War. A word to be despised. My Master is certain that the war will end soon, but I remain skeptical. This war has cost many lives, even among the Jedi. My Master was almost a casualty of this war himself. His wife Siri also narrowly escaped death. Many of us has stared death in the face, even the younglings have been affected, no matter how we tried to shield them from the terrors of this war.
I like excitement, I like adventure, but this is too much, the costs are too high. My Master, he knows war, but just like all of us, it affects him too.
Padme is like an anchor for me. Just knowing that she is waiting for me gives me the strength to keep going everyday. My Master may never voice it, but I can tell that Siri and their little boy help him get through these trying times.
My Master now sits on the Council. I hear that they call him 'the negotiator' a lot. Hmm, it has a ring to it. I decided to ask him a few days ago if there was a reason or the name change from 'Sith Killer' to 'the negotiator'. He said that he has to negotiate a lot more with the Council then he ever had to on our past missions.
Siri mentioned to me today that my Master, actually I should say my former Master, but in some ways he still is my Master even though I am a Knight now. Anyway, Siri said that my Master is now a lot like he was before Melida/Daan. In other words, he is not so focused on the code anymore. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? She seemed kind of concerned. I don't understand why. Should I be worried?
I would like to be granted the title of Master, maybe even be on the Council. I feel that I can do a lot of good there. When I told my Master this he just laughed and said that I would quickly get bored and that if I want to be a Master then taking on an apprentice is a quick way to do it.
For some reason I had a feeling he was hinting toward something. Maybe he wants me to train his son. He's not even two yet and my Master is already planning his future, poor little guy. Besides, even if I were going to, I would have to wait seven years before he is eligible to be chosen. That is not going to get me to be a Master very quickly.
Count Dooku still remains elusive. I hope I get to duel him again. I want to show him what I have learned. I also want to fight him correctly with no use of the darkside. It will be a challenge, but at the same time it will be a good test for me. My Master helped me learn to trust the Force more and to also be able to release negative emotions into the Force more efficiently.
Master Windu dislikes me. No matter what I do, nothing pleases him. I feel as though it is easier to get Yoda's approval then Mace's. I've been told by my Master that Master Windu that I am not the only one Windu dislikes. That makes me feel better…not.
Lately I've been trying to stay away from the Chancellor. One, because he seems to know more then he ought to know. Okay, that sounds lame, maybe it's just over protectiveness of Padme. Second, it eases my Master's mind and the Council's. Another lame excuse when I think about it. Third, I'm not a child anymore who needs someone to whine to. Another bad one. I mean, I don't really whine, it's more like pouring out what's on my mind and also I go to either Padme or my Master now when I need a listening ear. Last, a feeling. Now that one really stinks. Sure get uncomfortable from the Chancellor's praises from time to time and other things he says to boost my ego, but ever since that day on Geonosis…it just feels all wrong somehow.
I 'accidentally' overheard a conversation between my Master and Master Yoda late this afternoon. The name Xanatos was mentioned, a name that I have heard in years. They were talking about Xanatos' views on the Jedi and then they were talking about Dooku's views on the Jedi. It was an interesting conversation, but it was disturbing because they mentioned the prophecy about the chosen one, me. I had to leave right then because a padawan wanted me to help him with a Kata. Why look for me? There are many other Jedi in the Temple who could have helped him.
The conversation is nagging on my mind. Padme, I don't think will be able to give insight on this. I can't tell Siri or she'll question my Master and he will find out that I overheard. Maybe I could, just this once, see if the Chancellor can help me with this dilemma. I mean what could happen? It's just a nagging feeling I have.
