Disclaimer: I own nothing of LotR.
Warnings: Rated R for rape.
Sorry for all grammar and/or spelling mistakes. This shift isn't working that well for me (to say the least!) so there may be extra mistakes. I'll try to go through and get them later, but right now… it's too hot to stay here much longer…
Not too long of a wait, I hope. n.n So how is everyone? Good, good. Okay, I'll shut up.
This chapter is a bit… different than the others. I hope you still enjoy it, nonetheless. n.n
Unforgivable Pain
Chapter Twenty-three: Contentment
Legolas felt the warmth of the sun on him when he woke up. The warmth calmed him, for when he had first awoken he feared what he might find upon opening his eyes.
Keeping his eyes closed he let the comforting warmth rest on him. For the first time since Selaedir brutally raped and captured him, he felt relaxed, at ease; he did not want it to end.
He listened to the birds' songs as they fluttered from tree to tree, listened to the steady flow of water from a fountain below.
He relaxed further, his body no longer tense from fright, worry, anxiety, or anything that had recently been plaguing his restless mind. He had finally been given a break, a break from everything that had been torturing his broken mind for weeks now.
Aragorn, Elrond and Thranduil all shifted their weary gazes over to Legolas when they heard a sigh of contentment escape from their charge's lips. They were amazed when they saw how at peace the young elf looked.
The three exchanged a look of relief and settled back into their chairs, deciding to leave Legolas alone for the time-being, not wanting to disrupt him. None wanted him to breakdown again. It tore their hearts to pieces whenever the archer was brought to his knees in tears by the memories that now haunted him.
Aragorn closed his eyes, exhaustion fully taking over now that he knew Legolas was doing better. He didn't know what had caused this change but it was for the better and a definite improvement.
It had been four days since they had returned to Legolas and Thranduil, and neither Aragorn nor Elrond had received much sleep. He wasn't even sure if his father had at all, for when he drifted off, his gaze slipping from the young elf to the elder, he noticed Elrond was always watching Legolas. Not once had he seen his father's eyes glazed over in elven sleep… or even closed as they most likely would be by now from exhaustion.
Elladan had mostly kept in Elrohir's room (the younger twin had been moved just the other day), keeping a close eye on his other half. He would still make visits to Legolas, to make sure that he was doing well. Elrohir had also made his way to Legolas' room after he had demanded to see the archer. Having the last picture in his mind of the elf being when he had panicked and then passed out hadn't been very reassuring to the younger twin.
And who knew how much sleep Thranduil had had…
Elrond smiled as he watched his son finally fall into an unwilling, but healing, sleep. He was impressed with how long the human had been able to resist the call of sleep. Sure, he had drifted off to sleep times before, but they were never for more than thirty minutes.
The night of their return, after Thranduil had brought Legolas to his room, the two elder elves and human had stayed awake all night watching the scarred elf. Fortunately, Legolas hadn't been awoken by Elrond treating his injuries; only a few of them had reopened by some miracle, for which everyone was grateful for.
The elf-lord was actually pleased at the state of the wounds, since they were finally close to healed. However, his emotional wounds were no where close to healed, he was improving at least. He had also been pleased to notice that Legolas hadn't been clutching his chest as often anymore. Of course, he still felt the agony every once in a while, but it was no where near as severe or as often as before. It was an extremely good thing that they had returned when they had, if not… well, he didn't even want to think about it.
The following days were hard on the traumatized elf, but had been a lot easier than the first night. Legolas couldn't even explain his reaction only that, at times, he felt overwhelmed by his emotions, his fears, and couldn't control them, even if they were irrational.
Elrond looked over at Thranduil's tired gaze – much like his own – only his clearly said, 'You need to rest too.' Neither wished to converse for fear of waking Legolas from his reverie. They knew he needed the break, and he deserved it.
The elf-lord merely turned his eyes over to the balcony and the golden rays spilling through it sent gliding across the floor; onto Legolas' bed, as well as themselves.
The elf king didn't even try after that, knowing he'd never be able to convince the elf-lord to sleep, not anytime soon anyway. He knew he certainly wouldn't be able to sleep, even if Elrond tried to get him to.
"Estel." They heard moments later.
The two elder elves looked at the archer in surprise. He had been silent for minutes, though awake and they had not expected him to start talking anytime soon.
It had been a quiet call of his name but Aragorn still snapped awake and was immediately at his friend's side.
"I'm here, Legolas," the human said, trying to calm his nervousness. Dare he hope…?
"I'm sorry, mellon-nin," the archer said finally, opening his eyes to reveal saddened, but not frightened, blue orbs.
Aragorn could hardly contain his excitement when he had heard the young elf call him 'friend' again. It had been too long since he had done so.
Hoping he wouldn't get the wrong reaction, the ranger gently took Legolas' hand into his own. He let out an inward sigh of relief when the blonde only tensed slightly; then relaxed again. He couldn't believe how calm the younger elf was this morning. What had happened? What had helped him? Or was it the calm before the storm?
