DISCLAIMER: don't own nada ... wished I had a clean canvas right now boo hoo.
Big storm tonight. Very low visibility which will affect tonight's mission.
If there is any.
I have been avoiding the vampire for these last two nights. I have been with Seras or Pip or just with people around, so if he shows up then he would have to behave himself. My fear towards him has been subsiding. I didn't want to tell Seras what had happened and what had been happening with her Master, but I was feeling overwhelmed. I had to speak to someone. She was a bit upset at me at first because I didn't tell her before, but later understood. I could get fired for this, if the thing went around. Plus he is not exactly adored by the rest of the personnel.
I could get the leper treatment; whatever that means.
So I made her promise to not tell Pip. I have the feeling she told him about Clay.
But it's time to fix this mess. I can't hide forever. So I went to my room, took a shower and began to clean my guns. I'm not a gun person; I had basic training but it was here where I became good with them. Knives are my thing. So cleaning them is something I'm still learning how to do.
(knock knock knock)
I don't know why I know it's him. I breathe very deeply, put my guns down, and walk to the door.
I was right.
"What can I do for you?" I greeted him trying to control my body's urge to start shaking. He must have bumped his nose with my defensiveness.
"I've been meaning to speak to you..."
"Ok."
Silence.
"Can I come in?"
"No."
"Would you like to step out then?"
"Fine..." I said and closed the door behind me.
I stood in front of him, never with my back against the wall. I had to also make him understand with my body language that I was not taking his shit.
"I wish to apologize for hurting you, if I did, Monday morning..."
"Hurting me..."
"I forgot how humans can't take a simple tossing towards a wall..."
Silence. I am glaring. My eye is twitching.
"I am not done, milady."
"Go on then..." I breathed in deeply; please control yourself, girl.
"But I do not apologize for what I said..."
"That you should be very sorry about..."
"But I am not, milady..."
"Ok... then let me ask you something, 'cause I'm curious as hell..." I said putting my loose long bangs behind my ears angrily. "What makes you think I am all of a sudden, your property..."
"It is something I want..."
"Oh!..." I said mocking surprise. "So it was nothing you saw in me or a mixed signal I sent... it is just, because you wish it this way, right?"
"Yes..."
"This will be easier than I thought..." I chuckled sarcastically, and then cleared my throat. "... news flash, Alucard... we're not in the 15th century anymore... women are not taken today. We choose as much as you used to do--and obviously keep doing--and if a man and a woman, or whatever--I'm very open minded--choose each other, Bingo! You have a couple... do you understand this?"
"I understand the logic behind it, but I don't share that opinion..."
"I can see you don't by your little tantrum Monday..."
"This explanation changes nothing in my eyes..."
"Oh yes it will... because we want something it doesn't mean it's ours... I want a million dollars but I don't see it--"
"I can give it to you--"
"That's not the point."
"Well it is how it also works, milady. One claims a woman, one satisfies every desire of that woman... this is how Queens are made..."
"Queens--." Is he talking stupidities again?
"Yes..."
"What the hell are you talking about--."
"Oh?... you think I have been a slave all my life?"
"I am not following and I don't see how this is of any relevance--."
"I have been a slave for a little over a century... I have done way more than serve Hellsing and Elizabeth..."
"I don't see how this is an excuse for your behavior..."
"I was once King; don't think you are talking to a no-name slave."
I hate my curiosity. "King... what do you mean Elizabeth--it's Her Majesty the--."
"Her reign is barely one of Royalty... it is a joke; it is just an ornament..."
"King?"
"Wallachia."
"Wal--." Sounds so familiar.
"Southeast Romania now, milady..." He walked toward me, one step then the other. "I know you are educated enough to know what I am talking about..."
Silence.
He's got to be fucking kidding me...
"No... You can't be..." I whispered, thinking aloud.
"Why not?" He grinned reading my thoughts.
"... you are not real..." I stepped back a little.
"Yes I am... I am in history books." He said this last thing playfully.
"You're making this up..."
"574... do the math."
Silence.
"This is a joke right..."
"No, a joke would be less boring..."
"You can't be Vlad Dracula..."
He bowed.
My eyes were bigger by the second. "Tepes."
"Oh... that thing—you did pronounce it right, by the way--." He said almost impressed.
"But you are dead!"
"We can say I am in a way..."
