My Oh My

'Nails on the Parquet'

If you were to walk down the street of Traverse Town (the downtown part, mind you, not the part specializing in garden gnomes and retired old coots) you would find a large variety of shops, businesses, and cultural extravaganzas.

Shops? Well there was the super market, the South Side Outfitter, the deli, the bakery, the Tin Whistle Soap Co. ....From there it just went downhill, so I'll stop with the shops.

For businesses there were places like Highwind Real Estate. Very small office space, very poor wages, and a very mid-life-crisis-stricken manager. Naminé worked there.

There was Bling-Bling's Nails. ...Bling-Bling herself had definitely lost some of her bling over the years, but she was still perky as ever. That's where Kairi worked.

There was Laund-Dry-Mat-O which had a strange name, a strange smell, and even stranger employees. By strange in this sense, I do mean queer. And yes, Yuffie worked there.

Now for cultural extravaganzas... Mostly there was only one. Well, actually there were two. There was Chuck E. Cheese and there was The Emporium. We all know of the evil that is a giant faux-fur mouse in a baseball cap. But it was The Emporium that Larxene walked into that Saturday afternoon. The Emporium, in case you hadn't guessed, was also where she worked.

And it was a sex shop.

I will not go into detail describing the little store. I'm sure you can all use your imaginations (rusty as they may be) and draw a sketchy picture in your mind. Lewd posters, vulgar DVDs, suggestively posed mannequins. ...The disturbing French maid costume that lurked in the farthest corners of the store, under a sign labeled 'Fetishes and Costumes.'

Yes, it was every middle-aged parent's worst nightmare.

And it was Larxene's dream job. ...Well, sort of.

"Leon! I have got the worst fucking hangover ever." Tossing her purse up and over the check-out counter, Larxene proceeded to flop right over on its surface and wail, "The world has gone straight to hell!"

"What now?"

Pay close attention to the boy behind the counter. His name was Leon, but before that it used to be Squall. The word around town was that he'd changed it when he came to Traverse because he was involved in some rather x-rated activities. And one day he just up and decided to lead a normal life and just like that he'd disappeared from his old apartment in Whereverhelived and changed everything.

...At least, that was what the rumors said.

And the rumors were entirely possible. More than possible, even. People can do that these days. Just up, go, and leave forever.

Leon was a pretty scary individual. He was every gay boy's wet dream and every straight girl's secret desire. And he worked as a cashier at The Emporium, selling strange little plastic things to curious individuals who most likely had no idea how to work them.

"Well. I think I found a girl who won't screw me."

"Statistically speaking, at least ninety percent of the girls in the world won't screw you. Tell me something I don't know." Leon ran his fingers languidly through his hair, one eyebrow raised questioningly.

"Yes, but this one's gay. Well, no. No, she's bi."

"Like you."

"Exactly! We have so much in common!"

"She probably just thinks you're a--" Leon paused, turning his gaze towards the ceiling and looking thoughtful for a moment. "She probably just knows you're a bit of a slut. Good little bisexual girls don't always go for big bad... whatever you are."

"Leon, you just called me big and bad. Are you coming onto me?" Larxene grinned evilly and rested her chin on her folded arms, still lying across the counter. "You feisty little kitten."

At this, Leon couldn't help but twitch slightly and bury his face in his book, muttering darkly, "Don't you have an entire back room of sex toys to inventory?"

"Do I?"
"You do now. Get out of my sight."

"You're not the boss of me." Larxene glared and stuck her tongue out, but nonetheless swung off of the counter, her feet hitting the floor with a muffled 'thok!' Thankfully, the sound of Larxene's mildly-expensive boots clacking against the floor on her way to the back room blocked out Leon's words of, "What are you, six?" For certainly, had Larxene heard a comeback, she would've spent the entire day arguing.

Instead, she found herself buried in... 'toys' five minutes later. A clipboard in one hand, a pen in the other, and a small sigh with a puzzled expression. Lately she'd been having this... weird feeling.

