(08) Burning Hatred

"Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not easy." —Aristotle

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Jack tried calling Ralph back, if only to make sure that he was okay . . . but the latter refused to pick up the phone. It was apparent that Ralph didn't want to talk to Jack, and it was equally apparent—if not more so—why.

'Shit,' Jack muttered, beating his head with his fists. 'I am a horrible person, Ralph, and I don't know why you love me . . . if you still do at all.' With glistening eyes, he looked out the tiny window at the end of the corridor. 'But I really did—really do—love you, you know . . .'

The teen shakily got to his feet and reunited the receiver, which he had dropped to floor prior to his self-inflicted abuse, with the telephone.

'Fuck me,' he growled under his breath, allowing the former to fall gently and with a slight clinking sound. 'What the fuck have I done?'

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Knowing that his mother would realize that something was wrong the moment that she saw him, Ralph made no effort to restrain his mounting emotions.

'FUCK YOU, JACK!' he screamed, breaking out of his usually calm demeanor. He then proceeded to stampede his way to his room, shoving and kicking away everything that came across his path, including the metal umbrella stand by the door. It was not until Ralph entered his room and flopped onto the bed that the pain—both physical and emotional—began to take its toll. 'ARGH! I HATE HIM! I FUCKING HATE THAT BASTARD! HOW . . . WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE DO THIS TO ME!'

'Ralph? Ralph, honey? Open up,' his mother ordered gently, knocking on his bedroom door.

'NO! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME THE BLOODY HELL ALONE!'

Ralph grabbed whatever was nearest to him, which was—thankfully—only a feather pillow, and threw it at the door with all his might.

'Ralph, I know what happened,' Mrs. Macpherson said, 'and I know that it's hard.'

'GO AWAY!' he repeated.

There was a short pause, then, 'Okay, I'll leave you alone for now, dear. But I want you to know that I'm here for you if you need me, all right?' She paused again before adding, 'You've been through break ups before, dear. Why should this one be any different?'

But she knew why. And he knew that she knew why.

'Because this was the only one that mattered,' Ralph murmured, echoing Jack's thoughts not a moment before.

"AND I HATE HIM FOR IT!" the teen's mind yelled. "I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!"

Ralph shoved his desk drawer open and pulled out all the letters Jack had sent him over their time apart. With angry fire burning within his veins, he ripped up each and every letter and allowed the shreds to fall formlessly onto the ground.

'AHHHHH!' he screamed with frustration. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks and, try as he might, they refused to stop.

It was not until an hour or so later that Ralph finally calmed down. His cries were reduced to rare hiccups, for his now-raw throat prevented him from shouting any longer; only the tears from his red-rimmed eyes remained. With a broken heart, the teen picked up some of the shreds. Without realizing it, he rearranged them into something that resembled their original form. More tears leaked from his eyes as he read the now-familiar words of Jack's last letter . . .

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My precious Ralph,

I can feel my love for you burning within my very being. It is ever-present in my body, my mind, my heart, and my soul. I feel as if it is slowly tearing me apart, for it burns so passionately through my veins, it enflames my very spirit! And yet . . . I would have it no other way.

It is said that one can only fall in love with somebody once, but I realized long ago that that was not true. Every time I think of you, every time I hear your voice or read your wonderful letters, I fall in love with you all over again.

I miss you, Ralph, and I will continue to do so until I can hold you in my arms again. When that happens, I fear that I may never let go. You are my one and only.

I want you as I have never wanted anybody . . .

I need you as I have never needed anybody . . .

I love you as I have never loved anybody . . .

You are always in my heart,

Your Ultimate JACKpot!

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And Ralph decided that what had happened was not the end. No. It was the beginning of something new! He could begin his life anew. He could forge a new relationship with someone else. No. He could just forget about intimate relationships entirely and focus solely on his redeveloping friendship with the twins. Or maybe he should just become a social hermit and concentrate more on his school studies, which would help him become a multimillionaire . . . and then Jack would be sorry. Yes! That was a great plan . . .

Who the bloody hell was he kidding? There was no way that Ralph would be able to let this go as easily as Jack obviously had. He had not been lying when he told the latter that his heart was open to him and him alone. But . . . if Jack didn't want him, wouldn't it be in his—Ralph's—best interest to at least try to move on? He couldn't let this affect him forever, but he did need some time to get over it.

"As if," he thought despairingly, contradicting himself once more. "No amount of time will help me get over Jack Merridew."

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Needless to say, Jack had trouble sleeping that night. He also suspected that Ralph, many leagues away, was having trouble sleeping also.

But really, how could Jack allow Lee to talk him into this? How? Why?