"No! No!—you are dead! Even if we talk about Dracula—the vampire, you're dead!"
"Is that so?"
"Yes! Van Hel--."
Silence.
Hellsing... Helsing... am I that dumb?
"Captured." He said answering my mental questions.
"Wha--."
"Captured... not killed... silly old man..."
Silence.
"So it is true..." My eyes were not getting any smaller.
"That book is a pack of lies, yes... but one or two things... well..."
Silence. I am staring at him a lot.
"I need to sit..." I said and did just that on the floor.
He walked in front of me and bent his knees to level as much as he could with my face. He looked at me with a tilted head, and half smirked. I looked back at him, but this time with different eyes at this revelation.
Everything fitted. How didn't I see this before?
"You should sue those who did your portraits..." I blurted out softly.
"Hmm?" He was a bit confused.
"You look ugly as my life in them."
"Thank you, milady." He said with a grin.
I held him by his cravat and pulled him closer to my face.
"I am not impressed, Vlad or whatever I should call you..."
"Alucard is fine."
"Whatever... I am not your property, or anything even close to it. Impale me if you want, hang me from a post... but I am NOT yours, do you understand me?" His smirk began to vanish.
"You enjoy my company and my touch... I don't understand your self-righteousness."
"It's not morals, Alucard..." I let him go but he was still close to my face. "... now a days you do not posses--for starters--and that which you enjoy in any way, doesn't have to become a … formality."
"I am confused by your last statement."
"We are nothing... just two people who enjoy each other's company and touch, as you said..."
"Where do you get all this craziness from?"
"Craziness? This is how I work... I believe there are others who think this way but I won't say it's the way the world works or anything, because now a days, there is more freedom in the way people handle their business... but this is how I work... and you will have to deal with it... or not deal with me at all..."
"This is absurd..." He stood up and walked away, around me, away from my sight.
"I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you..." I said to myself almost. I don't know but it was a bit... funny.
"Who can agree to this arrangement?"
"Clay does." I shouldn't have said that.
"So this is why?"
"Why what."
"You want to be with him?"
"He's nice and cute... and I'm not with him."
Silence.
"I was going to sleep with him, if that's what you mean, because he was wiling and I wanted to!... and why am I giving you explanations about my business!" I scolded myself.
"This is not the conduct of a woman..."
"You mean a respectable woman..." I said sarcastically.
Silence.
"Go get yourself one, then..."
"I know who I want..."
"Then deal with it..." I stood up and walked toward my room. "... I have to clean my guns or I won't hear the end of it from Pip..."
"I am not finished."
"We are going around in circles! It's stupid!" I walked inside my room.
"Let me in."
"No."
"I will walk in even if you don't let me in."
I cocked my clean gun. "Come in and I'll shoot you."
"Shoot me then... you well know even that will do but a scratch on me..."
"I don't care..." He appeared at the door, still outside. I could see him over my gun. "...I will shoot Alucard."
"Shoot."
"You threw me against a fucking wall!" I almost yelled. "You could've killed me!"
"I knew what I was doing... I would not hurt you, not even if I was free to do it..."
"Your definition of violence and mine is not the same. And I don't like yours. It scares me. I'm smart enough to back away of a thing like this."
"What does this mean?"
"Even if you agreed to my arrangement I would say NO... you do not know how to deal with humans now a days..."
"I don't believe you."
"Fine don't."
"Your thoughts tell me something different."
I hate it when he's right.
Silence.
"You will look for him after we are done." He said seriously.
"It is none of your business."
"I won't allow it."
"If you hurt him in any way I will go to Hellsing and tell on you."
"You will be punished too."
"But after you and that would make me very happy."
Silence.
I'm still aiming at him.
"You know you wouldn't."
"Oh really? Why..."
"Your concern for me won't let you... I can smell it coming from you..."
Silence. I lowered my gun quickly with a sigh. I still don't have his reasons for this! Why is he acting this way!
"When one has lived as long as I have... habit becomes not only something that is tied to time, but a way of life. In my life as a Nosferatu, concern is not something I am exposed to. So I know how to live without it. Integra felt it as a child, but as she grew up, it slowly left her, taught by me, that any emotion was a weakness. It completely disappeared as she saw no use in it because of my power. I grew accustomed to not being in the other end of it. But now it has come back in you, and I don't want it to go away again..."