"That's not really the way I'd put it. 'Weird feeling' I mean. ...Please, it sounds like I'm dealing with some bullshit sob story then. Haha, no. But seriously. Do you ever that that feeling that you just... Like everything you're doing in life is sort of pointless? I mean, I stand in the back of sex shops and take inventory of vibrators and... well, you don't really need to know what else. I do all this crap. I sleep with guys, I sleep with girls. We have a few laughs and everything's great, but... I dunno. It doesn't amount to much?"

It was like that. Or at least, that's how Larxene described it as. She had never really paid much mind to it. She had never really cared about the fact that she had no real friends. Everyone who could possibly count as something even resembling a friend was quickly dismissed in her mind.

Leon? He was just a frigid bastard of a co-worker.

Axel? He was just the local druggie and owner of her fine place of employment.

...And the sad part was, she couldn't really name many more than that.

With a sigh, Larxene jotted down numbers and figures, sorting through the chaos of the back room bit by bit, hour by hour. But she didn't mind. She'd get her fun later.

x x x

"Hey Kairi!" Sora greeted cheerfully.

Looking up from the book opened in her lap, Kairi blinked once and then promptly returned to the pages of text, sniffing a little with disdain. Sora let out an exasperated sigh, lowering his head and hunching his shoulders as he shuffled into the room, switching into his sad and pathetic puppy voice almost instantly.

"I'm sorry I forgot about you yesterday..." Sora began, scuffing the front of his sneaker-clad foot against the hardwood floor of Kairi's bedroom. "I really, really am sorry. I know it doesn't make it any better, but..." He had to stop and think for a moment before he managed to hopefully murmur, "It won't happen again?"

"Sora..." Kairi sighed. Really, she hadn't heard half of the words he'd said because she really had been trying to finish her book. But as long as Sora was in the room, that one simple little task would be impossible. So she just resigned to her fate and let Sora have it. It was, after all, what he'd come there for, right? "It will happen again. I mean, unless you guys go celibate or, or Riku gets castrated or something, it is going to happen again."

"W-what makes you say that?"

"Because! You guys can't go five minutes without feeling one another up or sticking your tongues down each other's throats!" If I was a straight girl, this wouldn't be a problem. But reality was reality. And reality said that there was a certain point that people were allowed to reach before their patience just couldn't hold out any longer.

Kairi was well past that point.

"Sora, we really need to talk." The book was down, the frown was on, and Kairi stood up from her bed and started towards the door.

"We are talking! See, see? Talk, talk, talk! We're talking!" Sora yammered desperately, arms flung out to either side of him as he was propelled backwards towards the doorframe as Kairi drew closer.

"Sora."

"Yes?"

"...Why are you trying to keep me in my room?"

Eyes widening, Sora blinked owlishly before letting out a string of nervous laughter. "Hehehe! What are you talking about, Kairi? Keeping you in your room? Pfft! Why would I do something like--"

"So-raaaa. The water's nice and rea-- Oh, hey there, Kairi!" Riku appeared in the hallway. The only remarkably noteworthy thing about this appearance was that Riku was dressed in nothing more than a towel. ...No. No, that wasn't a towel. It was a washcloth.

"That's IT! Kitchen! Now! Both of you!"

"What? But... Kairi, the bath is--"

"I don't care! Kitchen! GO!"

"Okay!" both Sora and Riku squeaked in unison.

Perhaps there was something about seeing her best friends eyeing her with worried and slightly fearful glances. (It's a common known fact that female humans are capable of being one of the deadliest creatures to ever walk the face of the earth.) Or perhaps it was seeing poor defenseless Riku (words which had never been strung together before...) standing there, shifting his weight from foot to foot and still trying to cover himself up with a little bitty washcloth.

Whatever it was, Kairi's brief flash of warpath anger quickly flickered and died away, leaving her simply tired and agitated.

"...Okay." Kairi let out a deep sigh and perched on one of the four stools seated at the quaint little island counter in the center of the kitchen. It was a cute kitchen. Well, of course it was. Kairi had been the one who had color-coordinated all the place-mats, silverware, cups, wallpaper, picture frames...

