Disclaimers: See the first chapter.
Snippets From the Potterverse
Chapter 21 - Leather Trousers Of Doom
By the second month of the holidays, the constant drudgery of living at Grimmauld Place was beginning to wear at Harry and his friends. Desperate, they begged Remus and Sirius to take them out. Someplace, anywhere! It didn't matter, as long as they could escape this dark, creepy house!
Let's go out to eat, then, Sirius suggested. We could get reservations at a really nice restaurant. My treat.
The others greeted the idea with enthusiasm, and immediately ran upstairs to put on their best Muggle clothes.
After making reservations at a nice Muggle restaurant, Sirius and Remus headed upstairs to get changed as well. Remus put on a rather civilized dressy-shirt-nice-trousers-casual-jacket ensemble (the only clothes he seemed to own that weren't tattered, frayed, or patched), but his lover seemed determined to scar the Muggles for life.
Granted, the burgundy silk shirt and black leather trousers he had chosen to wear were very nice, and would look fabulous on him. But the trousers were tight. Very tight. Skin-tight. So tight, Remus suspected Sirius would be talking in a voice three octaves higher than normal all night.
Love -
Sirius had his shirt on, and was now sitting on the bed, pulling on his trousers. Or at least, trying to.
Don't you think those are a little.... tight?
What are you talking about? Sirius grunted, pulling at the trousers. I used to wear stuff tighter than this when we were kids. And you forget - thanks to Azkaban, I'm skinnier than I was back then.
That's not a good thing, Remus protested. You were a twig back then!
Then I guess I'm a.... I dunno, something thinner than a twig, Sirius muttered, slowly inching the trousers up his legs. He had almost gotten them up to his knees.
A knock sounded on the bedroom door. Sirius, Remus! We're all ready to go! The kids sounded desperate.
Remus stuck his head out the door. Harry and Ron were dressed similarly to himself in nice trousers and shirts; Hermione was wearing a blue dress with a pleated skirt, and Ginny was dressed in a long black skirt and a glittery pink shirt. You all look very nice, he smiled. We shouldn't be too long. Siri's just getting his trousers on.
THUD.
Are you okay, love?
Sirius was lying flat on the floor, tugging vainly at the terrible trousers. Help me!
Remus knelt on the floor and seized the waistband of the trousers. One... two... three... PULL!
Both men tugged, but the trousers barely moved. Remus blew his bangs out of his eyes in frustration. he called.
Harry poked his head around the door and winced at the sight of his half-dressed godfather lying on the floor with Remus' hands on his trousers. As open as he was to their relationship and as glad as he was that they had each other, there were just some sights he'd never get used to seeing.
Run to the bathroom cupboard and fetch me the baby oil, please.
Harry's whole face was a question mark, but he ran for the oil anyway. He brought it back to Remus and stood back to watch with his friends (who were interested despite themselves).
We'll get these on,love, Remus said cheerfully. Turn around, please, children.
They did as they were told, Ron sniggering behind his hands. As soon as their backs were turned, Remus uncapped the baby oil and poured some in his hands. He began rubbing it all over Sirius' thighs, while his mate giggled helplessly.
Ah! No! Remmie! Stop it, it tickles! Ahahahahaha! Ooh! Don't go there, unless you want to miss dinner!
Remus said, wiping his hands on a towel and seizing the waistband of the trousers. Here we go!
He pulled as hard as he could. The trousers slipped easily up Sirius' legs. Suck it in, love! Remus cried. He tugged at the zipper as Sirius held his breath, finally doing up the button and sighing in relief. Sirius let out the breath he had been holding, and staggered to his feet (utilizing Remus and the bed as support).
Those are the tightest trousers I've ever seen, Harry stated flatly as they slowly made their way down the stairs (Sirius could barely bend his knees). He and Ron looked revolted, while Hermione and Ginny were blushing bright pink and stifling giggles behind their hands.
Fortunately, they reached the restaurant without incident and actually had a wonderful meal.
Except for Sirius.
His trousers were so tight, he couldn't eat more than a bite of salad.
