was the thing I am here fighting against.

I hate them all, I hate them.

"The Officer is sick, how sad…"

"… leave me alone." I said aloud, absently, curled on the bed, in my uniform. I sniffled until my head felt swollen.

"I have to say I have missed you… your blood is just so delicious…"

"… leave... please..." I whispered as tears kept running down my cheeks to the bed.

"You haven't been the only one spoiled, milady."

"I can't now... go away." I didn't even realize he was just pushing the issue, since our agreement was off. I was not thinking straight.

"… such a human trait... I heard big girls don't cry... I thought you were above these things..."

"Alucard, I'm warning you..."

"… oh, you are?... this is why you will not go to work?"

Silence.

"… silence... hm... nothing better for our self-aggrandizing therapy than thinking that everything suddenly stops because of a little… predicament."

I jumped out of bed, took my gun in my hand and walked out the room, hair flying in all directions. My eyes were burning with tears of anger, my head going from one side to the other looking for him.

And then I saw him

I almost ran toward the vampire. He was standing against the wall, his arms crossed and his head low.

I cocked my gun.

I put it under his chin.

And buried it there; in that hollow past the bone toward the throat and raised his head with it.

"You can read my thoughts fucking idiot, you know I'm not sick--what is your fucking problem..."

"Why are you so mad at me? It was not I who killed him..."

"But it is YOU who mocks me and is egocentric enough to come asking for blood right now!"

"Oh? I am egocentric? So my hunger can wait because milady has a ... problem?"

"This is NOT a problem..." I said making his head bump against the wall behind him. "... to not be able to pay one's bill is a problem... having the safety stuck on your gun is a problem... spilling a coke on the floor is a problem... I just lost the only person I can call family in this world and you call this a problem? A fucking monster like you did this! How dare you call this a problem--." A sob made me choke on my own saliva. I had to recover my breath. "… the only problem I have is you right now."

"How dare I? ... and how dare you call my problems smaller than yours?"

"THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM!"

"Will shooting me make you feel better? Is that it?"

"Maybe."

"Shoot me then... avenge his death."

"Don't tempt me."

"Do it."

"Shut up..."

"Yes! Shoot me! You have silver bullets! It is all it takes! I did not kill him but... shoot me! That will work of course."

"You mock me--you are a monster!"

"Yes... just like the one that killed--."

I slapped him.

Silence.

I slapped him again.

"Third one is always a charm... you might bring him back if you put enough strength--."

I slapped him twice.

I began to cry again. I stared at a button on his shirt and cried. My shoulders shook and my legs began to fail me. I covered my face with both hands and swayed forward, my forehead landing on his chest. I didn't back away. I sobbed into my hands leaning against the creature, his body stiff and cold and hard. He didn't move to comfort me, or push me away after I had repeatedly slapped him and put a gun to his head. He just stayed there. And I just cried my eyes out.

I felt his hand taking the gun away from my hand. It was almost buried on my eyebrow by now. He whispered something like... 'you don't want to accidentally shoot yourself do you?' ... but that was it. Still he wouldn't move.

After a lot of crying I stood on my feet again and calmed myself down. He gave me back my gun and I looked up at him, his face straight and emotionless. I sniffled and sighed as I prepared to speak.

"I think we agreed this was over."

Silence.

I saw how his head snapped toward the stairs and suddenly disappeared. I heard footsteps coming closer.

"Clay?" I said my voice carried a spark of emotion.

"… are you crying--what is it?"

I didn't answer him I just walked to him and he opened his arms to me. I started to cry again into his shoulder as his hands rubbed my back. God I needed this.

He didn't ask any questions. Just let me cry into his shoulder for a while. His hands caressed me, comforting, in the sweetest way.

"Let's go inside..." He whispered into my ear as we walked inside my room. He closed the door behind us and I walked to the bed.

He sat beside me and gave me another hug. I told him about what had happened; about the letter, about my Sifu being killed by vampires.

How I didn't have anyone else.

How I had trained with him all my life. And now he was gone.

He crawled up my bed, boots off, taking off his dirty shirt from the mission, a white beater under it. I crawled to him and rested on his chest, trying to calm down. I curled into his arms, feeling so small. No one said a word.

"are you cold? You have goose bumps--."

"I'm ok, really..." I said into his shirt, knowing this reaction well. He was here. Why, I didn't care.

Slowly, I started to feel very very tired. I couldn't keep my eyelids open anymore. So slowly, with his hands caressing my back... I fell asleep.

But sleep didn't last for long.

Clay was behind me, his body spooned with mine. His arms were around me, in such a nice warm embrace. He was asleep. It was almost dawning.

And I could feel the vampire in here too.

"Why are you still here."

Silence.

"I know you're here..."

No reply.

"Is it blood you want? I will give it to you then…"

Nothing.

"… no? Then... why are you here..."