"Listen guys. You are both my best friends. We've known each other for a really, really long time. We've lived really close to each other our whole lives and these past two years, we've lived in the same condo too." Drumming her fingernails against the counter top with a set of clackitaclackitacklack-ing, Kairi let out another small sigh before taking in another deep breath. This was sort of harder than she'd thought...

"Annnd during this whole time, I've gotten to see both of you grow up and fall in love and get into fights and make up and everything. It's been fun, I've loved every minute of it. Really." It wasn't even like Kairi was lying. She was a horrible liar. She was being completely, entirely honest. But... "...But..."

"Kairi?" Riku asked hesitantly, trying to prompt her to go on. Sora, it seemed, was momentarily speechless, still a bit shocked from Kairi's more-than-mild explosion moments ago.

"I think I need to find a place of my own." There, I said it. Averting her gaze so she focused on the gray countertop instead of her two best friends, Kairi continued on in a fast paced tone, trying to get as much in as she could while she still had the guts to do so. "So... You guys can have your privacy, you know? And I'll be able to have my privacy and..." Kairi paused, glancing at poor Riku once again who still stood facing her, clutching that sad little washcloth... "I'll be able to walk down the hall to brush my teeth and not bump into naked guys all the time." Glancing back and forth between both boys then, she tried on a small smile and hoped it would smooth things over... a little bit. "...Is... that okay with you guys?"

"Kairi..."

"We're sorry."

"Yeah. I mean, we didn't mean to bug you so much."

"Don't be sorry!" Kairi held up her hands and smiled innocently. There it was! The light at the end of the tunnel. ...Finally. "I'm happy for you guys, honest. But... Well, let's just say that I'm desperately falling behind on my beauty sleep. You guys don't want me to turn into a freaky old hag by the time I'm twenty-five, do you?"

"No, of course not."

"Good." Wow. It worked. I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. "Thanks, you guys."

"Never a problem, Kairi."

"...Can we go take our bath now?"

"...Uh. Yeah. Okay. Go right ahead."

...But now what?

x x x

Asexual, far from intellectual

Bashing stealer, free-wheeler

Bats her eyes to cover up her lies

She's a sucker-upper, star-fucker

Sucker-upper, star-fucker

And I'm gonna blow her cover!

"Larxene!"

"My friend, my friend, saw you in a coffee shop, she thought you were cute, she thought you were hot--!"

"Larxene!"

Opening her eyes and tugging the headphones previously covering her ears down around her neck, Larxene shot her friendly co-worker a charming smile. Leon, however, only frowned more, crossing his arms one over the other and scowling at her for all he was worth. Ordinarily, that scowl would make even the most steadfast of all men cower in fear. ...However, Larxene wasn't steadfast. She was pliable. ...And she wasn't a man either.

So ultimately, the cards played in her favor.

"Hey there, Princess," she greeted, one hand raised in a half-wave. "Something wrong?"

"...Do you get paid to do that?"

"Do what? Do this?" With the same hand, Larxene flicked her wrist and pointed down towards her little silver walkman situated in her lap.

"...Yes."

"Yep! You bet I do!" A grin, a giggle, and the start of moving on hand towards the play button that just begged to be pressed.

"It's time for you to leave now."

"...What? Why? You can't fire me, Princess Poutypuff. That would be Axel's duty. And seeing as Axel manages this place about as well as a monkey manages a roomful of stock-holders, that would mean that I go nowhere." Taking Leon's silence as a cue for a victory dance, Larxene's wicked grin only widened as she leaned forward, elbows on the check-out counter and chin cradled between her two clasped hands. "Yes, I know. That was brill--"

"There's someone here to see you."

Raising a slender blonde eyebrow, Larxene craned her body sideways on the stool behind the counter, trying to see around Leon. However, all that she found was the same sex shop that met her quizzical gaze day in and day out. And really, she was starting to be somewhat concerned for Leon's mental state of well-being. ...Perhaps all her tormenting really was enough to drive him nuts after all...

