My Oh My

'A Regular Tom's Diner'

Yuffie found herself walking around in a daze the next afternoon. She had walked across the street from the dry-cleaners and she had looked in through the darkened windows at the shadowed building. She'd seen her own reflection and for half a second she believed herself to be on the other side of the glass, back where she belonged. With Irvine, somewhere in the back, cursing and falling to pieces over a pile of extra-starched collared shirts. And with Mr. Tigi, somewhere and everywhere, bumbling and mumbling, humming and summing up the day's total profits.

And when she realized that she was now outside the ring and the loop she'd been so oddly comfortable in for so long, Yuffie found herself thrown. And she found herself hurrying down the sidewalk, hands crammed in her pockets, sneakers slapping against the concrete.

Looks like rain, she noted absently, her gaze towards the sky, her mind leagues away from it.

Yuffie's battle with her subconscious, for those of you who remember such a thing, still raged on within her. Every moment of every day there was some abstract train of thought straying further and further from coming off as normal and common. She tried to hide it and she tried to fight it, for more than anything else, Yuffie wanted to be considered normal. It was something she been brought up to achieve- this normalcy of hers. It was something that she felt that she would give the world for.

If you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk. If you give the world to the majority, they're going to ask for a glass of your soul and maybe, maybe, maybe a pound of your flesh to top it off with. Where has the Merchant of Traverse gone to now?

She meandered down the sidewalk when she felt like running laps around the people around her, however few and however lazy they were. She kept a straight face when she wanted to split at the seems with senseless joy and she kept her hands to herself when she wanted to embrace the world in bone-crunching glory of her own two arms, encircled by her, enchanted by her, and tied loosely around her little finger.

But maybe it wasn't always that way. In every life there's a critical turning point that alters absolutely everything. The monuments of childish hopes and dreams all must one day come crashing down, and Yuffie had most certainly reached that point. She must have, after all. But things still remained as stubborn as she herself was and the memories and dreams still remained standing.

Perhaps it was that way for all of them.

Was I sixteen? Yuffie was making her way down a random road, dirt kicking up beneath her heels. It fell into her lungs and her throat demanded a good cough or two, but she bottled them up, forcing herself into her thoughts instead. That's weird. It seems like it was so long ago, but it was just a few years, I guess. When Tifa came around...

x x x

When Tifa came around, she had come across the exuberant little sack of bones and muscle known more commonly as Yuffie. When Tifa came around, she had looked at Yuffie and she had found her interesting. But when Tifa came around there were others who were interested in her, and as human nature instructed her to do, Tifa followed these admirers blindly. She missed Yuffie's open arms completely and wandered into those of a different sort of crowd.

It wasn't necessarily a bad sort of crowd. Back then, Aerith had been at Yuffie's side and as Aerith said, none of them were truly bad kids, the kids in that crowd. They were wealthy snobs, yes. They seemed more interested in Tifa's cup size rather than her dazzling smile or charming personality. But certainly- certainly that didn't make them bad kids.

Yuffie had thought otherwise. And she'd immediately seen to snubbing Tifa the moment after she caught wind of the other girl's alarming advancement in the social order of high school. Yuffie stuck up her nose, crossed her scrawny arms, and marched determinedly away from the other girl, focusing every ounce of energy on having nothing to do with her.

x x x

The sky was definitely darkening by then and even Yuffie wasn't too far gone to realize it. But she had been too far gone to realize where she was wondering off to. She found herself on the bank of the creek that ran through the far side of town, across the shallow waters from the old mill. That ancient old place that Naminé saw to caring for. The spooky haunting where she'd first seen Cloud.

Yes, the place where she'd first started doubting her sanity.

She walked towards the crumbly old dirt path and found her feet taking her towards the front door. It looked old and lonely, the mill in the woods. Someone had taken a spoon and pulled out all its guts long ago, leaving nothing but a thick and empty shell that no one really seemed to love. No one except Naminé, perhaps.

Yuffie padded quietly over towards the front window next to the door, a cute little window seat jutting out from the siding. Nothing could be seen except for blackness and very faint shadows playing across the hardwood floor that glinted dully in the moonlight. Nothing, nothing... Of course it was nothing. Through the window could be seen the small card table Naminé had set up. A mound of cleaning supplies stacked up on top of it. A mop in a corner and a vacuum beside that.

What was I expecting after all?

But Yuffie had been expecting something. And though she would never admit it to herself or to anyone else, as a small glimmer of light caused her attention to snap towards a far corner of the wall inside, she knew her expectation had been confirmed.

