Lily was breathing slightly harder then usual, and was absolutely furious with herself. She was afraid to go into her room, for heaven's sake, her own room just because some idiot was there. What was wrong with her? She ought to go in there and throw him out . . . Her mouth twisted wryly. Little chance of that. She probably wouldn't be able to move him an inch.

Petunia's shriek interrupted her at the moment, and the younger girl came barreling down the hall, her arms over her head. "Get it away!" she screamed, diving behind Lily.

"Honestly, Tunia," Lily scoffed, raising her arm for Beauty to land on, "You're over five feet. She's less then one. You are the predator."

"It has claws."

"She," Lily corrected, but Petunia was disappearing around the corner already. "Ignore her," Lily said softly to her owl, stroking her head. "Did you bring me mail?" she said, taking the letter from Beauty, then walking with her into the living room where the owl was content to fly in circles, hooting occasionally.

She opened the letter carefully, savoring what she knew would be in it. First: General Hogwarts letter. Second: 7th year supplies. Third: -

Giving a soft squeal of happiness, she jumped up and danced around the room. Even Potter's unwanted presence upstairs couldn't mar her glory. "I'm Head Girl, Head girl," she chanted, dancing around the room. She's known she would be, of course, but seeing it written on the thick Hogwart's paper in beautiful calligraphy made her overwhelmingly happy. "Head Girl," she said again, collapsing on the couch. She smacked the letter loudly with her lips, then held it close to her, smiling broadly.

"Lily?" her mother said, entering from the kitchen with a cookbook in hand and flour on her nose. Mrs. Evans knowledge of the kitchen was unusually sparse, but she still attempted despite her husband and children's pleading not to. By the look of today's catastrophe, they would be ordering pizza.

"Mom!" Lily said, sitting up and grinning. "Look! I'm Head Girl!" Her mother sat down beside her, reading the letter and smiling.

"I'm so proud of you, Lils," she said, hugging her daughter, her own face glowing. "Do you want to go out to a celebratory dinner tonight?" she asked, a bit too eagerly, and Lily smothered a laugh. "You could invite Dave, too," her mother continued.

"Mom," Lily said, allowing herself a small laugh, "Dave doesn't know I'm a witch."

"But I do," an unexpected male voice said.

Lily jerked her head up, paling to see Potter standing in the doorway, smiling. You're asleep, she thought at him. Heed my pyshic mind rays. You are still upstairs, sleeping.

If he was sleeping, he was a very good sleep walker and talker as well, as he moved toward the couch, and offered his hand when Mrs. Evans stood up, shaking it firmly. "I'm James Potter, one of Lily's classmates. I was passing through this area and thought I'd drop in on Lily for the day."

"Lily's mentioned you," Mrs. Evans said, giving both teens something of a confused look. All Lily had ever done was rant and rave about how abominable he was. A lot.

"Nothing too terrible, I hope?" Potter asked. "Admittedly Lily and I didn't get along that well in the past, but we've been writing back and forth all summer, and I like to think we're past that." He smiled winningly. Lily scowled at him from behind her mother, decided to make a monkey face, and decided that was too childish, even when Potter was involved.

"Ah," Mrs. Evans said, thoroughly charmed. "Will you be here for dinner? I'm sure Lily would be happy if you joined us."

No, Lily wouldn't, Lily thought sourly. She wouldn't mind if he was dinner, as in, dead and with his head on a platter, but she would die if she had to sit next to him all night.

Or stab him with her dinner fork. Repeatedly.

"I'd love to, if it's all right with my parents," Potter said straight-faced, as Lily stared at him in disbelief. Potter? Ask his parents for permission? Like that would ever happen. "I'm sure it will be."

"Perfect," Lily's mother said in delight. "Lily, why don't you show him where the phone is? Oh, I forgot," she laughed. "You're a wizard. I'm sure you have a more convenient way to contact them. Lily, how does Under Sail sound? I know you love their chocolate cake."

"Fine, Mom," Lily said faintly as her mother left the room, leaving her to stare at Potter in utter dismay. "What did you do?" she asked, getting up and marching across the room to him

"I just got myself invited to your congratulatory dinner," he said with a faint smirk, though his face seemed a little paler then usual - I hope he lost more blood, Lily thought vindictively. He leaned back against the wall, one hand in his pocket, the other holding an envelope she hadn't noticed before. "Incidentally, it's also my congratulatory dinner."