"...Uh huh. Well. I do believe that there's no one here except you and me. Normally I would use that line as a pickup line, but I'll just use it as a joke right now. So ha, ha, ha!"

Leon simply let out an agitated sigh and jerked one thumb towards the window, growling an impatient, "No, Larxene. Outside."

"Eh?"

There, right around the risqué mannequins and curious contraptions, straight through the layer of glass, paint, and brick stood none other than...

"Heeey, it's that little redhead from the other day!"

"...The one who won't have sex with you?"

Larxene narrowed her eyes and hopped down off the stool whacking Leon sharply on his arm as she headed towards the door, wondering how the hell the other girl had managed to find out where she worked. Really, it was sort of freaky. Wait, no, that wasn't the point. Back on track. First thing's first, shut down Leon"No, no, no, that's the blonde one. Sheesh, keep 'em straight, Leon. No, this one's just not worth the bother," Larxene retorted haughtily.

"Why not?"

"She's way too smart, that's all." Well duh. Isn't it just the most obvious thing in the world? "Think you can handle the rush while I'm gone? Think you can handle being parted from me for all of ten minutes? Think you can--?"

"Do you think you can shut up already? I told her you'd be out in a minute. A minute. As in one. Not five. Get out."

Blinking once, twice, then three times, Larxene finally let out an indignant little sniff and turned her nose upwards, once again resuming her stride towards the doorway with yet another sharp comeback.

"Well sorry. Hmpf. Who lit your tampon on fire?"

Leon stopped her once more however, just as she'd reached the door, one hand poised to shove it open and step back out into the normal world. The one free of fetishes, porn, and costume kinkiness.

"Listen, Larxene. She's a friend of a friend and she's in a bit of a jam."

"...You have friends?"

"Could you stop with the jokes for a minute and try to be serious?"

"Alright, alright. Ramble on, I'll all ears." Larxene rolled her eyes in an old teenage-melodramatic style and crossed her arms, leaning against the wall and ensuring that she stood just out of Kairi's line of view. Leon could tend to ramble on for a while when his conversational juices really got going. ...That was a complete lie. Larxene knew it. But she did her best to amuse herself in any way possible.

Usually, those ways just happened to result in Leon's humiliation. But while she mused over these facts of her life, Larxene didn't see the pothole in her road. Guess who put it there? You have one guess. ...Yes, you got it right.

"Let her room with you in your apartment for a while. Just until she finds a place of her own. Is that okay?" Leon asked.

...HUH?

"...Ahh, so she got in a fight with her little chauffer. I got it."

"Larxene..." Leon's voice had that sharp warning tone in it... great....

"Okay, okay! Serious! I'm serious!"

"No, I'm serious. Don't try anything funny. No drugs, no sex, no booze, no... Just..." Leon trailed off for a moment, letting out a small sigh as he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with his fingertips, trying to think just a little clearly. "For a few days, weeks, whatever... just try not to be you."

"Leon, Leon, Leon. Where's your faith in me?" Larxene asked, her eyes wide and innocent but her tone sarcastic and mocking. It was all Leon deserved, as far as she was concerned. Let him worry. "I wouldn't hurt a fly."

x x x

It turns out that Leon's friend-of-a-friend, a.k.a. Kairi, was in a bit more of a tight spot than had been alluded to. In fact, the moment Larxene had set foot outside of The Emporium, she couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the little red-haired girl clutching a suitcase in each hand and a hopeful smile on her face. That was that. With a sigh and a typical roll of the eyes, Larxene's world had reached point number two.

...How many points are there in the average person's world?

There is no limit. But that was point two. It's all you need to know.

At any rate, Larxene chose that moment to call it a day. Blaming Leon for bringing her the girl in the first place, Larxene darted inside The Emporium and darted right back out, hardly even given her only other co-worker so much as a goodbye. ...Really though, Larxene was just in a hurry to get Kairi away from the sex shop. That fact alone was enough to confuse Larxene to pieces, for normally she was proud to be an employee of The Emporium. After all, who wouldn't want to work for one of the most controversial stores in such a backwater little town?