After hours of sleepless brooding, it was a blessing for the troubled teen to force himself to get up and go to school.

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'Shit, Jack, you look terrible,' was John's greeting to him the next morning.

'Yeah, man, you aight?' Fred asked.

Jack just shrugged and locked knowing gazes with Lee. From the latter's eyes, he knew that Lee hadn't told the others, and he didn't really want to tell them of the new . . . circumstances either, so it was best to let their questions be for the time being.

RING!

'Well, we had better go to class,' John said, wisely not pursuing something his friend obviously had no intention of talking about.

They arrived to class a few moments later, Jack finally being able to give Ms. Levington the "heart attack" that he had been planning since . . . yesterday.

"Has it only been that long?" he wondered, taking his seat in front of his computer. "It feels like so much longer."

'Well, Mr. Merridew,' the teacher said, still clutching at her heart at the sight of him so early in the morning. 'I had not expected you to be on time today.'

'People change, ma'am,' he replied sullenly.

'Indeed.'

RING!

Ms. Levington lost no time in getting the class started.

'Please take your seats quickly, class!' she ordered.

No one moved any faster.

'I said, "TAKE YOUR SEATS!"'' she screamed.

Jack felt a sudden gust of wind as the other students dashed to their seats.

'Thank you,' the professor said, resuming her calm demeanor once more.

"Yeah, calm, like Ralph . . ." Jack thought wistfully.

'Today,' Ms. Levington said, making her way to the board, 'we will be discussing—'

Just then, a familiar box appeared on his screen. John wanted to talk to him.

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Lil John says: r u k, Jak? (Are you okay, Jack?)

Jack-in-the-Box says: ya, I jus dun wan talk bout it (Yeah, I just don't want to talk about it.)

Lil John says: k, bud, I undrstan. im jus concernd, is all (Okay, buddy, I understand. I'm just concerned, is all.)

Jack-in-the-Box says: dun wry, im aight (Don't worry. I'm all right.)

Freddie has been added to the conversation.

Freddie says: k, jak, we no u dun wan talk bout it, so we'l leave u alone (Okay, Jack, we know that you don't want to talk about it, so we'll leave you alone.)

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Jack rolled his eyes and glared at John from across the room. He knew what they were doing (and they had probably planned this right under his nose as they all walked to class together) . . . They were trying to team up on him using reverse psychology in hopes that he would slip up and tell them what happened. As if! He retaliated to their antics by adding Lee.

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Leeeee has been added to the conversation.

Leeeee says: wo, how'd I end her? (Whoa, how'd I end up here?)

Freddie says: we'r jus telln jak that he duzn hafta tell us wuts wrong w/ him (We're just telling Jack that he doesn't have to tell us what's wrong with him.)

Leeeee says: o, dun I jus feel special den (Oh, don't I just feel special then.)

Lil John says: y? (Why?)

Leeeee says: cuz mi bud jak alredy told me sup (Because my buddy Jack already told me what's up.)

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Furious, Jack kicked Lee under the table. He wouldn't dare tell them! (Not with Jack "supervising" him like that, anyway.)

After flinching slightly, Lee gave Jack a pointed look, and then it dawned on the latter teen. He realized that Lee knew what they were trying to do as well.

Another box opened up on Jack's screen. This was a conversation from Lee alone.

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Leeeee says: turn ur mntr so fred dun c it (Turn your monitor so that Fred doesn't see it.)

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Jack did so.

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Leeeee says: jus trst me, a? (Just trust me, eh?)

Leeeee says: I aint gon tell em ('m not going to tell them.)

Leeeee says: I got u in2 dis fukn hole, so y wud I dig it deepr 4u? (I got you into this fucking hole, so why would I dig it deeper for you?)

Jack-in-the-Box says: fyne. I'll trst u..til u screw me ovr (Fine. I'll trust you . . . until you screw me over.)

Leeeee says: gud (Good.)

Leeeee says: so wut u wan me 2seh? (So what do you want me to say?)

Jack-in-the-Box says: huh?

Leeeee says: tell em..wut u wan me2 tell em? (Tell them . . . What do you want me to tell them?)

Jack-in-the-Box says: shyt, Lee, u put urself in dis fuckn sit'n, n now u dunno wut u wr g2 she? (Shit, Lee, you put yourself in this fucking situation, and now you don't know what you were going to say?)

Leeeee says: u hav new bf? (You have a new boyfriend?)

Jack-in-the-Box says: den y wud I b sad? (Then why would I be sad?)

Leeeee says: ur dog died (Your dog died.)

Jack-in-the-Box says: I dun hav dog (I don't have a dog.)

