Disclaimers: See the first chapter.
Snippets From the Potterverse
Chapter 31 - How I Spent My Summer Holiday
For some absurd reason, Hogwarts was requiring everyone to write essays about their summer holidays. The first lesson of the new term was given over to this; the Gryffindors were assigned to sit in the Great Hall and write. The Slytherins did their essays in the entrance hall; Hufflepuffs, in the library; and Ravenclaws were lucky enough to work outside in the sunshine.
Harry wrote:
It was a horrible holiday. I went to stay with my godfather Sirius and his boyfriend Remus and we spent almost all our time cleaning his smelly old house. I couldn't find a bathroom when I needed one, the pictures on the wall kept insulting me, and Sirius' house-elf starved to death in a broom cupboard, but we didn't care, because he was evil. Sirius and Remus scared me by telling me all about sex and now I'm never going to go near another person, ever. And when we went school shopping, I stepped on somebody's chewed-up old gum.'
Ron's went like this:
My sister and I visited my friend at his godfather's house. We went shopping for a microwave and my sister and I almost got arrested for blowing one up. We ate lots of Chef Boyardee's Spaghetti and Meatballs and got sick. Then we cleaned Sirius' billiards room and one of the balls hit me in the head, and Sirius said, It's just you, Monica, and nobody knew what he was talking about. Hermione's legs made my nose bleed. But mostly we just cleaned Sirius' disgusting old house which smells funny, by the way. It was the worst summer ever.'
Ginny stated:
I've had better holidays. My brother and I blew up a microwave in a Muggle store, but it was by accident. Remus made us eat all the spaghetti and meatballs as a punishment. Hermione and I spent a lot of time dancing and we got Professor Snape drunk. Bill brought us doughnuts with sprinkles for breakfast and for some reason Sirius kept saying It's just you, Monica. He's too weird. Then Sirius got kidnapped by Parvati and Lavender and Padma. But mostly we had to clean Sirius' grimy, yucky house. It smells like dog.'
And Hermione's essay was eloquent and well-written:
How I Spent My Summer Holiday
An Essay by Hermione Granger
I spent my summer holiday with my friends at Sirius' house. From morning until night, I worked on my homework and applied myself to my studies. While the others complained and groused, I helped Sirius and Remus clean the attic of Sirius' house, which was really quite filthy. I taught Ginny how to dance, and Sirius took us out to eat. I also discovered several new formulas for Girding Potions...'
-Five rolls of parchment later-
...And I found my summer holiday to be quite productive and enjoyable. I can't understand why no one else seemed to like their holiday... despite the fact I've still got dirt under my fingernails that won't come out no matter how much I scrub, not even a Scouring Charm will do it.... and... DAMMIT! I can't stand it anymore! I hated my summer!!! It was horrible! All we did was clean Sirius' smelly, disgusting house and every night you could hear him and Remus having sex because the walls are so bloody THIN!!!!'
Hermione received an Outstanding' on her essay, and it was voted the World's Most Interesting Summer Holiday Essay.
Her prize was a case of Mrs. Skower's Magical Mess Remover.