But for reasons unknown to anyone at that particular chance moment in time, Larxene didn't want Kairi hanging around. At least, not there. She made an effort to file the topic away in her mind and think about it later. It wasn't often that she did things like that, but she wanted to figure it out. In fact, she felt that it was almost as though it was her duty to figure it out.

They walked hurriedly, Larxene leading the way and Kairi jogging to keep up with the taller girl. There should have been questions, perhaps --"What happened? Why do you need to stay with me?" "Where do you live? How far away is it?"-- but there somehow wasn't much of a need for them. At least, at that moment, neither girl really deemed the questions to be at all important.

The important thing for Kairi was trying to regulate her breathing so she didn't pass out after jogging nearly seven blocks while carrying two rather large and bulky suitcases. But it wasn't over. Up a small flight of concrete stairs, through the double glass doors into a rather dingy lobby, empty then, up four more flights of stairs, down one hallway, around a corner, down another hallway and --pant, pant, pant-- finally coming to a halt in front of the door with the little plastic numbers which quite boldly stated: A 412.

No sooner had Larxene opened the door and stepped inside, motioning for Kairi to plop her bags on the floor... Kairi was hit by the realization of what she'd just accomplished. And damn did it feel good. Standing there just inside the doorway of Larxene's apartment, Kairi honestly thought she would keel over just from sheer relief. She was in an apartment. She was away from her 'extended-family' for good. She was, in her mind, setting it out on her own. Starting a clean slate, starting from scratch, starting anew.

And best of all, the little tiny apartment felt... feminine. Somehow. Weird. But comforting weird.

Mistaking Kairi's shocked look for one of horror, Larxene simply shrugged, frowned, and then muttered, "...Okay, so it isn't home sweet home. Adjust."

"No! It's awesome!" Kairi was quick to exclaim, prancing into the middle of the apartment after sliding her feet out of her shoes. Feet in socks on the hardwood floor, slip, slip, sliiiiiide. Hehehe!

"...Why do I not detect sarcasm in your voice? Are you okay?"
"I'm serious, Larxene. Thank you."

"...O-kay, sure, no big." Larxene could only bring herself to watch in blind confusion as Kairi gleefully flew about the tiny living room/kitchen combo, having every bit the excitement and attitude of a little kid in a candy shop. Closing the door to the apartment, Larxene said, "Uh, I've got a futon in the linen cupboard in the hallway. Or you can have the fold-out couch. Pick your poison."

"Futon's good. But I can get it! Don't put yourself out or anything!" Already Kairi was zipping off towards the hallway, but skidded to a halt as Larxene cut her off, waving her hand dismissively as she walked past the other girl.

"Cripe, lay off the speed already, Pooh-bear. I'm just getting a stupid futon, I'm not climbing mountains or anything."

"...Pooh-bear?"

"Yeah. Pooh-bear. Ya know. That squishy and stupid cute thing?" Kairi heard the soft thud of the foamy futon hitting the floor as Larxene tugged it out of the tiny linen cupboard. The closing of one door, the closing of another door, and before she knew it Larxene was wandering back into view with a rather comfy looking futon clutched in her arms.

"Are you saying I'm squishy, stupid, and cute?"

"Well if the shoe fits." Tossing the futon on the floor, Larxene soon followed the motion and flopped down on top of it as well, Kairi finally coming to a halt and sitting on the floor to face her as she started talking. Questions now? Where do the questions start? Where does anyone start with these things? How do you ever really start meeting someone right off the bat like this? "Hey, listen though. I think I should probably let you know... Sometimes things can get a little... hectic around here, m'kay?"

"Hectic like..?" Kairi cocked her head to the side, waiting for Larxene to continue and quite clearly a bit lost.

"Well..." In a flash, Larxene had a change of heart and a change of mind. Simultaneously. Convenient, no? "Aw, nevermind. It's not important." Kairi blinked. Larxene blinked. She then promptly declared the moment fit for her own questions. "So what happened? Your pimping boyfriends finally kicked you out?"

