Chapter 1

Shinji Ikari pulled his head back in a yawn before going back to staring out the passenger window of Ritsuko Akagi's four-door sedan. It was still dark, but he could see the faint orange outline of the dawn peeking behind the mountains behind Tokyo-3. He glanced at his watch. 5:15 AM. Still three hours before school started, and hours more before he had to make the trip down to NERV. And yet there he was, coming to the end of the ridge that signaled all who made the frequent trip to the secret base that the gate wasn't far ahead.

Shinji was halfway through the third movement of Beethoven's ninth symphony before the phone rang. Quickly, he had turned off his SDAT and listened. Insomnia, which he had come to know well, was not limited to playing tricks on the mind during the long hours of the night. Some tricks were more believable than others, and imagining a phone ringing was certainly not out of the question. A few moments passed, and the phone rang again. Shinji got out of bed with a start, stumbling blindly across the room to the phone. He fumbled for the handle of the receiver, and slowly brought it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Shinji?" spoke a female voice on the other end. It was Ritsuko. "Shinji, get dressed. I'm coming to pick you up in twenty minutes."

Shinji hesitated. "Okay," he said awkwardly. "Is everything alright, Ritsuko? Is there another angel?"

"I'll explain everything once we get to NERV," she said quickly. She sounded panicked. "Hurry up and get dressed."

Forty-five minutes later, they arrived at the gate. Ritsuko hadn't said a word the entire trip, but Shinji hadn't made an attempt to pull anything out of her. Her stony face, remarkably bereft of makeup that she forgot to put on stared straight ahead, telling him that her mind was on other things. She waved at the gate guard before he retreated into the guardhouse, and they drove past descending the tunnel into the complex. Shinji sighed and bowed his head, occasionally glancing at the blur of the tunnel lights whizzing by. He took a breath to say something, but paused. Ritsuko glanced over at him, her dark eyes still fabulous without her eyeshadow.

"It's not another angel, Shinji," she stated somewhat passively.

"It's not?"

"No," she said, crinkling her nose. Shinji nodded, stealing at look over at her. He thought she looked even more beautiful without all that makeup. "Then what is it?" he asked.

"Just wait. I'll tell everyone once we're all together."

The rode the rest of the time in silence until they got to the parking garage. Once they got out, Ritsuko headed for the elevator. "Everyone's expected to muster at conference room A in fifteen minutes," she called over her shoulder. "Don't be late." Shinji gave an affirming nod and a timid wave.

"Okay," he said. The elevator door open and closed behind her, leaving Shinji alone for roughly five seconds before a voice came from across the garage. "What the hell's going on, Third Child?" It was Asuka. She gave a vindictive stare before approaching him.

Shinji shrugged. "I don't know. Ritsuko won't tell me until we're all in the conference room." A small smile spread across his thin lips as Asuka emerged from the darkness and stood beside him. She was wearing pink pajamas. Pink pajamas with little bears holding hearts embroidered on them. Asuka grimaced.

"They're Hikari's," she muttered.

"Uh-huh."

"Don't play with me, dumkompf," she yelled, smacking him in the chest with the back of her hand. "I forgot to bring pajamas for the sleepover and-"

"Sure, Asuka. I understand. Say no more."

"Oh, shut up!" She threw her hands up in the air and headed for the elevator, and Shinji watched her with a large grin. It had been almost two years since they'd been living in the same household, giving Shinji enough time to learn how to handle her. He learned slowly, but he learned it, nonetheless.

"It better not be YOUR fault we're all here this early in the morning, idiot!" she yelled before the elevator doors opened. "Or you'll have me to answer to!" Shinji nodded, still smiling. "Yes, I know," he said. "I'll have to answer to you and all those terrifying bears that have joined you."

"SHUT UP!" The doors closed behind her. Shinji laughed before he walked towards the elevators as well. The doors slid open again, Rei Ayanami inside, standing as still as a statute. She gave him a brief glance and a quick nod, which was more of an acknowledgement than Shinji or anyone else was used to on normal days. Shinji stepped in keeping his eyes on the ground. For some reason, he always felt nervous around her. He finally made a nod back at her in reply. "Good morning, Ayanami.

"Good morning, Ikari," she said. Her voice was smooth yet mechanical, giving her and air of beauty that was meticulously calculated and even artificial. The elevator was quiet for some moments, Shinji focusing on the floor buttons, trying to find something to say. It was very difficult to talk to her. But to his benefit, only he seemed to pull the most out of her than anyone else.

It's probably because of my father, he reasoned, remembering the cracked orange tinted glasses that would forever sit atop Rei's dresser. When he thought about it, it looked like a shrine. The glasses looked carefully arranged on top of a white tablecloth, resembling something like a relic that was owned by a saint. Shinji grunted at the thought.

