Author's Note: I wasn't initially going to "let" Ralph go out with anyone else, because I was thinking of making him the ever-faithful-even-though-we-broke-up type. In the end, however, changed my mind. LoL. Hope you liked it!
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(20) You're Just What I Need
". . . But if I know you, I know what you'll do . . ." — song from "Sleeping Beauty"
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It was almost 8 o'clock now.
Ralph had fallen asleep watching television and, having been so tired from his lack of sleep the night before, he had slept well through the day . . . and part of the night. This little catnap—or rather, big catnap—of his was definitely not good. If he didn't hurry, he would be late meeting Jacques.
After hastily scrawling down a note for his mother, saying that he would be at the movies with a friend, he grabbed his house keys off of its hook on the wall and hurried out the door . . . only to unceremoniously kick Jack in the stomach.
'Oof!' Jack grunted, clutching at his stomach.
'What are you doing?' Ralph asked, closing and locking the door behind him.
'Taking a nap,' Jack replied tiredly, sitting up. 'What does it look like I'm doing?'
'Nothing.' Ralph rolled his eyes. 'Whatever. I don't care.'
'You're the one who asked,' Jack reminded him.
The other teen sighed.
'Whatever,' he said again. 'Now if you'll excuse me, there's somewhere that I have to be.' He made an attempt to step over Jack's legs, which were blocking the steps, but the other teen lifted a limb up to stop him.
'Where?' Jack asked.
'None of your business,' Ralph said, attempting to push the leg out of the way.
'Where?' Jack repeated, refusing to move until his question was answered satisfactorily.
Ralph sighed again.
'To the movies,' he finally responded.
'With who?' Jack continued his interrogation.
'With a friend,' Ralph said in exasperation. He was going to be late, he knew it.
'What's his name?'
'Jacques.'
'And how close are you with this "friend" of yours?'
'Close enough,' the teen said impatiently. 'Now get out of my way, Jack! I'm going to be late!' He shoved Jack's leg out of the way and made his way down the steps.
'Don't,' Jack said, when Ralph had reached the ground.
'Don't what?'
'Don't go to him tonight.'
'You're in no position to tell me what to do, Merridew!' Ralph snapped, shaking his keys about as he gestured.
'Please, don't go to him tonight,' Jack begged, abruptly changing tactics.
'And why not?' Ralph challenged.
'Because . . . because he doesn't appreciate you.'
'And you do? Ha!' He laughed darkly. 'That's a laugh. Good one, Merridew.' Then he became serious once more.
'All I'm saying is that you deserve someone better.'
'Oh, really? Someone like you then, I presume. Well, Jack, newsflash! I do not want to be with someone like you. I do not want to be with someone who will just abandon me after promising that he'd wait!' He glared at the other teen. 'You remember that, don't you?'
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'Do you promise to always treat me with the respect I deserve?'
'Yes.'
'Will you love and support me in all aspects of my life?'
'Yes.'
'Will you wait for me to return?'
'Always.'
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Jack paled slightly at the memory. It was true—it was all true! He had promised and had broken that same promise. What a bloody bastard he was.
'You promised, Jack,' Ralph whispered, as if wanting to emphasize Jack's thoughts. 'You promised . . . Then you broke up with me because the distance was too much,' he spat. 'So why would you make such a promise like that if you don't keep it?'
'Ralph, listen to me . . .' Jack began.
'No, you listen!' Ralph cut in. 'I'm sick of it, of all of it. I do not want to be with someone who breaks his promises to me, Jack.'
'You don't want, you don't want,' Jack mocked him, using a childish voice. 'You're telling me about all the things that you don't want. How about the things that you do want? What's the difference between this Jacques dude and me?'
Ralph smiled sadly.
'He is not Jack Merridew.' He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 'You asked what I want, Jack? What I want is someone who would not just let me go if I run away.' His voice cracked with emotion. 'What I want is someone who would be right there, chasing after me.'
"I'm that someone, Ralph," Jack said mentally, fingering the gold ring in his pocket. "Why can't you see that?"
Of course, Ralph was oblivious to Jack's thoughts, and the latter was too cowardly to voice them just yet. It seemed too soon to do so.
'I wasn't ready to lose you, Jack, but when I saw you with Cristóbal, I realized that it didn't matter if I was ready or not. I had already lost you. You're not the same Jack Merridew that I once knew, and no matter how hard I try to hold on to the memories that I have of you, that's all they are—memories.'
Jack stood up on the same step as Ralph so as to be on the same level as him and to look him straight in the eye.
'I can't stop change from happening; I especially can't stop you from changing either. So, how am I to know if one day, you will leave me again? If one day, you will just stop loving me?'
'Stop thinking like that!' Jack interjected, almost violently grabbing Ralph's shoulders. 'Just stop! Stop thinking that I'll change in the way that you say I will. You're right, Ralph, I will change; I'm not stupid enough to believe that I won't. But I will never, ever stop loving you! I am alwaysgoing to love you, no matter what. I'll always remain Jack, your Jack. I have nothing to give you but myself. I just hope that that's enough for your because I . . . I . . . I just can't live without you.' And he embraced the other teen, obscurely slipping the ring into Ralph's pocket.