"No! They'd never do that!" At that, Kairi smiled slightly and held her head up, proudly stating, "For your information I left them. They need their privacy and I need my sleep."

"Oh. Sleep. Got it." Larxene snickered and winked, but was surprised to see Kairi frown slightly and shrink back a bit. Her reproach was kind, but still biting. And as everyone knows, it's usually the kind sort of rebuke that hurts the worst of all.

"Larxene, Leon promised me you wouldn't..." Kairi hesitated, not wanting to accuse, but not wanting to let it slide. The age-old problem easily summed up with "...you know."

"I'm not going to try and put the moves on you if that's what you're talking about. Honestly. Why does everyone assume that I want to molest and violate everyone within a ten foot radius?"

"I'm sorry..." The room fell silent for a moment, each girl regarding the other and each girl thinking, thinking, and thinking. There were some doubts and there were some hopes. But somehow they each came to the conclusion that, okay, that was a bit of a mess up. We won't do that again? We can make this work.

I'm lonely.

I'm homeless.

United we're unbeatable!

It was Larxene who broke the silence, leaning back on one elbow resting on the futon, waving her free hand to banish the topic once again. It must have been a magic trick, really. The innate ability to dismiss topics on a whim. "Eh. I was just blowing off steam. But let's just get a few things straight, okay? That way we can both survive."

"Survive?"

"Yeah. Survive." Counting off her rules on one hand, Larxene went through it in a very smooth and routine matter. Kairi almost got to wondering how often she had people randomly show up to stay in her apartment for a few weeks. "Rule number one: If my bedroom door is closed, don't open it. Rule number two: If the phone rings, don't answer it. And rule number three: If the doorbell rings, don't answer it."

"...That's it?"

"Yeah. You got any rules you wanna set out? If you do, now's the time to say so."

"Um. No, I don't have anything. I'm fine."

"Suite yourself. But don't come wailing to me when you get stuck with the ice cold shower following my five hour steam-bath."

"Whaa?!"

"Kidding, Pooh."

"Are you going to call me that all the time now?"

"What? You don't like it?"

"No..." Kairi frowned once more, gnawed her bottom lip, and though about it for a few more seconds before adding on, "I dunno. I don't really get nicknames all that often."

"Well I give everyone nicknames. You're Pooh. Leon is Princess Poutypuff. Just Princess for short. And Axel is..." Hit by another bolt of 'I'd-really-rather-keep-it-silent' lightning, Larxene cut herself off again, already trying to think of an answer for the unavoidable question...

"Is Axel a friend of yours?"

"...Uh..." Bah. Not enough time to think of a logical response. Damn. "Yeah. No. I mean, he's nobody."

"...Oh." Kairi thought all this over for a moment, drumming her nails against the floor and nearly going ballistic once again as she discovered that the floor was very clean and very good from drumming her nails against. Clickataclickataclickata... "Sooo, if you give everybody nicknames, how about Yuffie and Naminé?"

"Who?"

"You didn't forget them, did you?"

"Ah! No! Yuffie and Naminé! Duh. No, I didn't forget them. I just... hadn't thought about it. So..." Larxene's voiced trailed off a moment and Kairi waited patiently and silently. ...Er, that is, mostly silent. Except for the insane clicking of nails. Some people get their kicks where they can, what can I say?... "Yuffie would be Ducky."

"Ducky?" Kairi made a face and shot Larxene the patented look which clearly stated 'You must me joking.' ...Sadly, Larxene was not joking. ...Not in the slightest.

"Yeah. Ducky. Like ducks. They're loud and obnoxious animals that shit everywhere."

"Aww, you don't have to be that mean to her, you know. She seemed nice to me."

"..." There were many ways Larxene could have gone about answering that. However, most of them were rude, obnoxious, or just downright mean. Yes, all of those things were general traits that seemed to just be tacked onto Larxene as easily as her name was. But it wasn't what she needed right then and contrary to popular belief, Larxene was not out to make everyone's life a living hell. ...Not everyone.