"Are you ill, Ikari?" Rei asked, her red eyes shifting towards him in the blankest manner possible.

Shinji hesitated, then shook his head. "No, Ayanami. I was just thinking." The hum of the shaft cables reigned the silence for some moments more before Rei spoke up again. "What were you thinking about?"

Shinji's heart jumped into his throat, and he didn't have time to catch himself before he turned to her, his face covered in a bewildered stare. What seemed like a just a question to most people was an outlandish dream for those who thought about Rei. She usually stuck to the bare minimum when it came to talking. She dropped her head to scan her body before looking back up to the baffled teen. "Are you you certain that you aren't ill, Ikari?"

Shinji snapped out of his trance, and fumbled for words. "Oh, uh, yes, sorry. I was just surprised, that's all."

"I do not understand. Why were you surprised?"

"I dunno," said Shinji, rubbing the back of his head. "You've just never asked that question before."

"I asked you now because I was never curious about anything you have said to me in the past."

"…Oh. I see." Shinji didn't know quite how to take that. Rei could be so blunt sometimes. "Well, I was thinking about my father."

"Commander Ikari?"

"Yes, him." Shinji replied with a small grimace. "May I ask you a question, Rei?"

"That would be acceptable."

"Do you idolize my father?" The question surprised even Shinji with its boldness.

"I do not understand. Are you asking if I think your father is a deity of some fashion? If that is what you are asking, then my answer would be that I do not."

"No, Ayanami, that isn't what I'm asking," said Shinji, pausing for a minute to word the question correctly. "I guess what I'm asking is, do you think you are in eternal debt to my father?"

"Yes, I am," she stated immediately.

Shinji furrowed his thin brows, perturbed. "Why?"

"There are many reasons."

"What reasons?"

"I am in debt to him because he saved my life. I am in debt to him also because he gave me purpose."

"And what's your purpose?"

"My purpose is to pilot EVA," she said smoothly, staring straight ahead at the metallic doors. The words sent a furious shiver down Shinji's spine. "And what happens when you're done piloting EVA?" he asked hoarsely, trying his best to keep a lid on an outburst.

"Then my purpose will be fulfilled."

"You're saying that you won't have any purpose when you're finished piloting EVA?"

"Correct."

Shinji gritted his teeth as a wave of frustration passed over him. This wasn't the first time that he had this conversation with Rei, but her answers would continually astonish him, no matter how many times he heard them. He leaned against the side of the elevator, helpless. "Have you ever had any dreams, Rei?"

"Negative. I never dream when I sleep."

"No, I'm asking if you've ever had any goals. Any aspirations?"

"My only goal is to pilot EVA until I am not needed." She paused, turning to him. "Are you having difficulty understanding, Ikari?"

Shinji shook his head. "No. You just confuse me, that's all."

"There is nothing to be confused about."

"I am only confused about one thing," Shinji replied, taking a step towards her. "Why would lay down your life for a man who would throw it away like it was a piece of garbage? He's done it before, Rei. He cares for no one except himself and what he wants." He could see his father in the back of his mind as he said this, staring down at him from the viewing window of Unit 01's hangar like God would at an ant. But Rei's voice came immediately, smooth and beautiful and unaffected.

"Your accusations against the Commander may or may not be true, Ikari," she said, turning back to the doors. "Nonetheless, my purpose is to pilot EVA, so that is what I will do. The Commander's feelings towards me are irrelevant."

The rest of he ride down to the Geofront was silent. When the doors opened, Shinji stepped out and turned to Rei. "I'm sorry if my questions offended you, Ayanami," he said with a slight bow.

"They did not," she said, staring at him from inside. Shinji managed a small smile in thanks when she said nothing else, and turned around to leave. Suddenly, as if on cue, Rei took a step forward. "It is always pleasant to talk to you, Ikari. I would appreciate it if you would not let your feelings toward this conversation affect the ones we might have in the future."

Shinji stopped, but didn't dare turn around to look at her. He nodded, heart pounding in chest. "Okay," he squeaked, and quickly hurried off the conference room, hating himself for continually being surprised by her.

Conference room A was already full when Shinji walked in. Blushing as the random chatter hushed and he received brief stares, he quickly chose a seat between Asuka and Misato at the far end of giant U-shaped table that everyone sat around. "Way to be on time, dumkomf," Asuka grumbled before laying her head down on the table. Shinji ignored her and turned to Misato, who was silently staring forward. Her hair was disheveled and there were bags under her eyes, an obvious sign that she hadn't had any sleep that night. However, Shinji quickly dismissed it as anything unusual. NERV would have her keep late hours, especially if there was something wrong with the EVAs. "Do you know what's going on, Misato?"

Misato didn't reply.

"Misato?" Shinji leaned forward, resting his hand on the red leather of her motocycle jacket. "Misato, are you alright?"