And as more and more of the flickering light became visible, Yuffie could only stare in shock as the floated and drifted lazily towards the window. Right where she stood.

x x x

It had been a day like any other day. Or so it had seemed. History had been a bore, just as it usually was. Her trig class had been way over her head, just as it usually was. And her gym class, her final class of that day, had involved Yuffie's face serving as a nice catcher's mitt for their session of softball. It really was a wonder she hadn't broken her nose.

That was how Yuffie had come to be standing in the girls' locker room, tugging her shirt over her head cautiously, trying not to displace the wad of paper towels she'd crammed in her nose to stop up the bleeding. She was trying to ignore the giggles and stares of the girls around her and she was trying to pretend not to notice as Tifa walked by with a clucking little group of her friends.

In a world where Yuffie tried so hard to do so many things, she was never very successful at accomplishing any of them.

The bell rang, the girls left. Yuffie crammed her gym uniform in her locker and closed with an oh-so-satisfying bang. She jammed on her headphones, she jabbed the play button with her little finger, and with as much attitude as she could muster with tissues stuck up her nose, Yuffie spun on her heel to leave the locker room.

And she promptly let out a shriek of surprise as she found herself walking straight into Tifa. Or rather, Tifa's breasts. The girl was significantly taller than Yuffie. Then again, most people were back then.

"Um..." The other girl flushed and backed up quickly, one hand held up almost as though she'd been in the process of warning Yuffie as she'd spun right into her. Warning, shmarning. Or something.

Yuffie was roughly as pink as nice little Crayola crayon as she clutched her CD player defensively to her own (and still considerably smaller) chest, looking ready to pounce and defend herself in a whirling storm of skin and bones should the need arise. But after a moment of awkward silence between them in which both of them did nothing but lamely stare at each other, Tifa finally said.

"Um... hey there."

Yuffie didn't respond. She could see Tifa's mouth moving, but couldn't for the life of her make out what she was saying over her... Oh. Right. The music.

Turning off her CD player, Yuffie tugged the headphones off. "What was that?"

"I just said hi."

"Oh. Hi."

"Did... you hear the announcements for today?" Tifa asked. She didn't seem half as skittish as she had moments ago. In fact, she looked more in charge than ever before. Or maybe that was just from Yuffie's perspective.

"No. I don't listen to them."

"Oh." She was about to cast a look that said, Well why not, for crying out loud? but thankfully thought better of it. Instead she simply stated, "They said they were having their first GSA meeting today."

"...So what?"

"Do you know what a GSA is?"

Yuffie rolled her eyes and stuck her scrawny hands on her scrawny hips, smirking wickedly and saying, "Of course I do. Duh. It's the Gay-Straight Alliance." Once again she was in the green, apparently knowing something Tifa did not. Damn that felt good.

"Ohhh. I see." Tifa offered her a small smile and pushed her long ponytail over her shoulder. She wore a tight blue tank top with a small black skirt, white stockings and trendy black boots that only made her taller. Her eyes were lined with thick, but beautifully applied eyeliner, shadowed with blue and all centered to her dark eyes which, at that particular moment, were sparkling happily as she asked, "You want to go to the meeting with me?"

"Why would I wanna go with you?"

"I don't know. Were you planning on going?"

Yuffie thought quickly. If she said no, she might come across as being uncool. That is, if going to GSA meetings was the, uh, cool thing to do. Is it? Wait, I don't care! But if she said yes, Tifa might think she was gay. Then she'd tell everyone and they'd laugh her out of the school.

Hmm. It appeared to be a lose-lose situation.

"...Of course I was planning on going. 'Til you bumped into me."

Tifa smiled and giggled, not bothering to point out that it had actually been Yuffie who had bumped into her. "Sorry then. I didn't mean to get in the way. Mind if I walk with you there?"

Yuffie snorted. "Do whatever you want."

And so Tifa did.

It turned out that attending GSA meetings was not, in fact, the cool thing to do. Yuffie would later come to understand that that had been the whole reason Tifa had wanted to go with Yuffie in the first place. No one in her crowd knew of Tifa's secret attendance to the meetings, and outside of those meetings everything between Tifa and Yuffie was... well. Nothing. Tifa never said 'hello' to her in the hallway and Yuffie never tried to get her attention. They never sat at the same lunch table and they never even asked one another for homework assignments from the classes they shared.

Yet there was a silent agreement between the two of them to attend the GSA meetings. There were only ten or so students who regularly showed up, three or four who showed up from time to time. All seemed quiet at first, guarded and shy. It seemed as though they were terrified of being there, yet all pulled together by one similar force.

