Disclaimers: See the first chapter.

Snippets From the Potterverse

Chapter 64 - Psycho Killer, Qu'est-ce Que C'est?

A week after Christmas, just a few days before the children were to return to Hogwarts, Rita Skeeter's article about Sirius appeared in the Daily Prophet. Sirius seemed too nervous to open the paper; his hands were shaking as he took it from Hedwig.

"I can't do it," he said helplessly, thrusting the paper at Hermione. "You read it! I'm too nervous."

Hermione took the paper and opened it to the right page. She cleared her throat and began to read:

"'As a reporter, I've come across many things in the world that have astounded me, even left me speechless. I thought I'd seen it all, until the day I met one Sirius Black.'"

"That sounds like a promising opening," Ron mumbled sarcastically.

"'He seemed like a normal enough man on first sight, though his hair was much longer than regulation and he needed a shave quite badly; I also believe his cologne was Eau de Werewolf. His lover and godson slipped away even before I could say hello, but I got all I needed to know from Mr. Black himself. Perhaps more than I wanted to know.

'When I asked him about Azkaban, he shuddered violently and refused to talk in detail about it. 'None of your business', he said shortly, gulping down the last half of his drink and immediately ordering another. He seemed quite tipsy already; I wondered how much he had had to drink before arriving. The man is clearly an alcoholic.'"

"WHAT!" Sirius cried in despair, interrupting Hermione. "I am not! This woman is totally blowing it out of proportion! I had three drinks at the Three Broomsticks! That's it!"

"I told you she'd slander you," Harry said. Hermione resumed reading.

"'I finally gave up pursuing the Azkaban query; he was trembling at the mere idea of it. Instead, I moved on to his relationship with Harry Potter. After all, being godfather and sole guardian of the Boy Who Lived must be a trial. But Mr. Black laughed it off, downing another drink and laughing loudly and crudely. 'It's easy, being a parent,' he said dryly. 'A few whacks every now and then will do it.'"

The others looked shocked; Sirius was outraged. "I didn't say that!" he cried. "I'd never hit Harry! Or any of you kids, for that matter!"

Hermione nodded, looking upset, and began reading again. "'When asked about his relationship with Remus Lupin, werewolf and ex-Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts, Mr. Black responded that he and Mr. Lupin had been together since their Hogwarts days. It is clear to this reporter that Mr. Black was more interested in the sexual aspects of the relationship. 'Werewolves are great, if you get what I mean,' he said to me - or at least, that's what it sounded like; his words were quite slurred by now.'"

Remus growled. "How dare she!" he burst out furiously. "That evil woman! She's making my Siri out to be a child-abusing drunk with nothing but sex on his mind!"

Sirius moaned.

"'I asked Mr. Black if he was implying something. He merely responded with a lecherous wink, and I noticed that he was eyeing one of the men over at the next table.'"

"No!" Sirius cried in horror. "No, no! Remmie! I never would! I love you! She's lying!"

Remus sniffled." Am I that horrible to be with, that you have to check out other men at pubs!"

"No, love! I wasn't looking at anyone else! That wretched woman is making things up again!"

Remus huffed. "And after you bought me that lovely present -"

"Moony! I swear, it's not true!" Sirius looked desperate.

"'But the final blow came when our meal arrived,'" Hermione continued loudly, cutting off the argument. "'I asked Mr. Black how he felt, being accused of murdering thirteen people, being responsible for the deaths of his godson's parents, and being known as a murderer. When I did, he became so angry that he -'" she blinked rapidly. "'- that he - he grabbed my hair and smashed my face into my dinner. So I must conclude that Mr. Black is an - i-insane murderer, and should not have slipped through the cracks of our shoddy judicial system.'"

Everyone was silent as Hermione finished reading. All eyes were on Sirius.

"So I smashed her face into her dinner," Sirius said grudgingly. "What's wrong with that?"

"I wish I had been there to see it," Harry sighed.

Fred grinned and put an arm around Sirius' shoulders. "Congratulations, mate. Now you look like an even crazier psycho murderer than you already did."

Sirius burst into tears.