"What are you talking about?" Lily said scornfully, though a little less so then she normally would have been. She was still stunned at the speed in which Potter had charmed her mother and convinced her he and Lily were friends.

"Head Girl needs a Head Boy, doesn't she?"

"Yes - Remus."

"Actually - me."

Lily stared at the still rather pale face of her arch nemesis and felt like she was about to pass out. "You're lying, of course," she said at last. She forced a very strained laugh. "This is another prank."

He tossed the letter at her. "Sorry to burst your bubble," he said, and as though she spared enough time to give him a scornful glance, her attention was quickly focused on the letter.

All she was able to see were the words Head Boy and James Potter.

"No," she said, shaking her head as she dropped back down on the couch. "You can't be."

He sat down on the couch next to her, seeming, now, as stunned as she was. "Actually, I am."

Simultaneously, their heads fell backwards on the top of the couch, and they stared at the ceiling in relative peace.

"What happened to Remus?" Lily said finally.

Potter sighed. "I don't know. How am I supposed to tell him? He's been expecting this since third year."

"That sucks."

"Yeah."

They fell into silence. Lily was feeling oddly generous towards Potter, using a rather twisted logic. She should be furious that she had to share her glory with him, but instead she felt sorry that he had to tell one of his best friends that he had the spot Remus had wanted.

The jangling of the telephone ruined their semi-peace. Feeling oddly self-conscious, Lily hopped up and headed for the phone, grabbing the living room extension.

"Hello?"

"Lily my girl!"

Lily smiled involuntarily. "Hey Cori."

"So you're Head Girl?"

"How could you doubt it?"

"Perfect. So, what's new since we talked -um - all of four days ago?"

"Actually -" Lily made shoeing motions at Potter, not wanting him to hear as she described the last few days. Raising his hands innocently, he walked from the room. "You will not believe what's been happening," Lily said, switching into gossip mode with ease. "Prepare to be freaked out beyond belief."

"Wait, wait, I know - Dave actually is working for You-Know-Who."

"Oh, shut up. Dave is just an ordinary Muggle. But, -" Lily paused dramatically, "- we broke up."

"No!" Cori said in shock. "Why?"

At that inopportune moment, Potter walked into the living room with another of the cordless extensions that seemed to float about the house. As Lily felt her eyes widen with horror, he grinned and clicked the phone on. "Hello Cori," he said, still grinning across the room at Lily.

For a moment, no one said anything. Then - "Is that Potter?" Cori said in disbelief.

"The one and only," said annoyance responded. Lily wanted to sock him.

"What - are you at Lily's?"

"Sadly," she said. "He's an an-," she started, glaring at Potter.

As he realized what she was about to say, he leaped over and covered her mouth with his hand. "Sorry Cori, we've got to go. You sort of called while we were -" he paused, then finished rather suggestively, "In the middle of something." He hung up on his phone, then snatched her's and clicked it off as well.

Lily's face was burning - not something she could easily hide with Potters hand clamped over her mouth. Shoving at him with her free hand, she pulled back. "What are you trying to do, crush my jaw?" she demanded, rubbing her cheeks. She glared at him, but before she could start in about how he'd interrupted the call and hung up on Cori, he spoke.

"Are you insane?" he slot in, chucking the phone onto the sofa. "You were about to tell her. About me."

She looked at him as though he was deranged. "Brilliant deduction, Watson. She's one of my best friends. Did you really think I won't tell them?"

A muscle leaped in his jaw. "You can't tell anyone."

Can't I? Lilly thought, smiling smuggling. She raised her head challengingly. "Watch me," she breathed.

His hands closed around her forearms, making her wince. "You will not tell anyone," he ground out."

"Did the air in your summer retreat make you even more arrogant and chauvinistic than usual, or do you get some sadistic pleasure out of manhandling me and causing physical pain?" She scowled. "Honestly, you should have gone to Durmstrang."

He ignored her, which only incited her fury. Where did he get off, overriding everything she said? "I'm not letting you go until you promise not to tell anyone."

"Why might that be?" she asked innocently. "Oh, that's right - it's illegal and you might get expelled."

The anger radiating off him matched her's. "This is more important then you or me, Evans."