It went on like that for a year. And it seemed, to both girls, like it was a thing that would go on forever, as long as they remained safe and secure in their high school years.

But the following year, something happened to change it.

Every year the school had a homecoming parade. Floats were made, instruments tuned, and the school's clubs were lined up. The band led the way, the homecoming court following suit, and the clubs and organizations wrapping up the event in the back. The GSA was one of the many clubs attending the parade, their banner rolled up and set on the grass, their few members scattered around them, quiet, anxious, and rather nervous.

But Yuffie found some consolation in the fact that they were all there together. All of them... but one.

"Where's Tifa?" she'd asked, looking curiously towards the woman sponsoring the club. The teacher shot her an apologetic smile and simply told her the truth. She didn't no. Apparently, no one did.

Yuffie had waited and stalled as long as possible that afternoon, trying to hold up the parade as long as possible, so certain that Tifa was just running a little late. She'll be right here, I just know it. Her mom or someone'll drive around the bend and she'll run out of the car and say she's sorry. But it'll be okay 'cause Tifa's coming. She just a little late, she's just a little late...

But as is always the case, one girl couldn't hold back the storm of a high school parade. Yuffie was swept up and along with the rest of the GSA kids as they unrolled their banner and stretched it out between themselves, just as all of the rest of the clubs did with their similar signs and posters. It wasn't much, but it was something. Traverse High Gay-Straight Alliance.

It wasn't much, but it was something.

And something was all it took to get the bystanders riled up. Curious glances were shot at the banner and the teenagers holding it up. Parents narrowed their eyes, they pulled their children towards them. But Yuffie never saw it. She never picked up on it and it had never even dawned on her that such a club would cause anyone in their tiny little backwater community to be upset.

She'd been so oblivious.

But no matter how oblivious she had been, nothing could have prepared Yuffie for the rock that was thrown, that hit one of the boys beside her helping to hold the banner. Nothing could prepare her for the laughter and the whooping and the small trickle of blood that ran down his temple as he simply gritted his teeth and looked straight ahead, determined to ignore it.

But she saw the tears stinging his eyes and she angrily looked to see where the stone had come from.

And she found Tifa, standing amidst her circle of friends, laughing and jeering with the rest of them.

She met Yuffie's eyes for only a split second. And perhaps, for that very split second, she actually did look quite sorry. But it only lasted for one second. And then it was gone.

x x x

Crouched in front of the window, Yuffie watched with silent amazement as a small girl, no taller than the length of her index finger and possibly just as skinny, perched on the window sill. All that stood between them was a thin plane of glass as Yuffie gaped wide-eyed at the tiny figure.

She's just like Cloud, she stupidly realized.

And sure enough, both of them looked to be of the same build. Much like Cloud's elegant butterfly wings sprouted from the middle of his back, this girl seemed to have the same sort of pair, though hers full of warmer and softer hues. The wings open and closed ever so slowly, almost as though they were beating with a mind of their own, naturally in time with the breath of the girl who owned them.

The girl smiled sweetly. She raised a thumbnail-sized hand to the glass and gently rested it upon the surface. Clearly fascinated by this, Yuffie curiously raised her index finger and laid to rest opposite of hers, the each staring fixedly at the other throughout the whole interaction.

She's beautiful, Yuffie thought. I've never seen anyone who looks so...

Really, there probably were no words. Clad in the same sort of random patchwork attire as Cloud (some light and gauzy white material-- probably the remains of an old lacey curtain and three pink pony beads threaded through a piece of yarn as a belt) and with her light brown hair pulled back into a trailing braid, she looked every ounce like some sort of bizarre character straight from The Borrowers.

...Granted, it was difficult for her to look 'every ounce' like one, seeing as not a great deal of ounces went into making her. But it certainly helped that her plait of braided hair was neatly held in place by a short strand of dental floss.

Yuffie licked her lips and waited expectantly. She stared onwards, intrigued by the soft glowing light that seemed to fall from the faerie in gentle waves. There were more in the background, in the blackness of the house. They emitted the exact same light that this little girl faerie did. And they emitted the exact same light that Cloud had when Yuffie had seen him for the very first time.

I wonder why he wasn't glowing like this when I saw him last time... Is he sick...?

x x x

Yuffie spoke to Tifa one last time on a rainy May day. She had stayed after school to make up a Trigonometry test she'd missed and was waiting for the bus ride home when Tifa silently sat down at the other end of the bench.

It was almost as though they were strangers.

The thoughts began to creep up, slowly but surely. Questions Yuffie had bottled up and stowed away, given up for being gone. Why had Tifa done it? Why couldn't she stand up for herself?

