Disclaimers: See the first chapter.

Snippets From the Potterverse

Chapter 72 - Crookshanks The Prince, Part Two

Though Ron hated Crookshanks as he was now, the entire female population (and some of the male population) of Hogwarts, Hermione included, was head-over-heels for him.

"He's so gorgeous!" Parvati Patil sighed one morning, as she and Lavender passed Ron by without a glance, making him feel like a slug.

"It's so not fair that Hermione gets all the hot guys," Lavender pouted. "First she's hanging around with Viktor Krum, and then Sirius Black... and now Crookshanks..."

"Crookshanks is her cat!" Ron burst out furiously.

The two girls gave him withering glances. "Maybe he was, " Parvati replied scathingly, "But now he's a really hot prince. Come on, Lavender, let's go see him! He must be at breakfast with Hermione by now!"

Ron followed slowly as the girls leaped out of the portrait hole and tore down to breakfast. Halfway down he encountered Harry, who was walking just as slowly and looking just as gloomy.

"What's up, mate?" Ron mumbled.

"Cho fancies Crookshanks now," Harry moaned. Both boys felt hugely dejected.

"Dejector, rejector, infector, detector!" sang James Hetfield, holding an impromptu "Dirty Window" jam in the middle of the corridor.

Miserably, Harry and Ron ignored the singing and entered the Great Hall. Already a huge mob of students was clustered around the Gryffindor table. Ron and Harry squeezed through to take seats across from Hermione, who was being waited on by the cheerfully smiling Crookshanks.

"More juice, my lady?" he was asking, holding a pitcher of pumpkin juice aloft. Hermione nodded, and Crookshanks poured it for her, his gingery hair shining in the sunlight pouring through the windows, his skin looking as white and delicious as cream. He was so beautiful that even the mundane task of pouring juice seemed somehow holy when he did it.

Ron scowled. Quite the audience had collected to gawk at Crookshanks. Among them were Parvati, Lavender, Hannah, Susan, Cho, Luna, Ginny, Pansy, Millicent Bulstrode, Professor McGonagall, Professor Sprout, Draco Malfoy, and, for some reason, Sirius, Remus, and Dumbledore. All were gazing at the cat-turned-prince with sappy smiles on their faces.

"Oh, Hermione, you're so lucky!" Ginny sighed.

"I would kill to have someone like that," Cho gushed. Harry gripped his goblet so hard his knuckles were white.

"Miss Granger, could we trouble you to borrow your friend?" Professor Sprout and Professor McGonagall said in unison.

"I'll give Gryffindor five thousand points if you let me have him for fifteen minutes!" Dumbledore offered.

"Hermione, may I please , please have hot, kinky, gay sex with your cat?" Sirius begged.

"Please, please," Crookshanks laughed. "I belong to Miss Hermione only! While I'm flattered... I love only her..." To prove his point, he kissed Hermione on the lips.

"AAAAUUUGHHH!" screamed Ron. He woke up and tumbled out of bed with a crash.

The lamp beside the next bed clicked on and Harry blinked down at his best mate, who was now sprawled on the floor in a tangle of bedclothes. "I guess the toadstool dreams haven't stopped yet, huh?"

"Please kill me," Ron whimpered.