Author's Note: And the quote below is finally complete! The entire chorus of the song is included in this chapter! Oh, and by the way, this chapter is slightly lemony. You have been warned.
(21) Breaking Point
"I know you; I walked with you once upon a dream. I know you; the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam. Yes, I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem. But if I know you, I know what you'll do. You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream." —song from "Sleeping Beauty"
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Screaming incomprehensibly, Ralph locked his door and threw himself onto his bed, finally crying the tears that had been forced back for so long.
Why was Jack still here? Why did he insist on getting back together with Ralph? Jack was the one who broke up with him, and Ralph's heart had splintered into a thousand pieces as a result. The teen knew that he would not be able to deal with it if Jack ever broke up with him again.
He would shatter entirely.
Knock.
'Ralph?' Jack inquired softly from behind the door.
'Go the fuck away, Jack!' Ralph snapped. 'Go home.'
There was a pause, and then, 'I am home. My home is where my heart is, and you are my heart, Ralph. You always have been. I wasn't lying when I said that there was never anyone else.'
'Bullshit,' Ralph retorted, making his way to his stereo system. Once there, he popped in a selected CD and adjusted the settings slightly.
'Ralph—' Jack began, but whatever else he had to say was suddenly cut off by the music that was suddenly blasting from the speakers.
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I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you (1)
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On the other side of the door, Jack winced when he heard that song. It appeared as if Ralph was making his feelings for Jack known in another way—through music. It was simple . . . yet effective, unfortunately.
'RALPH!' Jack yelled, pounding on the door with his fist. 'RALPH! OPEN THE DOOR!'
The only response that he received was an increase in volume.
'DAMN IT, RALPH! OPEN THE DOOR!' Jack felt blood rush to his face in waves of frustration. 'OPEN THE DOOR, RALPH! RALPH!' Before he knew it, his temper got the better of him. 'RALPH! YOU BLOODY BASTARD! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!' he screamed at the top of his lungs, forcefully kicking the door.
Regardless of his actions, however, there was still no reply.
"Fine," Jack thought, swallowing to ease his now-sore throat. "If that's the way you're going to be . . ."
And he went downstairs.
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Baby, I can't get over youAll I want is to be with youBaby, I can't let go of youCan't we try just one more timeJust one more time (2)0000000000
Ralph had been startled when he saw the door shaking on its hinges. He was unaware of whether it was from the vibrations caused by his speakers or if Jack was abusing the door with his fists.
Whatever. It didn't matter to him.
Nor did Jack's words. Ralph knew that the other teen was doubtlessly trying to talk to him, but he couldn't hear a word of it; the music was drowning him out. It was better like that. That way, Ralph would be able to pretend that it was not Jack Merridew behind his door, not the one whom he loved.
However, Ralph really had no idea if Jack was still standing behind the door. (For all he knew, the other teen could be on top of his parents' bed, dancing around in his underwear and singing along with the music.) He couldn't hear anything but "I hate everything about you" pounding into his head; as well, the light in the corridor was not strong enough for him to see Jack's shadow, having departed or not.
"Just a bit longer," he decided. Glancing at his thumping stereo system, he lay back on his bed. "Surely my attitude—as well as the noise—will discourage him and he'll finally go home."
But Jack did not go home.
Ralph started and hastily sat up when he saw the doorknob rattling and turning slightly. Not a moment later, Jack opened the door and stepped into the teen's room, holding a paperclip in his hand. Without saying a word (not that it would have mattered, anyway, because of the deafening music), he strolled over to the other teen's stereo and shut it off.
'It's a good thing that your mum keeps paperclips in the kitchen,' Jack said, 'although I don't really know why.'
'Hasn't anyone taught you that you're supposed to knock before you enter someone's room,' he said, turning away so that Jack would not see his tear-streaked face.
But he did. He did see it.'
'Ralph . . . That song . . . I know that you don't hate me . . . After all that we've been through, you can't hate me.'
Ralph laughed bitterly.
'You once tried to kill me, Jack Merridew.'
'I thought we'd gone over that already,' the other teen reminded him. 'Yes, I did try to kill you—once. But the circumstances were different then.'
'Oh? "Different"? How so?'
'Well, that was before I learned to love you. Ralph, I—'
'Why have you come here?' Ralph interrupted him, not knowing whether or not he wanted to know what the rest of Jack's sentence was.
'I have never been one to give up easily, so I don't intend to start now. Besides,' Jack said, smiling softly, 'you ran away.'
'So?' Ralph asked coldly. 'Am I not allowed to do that? Are you going to say "no" to me again?'
'That's a tough one to answer,' the other teen said playfully, pretending to think it over. 'If I say "no", then I'm confirming your accusation. But if I say "yes", then I'm still confirming your accusation. You've got me in quite a fix.'
Ralph did not smile.
'Okay, so humour isn't working right now,' Jack said, scratching the back of his head. 'But, hey, getting back on track, the point is that you ran away.'