And so, perfectly naive in every way, Yuffie asked her this. She turned her head slightly and was dimly aware of the slow and sluggish rain drops falling lazily against her head. She was aware of the dampness in the air and the smell of raw earth. And yes, she was aware of the only other occupant on the bench, seated rigidly on the other end, eyes narrowed and back straight as a board.

"You don't understand."

"Oh come off it already! What isn't there to understand? You stabbed me in the back- end of story! I think I understand the whole thing just-"

"No, you don't understand, Yuffie. You don't know what it's like. You can't possibly understand because you are not me. You may not be a lesbian and you may not even be bisexual. I don't know what you are, but I know that you can't possibly understand what I'm going through." Tifa's gaze grew cold and she drew her arms in, clutching her school books protectively to her chest.

She was positively glaring at Yuffie and Yuffie could feel her own resolve crumbling rapidly beneath her feet as Tifa continued on bitterly.

"You don't feel like someone's stabbing you with a knife every time they call one another fucking dykes or faggots in the hallway. They joke about it and they laugh about it. You don't have people telling you that God hates you, you don't have them waving signs and banners and saying you deserve to be dead just because of one thing, one stupid little thing that is part of the way you're programmed inside."

The way Tifa spat her words out reminded Yuffie of some gun spitting bullets, pathetically and stupidly, like it knew of nothing else it could do than frantically shooting in every direction and trying to hit something in the blackness of it all.

"You do not understand, Yuffie. Don't pretend you do."

Yeah? Well maybe I only went with you to the stupid meetings because I trusted you! Did that ever cross your mind? That maybe I don't know what I am either? I didn't know then and I still don't know now! I was just a stupid kid, Tifa. I was just a stupid kid and you were the cool sort of girl who I wanted to hang around with.

Yuffie didn't know what to say. In reality, she had never known what to say to her. Yuffie had made up for it by saying everything, closing her eyes, crossing her fingers, and hoping that she said something she was really meant to say. She had spent a year trying to find herself and trying to find the words. But it didn't matter.

It really just didn't matter. Even if Yuffie had been able to understand... even if maybe it would have just taken her some time... Tifa was not willing to give it to her. She had plainly stated what she believed to be true. Yuffie did not understand. It was burned into Yuffie's mind that she did not understand. That she had nothing in common with the band of kids who sat so quietly and so nervously in that one silent room. Those kids who were teased and abused because nature made them one way and not another.

I have nothing in common with them, I am not one of them, I hate them, I hate them, I hate them...

And so, misunderstood and burning with the embarrassment of being such a fool, Yuffie began to scream.

"I hate you!"

I would have followed you to any club you wanted to go to... It was high school and we were all stupid kids.

"I fucking hate you!"

But you, Tifa, were the stupidest of all, I think. You went on and on about how I didn't understand you and how I was dumb to think I could ever understand what you were going through. ...But we're all in the same sort of boat, really. You just chose to run yours ashore and drown everything about you. That's the only difference between us.

You're the type of person who gives up and drowns on the inside like that.

I'm the type of person who will always come paddling on home. Even if it takes all night.

x x x

"You can see me."

"...Yeah." Yuffie swallowed nervously and bit her bottom lip. "I can."

"But why? You seem so old."

"I'm not really old. ...A friend of yours told me so."

"You mean Cloud?"

"Yeah."

"...What is your name?"

"Yuffie."

"...Yuffie..." She traced the outline of Yuffie's finger pressed against the glass. She smiled sadly and spoke quite slowly. She did not seem to understand much of anything. Or it simply may have been that the two of them were on different planes of thinking altogether.

"Sometimes, Yuffie, the only way we can survive is by forgiving ourselves. I believe that you forgave her long ago, but in doing so, forgot to do the same for yourself. Only adults are so selfish. Are you really so young? You're growing old so young and staying young so old. You're all mixed up, aren't you?"

Yuffie swallowed again and tried to nod her head, but discovered she couldn't move.

The faerie nodded again, staring dead on at Yuffie as she finally said, "You need to learn, Yuffie. You understand. You just need to learn."

It was the last time Yuffie ever saw the other faerie. Later she would wonder if it was just a dream. But for what it was worth, it felt real. It did not look real and it certainly did not seem real within her brain. But it was something much deeper than that which struck a resounding chord and assured Yuffie of one very simple fact.