"For what?" Aragorn asked softly, glad that he finally had the opportunity to speak to his friend again; he just prayed he would be able to keep doing so.
"…How I have been acting towards you," the archer answered quietly, looking into the human's eyes for the first time in who knew how long. "I… I know you would never hurt me."
No words could have described how ecstatic, how relieved, how encouraged Aragorn felt at these words.
Thranduil and Elrond watched the younger elf in disbelief. They were extremely glad for this development and continued to watch in silence, not wanting to disturb the two.
"It's alright, mellon-nin. It is not your fault," the ranger said sincerely, squeezing the archer's hand reassuringly. "I only want you to recover. That's the important thing; I shall do everything I can to help."
Legolas had to blink back tears at the amount of compassion he heard in the human's words. He couldn't begin to explain how happy he was that the three (Elladan, Elrohir and Aragorn) had all survived their encounter with Selaedir. He wondered how well that went and what exactly had happened, but he was also fearful of hearing about the sadistic human again. All he needed to know right then was that they were alive.
"Hannon le, Estel," Legolas said touched by his friend's words.
Aragorn grinned broadly, overwhelmed by the blonde's behavior, not to mention eternally grateful.
To his disappointment, however, Legolas got up from his bed and Aragorn let go of his hand. He – and Thranduil and Elrond – watched as the archer walked over to the balcony going outside for the first time since he had arrived in his horrible condition.
Stepping out into the bright sunlight Legolas breathed in deeply, taking in the scents as he had taken in the sounds earlier.
"Estel," the younger elf beckoned the human.
Aragorn followed, almost wary about the formerly terrified elf's calm demeanor. He was glad of the chance to continue their conversation though.
The two fathers merely watched. They let Legolas do what he needed. This could only be helpful for him. Both had to keep an eye on events, however, just in case.
Aragorn dared to stand next to the archer near the railing overlooking the garden.
"You look similar to him… that's one of the reasons I cannot control my fear," Legolas suddenly said, unable to keep his gaze on the human. Aragorn's hair color and rugged features were too similar to Selaedir's… yet not at the same time. It was hard on him. He didn't know what to think. One thing was for sure, though: when he looked into his friend's eyes they were the exact opposite. In Aragorn's there was comfort, friendship, concern, encouragement, while in Selaedir's there was malice, anger, lust, greed, and a need for power, control.
Aragorn could see where Legolas was coming from. Clouded by his fears, and memories, he would look similar to Selaedir.
"It's alright, Legolas. I understand," the ranger said comfortingly.
"While I was still… within his control, the only thing that kept me alive was our promise," the younger elf said quietly, turning his eyes to look into Aragorn's surprised grey orbs. Before his capture the two friends had once again gotten into trouble and were seriously injured. They had promised each other that neither of them would give up without a fight for their life; that neither would leave the other.
Legolas had kept to his word and had fought as hard as he could even in the depths of his despair, for Aragorn, for his father, for his friends, for Elrond, who was like a second father. He fought for all of them, it was the only reason he was still alive: because of them and their continued support. Then, once he had escaped Selaedir, he began to rethink what he had done. He no longer wished to confront them, no longer wished for their comfort. He was ashamed of what had happened, what he had let happen; still was, and he thought they would never accept him and be ashamed of him in return. If he hadn't stumbled into Imladris on pure habit, he would have died weeks ago. That was, without a doubt, a fact.
Thranduil and Elrond exchanged a surprised glance. They, of course, had known that the two always ran into some type of trouble but they had never heard of any promises. Whatever had been promised between the two made them extremely grateful, for Legolas was kept alive because of it.
Aragorn didn't know what to say, he was just so overwhelmed, and immensely glad that the archer had been so adamant about keeping their promise. If he had been in Legolas' place he didn't know if he would have been able to keep it. He would have tried his hardest, but it must have been beyond unbearable. His continuing behavior depicted that well enough.
"Hannon le, mellon-nin," the human finally said. Legolas had no idea how much it meant to him, how much their friendship meant, how much he would have missed him, how saddened he and everyone else would have been if he had decided to break his promise and succumb to his grief.
What caused this change? he still couldn't help but wonder.
"I had a dream. A dream that made me realize I could not leave you, how horrible it would be for you to deal with; how horrible I would feel if I was the cause of your pain. Even though I am broken and ashamed, I shall try my best to not let you down," the prince stated firmly. It had taken him a couple days to come to this conclusion after the dream. "I do not wish to be a burden any longer," Legolas whispered, lowering his gaze to his hands on the railing.
"Oh Legolas, you have never been a burden, and never will be," Aragorn said truthfully, hoping that would get through the stubborn elf's head. He had to resist the urge to pull his friend into a hug, still afraid of what his reaction might be. Just because Legolas was able to keep a conversation for the first time since the traumatizing experience, didn't mean he could handle physical contact yet; he didn't wish to push his luck.