"Seras does too..."
"She is my child, it is expected."
I clicked my tongue.
Silence. I walked closer to him.
"You are concerned about my blood and for it to continue running the way it is... that is not very selfless. And I don't see any connection between this and you liking my concern for you."
"I never said I was selfless."
"Then it's not me you want! There are enough virgins around, go find another one that will let you do whatever the hell you want--!"
"They are not you, milady."
"Jesus..." I walked to him. "Let me give you a little example why this is just stupid and crazy... that day I learned about my Sifu dying... I was broken in pieces; you laughed at me, you mocked my pain... I stood there crying like a little girl and you never laid a hand on me in support... or concern... I needed at least a quick hug but you don't do such low human acts... now tell me, do you think that after that, I would really want to be yours?"
"I gave you something even more practical."
"This is not about practical Alucard... this is a side of me, of humans you do not understand."
"I gave you something you wanted to hear, milady. I didn't see you sound as sleep after Brendon's embrace. He was, but not you. Once I had answered that question about death, you went to sleep soundly. Do you think a hug would really solve your problems?"
"They won't but I like them." I know he's right, I know it. But I won't let him win.
"So you would have had the embrace in place of my words... even though you know this will bring you more tranquility..."
Silence.
"Those are things from you humans I do not understand. You enjoy making your lives harder. It is so idiotic at times..."
Silence.
He was right again. He heard my thoughts because he smiled.
"You have the understanding to go against many idiocies humans do. And I like it."
"I stand where I stand. I am telling you the same I told Brendon. I do not want any kind of commitment so do not expect one. This means, in your language, that I am NOT yours, I do what I please with my body AND I do not give any explanations to you..."
"In my mind, you ARE mine, NO ONE will touch you if it is not me, AND I will read every thought of yours, I won't even ask..."
I scoffed. There was no use in fighting with him about this anymore. "Like you can order me around… give me a break, I don't fucking care who you are or were 500 years ago..." I spun around, my brown hair slapping against his chest. My guns were waiting for me, so I went to sit and continue with my chore.
He chuckled. "Marvelous... I enjoy much those little outbursts of yours... so beautiful..."
I gave him the finger.
But I couldn't help but smile. I shook my head and he chuckled some more. My hands became a bit clumsy and couldn't put the damn gun together again.
He walked to me and took the apparatus away from my hands delicately. His big hands handled the thing in the swiftest way and taking the other parts in his hands, he began to easily put it together.
"Hmm..." He said looking at my gun.
"What..."
"You missed a spot here..."
"Where..."
As I leaned toward the gun, I felt his lips under my ear. But he backed away after the kiss.
He chuckled.
"How can I fall for something like this..." I said trying not to smile taking my gun away from him... well part of the gun.
"There are some spots you let pass..."
I put my head back and almost yelled at the ceiling..."I. Hate. Guns!"
He stayed there as I tried to understand the thing in my hands and tried to put it back together. But my mind was going through the whole conversation again. And there was just a big question.
Why.
What was his real interest besides the blood?
I never had any problems with him before, why now?
"As possessive as a little beast..." I whispered half smiling.
"That I am... but I am not little..." He said again that sensuous smile of his. He looks so goddamn hot when he smiles.
"That I know..." Is the room getting hot or is it just me. I clicked my tongue. "I'm mad at you, fuck off..." I said lowering my eyes to the gun in my hands.
He chuckled.
"You don't smell mad..." His eyes went to my lap.
"One
has no privacy with you, vampire." I said not looking at him.
I
felt his cold lips under my ear. As he began to plant wet kisses
there, his hand started coming up my leg, sliding smoothly in between
my crossed thighs, slowly making them uncross...
My cloudy vision came to rest on the door in front of me and distinguished a silhouette standing there.
I had left the door open.
I blinked.
… and in the immortal words of the mercenary…
"Shit-fuck..." I whispered. The vampire's head, sensing my tension, snapped toward the door.
"The door was open, I could not knock... pardon my intrusion..." The older man said with a bow, looking at the floor.
"It's ok Walter..." I said and Alucard softly slid his hands off me and stood up, walking away to my shelf.
"Miss Seras would like to know if you would like to accompany her and Captain Bernadette for dinner at the gym."