All of it was real.

x x x

After that day, Yuffie found herself doing a whole lot of thinking. Her magical little subconscious was having a field day working up the rest of her mind and shoving it into overdrive quite gleefully, laughing all the way to the mental bank. It went something like that, at any rate. So Yuffie was not at all surprised to discover that some part of herself, and a very large part at that, had come to a certain conclusion.

If she was, in fact, attracted to girls, she might as well be attracted to Kairi, right? It seemed that Kairi already was attracted to her, so that easily eliminated a huge chunk of the problem. She knew that Kairi was gay herself, she knew that the other girl was no involved in any sort of relationship, and most importantly, she was relatively certain of the fact that Kairi was just a nice girl overall.

...Plus, she had a really cute mouth.

At any rate, Yuffie came to this conclusion and found that for once in her life, she was going to act on it. She was determined to do so and she had set off out of her apartment to hunt down Kairi. ...Yes, she'd tried to hunt down Kairi... countless times, in fact. But the other girl was nowhere to be found.

It was as though she had dropped off the face of the earth entirely.

Yuffie pondered all this as she sat in one of the town's few diners, situation on a lonely corner of a rather barren street. She knew that The Emporium was just down the street and around the bend. She knew that the nail salon Kairi worked at was only a block or so away, the local real estate agency somewhere around there. And yet no matter how close she was to these places and to these people, Yuffie still suddenly felt horribly and inescapably alone.

The waiter came by to refill her little mug of coffee, but only poured about half a cup's worth before he was distracted. Yuffie glanced up, about to tell the waiter off for being as irresponsible asshole, but saw that the source of his distraction was no more than his girlfriend, popping in from the rain to the shelter of the diner, shaking off her umbrella gently and shooting the boy across the counter a bright and cheerful grin.

Never before had Yuffie felt quite as jealous as she did right then.

So she stifled the feeling, stifled her nasty comments for the damn waiter. She stifled it all and reached for the creamer seated in the middle of the countertop and drowned her coffee in creamy goodness. So there, she thought bitterly.

Her attention drifted in and out, finally landing on the newspaper lying on the stool next to her. Someone must have forgotten it, she figured. She glanced around for a moment before picking it up. Before lazily leafing through it, a bored expression scrawled across her face as she did so.

Don't they have any comics in these things anymore?

Flipping through the paper, Yuffie breezed past the horoscopes. Libra- Lost in a world that moves too fast or too slow, you're feeling confused. Don't push your friends away during this time when you need them most. Only you can find the answer, but it's a long and lonely road ahead.

What a load of bullshit, Yuffie thought.

But it was at that moment that Yuffie felt that strange prickly sensation picking up on the back of her neck. That weird feeling that comes from being watched. Yuffie shoved the paper away. She glanced left, she glanced right. ...Everyone seemed very caught up in their mediocre meals and conversation. ...So then just who the hell was spying on her?

Kairi!

Kairi was there, right outside the oversized window of the diner. The dismal gray weather hung around her, but stayed away all at the same time. Nothing would dare to touch her because she was Kairi, of course, and rain just simply wasn't allowed to lay its filthy hands on her.

She stood there then, looking into the diner. ...Or at least, it seemed like she was looking in. Yuffie had been almost certain that the other girl had been looking at her, but after a split second, Yuffie corrected herself. Kairi wasn't looking at Yuffie. Kairi was looking at her own reflection in the window, a somewhat puzzled expression on her face as she paused and lifted her fingers to brush a stray strand of hair out of her face.

Kairi shook her head just so slightly and bent down to straighten one of her socks. Yuffie averted her gaze, mentally kicking herself for trying to stare in the first place. The last thing she was about to do was to be caught drooling like a rapid ape when all Kairi was trying to do was fix her sock. ...But...

When Yuffie looked up, Kairi was gone.

...Crap!

Yuffie bolted from her stool by the counter leaving her coffee unfinished and unpaid for, but the waiter didn't seem to notice. He was still too busy talking up his girlfriend.

Without a second thought, Yuffie hurriedly looked around cursing her own stupidity and trying to figure out where the hell Kairi could've disappeared to so quickly. There! A streak of red hair somewhere over by... over by the entrance to the park! Kairi was cutting through the park! Hurry! To the Batmobile!

Changing her tune to curse her stupid brain, Yuffie dashed madly down the sidewalk, raced across the street and plowed into the park, sneakers hitting the slick concrete with slippery squeaks and thuds. She was getting really out of shape and she cursed herself for that too. Man, why am I such an idiot all the time!

"Hey!" Kairi's shoulder quite visibly tensed, but she didn't respond other than that. If anything she just walked a little faster, arms swinging at her sides, skinny legs hurrying to keep up with the pace she demanded of them as Yuffie shouted again, "Hey, Kairi, hold up!" ...And still nothing. "Kairi!"

