Disclaimers: See the first chapter.

Snippets From the Potterverse

Chapter 36 - Draco Malfoy, Uber-Genius

Draco Malfoy hated Harry Potter.

Everyone in the school knew that. Everyone in England knew that. Hell, everyone in the world knew that.

Consequently, Draco spent a lot of his free time sitting around staring into space, plotting ways to get rid of Harry. His constant cronies, Crabbe and Goyle, sat with him while he plotted, but since they had the intelligence of a chickpea, they weren't much help.

Wait.

That's unfair to the chickpea.

Since Crabbe and Goyle were stupider than a chickpea, they weren't much help. Mostly they cackled foolishly at Draco's suggestions, like Beavis and Butt-head.

On one sunny morning day, Draco arose to face the unhappy prospect of Care of Magical Creatures class, taught by that great oaf Hagrid and accompanied by Potter and the rest of the loathsome Gryffindors. All through breakfast he sulked; finally he looked up from his porridge and treacle and glared across the Great Hall at Harry's back.

I wish I could get rid of Potter, he stated. Crabbe and Goyle chuckled stupidly, because they had at least learned this comment heralded another one of Draco's long discussions about how to make Hogwarts a Potter-free school.

I know! Draco said, his grey eyes lighting up with malice. I could Transfigure him into an icky bug of some kind, and SQUISH him!

But Draco, said Pansy Parkinson, who had just arrived, You're afraid of bugs, remember?

Draco blushed. Okay. I could turn him into a mouse, and Filch's cat would EAT him!

That won't work, Warrington grunted. Potter's the best in the school at Defense Against the Dark Arts - well, Dumbledore says so anyway - he'd just block your curse, or something.

Draco looked crestfallen. All right. Then... he paused to think, chewing thoughtfully on some figgy toast. I could.... break his broomstick and make him cry, then he'd run out into the lake and get eaten by the giant squid....

Pansy said. The giant squid doesn't eat people.

And Firebolts are almost impossible to break, Draco agreed. He frowned as they rose from the table and headed to the entrance hall. Maybe I could just call him a mean name and make him cry! he said happily, reaching the same conclusion he always did. I'll call him... a big, stinky poo-poo head! Cackling wildly, he ran down the front steps.

Pansy rolled her eyes. Stinky poo-poo head? Is he still five years old? But she was speaking to thin air. Crabbe and Goyle had stumbled off after Draco. Pansy sighed, watching the three Slytherins grow smaller as they raced down to Hagrid's hut. It's always the same thing.

As she followed, the cry rang across the school grounds : I AM THE BEST! DRACO MALFOY, UBER-GENIUS!