"Yea--yeah, sure... I'll be there in a few Walter thank you." I was talking faster than usual and I could tell my face was red.
"Officer... Alucard..." They exchanged knowing glances and then Walter left.
"... shit..." I said burying my face on my hand.
"He will say nothing. Well, it is not like Integra will forget what she saw in my chambers that time, hm?"
"I guess." I sighed. "... I'm going to go have dinner with them..."
"So I hear..."
"See ya later..."
"Hm?" He mocked surprise.
"As in an expression; I'm not stating I WILL see you later..."
"... oh.."
Why isn't he moving?
"Yes?" He felt my stare.
"Get out of my room! I'm leaving!"
"I will stay, thank you."
"No, leave!"
I don't have to say that this went on for another while, do I?
I can't sleep
Missions are getting more and more demanding physically and I can't just fall asleep once I get to my room now. Normally Alucard would… help me in that department by… visiting… but he didn't show up tonight.
I'm going to go walk around.
I put my coat over my tank and slid on a pair of sweats. I tied my sneakers and grabbed a beer and my cigs. I know nicotine was not going to help specially with alcohol, but what the hell. I was feeling too good now to spoil it.
Why am I in such good mood? Well, my reaction to my talk with Alucard now had morphed; from defensiveness and anger as a result of him trying to control me, to...
... feeling the same way I feel every time I feed him. I remembered our talk at the balcony.
I didn't realize I was standing still when I heard leaves rustling softly under heavy shoes. The pace seemed to be just like mine; no direction, though strong. Maybe another sleepless soul taking a late night stroll? I turned around and saw another shadow, not come to me, but walk near me. I could make out the gleam of glasses.
"Officer..." I heard Sir Hellsing's stern voice though softer in volume. She didn't even turn to me as she came to a halt.
"Sir..." I saluted.
"... at ease..."
So i did... she's scary.
"Is everything alright Officer?" She seemed testy.
"Yes Sir... just can't sleep... I hope this doesn't bother you..."
"Not at all..." She joined my smoking with one of her own. I felt that smell combine with my cig and it was interesting I have to say. After a long pause she spoke. "I know what you must be thinking Officer..."
"Pardon me, Sir?"
"You must have me as the biggest hypocrite on the face of the planet. What a show I am putting out there, and what a magnificent performance I held with you that time I instructed you on correct treatment toward my servant..."
Silence. I was afraid to breathe even.
I knew what she meant. Every new recruit gets a little speech about dealing with the Hellsing vampires. Let's say I have pretty much violated every rule; even before I had kissed him.
"I suppose your job has given you enough sense of prudence to not disclose anything that you witnessed that time in the sub levels; which are still off limits to everyone... including you..."
"Yes Sir."
Silence.
"I also would like you to know... that which you saw has never happened before. It was a way of him testing his bounds." She paused. "I should not have to tell you how he likes to play games..."
I smiled knowingly and felt her looking my way. We were standing one beside the other looking toward the same direction with a very good 6 feet between each other.
"Did you come out here to meet with him?" She asked knowing it was a personal question and SHE was testing her bounds; I could tell by her smaller tone. She tried to keep it strong but I could sense it.
"No..." I left out the title to let her know it was a question that should not have come from my Commander.
The little devil on my shoulder is talking to me. What to do? Answer of course...
"... We meet in my room usually..." I said with a sigh.
Ouch.
Silence.
"I don't judge you..." I said after having a gulp of my beer. "Let's say it does happen regularly, I can only but understand you..."
I felt her eyes on me almost burning my clothes. I got scared for two seconds... but then I remembered what she knows I know. And I relaxed.
"He's a daemon..."
"That he is..." I remembered his purrs and grunts and I half smiled. "... but, pardon my French, the hell he can kiss..." I turned to her for a few seconds.
I dare her to say something. She better not forget I saw her kissing him back; so much that didn't even realize I was there.
Silence.
"Beer?" I offered and she looked my way. "I don't have the flu or anything contagious..."
To my surprise she received the bottle I was offering and had a long sip. Then she gave it back.
"Didn't know you liked your liquor..." I commented casually.
"Not beer..."
"Oh..."
Silence. I heard leaves rustle under her feet.
"Good night Officer."
"... good night Sir."
She hesitated a bit. But she finally turned around and left me to my cig and beer.
Well, well... this place is more interesting than I thought...
