Dear Nene,
When I got back home, he wasn't there. It's kinda hard to explain the feeling I had when I saw that. It was like I could finally breathe. And soon enough, I wasn't able to once more. He had gone out for booze. Here's the part where I seriously thought about offing myself, but I didn't, and, we talked. Here's our conversation:
Him: Well, Kawa, you've grown so much. You're so pretty you could be a stripper.
Me: A STRIPPER! You fuckin' come home after eighteen years, eighteen wonderful years of a fucked life, and you compliment me by saying I could sell myself to middle aged men whose wives have lost their damn shape!
Him: Where's Nene, and---
Me: They died, you fucker. Okaa-san died seven years ago, and Nene followed in her footsteps, three years ago. Tell me you being here could have prevented that.
Him: Kawa, I was gone, I didn't know.
Me: Yeah, you probably have another pussy off somewhere, fuckin' up her life by the day.
Him: KAWATTA! I am your father and you will NOT talk to me that way!
Me: No, you forfeited your right to be my father years ago, when Nene and I expected birthday cards, or a visit for our first day of school. You gave that up when you gave me this. ( Points to jagged neck cut)
Him: (Hits me)
And then I left. I grabbed my jacket, and left. He can have that fucking house that I work to provide the rent for, and all the things that are there to remind me of the two most important people in my life. I won't need them anymore.
Anyways, what right does he have to come back home and fuck me up again? Why couldn't he have just stayed where he was? I was doing alright! I had a job, and I was going to move from that shithole, and I was back on track! I was back on track.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be if nothing had happened. I'd have friends, and a boyfriend, and Nene would have gotten married last year at the age of twenty one, and she'd have a small little baby. I'd have a little brother, and we'd live in a nice little house. And chichi-san would come back from work, and he'd shout, " I'm home, kids!"
And I wouldn't have insomnia, or cut myself, or be a freak. I wouldn't be suicidal, and….I'd know what it's like to be happy. I'd know what it's like to smile.
Sayonara for the last time,
Kawatta Itonamei
PS I liked that park. Maybe I'll die there. Kinda fitting.
Yukina closed the book, eyes wide. She had randomly flipped through the book, picking out random passages, and had stopped on the last page written on. Little did she know that that was the last time Kawa had been alive.
Pity couldn't help but writher in her stomach as she read and re-read the page, and she wanted to help the poor girl who fate had frowned down upon.
" What did you do to deserve this, Kawatta?" Yukina muttered to herself sadly, and set the beautiful book down. She decided she would give it back to Hiei-kun when he got back from a meeting with the Reikai Tantei and Koenma.
†††††††††††††
" There's someone I need you to meet. She attempted suicide at…twelve fourty-six last night," Koenma explained to a group of four.
A tall, long, red-headed feminine boy looked at Koenma oddly at the word "attempted," and spoke up.
" If she 'attempted' suicide, why would she be in Spirit World?" he questioned, green eyes glittering with the need for an answer.
" Because she did die, but, her ghost…" the ruler stopped, thinking of a way to put the diagnosis in words. " You'll just have to meet her. Miss Itonamei…?"