Silence.

"Fine."

I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. I tried to ignore his presence and relax into Clay's embrace.

"Dying... is not so bad..." I felt that tickle in my brain.

"Hmm?"

"It is quite... peaceful..."

"… really?"

"Yes..."

"How painful is it before dying?"

"I don't seem to recall that pain exactly…"

"Tell me what you remember..."

"I remember coldness... something cold starting at my head and slowly reaching my toes... I remembered, dear memories; your life does flash before your eyes... as cliché as it sounds..."

"Go on."

"… I began to feel everything far away... sounds left me slowly... my fingers tingled and my eyes felt stiff... I couldn't look around, I couldn't control them... they just slowly, very slowly, started to unfocus on their own... I remember fearing what was coming next..."

Silence.

"… then the only sound I could hear was the beating of my heart... and the only thing I could feel, was the beating of my heart... I could even see it and smell it... taste it... it was just my heart... so I clung to it... realizing how important it was all my life... how it was always there but never really paid attention to it, unless I was--." He trailed off. "... but then, as the beating became slower and slower, again I feared... but this time, for its absence..."

Tears fall down my cheeks.

"Then... silence. No cold, no ticklish sensation, no noise, no heart, no light, no smells... it's a vast nothingness... so I said to myself... 'this is not so bad...'" He stopped again. "... Peace. Dying is peace. You fear the ultimate unknown which is death, but not because it is bad. You just don't know what it is. And I am telling you. It is not bad... not bad at all..."

Tears came down my cheeks more and more but now a smile stretched on my face. It stretched naturally. I didn't even realize it after some time.

"I'm glad he is ok, then."

Silence.

"Thank you... I think something like this is the only thing that could make everything better."

Silence.

"Come here... you want blood…"

Silence.

"… please..."

I saw him appear, sitting on the floor beside my bed, his back toward me a little. He looked my way, his hat and glasses off. I slowly rested on my elbows, trying not to wake up Clay and put my finger on his lips. But he didn't open them.

My hand moved to his hair, his eyes looking at my hand attentively. I tenderly brushed it back. His hair is so soft. He didn't do anything or say anything about this gesture of mine. But the truth is... he had told me what anyone who has lost someone wants to hear.

And then he disappeared, my hand feeling a thousand feathers caressing it as he vanished. I rested again in between Clay's arms and tried to sleep.

But I could still feel him in my room.


I woke up to a weight on half my body. I was still dressed I could feel; even my boots were still on. And here was Clay, asleep beside me. I looked at him; still dressed.

He stayed with me. How sweet.

It is early I can tell. The clock tells me its morning.

I softly caressed his face; he's so damn good looking. And sweet as a man can be. And he is after me. This stupidity ends right now. What the hell am I thinking...

I leaned softly and kissed his lips. They trembled a bit, feeling something against them. I smiled. He didn't move. I leaned over and kissed him again, this time licking delicately his closed lips... until they began to move. He was waking up I could tell, because I felt his hand on my back, bringing me over him. I chuckled into his lips and he breathed in, a deep deep breath.

"Am I dreaming?" He whispered.

"No..." I whispered back.

"Is it you?"

"... yeah..."

"... good, good..."

I chuckled against his lips again as we kissed, my body landing on his, getting comfortable by straddling his legs. To some point, it is weird to feel his warmth. I am more used to the vampire's coolness. But I guess this is the normal thing...

I was preparing myself for a making out session as always. But I was surprised when I saw our first layers of clothing on the floor in no time. It was all looking good, though I have to be honest; I had been spoiled by the vampire. There was something... missing. I felt weird realizing this. But there was something that—no, no I can't even think that.

STOP COMPARING! This is a nice guy. C'mon! Geez I'm such an idiot...

"... milady..."

I ignored the very well known 'term of endearment' used by the monster and continued to kiss my cute co-worker. Things were only getting better as time passed, but again an alien thought distracted me.

"What is this perfidious act, milady..."

I opened my eyes. I didn't like his tone. It sounded... tense. I tried to relax and enjoy. I was not going to get distracted by him.

"I have been betrayed..."

I opened my eyes again. What is he talking about? Is he here?

Clay stopped moving and raised his upper body with his arms. He looked away and frowned. Maybe he felt him too. Goddamn vampire!

"I-I need to go..." He said suddenly, his face looking thoughtful.

"... g-go! What do you--."

"Yeah, I have to--go, I don't know there's something I have to do..."

"What!"

"I'm sorry, I forgot... I'm very sorry..."

"No-no wait..." I said as I knelt when I saw him almost jump out of my bed and start to get dressed. "... Tell me what is it you have to do..."

"... uh-- I-- I don't know, but I do have to go... those things happen to me--." He had his jeans on already.

"Think and try to remember if you really have to go..."

"Yes... I'm very sure."

