Disclaimers: See the first chapter.
Snippets From the Potterverse
Chapter 49 - Wee R the Death Eaters, Phear us!
Lord Voldemort was unhappy.
He was generally unhappy all of the time, mostly because Harry Potter was still alive. But today he was doubly unhappy. For some reason he couldn't explain, the wizarding community was no longer as afraid of him and his servants as they used to be. It was quite puzzling, but Voldemort had an idea why no one feared them anymore. He, for one, was being continuously beaten by a scrawny boy. His Death Eaters were incompetent fools who could not carry out even the most rudimentary of his schemes. And someone from the Daily Prophet had dubbed him Mouldy Voldie', which had led to his being laughed at quite often.
It was infuriating. As an evil leader, Voldemort couldn't just let this slide!
Not to mention Skeletor and Sauron had been flicking spitballs at him all through this year's Annual Bad Guy Convention.
So Mouldy Voldie - sorry, Voldemort - had an idea. He would get his Death Eaters together to plan how they would fix their public image.
The first one to show up was Lucius Malfoy. Voldemort stared. Lucius was wearing his hair in a ponytail, tied with a huge bow. What was this, the Chamber of Secrets' movie?
Good morning, My Lord! Lucius said cheerfully, plopping down in one of the folding chairs scattered throughout the room. He immediately took out a makeup case and a mirror, and began applying purple gunk to his eyelids.
Bellatrix Lestrange followed shortly, carrying a huge mallet and dragging her husband Rodolphus by the arm, as her brother-in-law Rabastan followed. Rabastan looked around and grunted, disappointed by the lack of a buffet table. What? No refreshments?
Voldemort groaned to himself. Over the next few minutes the others arrived - Wormtail, Avery, Rookwood, Crabbe, Goyle, Nott, Macnair, Dolohov, Jugson, Mulciber and Snape. Ignoring Snape's large turban, which emitted a whirring noise much like that of a tape recorder and had a camera lens set into it, Voldemort got up behind his podium.
Ah! My Death Eaters! he said loudly. I have called you here to address an important problem!
What, the fact that there's no snacks? Rabastan asked loudly.
Shut up! Crucio! Voldemort yelled. After a few minutes of watching Rabastan twitch, he released the curse and returned to his speech. My Death Eaters, I am afraid the wizarding community does not find us as awe-inspiring and fearsome as they once did!
A collective gasp.
So we need to figure out how to boost our public image back to Super-Evil'! We need a slogan that makes people say, Hey! They're scarier than Satan!
Er.... how about We are the Death Eaters, fear us'? Lucius suggested after much thought.
There was a long pause. Then Voldemort nodded. Yes! That'll do it! Wormtail! he barked. Go! Write us a sign that says We are the Death Eaters! Fear us!' We shall carry it with us, and soon everyone will learn to fear Lord Voldemort and his followers once more!! Oh, he added, Don't forget to note that we are scarier than Satan!
Yes, My Lord! Wormtail said, and scampered off to do his lord's evil bidding.
Twenty minutes later, he was back, carrying a big piece of cardboard. All done! he said proudly.
Voldemort cackled. Now, into your Death Eater robes, my Death Eaters! We will have a Death Eater parade!
But as the Death Eaters marched around London with their sign, they got laughed at more than they ever had.
Their sign read:
WEE R THE DEATH EATERS! PHEAR US! WE'RE SCARIER THAN STAN!'
Voldemort had forgotten that Wormtail was a horrible speller.