"Cry me a river," she shot back, trying to pull back, then stumbling as he yanked her closer. Her face turned red. "Let. Me. Go," she ordered, her face red. He'd overstepped boundaries this time. She didn't let anyone act as if she was just a doll to be fiddled with.

"Promise."

Her eyes blazed with rage, but she didn't give in. "Why should I? This is perfect. I have a hold over you. How's it feel?"

The phone rang.

They ignored it.

"It isn't just a hold over me, Evans. This is something that threatens other people as well. Have you stopped and considered that there might be a reason I can shift?"

Lily snorted. "Even if it's a wonderful one, what you're doing is still illegal. And I'm going to use that. And gloat." She smiled. "You can't change my mind, Potter, no matter how hard you bruise my arms. Now will you let me get the phone? Cori's probably wondering what happened."

"Dammit, Evans," he managed, his face contorted with anger. "You have to promise."

She saw a golden moment, reached out and grabbed it. "Fine. Easy," she said smugly. "One condition."

His face smoothed from an expression of anger to exasperation. He rolled his eyes. "You are so immature. What's it to be - I run around the common room stark naked? I ask Steffi Burling to the Yuletide Ball?"

Lily laughed, pleased with herself. "You turn over Head boy status to Remus."

Potter's eyes widened involuntarily, and his grip squeezed tight enough to make Lily wince. "Are you joking?"

"Um - let me think - no."

"You can't just hand over the position of Head Boy!"

Lily smiled. "Oh, a normal person couldn't. But the wonderful James Potter? He can do anything. Can't he?"

Potter's eyes narrowed, his lips pursed, and a strangled sort of laugh came out. "So to keep this secret of mine - I have to let Remus be Head Boy. You have no idea how twisted that is."

"No, I don't," Lily said, doing the best to make her voice sound bored. "And though I'm sure you're dying to tell me, I honestly don't care. So, do you agree?"

"No."

"Oh, so do you think Dumbledore will be pleased when I tell him you're an animagnus?"

"Evans," he said, gritting his teeth, "You don't understand. This. Is. Important."

"Yeah - and illegal," Lilly said said, actually grinning. "So if you want to keep this secret - hand over that shiny badge to Remus."

"It's because of Remus!" Potter exploded.

"Uh, sorry?" Lilly said, taken aback. "And let go of me," she added. "That hurts, remember?"

"Are you even listening to me!" Potter shouted, shaking her.

"Yes, and I'm blackmailing, remember? That's the point!"

"Fine. Fine." He shook his head, then threw it back. "Ok," he said, lowering his head and meeting Lily's eyes, which slightly unnerved her. He gave her an arrogant grin, as though he hadn't been off on an angry rant a second ago. "If I give Remus the Head Boy badge - "

"And position. Because just the badge would be worthless."

He shot her a dirty look, like he would never think of thinking so low. "Right. Then you'll shut up about the Animagnus? And this isn't a deal about technical wordings, this is the whole meaning."

Lily shrugged and agreed.

"What if Remus turns it down?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Lily scoffed. "Like he would."

"Deal?"

She would have agreed, but then pictured one of her best friends trying to offer her Head Girl status. She wouldn't touch it with the proverbial ten foot pole, not if she hadn't earned it, not if Dumbledore didn't think her worthy of it. Remus wouldn't take it either, not from a friend, not with his pride.

Damn.

"No deal," she said, staring at him, slightly shell shocked. She had been stupid. Of course Remus wouldn't take it. Silly of her even to think it - she had just been so caught up in blackmailing Potter into giving something up that it would pain him to give up that she didn't think it through thoroughly. "What if you begged him to take it back?" she asked hopefully, even a bit wistfully. "Do you think he'd take it?"

Potter smiled at her, hearing her weaken. "Think about it, Carrots," he soothed, "Dumbledore isn't just going to let Head Boy change. What do you think the professors do all summer? I bet they sit around and work out a schedule on prefects. Probably have weeklong debates on who will be Heads. Bet they thought, "That Potter, that Evans - wouldn't that be an interesting dynamic? It'd spoil their fun to not have us snapping at each other all year. And we wouldn't want to make the teachers upset, right Head Girl?"

Lily glared at him, it finally sinking in that she was going to have to sit through weekly meetings with him all year. "Oh, shut up," she conceded grudgingly.

"Shut up, Head Boy," he corrected with a grin, and Lily really did want to punch him.