"No.. No there's something too weird..." He was pulling down his shirt.

"I'm sorry luv, I'll come back once I'm done ok? I promise..."

"... damn you, fucking monster..." I whispered, wanting to behead someone.

"What?"

"No... no never mind... go we'll talk later..."

"Please don't be upset--I really have to go..."

"Go on, we'll talk later I'm not mad at you..."

"Ok..." He came over to kiss me but I turned away. "... you are mad."

"No, I'm just-- we'll talk later..." I said and began to put my underwear on.

"Ok..." He sounded sad.

And he was out of my room.

Where the fuck are you goddamn daemon.

My patience had reached its limit. I waited until I could not listen anymore to Clay's footsteps when I started to breathe erratically and looking around.

"Come out... who the fucking hell do you think you are!"

But my anger turned into panic as I felt a cold hand wrap itself strongly around my neck from behind. Then I feel that hand pushing me forcefully against the wall and rapidly turning me around.

It was Alucard.

And he didn't look very happy.

"It was you who made him leave-- what the hell is wrong with you!" I tried to be proud and strong but his eyes didn't look like always; they were bigger in size and a sea of changing tones of red; from burgundy to bright red. I gulped as I saw him move closer, his palms rested at the sides of my face against the wall.

"... you have betrayed me..." He whispered into my ear at the time that the rest of his clothed body came in contact with mine.

"Wha--"

"You don't seem to understand..." He purred rubbing his nose against my cheek. "... you are mine..."

"Alucard--." I was not angry anymore, more like terrified. He was being delicate, but he felt tense; he could snap in any moment. He felt dangerously angry.

"Every part of your body—every little crevice or wound-- the blood that runs through your veins... mine... no one will spoil you, if it is not me..."

"... Spoil--?"

"... you say that night was the last time... but I doubt it is your will... you want it too..." He seemed in some kind of... daze.

"What are you talking about Alucard..." I spoke sweetly trying to soothe him. He looked about to snap. Or snap my neck.

"... eventually, you will become a part of me... and then I would give you what you want... but only then..."

I reached for him slowly, not wanting him to think that any movement from me was a dangerous one. My hand landed softly on his arm and as I thought, when I did, he reacted as if I he wasn't expecting it.

But finally I understood what was happening.

He wanted to keep me a virgin. He wanted my virgin blood.

He wanted to make me a vampire. I remembered that time at the balcony.

And in all this, he got the strange idea that I was his.

"... Concern to a monster smells so... extraneous at first... exotic..." He kept rubbing his face, sans hat and glasses, against mine, still in that daze. "I'm intoxicated with it now... addicted... and I will not find it anywhere else, I know this..."

"Aluc--."

"Oh that night... remember the balcony... I was more than intoxicated... it was a good thing you sent me away... because I would not have been able to restrain myself... or that time in the car... again that night... I would have made mad love to you all night--."

I am shaking like a leaf... he sounds so not like himself.

"Why have you betrayed me?" His tone changed to a controlled and tense one.

"I-I..." I wanted to cry.

"If I hadn't intervened, you would be--."

"Please don't hurt me." I whispered, tears came down my eyes, as I realized that pieces of paint covering the wall behind me where falling on my shoulders; paint that used to be under his angered fingers.

"No... No... I can't hurt you, my dear..." His mouth went back to my ear... a soft kiss. "... Even if I could, I would not hurt you..."

"I didn't betray you."

"Yes you did..." His tone was back to that dangerously calmed one.

"I didn't know any of this..."

"Yes you did..."

"No, I didn't." My voice was regaining strength.

"You were acting in revenge for what you saw in my chambers."

"Alucard... I am not yours... or any of the like..." I prepared for the worse.

His head snapped to in front of mine.

"Yes you are..."

"No I'm not..."

"Yes you are!"

"No!"

He slowly came closer to me, rage in his eyes.

"I will not loose you to a human, do you hear me--."

"This has nothing to do with him--."

"--If it is not a god or the like, I will not desist--."

"I am nobody's! I am my own person I don't belong to anyone and I don't know what made you thi--."

He hissed at me.

And a sob escaped my lips.

"... You are afraid of me?" He asked half in shock and the other half in realization.

"Can you blame me?"

I began to breathe in shaky breaths and gulped more tears.

"Get out of my room now..." I almost whispered.

"He will come back."

"... Get. Out..." I had to remember his seals and that he couldn't hurt me, but I was too scared. "... Start with backing away from me right now."

He growled softly.

"I want to be alone right now, vampire. I mean it..." But my tone was as weak as it could get and be audible.

He slowly backed away from the wall and from me. His face was still straight, almost no expression. I slid down the wall, my butt hitting the floor.

He disappeared after a few seconds.

What the hell did I get myself into...


Ok, this is to whoever thought he was acting too civilized and nice. Scary Alucard really makes my day. I guess I'm just weird.