But the latter did not respond. While he allowed Jack to wrap his arms around him, he did not return the action.
'You have lasted so far,' the former said unsympathetically, 'so what difference will the rest of your life make?'
'The rest of my—' Jack stopped himself, not wanting to repeat such a dreadful sentence aloud. Shaking his head, he instead said, 'Life is too short to make the same mistake twice. I am not going to lose you again, Ralph.'
'Life may be short, but it's the longest thing that you'll ever do,' Ralph replied almost mechanically. 'I'm sorry, Jack.'
Jack was angry now. Why was Ralph not allowing Jack to love him once more?
'That's a neat trick,' the former said sarcastically, his temper getting the better of him. 'For a minute there, you had me convinced that you had regrets.'
'Oh? You thought that was a neat trick? Then allow me to show you another one—now you see me . . .' Ralph began to walk away. 'Now you don't.' Then he disappeared around the street corner.
He was gone.
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'So what did you think?' Jacques asked Ralph a few hours later. They had just finished the movie and decided to call it an early night . . . Really, Ralph had been the one to decide that.
'It wasn't bad,' the latter said with a shrug.
In all honesty, he had difficulty focusing on the film. It was about a soldier in the army or something. That was all that Ralph could recall, for somewhere during the beginning of it, Jacques had placed his hand gently atop Ralph's on the armrest. Since then, the latter had trouble paying attention to anything but that warm hand on top of his.
But the part that scared him the most was not Jacques' frankness; it was the fact that he did not pull away. So, he had called it an early night, feigning tiredness.
'I'll walk you home,' Jacques said.
'Thanks, Jacques, but that won't be necessary,' Ralph replied.
"Nor desired. I don't really know why he would be," he thought, "but I have a very strong feeling that Jack is still waiting there."
'How about halfway then?'
'Persistent, aren't you?' Ralph teased.
'No, just gallant,' Jacques said with a grin.
Ralph grinned as well.
'Okay, halfway it is then.'
Ralph led the way out of the movie theatre and towards his house.
'Do you want to go through the park?' he asked his companion, indicating the greenery with a slight tilt of his head.
'Oui,' Jacques replied. 'Sounds good.'
It was slightly off-course to walk through the park, but neither teen cared. To them, being amongst such natural beauty was much better than the congestion of the roads.
'It looks like it rained,' Jacques stated, mentally noting the how wet and reflective everything was.
The two walked on in companionable silence for a while, taking in the fresh scenery and allowing themselves to relax with deep, calming breaths.
'It's so beautiful out here,' Ralph murmured. He looked up at the towering trees, which were illuminated slightly by the lamps that bordered the pathway.
'It is,' Jacques agreed. 'Then again, the city can be beautiful as well.'
'Oh?'
'Oui. The lights are like the stars of the city.'
'How poetic,' Ralph sighed.
'Non, I'm not poetic,' Jacques said shyly. 'I merely state the facts.'
Ralph smiled.
'I have the tendency to get you all wrong then, eh?' he joked. 'So . . . what other "facts" can you tell me?'
Jacques thought about this for a moment. Then he responded with, 'The cars that crowd the roads are like ants going about their business.'
Ralph laughed.
'Okay, it wasn't really as poetic as the last one, but I buy it,' he said.
'Then how about this . . . The airplanes in the sky are like paper cranes blowing freely in the wind.'
'Better,' Ralph complimented thoughtfully.
'The stars in the sky are the inspiration for children who cannot help but dream.'
'You're getting there.'
'The lights are the stars of the city.'
'You already said that one.'
'Oh, oops . . . Then . . . Your eyes look like they have been blessed with the lovely blue lights of a thousand fairies,' Jacques said seriously.
'My eyes,' Ralph said, 'are brown.'
'Your eyes,' Jacques said, 'are beautiful.'
A silence passed between them. For one, it was uncomfortable. For the other, it was lovely. They stared at each other, unblinking. It was Ralph who looked away first. He had suddenly realized that they arrived at the borders of the park, reaching the residential area. Thus, his house was only another block away from here.
'That was a bit more than halfway,' he said playfully, trying to ease the sudden tension that he felt between them.
'Ralph,' Jacques said.
But Ralph did not acknowledge him.
'Wow. I hadn't noticed, but it's gotten cold quite suddenly, hasn't it, Jacques?' As if to emphasize his remark, hunched his shoulders and slipped his hands into his pockets.
"What the—?"
In one hand, he felt the unmistakable shape of a ring . . . and he would wager everything he owned (and then some) that it was a familiar gold ring that he had seen many times before.
"Jack . . ."
'Ralph,' Jacques said again, more insistently this time.
Ralph looked at him, knowing that the other wished to say something.
'I . . .' The latter trailed off, as if deciding at the last moment not to say what it was that he wanted to say. 'Goodnight, Ralph,' he said.
Ralph expected the next part, and yet he didn't expect it at the same time.
Jacques placed a hand on the back of the teen's neck and gently pulled him in for a kiss.
Ralph didn't respond, couldn't respond.