Response

mj.shoppie - When did you have lunch with Tamora Pierce? Was it at the Boston WorldCon? Cause my friend did that. Wouldn't that be funny?

Hershey.xoxo.Kisses - Yay for liking it - sadly I don't have the preview this time, cause I didn't write the next chapter . . . wah . . .

PhoenixWings13 - I love writing funny stories. If they weren't I would cry.

OKateMateo - Hope you got the chance to read the last chapter (and, of course this one) and I'm really glad you like the stag thing, since that's my favorite. And I really do plan on finishing OHAF, sometime. While you're waiting you could read my fp stories . . . lol, little self-plug there.

Agnes Green - Hopefully it's not too suspenseful . . . Because, you know, death is bad for you.

kirstie - See, I've written half of the next chapter, but I always get stuck . . . Oh well. I guess I'll post what I have.

lizthelaugh - Thanks! Different's always fun.

lilsakura - I know, poor Remus, right? Because he MUST have been expecting to be Head Boy, and I always wondered how he dealt with it. Oh, and Hermione's not going to be head girl if they don't go back to school! AHH!

The Brilliant Fool - Yay! Money! Ugh, the only reason I'm going into work today is that it's time and a half, because I'm completely sick and on much medicine. Murk. Oh! Will you give/email be the website where it says "James's parents are supposed to be older parents whose only child, James, was a gift at their age," because I don't remember reading that in the books. Unless it's Rowling's website, which makes sense.

J.E.A.R.K.Potter - Poor Lily. Poor Remus. Poor Harry. Hmm. James always seems happy, though. Well, except for the part where he dies . .

Princess Persephone - I like putting Petunia in there, since I can make her such a brat. Fun with that. And I'm glad you like Remus . . . I'm still wavering with how I'm making his character.

dee023 - Thanks!

ZestyCruton - Sadly, the charming is not that difficult. Though I did like where he said he had to ask his parents, because that's so none James. Hmm. Is it bad that I make myself laugh?

Chikichiki - Lol, I like being brilliantly creative. Thanks!

Cylobaby - Poor Remus. It always makes me sad, right? Because he HAD to be expecting it.

Blvd - Yeah, Lily does go a bit insane. REALLY doesn't like the idea of James as Head boy.

Frecklednproud - I'm really glad you like it that much! That makes me tres happy. Sadly, I have never seen any of the Austin Power movies, but I really liked the line anyway. I sorta picture James saying it in a really smug, infuriating way, though, not the way I would picture Austin Powers, but who knows?

sw67 - Thanks for the compliment!

Lady-Slytherin-Warrior - Glad you liked it!

Coco-Pop - I HAD to throw the carrots thing in there, since it fits them so perfectly. And I, personally, would freak out if any classmate was going to die, even if I hated him . . . or thought so heehee

Random - oh - OH - You know, I had to read your review 3 times before I got that. Wow, I'm slow. Wow. Oops. So unintentional. But now I'm slightly amused . . .

Aeneid - Well, yay! And I'm glad you broke through and reviewed. Always a good thing to do. And I'm glad you like the stag theme. And that you think I'm original. I feel loved.

Captain Oblivious - And Sirius will be there as well. James has always been my favorite, though there is the lingering HE DIED thing hanging out there. With Sirius, as well, I guess. And Lupin's just wonderful. Lol, wonder if I could introduce a first year Tonks . . .

check6 - Glad you liked it, and that I'm not being too extreme - I'm sorta worried with James at the moment, and not making him too much of an idiot. But oh well.

Jadeyuy - I know, it's just so much fun to see the bickering. And meanness, though that (hopefully) won't last forever. Just long enough to amuse me . . . ahem, the readers. . .

Preview:

There's no preview. I have nothing more written. Um . . .

"Ah!" James cried. "The giant flying bear-monkey is trying to kill me!"

"Don't worry!" Lily cried heroically. "I am an expert at squishing giant flying bear-monkeys!" She pulled out a great fly swatter, and swatter the giant flying bear-monkey to death.

"Lily, you are my hero. Marry me." James proposed.

"I could never," Lily said, looking away dramatically. "I have morals. Besides," she finished directly, "I am a vegetarian."

Um, I'm sorry. It's the bold. It makes me write wacky things like that.

. . . I really am sorry . . .