Leeeee says: zakly (Exactly.)

Jack-in-the-Box says: rolls eyes

Leeeee says: los bet (Lost a bet.)

Jack-in-the-Box says: fyne. w/e. (Fine. Whatever.)

Jack-in-the-Box has left the conversation.

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Then Jack returned his attention to the other conversation.

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Lil John says: guyz, r u stil dere? (Guys, are you still there?)

Leeeee says: ya (Yeah.)

Leeeee says: so, u wan no wutz fukn jak's brain roun? (So, you want to know what's fucking Jack's brain around?)

Freddie says: ya (Yeah.)

Lil John says: hel ya (Hell yeah.)

Leeeee says: he los bet (He lost a bet.)

Freddie says: ur kidn, ryte? (You're kidding, right?)

Lil John says: w/ u? (With you?)

Leeeee says: ya (Yeah.)

Freddie says: datz bull (That's bull.)

Lil John says: I concur

Leeeee says: fyne. w/e. (Fine. Whatever.)

Leeeee says: I cant make u believ it (I can't make you believe it.)

Leeeee has left the conversation.

Freddie says: is dat tru, jak? (Is that true, Jack?)

Lil John says: ya, issit? (Yeah, is it?)

Jack-in-the-Box says: I cant make u believ it (I can't make you believe it.)

Jack-in-the-Box has left the conversation.

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Just when Jack thought he had finished with pointless network chats for the day, another box appeared on his monitor.

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CNS says: jak, u kk? (Jack, you okay?)

Jack-in-the-Box says: ya, who dis? (Yeah, who is this?)

CNS says: Cristóbal

Jack-in-the-Box says: . . . oh

CNS says: but, ya, man, u dun luk 2gud (But, yeah, man, you don't look too good.)

Jack-in-the-Box says: nm dat, how u no my sn? (Nevermind that. How'd you know my screen name?)

CNS says: "Jack-in-the-Box"? even im not dat stupd ("Jack-in-the-Box"? Even I'm not that stupid.)

Jack-in-the-Box says: hehe, ryte (Hehe, right.)

Jack-in-the-Box says: so wut ur sn mean? (So what does your screen name mean?)

CNS says: cool 'n' sexy

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Jack couldn't help it. He laughed out loud at that one, causing a disruption in the teacher's lecture. Everyone looked at him, smiling amusedly.

'Is everything all right, Mr. Merridew?' Ms. Levington asked with the sweetness of a ready-to-strike viper.

'Yes, ma'am.'

'Good. Then will you kindly pay attention and stop interrupting the class?'

'Yes.'

'Good,' she said again.

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CNS says: heh, dat was classc (Heh, that was classic.)

Jack-in-the-Box says: shup (Shut up.)

Jack-in-the-Box says: so..ru gon tell me wut ur sn mean or wut? (So . . . are you going totell me what your screen name means or what?)

CNS says: u told me 2shup..n u laffd my othr reply. U dun tink im kewl n sexxi? (You told me to shut up . . . and you laughed at my other reply. You don't think that I'm cool and sexy?)

Jack-in-the-Box says: sexxi? hell ya (Sexy? Hell yeah.)

Jack-in-the-Box says: kewl? Well,not lotta kewl pplz hide like pussies fr: teachrz. hehe (Cool? Well, not a lot of people hide like pussies from teachers. Hehe.)

CNS says: pt takn (Point taken.)

CNS says: well den, fyi, da sn is my initialz (Well them, for your information, the screen name is my initials.)

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Jack was about to ask what his initials were when yet another small box appeared on his computer screen.

"Argh! Not another one!" he thought impatiently. "Can't everyone just leave me alone! Is that too much to ask!"

Still, curiosity got the better of him, as he did not know whom the person was.

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MagLev says: Is anything the matter?

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Well, truth be told, this struck Jack as odd. This stranger wrote in "regular" English, with proper spelling and grammar and everything!

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Jack-in-the-Box says: jus spiffn. u ken leav me da fuk alone nau (Just spiffing. You can leave me the fuck alone now.)

MagLev says: Oh, I am glad to see that you are all right, Mr. Merridew. Now will you kindly cease your conversations with your peers and PAY ATTENTION!

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Jack froze.

"FUCK!" he thought, nervously glancing up at his now-livid teacher.

Ms. Levington was sitting in front of the computer situated at her desk. It had a connection to the overhead projector for when she had to demonstrate a new program something to the class. For now, however, said cable was detached as she presumed her private conversation with Jack.

A dark smile appeared on her face when she tapped at her keyboard once more.

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MagLev says: Jack-in-the-Box's "box" is closed.

Maglev has left the conversation.