Finally Yuffie began to catch up. Maybe she wasn't quite as out-of-shape as she'd thought. "Listen..." she started.

"I'm sorry, but I have somewhere I have to be going right now..."

"Please?"

"...Go away, Yuffie..."

"Don't be stubborn now."

"..." Kairi said nothing.

"Aww, Kai, sheesh."

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Kairi flung up her hands and drew to a sudden halt, nearly catching Yuffie off guard when she rolled her eyes and said, "Well what is it then?"

Well now that she had Kairi, what exactly was it that Yuffie wanted to say? Damn. She figured she'd improvise and hope she'd be hit by a divine inspiration in the midst of it.

"...Um... you remember that time you... er, I mean, I called you?"

"...Yeah, so?"

"And we were listening to that song."

"Mmhm. The Postal Service. Brand New Colony. What about it?"

What Yuffie wanted to say was completely different from what she actually did say. What she wanted to say was this:

I heard this song by this other band. You know. Some weird band. Called The Flaming Lips, or whatever. It was called 'Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots.' And you know, I heard that song and I didn't think about it or anything. But now I know you and now I think, 'That's totally you in that song.' You're Yoshimi, you know? The song... it's like, this one guitar...

You know.

And then this guy sings about Yoshimi- 'Oh Yoshimi, they don't believe me, but you won't let those robots eat me.' The song's about Yoshimi... I mean, duh it's about Yoshimi. She fights pink robots and all. But... you know. In the real world, Kairi, you're fighting giant pink robots all the time! And no one's ever told you that before and no one ever will- I'm the only person who will ever tell you about these pink robots you're fighting for me.

But you're fighting 'em. And you're fighting 'em every day of your whole damn life because you're that good. You're just that damn good, you know?

There was Yuffie, letting her stifled brain run off with her again. She was standing there with what she thought must have been the most idiotic expression on her face, eyes wide and mouth hanging sort of open and everything. Kairi was looking at her expectantly, the look on her face clearly asking her where the hell she was going with all this.

Yuffie had the words- she had them right there, all scripted out for her, thanks to her subconscious at work. But...

Though Yuffie now knew what she wanted to say, she inwardly kicked herself as she lamely spat out, "Don't you think it's weird, I mean? The exact same freaking song at the exact same freaking moment. ...The freaking faeries and this whole crazy other-worldly stuff going on. I mean, you have to think it's weird."

Kairi gave Yuffie a small look and Yuffie herself didn't quite understand what it meant. Was it one of curiosity or a look that said something more along the lines of 'Man, you really are as dumb as a fencepost, aren't you?' She didn't know and she didn't dare ask. She simply waited for Kairi to respond.

And respond Kairi did. She smiled, tucked her arms behind her back, and said, "I remember a while back, when it all first began to start happening, I kept waking up each morning and thinking it was all a dream. But nope. I was still there on Larxene's floor." Kairi laughed at that before simply nodding once and saying, "Cloud is real, Yuffie."

"...I know. I didn't think so when I first saw him, but... now I know. Other people see him too and..." Yuffie trailed off, feeling stupid and awkward.

"'And I don't feel so alone and crazy knowing that.' Something like that, right?" Kairi grinned at Yuffie. Yuffie managed a small, nervous smile back.

Why the hell am I so afraid of her?

"Yeah, something like that," Yuffie said. "Do... do you know what he was talking about? When he said each one of us was...flawed or... missing something?"

"Do you mean have I figured it out?"

"...Yeah..."

"...I... don't think so. Not yet. I don't know where to start. Everyone always says how short life really is, but from here it just seems so long. I don't even know where to start... And I don't even know if there's anything I can do to change it."

"That's just it though. What if there's nothing we can do? Why are we all so messed up?"

"Come on, do you really think I know?" Kairi asked jokingly as she rolled her eyes and shot Yuffie a little smirk. The two of them came to a halt in the park as Kairi cocked her head to the side and seemed to think her words over for a moment before saying, "I believe in Cloud, Yuffie. I know everyone else might not, but I do. I don't think we're all hallucinating and it doesn't feel like a dream. I know it's real now. I have to do something. I have to at least try."

Silence followed. Yuffie didn't know what to say. She didn't know if she should tell Kairi about the other faerie she'd seen in the old mill Naminé took care of. She didn't know if she should tell her how strange the other faerie had seemed, how different from Cloud she was. She didn't know where her thoughts were leading her, and for that matter, she didn't know where her emotions were leading her either.

