Disclaimers: See the first chapter.
Snippets From the Potterverse
Chapter 50 - Chat-Up Lines
Harry was determined to find a girlfriend. So, he decided to try speed dating.
The popularity of speed dating was so high that Hogwarts was having a speed dating session for anyone who wished to try. Harry wanted to try. So he signed up, and wrote a letter to his godfather asking for some conversation starters. Sirius complied with a long list of the best chat-up lines he could think of, so on the night of the event, Harry stood in front of the mirror in his dorm, fixing his hair and practising his favourite lines.
When he was ready, he went downstairs and into the Great Hall. The House tables had been cleared away, and twenty-five small tables and sets of chairs were set up in their place. The whole idea was for each boy to take a seat at one of the tables. A girl would join him. Then they would have exactly three minutes to get to know each other. After three minutes, a whistle would blow, and the first girl would leave and another would arrive. After each date', the boy and girl would mark their date's' number and name on a card, and whether or not they'd like to see them again.
It was going to be a snap. Harry sat down and was immediately joined by Padma Patil. He smiled and eyed her.Hi, Padma... Say, what's your sign?
She gave him a disgusted look. That's the oldest line in the book! And with that, she got up and left, leaving Harry sitting foolishly alone until the whistle blew.
His next date' was Susan Bones. She was wearing a purple frock scattered with white birds. Harry grinned. You look lovely in that frock, dear.... I'd love to see you without it.... what d'you say?
Susan slapped him across the face, and got up to leave. Once more, Harry was stuck sitting alone.
Next was Hannah Abbot. She smiled warmly at him as she sat down. He smiled back. Hi, Hannah. Guess what? I'm a Seer, you know. I can predict the two of us having fun tonight! So, what d'you say... want to fulfill our destinies?Predict this, jerkwad, Hannah snarled, and punched him in the nose.
Harry pressed a tissue to his bloody nose. He was soon joined by Pansy Parkinson, who glared at him.
Um... hi? he offered.
Sod off, Potter! Pansy kicked him in the shin.
Marietta Edgecombe was next. Harry tried his best to smile. Hi, Marietta. Hey, does your hair always look that way, or do you just get out of bed looking like that?
He had meant it as a compliment, but Marietta didn't see it as one. She slapped him and stalked off.
The same thing happened with the next girl. And the next. And the next.
Much later that night, Harry staggered up to the dorm beaten, bruised, and bleeding. He couldn't understand where he had gone wrong. He had done exactly what Sirius had told him to do. What had gone wrong?
Harry, what's wrong? Hermione asked.
No one seemed to like what I said to them, Harry said unhappily.
Well, what did you say? Here, talk to me the same way you talked to them.
Harry tried to remember one of Sirius' lines, looking at his friend. Finally, he said timidly, Er - capital knockers?
Hermione punched him in the nose.