Misato quickly recovered from her trance, jerking her head towards Shinji and cracking a small smile. "Oh, hey, Shinji. Didn't see you come in."

Shinji's eyebrows furrowed as he drew back. "Do you feel alright?"

Misato turned forward again and nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. Just tired."

Her voice was soft and remote, barely audible amongst the banter that clogged the walls of the small conference room. Ritsuko Akagi stood at the podium in the front and cleared her throat. "Alright, everybody. I need your undivided attention." The room quickly fell silent. With a slight nod, she continued. "I'm sure most of you are wondering why I called this meeting so early in the morning, but I can assure you it is of the utmost importance. For those who had to get out of bed early and come up here, I apologize." She paused. "I'm not sure how to put this lightly, so I'm just going to come right out and say it. Commander Gendo Ikari, who is, as you all know, head in command of NERV and the EVA program, has been reported missing as of 2:42 AM this morning."

The room immediately erupted in gasps and whispers. Asuka picked her head up off the desk, her mouth agape and Shinji felt his heart about to leap from his chest. Misato said nothing. One of the maintenance engineers spoke up. "Excuse me, m'am, but how do we know the Commander is missing? It's not even half past five, so how do we know he's not still at home or somewhere else before he comes into work?"

Ritsuko narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "The Commander's schedule is very rigid," she explained, putting a flat palm in the air to quiet the room again. "He never deviates from it, and he makes sure that someone knows it. It's somewhat of a warning mechanism. If there's a discrepancy in the schedule, then you can be sure that something's wrong. He was supposed to call in at 2:40 this morning," she glanced instinctively at her watch. "When he didn't call, we decided to track his position using his cell phone signal. When we didn't pick it up, it was clear that something was very wrong. We declared him missing two minutes later." There were whispers again as Ritsuko continued. "The Tokyo-3 police department had been notified, and a full-scale investigation will be launched. I called all of you here this morning to notify you of an immediate change of command until this matter is resolved. Effective immediately, Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki will assume the title of Commander of NERV and all the responsibilities and powers given therein, and I will assume the responsibility of his second-in-command. I can assure you once the Commander is found that these changes will be reversed."

The whispers grew into a gentle hum. "This comes as a shock to all of us, but we must all try to carry on business as usual in the Commander's stead. I would like thank all of you for coming once more. You are dismissed. Report to duty at your scheduled times." Ritsuko gave Shinji a brief glance, and left the room. Shinji summoned all his inner strength to keep his jaw from going agape. His heart was racing, and the talk inside the room tunneled into distant echoes. He raised a slender hand to his forehead. "I-I can't believe it," he stammered. "This is…I can't believe it!"

"I sure as hell can," Asuka grumbled, effectively hiding her shock with feigned frustration. "I always knew the Commander Ikari would fly the coop one day." She leaned back in her chair, rocking it slightly. "Good riddance if you ask me. He never seemed committed to stay to the very end, anyway."

Something in that sentence struck Shinji to the core. It wasn't uncommon, Asuka had a knack for pushing Shinji's buttons, but never in a way that would make him want to defend his father. Nevertheless, he turned and glared at her, his jaw grinding his teeth. "You don't know my father," he hissed. "So don't talk about him like you do."

"And you know him?" Asuka snorted, leaning forward in her chair. "You don't know anymore about him than I do, Shinji. Although I can't blame you. A man who abandons his child at an early age and re-enters his life more than ten years later only to use him to his own ends isn't a man worth knowing to me." The words dealt a blow that Shinji wasn't prepared for, sending a spark of rage jolting to his mind to make his lips move without consultation from his conscious, causing him to pull no punches.

"Oh, and a suicidal schizophrenic who would rather talk to a doll like it's her daughter for the rest of her life is? Although I can't blame her, Asuka. You never shut your GODDAMN MOUTH!" The last words roared from Shinji mouth, and all other talk in the room came to a screeching halt. All eyes were on Shinji as Asuka's mouth hung wide, her jaw quivering. Tears began to well in her sapphire eyes. It was only then that Shinji realized he'd forgotten that Asuka never mentioned her childhood consciously. It was always in her sleep. Shinji used to lay awake at night, listening to her moaning and crying and yelling as she thrashed in her bed in the adjacent room. Asuka shot up from her chair, her fists shaking.

"How dare you!"

Misato finally intervened. "That's enough." she said softly, standing between them. Neither noticed that she was limping. "It's early, and you both have school. Asuka, ask Ritsuko to give you a ride back to the apartment to get your uniform. Shinji, go to the cafeteria and get something for breakfast. I expect no more talk like that between the two of you. Understood?" Asuka said nothing. She stormed out of the room on the verge of sobs, receiving confused glances from the rest of the rooms occupants as she did. Shinji watched her as his anger subsided, and suddenly his mind was heavy with guilt. He sighed. This was going to be a very bad day.