It wasn't until Jacques pulled away that he realized he was crying.
'Ralph? Oh, I'm sorry!' And he pulled Ralph into his warm embrace. It was not a form of seduction; it was merely a hug . . . and his way of apologizing. 'I'm sorry!' Jacques said again. 'I'm sorry!'
'It's okay, Jacques,' Ralph reassured the apparently hysterical teen. 'I brought it upon myself.' He sighed. 'I have to tell you the real reason that I asked you out tonight.'
'No, I know the reason why you are acting like this,' Jacques said, putting his hand up to stop Ralph's words before they even started. 'Samneric told me about your ex-boyfriend back in London.'
'The twins did?' Ralph squeaked, although he felt slightly relieved that Jacques had said "back in London", meaning that he had no idea of Jack's current vacation spot in front of the Macphersons' house.
'Oui. I hope that you don't feel as if they betrayed your trust.'
Normally, he would have. At that moment, however, he felt anything but. It was . . . liberating not to have to tell Jacques himself.
'I'm sorry,' he muttered instead. 'I didn't want it to have to be this way. It's just . . . I gave my heart away a long time ago, Jacques, my whole heart, and I never really got it back. Now I don't really know what to say except that I'm sorry (1). I can't be with you.'
Jacques smiled understandingly.
'Don't worry about it,' he said, giving Ralph a friendly peck on the cheek. 'I'm okay. From the beginning, I've been attracted to you, Ralph, but I didn't really feel any "spark" between us either,' he admitted, bowing his head in shame.
'Then why did you come tonight?' Ralph asked, somewhat incredulous.
'I had to make sure,' Jacques said with a sheepish grin. 'You're a wonderful person, Ralph, but not for me.' Now it was his turn to sigh. 'Your Jack fellow sounds like a terrific person. You two seem made for each other. I hope that I find someone like that one day, someone who loves me so much.' Flashing Ralph one last smile, he left.
And Ralph made his way home.
Yes, he always knew that he loved Jack . . .
. . . But he was still too angry and too stubborn to forgive him just yet.
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Do you feel the same
Am I only dreaming
Or is this burning
An eternal flame
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'Ralph,' Jack said, once he saw the other teen coming up the walkway. 'You're home.'
'You're not,' Ralph muttered bitterly; he reached into his pocket and pulled out the gold ring. 'Here.'
'What?'
'Here,' Ralph said again, trying to push the ring into Jack's hand. 'Take it. It's yours, anyway.'
'No,' Jack refused. He took the other's hand between his own and pressed their hands against Ralph's chest. 'It was a gift. Keep it (2).'
Rolling his eyes, Ralph returned the ring to his pocket.
'You stayed out in the rain,' he pointed out, glancing at Jack's wet hair and clothes.
'You noticed,' Jack stated.
'Why didn't you get out of the rain?'
'There was nowhere else I could go unless I left your house,' Jack reminded him.
'So you just stayed here?'
'Yes.'
'I see. So you have no intention of leaving?'
'Not unless you come with me.'
'I see,' Ralph said again, pursing his lips. He pulled out his keys and opened the door.
'What are you doing?' Jack asked.
'Going into my house. What does it look like I'm doing?' Ralph asked in a mockery of Jack's response hours before.
'Ralph, please, can we talk?'
'Suuure . . .' he said, intentionally dragging the word out long enough for his companion to realize that there was a catch. '. . . On the phone. You can call me when you get home.' Ralph pulled the door opened and stepped into the house.
'What?' Jack questioned, watching the other teen retrieve the phone from a nearby table.
'I'm calling you a cab to bring you back to the train station. You've been here for long enough.'
'No!' Jack said, pressing the button down and returning the line to its state of stillness. 'You can't do that.'
Ralph attempted to push Jack's hand out of the way, but the latter persisted.
'No! Jack repeated. 'Not until after we talk.'
Ralph gritted his teeth. After having composed himself for so long, seeing Jack just made him . . . break. He slammed the phone onto its hold and—
'No! No! No! It's always "no" with you! "No, we can't be together". "No, there is not anyone else in my life". "No, I still love you",' Ralph ranted, beating Jack's chest with the soft sides of the fists. 'How the fucking hell am I supposed to know what's true and what's not, Merridew! Answer me that! How can I tell the bloody difference between your truths and lies when all you say to me is "NO"!' And the troubled teen collapsed onto the ground, still in hysterics. 'It's finally my turn to say "no", Jack!'
The latter attempted to place an arm around Ralph's shoulders to comfort him, but it was violently brushed off.
'NO! Don't you fucking dare touch me! I HATE YOU! YOU CAN GO ROT IN HELL!'
With that said, Ralph bolted upstairs.
Jack watched him go, flinching when he heard the teen's bedroom door slam shut. The unmistakable click of the lock followed a second later.
Ralph had not only locked Jack out of his room, but it appeared as if he had locked him out of his heart as well . . . for good.
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(1) Mini-Disclaimer: This is from the "Sweet Home Alabama" movie.
(2) Mini-Disclaimer: Does anyone recognize this? It's from the first "Lord of the Rings" movie. Hurray!