But finally Yuffie bit her bottom lip. She looked around. She stuffed her hands in her pockets.

"You wanna keep walking?"

"Sure."

They walked like that, side by side, for half an hour. Neither knew quite where they were going and neither seemed to care. Kairi's hands were in her pockets, Yuffie's hands were clasped behind her head. Neither tried to touch the other and neither tried to speak a word.

No one ever wants to be the one to break the ice.

Because the one who breaks the ice is always the one who falls in first.

x x x

Cloud spent his days perched on Leon's shoulder, looking out on the human world with a great deal of interest. He never failed to be intrigued by how they all went about their daily lives with such devotion and always seemed to have such a purpose in everything they did. Granted, Cloud didn't quite understand half the things they did in the first place, but...

He didn't even have any idea what exactly it was that Leon and Larxene sold in Axel's little shop of his, either.

"Leon, what's this?"

"Cloud, don't sit on that, please."

"Larxene, I don't get it. What's this thing supposed to do?"

"Well you see, you strap that thing on around your-"

"Larxene!"

"What? He asked, didn't he? For crying out loud, Leon, I'm sure faeries have sex too!"

"...Leon?"

"What."

"What's sex?"

It helped Cloud's case that none of the customers who trickled into the store could see him. Several of them were disturbed by something rustling around in the box of condoms, but most of them forced themselves to overlook it and assumed they were suffering from one of three things. Either they hadn't gotten enough sleep, they hadn't eaten enough for breakfast, or they were all higher than a kite at the time, in which case, seeing a shifty-looking box of condoms was the least of their worries.

But yes, Cloud was quite happy living with Leon. It was much better, he figured, than staying locked up in that old mill all day with no one to talk to other than Naminé, during her occasional visits to go about her job there. ...Well... there had always been the others, but...

"Cloud, where are you?"

"In here!"

"Get out of there already! You're freaking people out!"

"Sorry!"

But... they weren't really like him. Cloud had never really figured out why, even to that day. Ever since he'd left them, they'd become more like lifeless puppets than anything else. They didn't eat, they didn't sleep. And they never, ever cried. I sleep and I eat, Cloud thought to himself. But when he came to the third object of concern, he had to admit a drawn blank.

I don't think I've ever cried though... Even when he left. I just felt more empty than anything else. Empty... and a little betrayed, I guess.

As Leon closed up shop for the day and began to make his way home, Cloud slowly began to have a bit of a revolution inside his tiny body. It was not the same wave of emotion that Kairi had experienced. It was not the strange swaying, the swinging back and forth from one side to the other that Yuffie seemed to be going through. It seemed as though it was different for everyone, and for Cloud it just happened to be slow and steady, an almost pleasant thing that began to dawn upon him.

It was Cloud's first experience with that sort of emotion and it hit him harder than anything he'd ever known. Nothing in his heart or brain could comprehend what it was rushing through him right then, why it felt so otherworldly to him and why his body felt like it was stretching in all directions. For a second, he even had visions of his tiny little body exploding into a thousand little pieces.

But... That wasn't it.

I don't understand...

It was a sudden desire to stay with Leon, as cold and as silent as he could be. He was different from any human that Cloud had ever known, and though he'd never really had a wide selection of humans to deal with, Leon was... special. ...For lack of a better word. Cloud really didn't have to vocabulary to support him, honestly.

And so his mind put it all into terms he could understand, as simple as they were and as bland as they seemed.

He looks so sad... But... I feel like I have to make him happy. I don't know why, but I just want so badly to see him smile or something. I don't know!

It was the desire to take both hands, however small they were, and hold the world in his palms for Leon and say to him, "Here you go, you can have it, it's all yours." And Cloud regarded the silent shaggy haired wonder in such a way that it made him begin to doubt both himself and his creator.

For the first time ever, Cloud wanted to be selfish. Cloud did not want to let Leon go.

"Leon..."

"Hn?"

"...Um... n-nevermind."

x x x

Yuffie would have scrawled her love for all to see across the walls, but she feared that she'd only go blind from it in the end. Or worse, it would all be nothing but a scramble of foreign symbols to her. She had come crashing into reality with such a jolt that it left her standing and reeling in her living room, wondering just where the hell she was.

Tifa, it seemed, was right all along.

Yuffie did not understand. She didn't understand anyone else and she didn't understand herself. She never had and perhaps she never would be able to. The very thought caused poor Yuffie to plunk rather lifelessly onto the nearest object that she assumed would support her weight.

It just happened to be a cardboard box.

...And it just happened to be unable to support her weight.

