Disclaimers: See the first chapter.
Snippets From the Potterverse
Chapter 44 - Defense Against The Dark Arts, Part 1
The thing that was most puzzling this year was that Hogwarts had yet to find the latest Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Since the beginning of the year, Defense Against the Dark Arts classes had been devoted to study hall'. Hermione often spent study hall huffing that it was a waste of time, but Harry and Ron were pleased to have a chance to get some homework done during the day.
I wonder why we still haven't got a teacher, Hermione sighed one morning early in November.
Harry shrugged. Dumbledore's been having trouble finding one, looks like.
Maybe no one's stupid enough to take it, Ron piped up. What with the curse and all.
Oh, Ron, the job isn't cursed, that's just stupid superstition! Hermione snapped.
Hermione was apparently right (as always), because the next day a sign went up in the Gryffindor common room, announcing that a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher had been found. It also gave the schedule for the lessons. Excited and interested to see who the new teacher was, Hermione, Harry, and Ron arrived early for the lesson. (They knew it couldn't have been Umbridge again. The Daily Prophet had reported she had died in July as a result of brutal toaster-related violence.)
The new professor looked... odd. He had bright red hair and scary red makeup. He wore a red-and-yellow set of robes embroidered with yellow M's, and huge red shoes. Actually, he rather looked like a clown.
His name was Professor R. McDonald.
Professor McDonald went about calling the roll, each person responding as he called their name. However, he didn't simply say, Dean Thomas' or Harry Potter' or Neville Longbottom'. He would shout out, Harry Potter! Do you believe in MAGIC?! And when Harry (or whomever else Professor McDonald called on) said yes, Professor McDonald would grab hold of his own large, red nose and honk it enthusiastically.
It was the strangest thing Harry, Ron, or Hermione had ever experienced, even after all the things they'd been through and all the people they knew.
Finally, the roll was called and Professor McDonald began the lesson.
Well. If Hermione had thought her Defense Against the Dark Arts was being wasted before, it was nothing compared to now. Professor McDonald began going on about battling something he called The Evil King Burger'. Apparently The Evil King Burger' was a dangerous force, even more powerful than Lord Voldemort. The Evil King Burger' would stop at nothing to run a monopoly among the fast-food business. The Evil King Burger' was a horrible monster, and it had to be stopped by the only means possible - magic!
The students stared back at their new professor, utterly speechless.
Professor McDonald reached over and took a chicken nugget from a box on his desk and stuck it in his mouth as he continued to lecture. Suddenly, he gasped and grabbed at his throat. He gagged, then fell over. He was dead. He had choked on the chicken nugget.
After they stopped laughing, the students alerted the headmaster.