'So?' the other teen repeated.
So . . . I'm the one who wanted to run after you.' Jack's voice lowered a notch. 'I love you too much not to.'
'Don't say that,' Ralph said quietly, carefully avoiding his gaze.
'Why not?'
'Just . . . don't fucking say that, okay?' Ralph snapped, getting to his feet. 'Why do you have to say things like that? What do you want from me, Jack?'
Jack stared at him, his eyes swirling with unidentifiable emotions.
'Everything, Ralph. I want all of you,' he said seriously. 'Nothing more. Nothing less.'
'But maybe I don't want to give myself to you!' Ralph bit back.
'Or maybe you just don't know how you feel,' Jack suggested.
Slap.
The power behind the blow was such that Jack staggered; however, it was unknown to either teen if it was actual the force or the shock that made him do so.
'Say that again,' Ralph dared.
Jack defiantly straightened.
'You don't know how you feel.'
His companion abruptly exploded.
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'YOU FUCKING WHORE!' Ralph screamed, and Jack found himself the target of a ruthless right hook. 'WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TALK TO ME ABOUT FEELINGS! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PLAYING AT!'
'Ralph,' Jack said quietly, contradicting the other's harsh tone. He did not even bother to nurse his wound, for he was so involved in speaking with the brunet that he hardly acknowledged the burning sensation in his face. 'How can you say that?'
Ralph didn't know how, but the other teen had somehow made him the guilt-ridden victim now.
'You're the one who taught me how to feel this way,' the latter continued. 'Do you know what I once told Lee? That I need you more than you need me, because you're the one who saved me, Ralph. You're the one who showed me why life is worth living. You showed me that, Ralph, and I can never repay you for that.' Then he sighed. 'The least I can do is make you happy . . . You said that you hate me, but I don't think that it's true.'
'Oh, you don't?' Ralph challenged.
'No, I don't,' Jack confirmed. 'You locked me out of your house and threatened to send me home, and you also insulted me and struck me and—'
'Get on with it,' the other teen snapped impatiently.
'. . . and then . . . If I just look into your eyes and I know,' Jack said, 'that you don't hate me.'
The corner of Ralph's mouth twitched slightly.
'Ralph, I know that I've done terrible things, that I've been the biggest of assholes. And . . . I'm not even going to bother convincing you that I deserve a second chance, because you already gave me that.' Jack looked at the ground, unable to face his companion any longer for his shame. 'I tried to . . . to kill you, but you forgave me. And you loved me.'
Ralph continued to stare at him.
'Because of you, I was able to know what being in love feels like,' Jack said. 'I was able to realize that my life was valuable, that it shouldn't be wasted by living out my days as a whore, no matter how difficult things became.' He paused for a moment; then, 'I felt so happy to have you in my life. Oftentimes, I had hated myself for the person that I had become—I was so shameless! But . . . whenever you hug me, or kiss me, or say that you love me, I experience those joyous feelings once more and I . . . I can forgive myself a little (3).' Then the teen looked up. 'No one else can make me feel that way, so all I'm asking is for you to let me love you and become that sort of person in your life, too.'
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You should let me love you
Let me be the one to
Give you everything you want and need
Baby, good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby, you should let me love you
Love you
Love you (4)
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Ralph laughed softly, his voice cracking with emotion.
'You really thought that I'd believe that shit, Jack Merridew?' he asked brokenly, and a tear slid down his cheek. 'How many fucking times do I have to forgive you before I all of my pride is lost? Regardless of what you say about not asking me for a second chance, that's exactly what you're doing!'
Jack couldn't believe it. He had just poured his heart out to the other teen . . . only to be repaid with such a callous verbal blow.
'You don't mean that,' he said resolutely. 'Ralph, don't you see? We're made for each other!'
'Get out of my house!'
'I love you, Ralph. Does that mean nothing to you?'
'Not anymore. Get out,' he said calmly.
'You're everything to me! I'll die without you!'
'Stop being a pussy. Get out.'
'You're my reason for living! Don't take away what we have!'
'You're the one who took it away. Get out, Merridew.'
'I thought you said that you loved me. Was that all a lie then?'
'YOU ARE THE FUCKING LIAR HERE, MERRIDEW! NOT ME! NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!'
'No.'
'GET OUT, MERRIDEW!'
'NO!'
'I SAID, "GET OUT!"'
And Jack found himself the victim of yet another blow, this one being strong enough to knock him to the ground; his head hit the wall with a thud.
'YOU FUCKING JACKASS!' Ralph screamed. He grabbed the other's shoulders and violently began to shake them as he cried out in hysterics. 'YOU BLOODY IDIOT! WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!'
'BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!'
Then Ralph's emotions took a sudden turn and he collapsed onto Jack's chest, weeping uncontrollably.
Realizing that he was finally calming down, Jack placed a comforting arm around the troubled teen.
'Why, Jack?' Ralph demanded softly.
