Disclaimers: See the first chapter.
Snippets From the Potterverse
Chapter 25 - It's Just You, Monica
It was breakfast time.
Bill had joined Sirius, Remus, Harry, Hermione, and his youngest siblings for breakfast that morning, bringing along a large box of pink-frosted doughnuts with multicoloured sprinkles as a treat. The doughnuts were just about the most colourful thing in the kitchen. A bit sad, really.
As they all sat around, munching on doughnuts (though Remus, in a vain attempt to be a good parental figure and be sure everyone got some proper nutrition, made them have glasses of milk and bananas with them), Bill was telling them about funny stories that had happened at work.
But the problem was, they weren't very funny. At least, nobody got the point. They were the kind of stories that you found funny only if you had been there. Finally, Bill noticed he was the only one laughing.
What's wrong? Why aren't you laughing? he asked.
Sirius shrugged. It's just you, Monica.
After breakfast, they all paraded up to the fourth floor to start decontaminating the rooms up there. They started in the billiards room, where they had to battle the billiard balls, which flew around the room and tried to attack them, like miniature Bludgers, as soon as they set foot in the room. After defeating the balls, they had to battle a group of doxies which had been hiding in the cabinet housing the cues. It was an all-out war, one thing in the room attacking them after another.
Finally, everything had been defeated. With a collective sigh, everyone slumped to the ground.
One of the billiard balls rolled off the table and clonked Ron on the head.
Ow! Dammit! Why me? Ron cursed, putting the ball back on the billiards table.
It's just you, Monica, Sirius replied.
It took nearly three hours to clean the dust and grime off the furniture, walls, and floor. But in the end, the only thing that needed help was the billiard table, which looked like it needed professional cleaning. Harry, Hermione, Sirius, Remus, and the Weasleys went back downstairs for a wash and lunch.
While they were eating, Crookshanks came wandering in. He had a pile of mail in his mouth - apparently the owls had delivered while they were all upstairs. He jumped up on everyone one by one and deposited their mail in their laps. Last to receive his mail was Harry - he got a special offers!' discount coupon book from Fred and George for their joke shop, and the latest edition of The Quibbler, courtesy of Luna Lovegood, who had signed him up for a free subscription in thanks for doing such a widely-read interview.
The main headline on the Quibbler's front cover read : Harry Potter : Reincarnation of Merlin?! , and was illustrated by a very bad cartoon of Harry dressed in elaborate robes. Harry moaned. He hated any publicity that made him look bad - and becoming the subject of wild theories and being featured in The Quibbler was bad enough.
Why me? he moaned.
It's just you, Monica, Sirius answered.
And so it continued on all day, until everyone was heartily sick of hearing Sirius say, It's just you, Monica' over and over again. Finally, everyone just stopped talking.
At least, until Remus and Sirius climbed into bed that night. Remus was truly exhausted after a day of cleaning, even more so with the advent of the full moon, which was in two days. All he wanted to do was sleep. Sirius, however, had other plans.
C'mon, Remmie...
Not tonight, love... I'm tired.
Ohhh, come on... Sirius licked Remus' cheek.
No, Sirius!
But Remmie! I want sex!
NO, SIRIUS! Remus yelled, loud enough for the whole house to hear.
Sirius pouted. Why me?
There was a pause. Then -
IT'S JUST YOU, MONICA! everyone yelled.