"Anyway. Naminé..." She trailed off into a quick thought session once more before finally nodding once and turning back to Kairi. "Naminé would be Pie."

"...Okay, and I thought Ducky was bad."

"It's short for angel-pie, yanno? But Angel is..." Larxene cringed and stuck out her tongue to prove her all-too-clear point "Yech. What a dumb nickname." Catching that all-knowing and smug little smile from Kairi, Larxene simply glowered and added, "And that's only her name because she's so snobby and prude. Like some dumb angel or something. What a joke."

"That's cute."

"What? My stupid nicknames?" Larxene shook her head and snorted at the very idea, biting back, "Don't take them to heart or anything. They're just names. It's like that old dead guy said. There's nothing in a name. Or something like that."

"Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet. The line about the rose and how by any other name it would still smell just as--"

"Yeeep, that's the old guy." Clambering up from her cozy spot on the futon, Larxene stretched her arms over her head and let out a small yawn. "Hey, I gotta run. You can chill here for as long as you want. If you head out, don't bother locking up, we got nothing worth stealing." "Oh, but I'll make you a temporary spare key or something while I'm out, okay?"

"Oh...um... okay. But you just got back from work."

"...Well, yeah, but my shift isn't over. I'm still making up for some hours I lost last month when I was home sick for a while." Larxene made her way towards the door as she spoke, picking up her purse from where she'd set it down on the floor and sliding it over her shoulder.

"Oh."

"Remember the rules?"

"Don't answer the phone, don't answer the door, and don't go in your room."

"Bingo."

"But what if Riku or Sora wants to call me later?"

"You have a cell phone, don't you?"

"Well... yeah."

"There ya go." Larxene grinned and opened the door, turning back just once to add, "I'll be back late, so don't wait up. Make yourself at home, Pooh-bear."

"Wait!" Pause, pivot, blink. Larxene waited. Kairi hurried on with, "One more thing."

"Well hurry, I gotta get going."

"What's your nickname?"

"...Me?" Larxene brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and tugged thoughtfully on a different strand of her bangs as she pondered, pondered, pondered. "...I don't know."

"..." Well that sort of deflates the whole thing, Kairi thought. But apparently, it hardly fazed Larxene in the slightest, for she simply raised one shoulder in a half shrug before turning back to the doorway and making her way out.

"...Okay, leaving now."

"I'm gonna think of a nickname for you!"

"You do that, hon. Later."

"Bye, Larxene!" With the closing of the door and the sound of distant retreating footsteps, Kairi tacked on a muttered, "...You chronic liar."

x x x

Some time shortly after midnight, the door opened. And it closed just as suddenly and just as quietly and Larxene let out a quiet sigh. Maybe there was some strange part of her brain that worked to convince her that if she breathed out enough air, all the stress would leave her body right along with that carbon dioxide. It was sort of alcohol. Oxidation and all that crap.

"...Man oh man," she hissed, closing her eyes and resting the back of her head against the cool wood of the apartment doorway. It was then, in that moment of silence, that she noticed that her usual silence wasn't so silent after all. In fact it sounded almost as though someone was... breathing. Oh. Duh. "Kairi? You awake?" Larxene whispered into the darkness, trying to catch a glimpse of the girl curled up on the futon in the darkness. "Pooh?"

Waiting a moment and still getting no response, Larxene smirked slightly before slipping out of her mildly-expensive boots as quietly as possible (for those of you who own mildly-expensive boots, you certainly know that it's a rather difficult task) before padding quietly towards the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator, Larxene pulled out one of her customary wine coolers hidden in the far reaches of the little fridge, far from the prying eyes of the usual idiots who hung around her house. Hm. Maybe I should point them out to Kairi. Eh. Then again, maybe she doesn't drink.

Who cares?

With all the weird thoughts milling around in her head and starting to mix with the light touch of alcohol and sleep-deprivation, the only thing Larxene could think of doing was... well... thinking. She was too awake to sleep and too sleepy to trek downtown for the fading glory of the night life. And so she simply settled for thinking. It was a formal thing she hated doing, but a necessary thing all the same.