Legolas just smiled and then looked out at the trees expanding back to the forest. He had no idea why he felt so at peace this day. His emotions were changing too rapidly that half the time he didn't know what to think, to be happy or sad. He was just relieved that he didn't feel anxious, panicked, terrified, any of the usual swell of sickening emotions.
"Estel… I… You… Can we go down to the garden?" the blonde asked nervously, though he didn't know why he was. Perhaps it was because he was scared his calm composure would collapse and he'd lash out at Aragorn again. Whatever it was, he just knew that he needed to get out of the surrounding walls that had been trapping him for weeks.
The ranger nodded, a grin plastered on his face as he followed the archer back into the room.
Thranduil and Elrond merely smiled when Aragorn looked at them in question, wondering if it really was alright for the younger elf to be going outside after so long. The elder elves figured this would be good for Legolas; hopefully help him recover.
In the garden Legolas' contentment only seemed to grow as he looked around at the trees, flowers, birds, and other small creatures.
The two walked in silence, Legolas enjoying the scenery, while Aragorn enjoyed walking with his friend once more; he also didn't want to startle the archer with sudden conversation.
The human's injury on his side had started to pain him again, but he ignored it. There was no possible way he's give up this opportunity because of a little pain… Okay, a lot of pain, but he'd grin and bear it for Legolas.
Eventually the blonde stopped under his favorite tree, looking up at the huge expansion of leaves as they spread out to other trees, none as grand as it. He walked closer, placing his hand gently on its bark, he closed his eyes.
Aragorn stood back, watching Legolas from a distance, feeling that the elf needed his space at the moment.
After several minutes Legolas turned around and slowly sat down. At first Aragorn had feared that the archer had had a flashback or was still too weak to be wandering around this much. However, upon looking at Legolas' face he could clearly see that the wood-elf was only drawing comfort from the old tree. The human remembered many times before when Legolas had done just this. He was glad he was still able to do so.
The ranger stayed back, not wanting to disrupt the elf's contented thoughts. Then Legolas opened his eyes, smiled and patted the ground next to him.
Aragorn smiled warmly back and sat next to his friend.
Well, how do you peoples like that chapter? Definitely a lot different from the others. I dunno how much I really like it, but… .:shrugs:. Legolas needed a break… right? Yeah, I thought so too… well, I hope ya did anywayz! Sheesh... poor elf!
Poor keyboard in a moment… Hate typing here… my father still hasn't gotten a new keyboard… .:hisses:.
But I hope you don't think I rushed into this. I kinda feel I did… making Legolas feel like that so soon after my last chapter. But… well, I guess I shall see with your reviews. (hint, hint) n.n
I ran out of paper in my notebook… ;-; I don't think I'll be able to write anything here now… I know where nothing is here, and have no supplies of my own here. .:sighs:. Hate that, man. What to do, what to do… Well, I'll find something…
Review Responses (.:sniff sniff:. I'm scared… Still no news though…)
Annaiel – Lmao! Nice. I can understand perfectly why you would want to do that. I think we all would. And welcome to the story. n.n
Mrs. Bloom – Yup, I thought so too. n.n So there ya have it. Progress. n.n
Elvin BlueEyes – Poor Legolas indeed!
inulover28 – O.O Poor Legolas! Lol… I'll write a death fic just for you… n.n "…and then Hyoga stabs Shun in the back…" Muahahaha…!
Haldir's Heart and Soul - .:sighs:. Yeah, I'm hoping it's just a rumor. I really like responding to each reviewer so…yeah. They just better post it on the main page before they do anything… more, I guess it would be. Lol… yeah, I don't think he will be… hopefully. n.n I think everyone would kill me for it… XD
Saerwen – Lol… yeah, he does a lot suffer doesn't he…? XD No kidding! They better not do anything without at least a warning beforehand. I would go through and edit every chapter of every fic I have if that would stop them from taking down one of them.
Gemini969 – Lol… I know. I was thinking about it and everything, but noo, had to mess up again. .:grumbles:. Lol… glad ya liked it. n.n
HarryEstel – Go with my family. Then you'll know boring. Guaranteed. Glad ya liked it. Hoped ya liked this one as well. n.n
KerowynGreenleaf - I sorry. I can give you somethin' to laugh about if you wish. Uhhh… just… not at the moment… Yeah, he will. ;-; Our poor little elf!
empath89 – Yeah, I don't know where that random positive-ness came from… .:;shrugs:. I wish I could go back!
Inuyashaloverfan – kk… there ya go.
Thank you again everyone! yayness for the reviews! n.n Seriously, though, thank you so much! n.n Very much appreciated. Please keep the coming!
Gah! It's so freakin' hot! ;-; Not cool, man, not cool. Well… at least it isn't as bad as it was in Japan… That was hot... and humid… even worse, man. Anywayz… I'm done. So hope you enjoyed; let me know what ya thought. n.n
Ja ne
