Chapter Ten

The warmth of the sun…soaking into her dark fur…blue skies…soft grass…warm, comforting wind whistling past her ears. Sitting on a hill…overlooking a meadow of flowers… The atmosphere so calming…so bright…happy…

"Momma…" said a young dark furred fox, twisting her head to the right to look at her companion sitting next to her as her paws continued to work on the flower chain that was lying in her lap.

"Yes, dear?" Replied the taller fox in a soft, quiet voice, looking at her daughter with green eyes that matched the pair beside her, her own paws also working on a flower chain.

"Why do you cry all the time?" Asked the inquisitive kit. "Does poppa make you sad?"

"Yes, sometimes he makes me very sad." She replied honestly, her paws stopping their intricate work on the flowers.

"He makes me sad too and he scares me when he yells." The little fox replied looking down at her paws and the work she was doing with them.

"I know, darling, I'm sorry." The older fox said, dropping the flowers beside her on the ground and taking her daughter in her lap, "Do you remember the times when he wasn't as scary?"

The little kit turned her head to the side in thought. "A little bit. I kind of remember him holding me and smiling a lot. Why did he change so?"

"He got into a bad habit of drinking too much and making some bad friends…"

"Bad friends? Doesn't he know they are bad?"

"I guess not, sometimes when you drink too much and your mind is clouded you can't see the obvious." Her mother responded.

"I don't have bad friends, do I? Kaze-chan isn't bad, is he?" The little one asked urgently.

Her mother smiled gently and shook her head, "Kazetarou is a very nice friend."

The child grinned with a satisfied look on her face, but then her expression clouded over in worry again. "Momma, I don't want you to be sad though."

"Don't worry, sweetie. He may make me sad, but you make me very happy." The mother said with a smile as she hugged her daughter close to her.

"You make me very happy too, momma."

------

Voices

"It's growing dark, do you think we should set up camp here tonight?" Said a familiar male voice. "How's Darkstar doing?"

"It looks safe to camp here." Said another familiar male voice.

"Darkstar looks as though she's still sleeping. She must have been really exhausted to have slept this long," responded a female's voice.

"Well, wouldn't you be after defeating an adder practically single-pawed, and then having a near drowning experience?" Replied the first male voice.

"True…true." Came the response.

Her dream was over…The voices that she heard around her started to become more clear and distinct as the last remnants of her dream filtered out of her mind.

Darkstar kept her eyes closed as she half listened to the conversation going on between her friends and ran over her previous dream through her mind, not wanting to forget the precious little fragments of memories that come to her in her sleep. So her father was already abusive before her mother had died… What was the cause of her mother's death? Earlier he had blamed her… So confusing…it made her head spin trying to sort out the answers. Too many pieces of the puzzle were still missing.

Pushing her previous dream to the side, she opened her large green eyes and started to sit up slowly. Her strength had returned and she felt quite re-cooperated after her tiring day. Turning her eyes upwards, she saw the various shades of pink lining the sky and realized it must be near evening.

"Ah! Darkstar!" Karia exclaimed when she realized her friend had woken up. "Did you have a nice rest?"

The dark fox nodded her head and climbed to her feet. "How are you feeling?" Snowpaws asked as his head turned in her direction, his dark brown eyes clouded with worry as they bore into hers.

She looked at him and her stomach did flip-flops at the way he was staring at her. "Uuh…yes, much better, thank you." She managed to choke out as her head dropped towards the ground.

"Good," Snowpaws said smiling; a smile she did not see as her eyes suddenly seemed interested with something in the dirt.

----

As the group made small talk they were unaware of a pair of blue eyes peering out from atop some trees, their owner covered by the foliage and the increasing darkness in the heavens. Silently his eyes roamed over the group and fell on the male fox, his paw clenched and his jaw tightened as he continued to watch from his tree. Darkstar…

In a blur he was gone.

----

Darkstar suddenly turned her head at some nearby trees, her eyes narrowing as she tried to see through the thick branches and through the darkened sky.

"Something the matter?" Snowpaws asked, noting that her concentration had shifted.

Darkstar shook her head and looked back down at her companions. "No…it's just that…I thought I heard something."

Skipper shook his head, "I didn't hear anything, how about you guys?" He asked looking at the others.

Snowpaws and Karia also shook their heads and Darkstar shrugged. "I must be imagining things, then."

Soon after, her companions headed off to find the most comfortable spot they could find on the grass and soon the air was filled with the light and steady breathing of sleep of the travelers, except for one.

Darkstar sat looking up at the sky that was dotted with stars. It felt like a familiar past time that she had enjoyed in her early years.

Darkstar...

The wind seemed to be carrying her name in it. She looked at her sleeping companions…all were unconscious. She shook her head. "No one could be calling my name…"

Darkstar...

She heard her name again…this time more clear…more distinct. Her ears twitched, trying to find the direction of the caller.

Darkstar Ripclaw...

There…she got it. Standing up and grabbing her weapons she took off at a silent run. The more she ran, the louder she heard her name being called.

She rushed through the woods a little ways until she reached another clearing. In the middle stood a lone figure outlined by the moon, yet his features were hidden by the darkness and shadows. All that stood out were a pair of clear blue eyes that seemed to radiate a glow against the black sky he stood against.