That was how Yuffie found herself with tears building up in her eyes for the first time in years. My eyes are drowning! Bail them out! She blinked crazily and scrambled to reach for the phone on the end table beside her, but only succeeded in tipping her cardboard prison over in the process.

And that was how Yuffie came to call Larxene's apartment, wedged sideways in a tipped-over cardboard box in her living room.

"Hello?"

"...Larxene?"

"Uh huh. And this would be?"

"It's Yuffie."

"Ahh, my dear friend Ducky. How's it going? Come to terms with your sexuality yet? I've got a certain little redhead here whose sex drive is absolutely plummeting, let me tell- Shit, Kairi, that fucking hurt!" There was a loud clatter on Larxene's end of the phone, several curses on Larxene's part and a yowl from Kairi that went something like "Give me the phone, Larxene!"

Finally, Yuffie heard Kairi's breathless "Hello?" and took a gulp of fresh air herself. It was now or never.

"Um... yeah. Hi Kairi. Listen, I'm just going to keep talking and you can cut me off whenever you feel like it because really, when I say I'm going to keep talking, I actually do mean that I'm going to keep talking. Or if you just want to hang up the phone right now, well that's fine too. But I think that I should just say whatever it is that I think I'm trying to say right now and get it over with because... um, just because I think that it'd be good for me. Like... I think I sort of have to do it.

"I'm not mad at you for kissing me. I just wanted to let you know. I really didn't mind it at all and actually... well, I mean, you know how I've sort of been a homophobic bitch all along? Yeah, well, this might sound a little crazy after all that, but I don't know if I'm really homophobic. Like, I don't even think I really know much about myself at all. So me saying I'm homophobic is really pretty much a shot in the dark for me.

"I can't say I'm straight either. And I can't say I'm a lesbian. I can't even say I'm bisexual because I'm just that confused. I don't know what I am and it's... um... well, it's just frustrating me. The few things I do know don't add up to anything that I think really resembles me, but as I've already told you, I have almost no hold at all on who I think I am. Maybe I'm not even much of a person or something, maybe I'm just more of a body, I guess. I don't know. That sounded depressing.

"I'm not depressed, I'm just confused. I'm not mad at you and I never was. I've just always been... well, just like I said. I've always been confused. And it's really no better now than it was when I was a stupid bumbling kid in high school. I don't know if I like girls or guys. I don't know if I like both. I could be asexual and I probably wouldn't even know that either. But what I'm trying to say... I mean... you know. The whole reason I called and the whole reason I've been trying to explain for the last, like... three minutes...

"I really like you. I like being around you and I like talking to you. I like seeing you smile and to be absolutely blunt and perfectly honest, I like looking at you, too. ...That came out sounding really lame, so if you could pretend I never said it, that would be great. But... I don't know if liking you means like... you know. Liking you in a girlfriend sort of way. So I'm not asking you out! ...I didn't mean for that to sound so mean...

"Dammit... um... listen, what I'm trying to get at here is that I do like you. I know I like you in a perfectly platonic way at the very least, I mean. I at least know that much. That's sorta one of the few things I really do know. So... I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. If that means I'm supposed to hang out with you more or figure out just exactly what extent my liking goes... I seriously have no idea. Clearly I'm an absolute idiot and haven't the slightest clue what I'm doing. But if it's okay, I would really, really like to go on a sort of semi-not-real-sort-of-just-kind-of-friends-or-something date with you."

On the other end of the line, Kairi was smiling so brightly, Larxene thought that she would go absolutely blind. The auburn hair girl nodded and grinned, grinned and nodded, and even though Yuffie couldn't possibly see it, Kairi somehow hoped that her own elation could be conveyed in her words "Of course, Yuffie."

"...Phew. Man. Okay. Well that's a relief. I thought you'd think I was insane or something."

"I'd never think that!"

"Well thanks. But can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure, anything!"

"...Can you come over here?"

"Um... Yuffie?"

"No, no, no. Nothing like that. I'm just stuck, is all."

"...You're stuck?"

"Yeah, well, it's a bit of a long story."

x x x

Later that evening, Mr. Tigi was wheeled into an operation room and put under anesthesia. Leon didn't notice how deeply Cloud slept in his soap dish beside his bed.

But Leon did sit and stare out the window. And he did wonder.

(x) (x) (x)

Sorry for the huge delay. Vacations and sudden school duties eat my soul alive. ...Dammit, what chapter are we on? Ah right. Eight. Two more chapters to go after this. ...This chapter was definitely not supposed to be so long and Yuffie-centered. Oops.