Disclaimers: See the first chapter.

Snippets From the Potterverse

Chapter 33 - Werewolf PMS

SIRI! I WANT CHOCOLATE!Yes, love, Sirius whimpered pathetically. He scurried over to the cupboard and rummaged through it to find something chocolately.

At the table, the Order members were cowering. It was the day before the full moon, and Remus was NOT reacting well. His eyes were yellow instead of hazel, he kept drumming his fingers on every available surface, and he wasn't at all the mild-mannered professor they knew so well.

Here you go, darling, Sirius said nervously, putting an enormous bowl of chocolate ice cream in front of his lover. Eat up.About time, slowpoke, Remus snarled, grabbing his spoon and digging in.

Remus, don't you think that's a little... much? Mrs. Weasley spoke up bravely.

Remus shot her a glare that could have melted steel, and kept shoveling ice cream into his mouth. Mrs. Weasley clammed up.

It would have taken the bravest person in the world to stand up to Remus as he was right now. Sirius had warned them about what happened to Remus in the days immediately before and after the full moon. He became very, VERY cranky, ate nothing but chocolate and Wolfsbane, and.... Well, I won't say what else, he said sheepishly. Given the amount of noise coming from their bedroom the previous night and the bandaids and scratches all over Sirius' arms, the others had a shrewd idea what else went on.

Sirius' term for this behaviour was werewolf PMS'.

Remus finished his ice cream. Yes, sugar? Sirius said, trembling visibly from head to toe. It was fun to see him so whipped by Remus, who was usually the submissive, gentle half of the relationship.

I want more chocolate!But - oh - love - you ate it all, there's nothing left....

Remus' yellow eyes flashed dangerously, and his fingers drummed faster. Well? Go GET me some!Here, Remus, Tonks said hastily. She handed over a pile of Chocolate Frogs while her cousin fled to the pantry to look for more chocolatey things. Remus immediately went about unwrapping the Chocolate Frogs and biting off their heads.

Sirius returned carrying a large chocolate cake, looking enormously relieved. He set it down in front of the cranky werewolf (who had eaten all his Frogs) and handed him a fork. Eat up.Took you long enough, Remus snapped. He dug into the cake. The others felt very sorry for Sirius, who looked very downhearted.

In ten minutes, the cake was gone. Remus glared at the empty plate and stood. Fierce yellow eyes flashed in Sirius' direction. SIRI! SEX! NOW!Yes, love, Sirius said meekly. He got up and followed his lover, glancing apologetically back at the others. Sorry... we'll be back....Good luck, Bill gulped.

If I die -Coming, darling!

An embarrassed silence followed. The members of the Order looked around, biting their nails, squirming uncomfortably. No one seemed to know what to say. And when loud shrieks and moans sounded from upstairs, they all blushed darker.

I think I left Mum in the oven, Tonks mumbled, grabbing her bright pink cloak and dashing from the house.

My meatloaf's calling me, Kingsley nodded in agreement, following her.

The rest of the Order followed, slamming the door behind them. Mrs. Black's portrait began to scream, but even she couldn't drown out the noise from upstairs.

Remus finally let Sirius up, and fell asleep immediately.

Sirius moaned. He wouldn't be able to get out of bed tomorrow morning, that was for sure.

I hate full moons, he whimpered.