They stood staring at each other for a good few seconds, yet the brief time that passed seemed like eternity. Crystal met emerald as their eyes locked. His presence felt familiar to her, and those blue eyes…those bright, clear eyes…

In a quick blur, flashes of the fragments of memories she could remember dashed before her eyes.

-----

"Darkystar!" Said the young boy fox with blue eyes, with a cheerful grin on his face. He placed a small crown of flowers on her dark head and laughed happily…

Flash

"Darkystar. . . don't cry. I won't ever leave you." The young fox said with a wide grin as his small paws wiped the tears from her eyes.

Flash

"Darkstar. . ." Kazetarou whispered as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm…I'm sorry…so sorry. . . Why can't I ever protect you?"

Flash

He kissed her lightly on her cheek and then got up, grabbing her paws as he went, helping Darkstar to her feet.

Flash

Taking her paw, he held it tightly in both of his. "Darkstar Ripclaw…I promise, for as long as I live, to always protect you. We will always be together, you and me…and I will always care for you."

----

"Who are you?" She asked tentatively, finally finding her voice as she started walking towards him, her paw lying lightly on her sickle.

"Don't come any closer, please…" He said, holding his paw up. The sound of his voice…the rich tenor sound…so comforting…gentle…strong…it sent chills up her spine. She stopped in her tracks, afraid that if she went any farther this stranger would run away.

"I know you…don't I?" She asked again.

"Darkstar…stop!" He cried out. "Stop trying to find your memories, please. Stop torturing yourself to find them!"

"You know me…you know my past. Tell me! Please! I beg you!" She pleaded with him, her paws reaching out towards him.

It took everything in his body to not allow himself to run towards her as her bright green eyes that he loved so much, begged for him to help her, comfort her, take away the pain she had from the pieces of memories she had remembered.

"Darkstar…my Darkstar…" He whispered.

"Go back to that abbey and live a quiet life! Forget about anything you've remembered from the past and live out your life to the fullest in happiness and warmth with your new friends! Going down the path you are taking now will only cause you more pain and suffering. Just forget! Please!" With that he quickly turned away and started off.

"Kazetarou…don't leave me…" She whispered.

The wind gathered her quiet words up and drifted them towards the large ears of the retreating figure. He balked…stopped dead in his tracks. His heart started beating quickly as he shut his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. Did she understand how much this hurt him to not be able to save her? To not be able to take away all her pain? No, of course not…she couldn't remember how much he loved her…how he'd do anything for her. It was better that way.

He turned his head, his blue eyes now boring into hers. "Please…forget about me." He replied calmly after regaining his composure. "Just…forget about everything." Then he turned his head back towards the front and was gone before she could blink.

She watched him go and then her knees hit the ground as she crumpled towards the floor. She had been so close. He held all the answers she was searching for, yet he refused to tell her. Why? Why!

She shut her eyes quickly against the tears starting to form, when she suddenly felt a pair of comforting paws touching her shoulders. Turning her head, she found herself staring into the warm brown eyes of Snowpaws who was kneeling beside her.

"What's the matter?" He asked, his voice brimming with concern.

She shook her head and ran her paw across her eyes. "Nothing…nothing." She replied quietly.

Snowpaws looked at her skeptically, but stayed quiet. She broke away from his touch and stood up. "Honestly, I'm alright." She said as she took a deep breath, "I'm suddenly feeling very tired, though, I think I'll head back to camp and get some rest." Snowpaws nodded and followed her back the way she came.

"Are you sure you're ok?" He asked her as they walked. She nodded in response.

"Darkstar, you don't have to tell me what's wrong, but just know that I'm here to help you if I can, and if anything, to at least listen." Snowpaws said gently.

"Thank you." Came the quiet response, but obviously not taking him up on his offer.

When the two reached camp again they parted ways. Snowpaws went back to his previous sleeping spot and Darkstar found a semi-comfortable spot and lay down, closing her eyes and pretending to sleep, but her mind was wide awake and would not let her rest.

He had to have been Kazetarou from her dreams and in what she could remember he cared deeply for her. If that were true, why wouldn't he tell her what she was looking for? Why wouldn't he answer her questions?

He was saving you from the horrible memories of your past… came the reasonable voice in her head.

No matter how much she looked at it, no matter how many times she ran through the conversation she had with him in her mind, it was the same. He just wanted her to forget and live a new life. A life free from any of the sins she probably committed in her past and free from the abusive memories from her father.

Still, unanswered questions continued to run through her mind as she soon found herself drifting off to sleep. Right before reaching the state of unconsciousness she found herself whispering to herself, "I'm not going to forget, Kazetarou. I'm not going to forget…"

----

The blue eyes from before silently watched her sleep, his body hidden by the branches of the tree he was sitting in. He looked down at her, his faced etched with sadness. I'm sorry, Darkstar-chan…I'm so sorry. But, darling…don't you see? You have a chance at leading a normal life now…a life free from the pain you've suffered. I just want you to take that chance and run with it, never looking back…even if that means forgetting about me. All I want is your happiness, Darkstar. I never want to see you hurt again, it tears me apart when I have to. Darkstar…if you continue on to find your memories you're only going to meet with pain and torture. Your father is looking for you…if he finds you…he will try and kill you again. Please…please, go back to Redwall. Please..