Friends, or the lack thereof. Leon, Axel, Kairi, Yuffie, Naminé. Did they even count or was it really all just something completely 'null and void,' as the fine text would so bluntly put it? It was with those thoughts and that mindset that Larxene meandered over to the corner of the room were Kairi was fast asleep, huddled under the sheets and an old lifeless quilt. And it was the wine cooler that made her start to voice her thoughts and questions out loud.

"...Would you call us friends?" The first shock was hearing her own voice screaming into silence in words that, in reality, were barely audible.

"Yeah." And the second shock was hearing a response. "Why else would I be sleeping on the floor of your living room?"

"Ah..."

The sleepy shadowy figure that was, in the daylight, known as Kairi, slowly and almost sleepily sat upright on the futon. One limp hand was raised as a greeting, but Larxene could barely make it out in the darkness of the apartment. "Hey there."

"What the hell are you doing? You were supposed to be asleep!" Larxene hissed.

"I think I still am. I'm not seeing straight."

"...Huh?"

"It happens sometimes. I have dreams. Then I wake up. Then I fall back to sleep again. I wake up again and I don't remember anything." Well, judging by the slightly slurred way Kairi was speaking along with the fact that she was no longer drummer her fingertips against the floor, Larxene was actually fully capable of believing the sleep-talking girl seated upon her living room floor.

"You don't remember anything? At all?" As Kairi shook her head lazily, Larxene simply raised her eyebrows as she raised her drink to her lips once again. Interesting. "So...?"

"My dream was weird."

"Humor me, Watson. Tell me of a dream-world where men chase cars and women chase women."

"It was about life."

"What about it?"

"How to live it."

"Really. And how did this dream tell you to live your life?"

"..." For a moment, Larxene thought Kairi had fallen back to sleep on her. Gyah, what a bummer.But after a moment, Kairi's voice piped back up, sounding more tired and far away than before, but still there nonetheless. "...Said to live it like a rock song. Loud... and imperfect. Real hard rock with real soft voices..."

"And lo was Pooh-bear a poet when half-asleep."

Figuring Kairi was too far gone to get her jokes and wisecracks, Larxene simply smirked herself and took another sip of her drink, leaning back against a wall of the apartment. She could hear the rustling of fabric against fabric as Kairi rolled over, resituating herself on her squishy futon and pulling the quilt and sheet back over her.

"...How do you live... Larxene?" Kairi's words were punctuated by yawns and tired sighs, but Larxene didn't care. If anything she was slightly amused. Still thinking, but amused nonetheless. And that was certainly better than was normally the case.

"...I think I live my life like a music video," she responded, grinning from ear to ear in the dark. "Bad music, dirty words, and always at least one naked girl dancing in the background."

"...Oh..."

Moments of silence drew into minutes of silence and once Larxene was sure that Kairi was dead asleep and her drink was completely gone, she returned to the kitchen and set the empty bottle on the counter. In the span of just a few hours, things had gone from being a horribly dull and unsatisfying routine to being a weird and puzzling mishmash of everything Larxene really hadn't been expecting.

"Hm."

It was reassuring, knowing that Kairi would wake up and not remember a thing. Not from any drugs and not from anything weird. Just from Kairi's mind working the way it apparently did. ...Yes, it was reassuring. ...Reassuring, and perhaps just a little disappointing.

(x) (x) (x)

My entire planned A/N can be summed up in one word: pleased. ...However! I feel I need to point out that the plot summary for this chapter was, of course, incorrect. Sorry about that! I had to go through two other versions of this chapter before finally settling on this one. But I'm pretty sure the next chapter should follow around these lines...

Preview for the next chapter: Heads will roll and ink will spill. Naminé could do with a bit of living and Yuffie could do with a bit of learning. So what's to become of one seemingly crazy and schizophrenic girl and her mismatched denying pal? The Fantastic Four isn't quite there yet. More dancing from the bell-voice is required as well as more lessons on how not to drive your car. But they'll get there.