'Why what?' the other asked patiently.
'Why can't I hate you?' Ralph buried his head into the crook of Jack's neck and held onto the latter tightly. 'Why can I never hate you?'
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And I need youAnd I miss you
And now I wonder…
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you
Tonight (5)
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'Why!'
'I don't know,' Jack replied.
"Maybe, it's because," Ralph's mind reasoned, "deep inside, hating him is the last thing that you'd ever want to do. You love him, but you were hurt that it took him so long to realize how much he loved you in return. So, you tried to hate him . . . but you couldn't."
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I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
I can't forget what you said
And I never want to do this again
Heartbreaker (6)
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The pair held each other tightly, never wanting to let go.
'I love you, Jack,' the teen murmured tearfully, knowing how much those words were taxing him of his last defenses against the other. 'I love you so much. Don't ever let me go again.'
'Never,' Jack replied just as tearfully. 'Never, Ralph. Never again. I'm nothing without you. I would just be Jack Meridew with only one "r".'
Ralph had no idea what he was talking about, but he didn't want to destroy the moment by asking, so he just buried his head in the crook of his renewed-lover's neck and kissed it gently.
'It was you yesterday, wasn't it?'
'Yes,' Ralph clarified. 'I don't like being away from you.'
'Neither do I—I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner,' Jack said. 'It's just that Lee . . .' He shook his head. 'Never mind.'
'Lee what?' Ralph asked, pulling his head away to look at the other's eyes; he sensed a crack in the moment that they were sharing.
'Lee . . . He talked to Mr. B, you know, the Brown Cow man, and they decided that I should . . . well, er . . . break up with you so that we can sort out our feelings for each other.'
'WHAT!' Ralph exclaimed, and the moment broke entirely.
'I never wanted to break up with you,' Jack said. 'Losing you would . . . shatter me. Even the thought of losing you was more painful than the blows you landed on me just now.'
'Sorry about that,' Ralph mumbled sheepishly, but the other teen did not hear him.
'The risk was so big for that one, measly ticket, but I really wanted to see you.'
'You mean, you didn't pay for your ticket yourself?'
'No. Lee did,' Jack explained sheepishly.
'Why, Jack? Tell me why,' Ralph said. 'I don't want there to be anymore lies between us.'
'Well . . . uh . . . my mum and I . . . have been having a bit of trouble lately . . . er, you know . . . financially.'
'What?' Ralph asked quietly. 'Why didn't you tell me?'
'I didn't want your charity,' Jack said. 'Nor your pity.'
'How about my love?' the brunet sneered. 'How long will you want that?'
Jack blinked away the remaining tears in his eyes.
'I never want to lose that.' He leaned in closer and leaned his forehead against Ralph's, their lips remaining but a whisper apart. 'And I never want you to think that again. I love you so much, Ralph, so much.'
And they finally kissed, merging two halves of a whole once more.
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This is it
Oh, I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
To be with every night
'Cause whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone (7)
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'Show me,' Ralph muttered against his lover's lips, unconsciously tightening his hold. 'Show me how much you love me, Jack. Please.'
'But . . . your parents . . .' Jack said uncomfortably.
'Are out,' Ralph finished for him.
Jack smiled.
'Okay.'
The two teens heaved themselves off of the ground and made their way to the bed, but only after having closed and windows and doors, just in case.
'Are you sure that you're ready for this?' Jack asked, slowly approaching his lover.
'I've never wanted anything more,' Ralph replied; he sat down on the bed.
There was no seduction in his position, but Jack found it rather arousing nonetheless. There was Ralph—the one he loved—sitting there on a bed, waiting for him, waiting for Jack to make love to him. Jack took Ralph's face in both his hands and kissed him, putting all of his heart into the kiss.
Ralph moaned and allowed Jack to guide him down onto the bed. He laid back and unconsciously spread his legs, permitting Jack to settle comfortably between them. The latter slipped his hands beneath the bottom of Ralph's shirt and pulled off the offending item.
'I love you, Ralph,' he said, and he leaned down to kiss the other teen once more.
Ralph responded in turn by taking the hem of Jack's shirt and lifting it up and over the other's head. Then the two separated for a moment to divest Jack of his shirt before melding their lips together once more. Their bare skin rubbed together passionately; within their trousers, their arousals filled.
Then . . . the phone rang.
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Author's Note: Yups, a lot of lyrics in this one! Hehe.
(1) Mini-Disclaimer: "I Hate Everything About You", Three Days Grace
(2) Mini-Disclaimer: "Can't Get Over You", 3 Deep
(3) This idea came from the anime "Fruits Basket",
(4) Mini-Disclaimer: "Let Me Love You", Mario
(5) Mini-Disclaimer: "A Thousand Miles", Vanessa Carlton
(6) Mini-Disclaimer: "Addicted", Simple Plan
(7) Mini-Disclaimer: "I Finally Found Someone", Barbara Streisand and Bryan Adams
