Disclaimers: See the first chapter.
Snippets From the Potterverse
Chapter 85 - Some Kind of Monster
Remus Lupin had decided to apply for another job. Not a full-time one, because he had Order business and Sirius to deal with, but a little something to supplement his income (which was nothing). He had long since given up on working for Muggles, since he had no way to explain to them why he disappeared during certain times of the month. But he spent a while scouring the Daily Prophet's classified ads for jobs in the wizarding community.
There was a job opening for a cashier at a shop on Diagon Alley. Remus wasn't too sure about it, since it seemed to be one of the dodgy shops quite near to Knockturn Alley, but he figured it was worth a shot. He sent a letter to the owner and soon received an owl in reply, asking him to come for an interview.
On the day in question, Remus dressed carefully in his least patchy clothes, and headed to the shop. Apparently it sold knickknacks and trinkets to the wizarding community; Remus suspected some of the items might not be legitimate, but he did well on the interview. The owner and his assistant, who looked to have some troll blood in them, seemed to be impressed with him. Then they broached the subject of his full moon disappearances.
Remus felt he couldn't lie, so he admitted it. "I'm a werewolf, actually."
He expected shock and disgust, but what he received was confusion.
"A werewolf?" the owner asked blankly. "What's that?"
"I think it's one of those things that rises from the dead and eats people's brains," the assistant said.
"Erm - no," Remus said. "That's a zombie."
"Is it one of those green blokes made out of corpses that kill kids?" the owner said, scratching his head.
"No, sir. That's a Frankenstein," Remus said.
"Wait! I know! It's that thing with teeth that sucks blood!" the assistant said triumphantly.
"No, that's a vampire," said Remus, politely incredulous. Had these two wizards never attended a Defense Against the Dark Arts course?
"Are you one of those things all wrapped in bandages?" the owner asked suspiciously.
"No... that's a mummy," Remus sighed.
"Is a werewolf one of those children with the creepy eyes and mental powers?" the assistant inquired.
"No! That's the Children of the Damned!"
"I know! It's that dinosaur that rises out of the water and stomps on Japan!" the owner cried.
"That's Godzilla!"
"The dead transparent people who put curses on you!"
"That's a ghost!"
"Are you the big, stinky, hairy man that wanders around America?" the assistant inquired happily.
"That's Bigfoot!" Remus was exasperated. "A werewolf is a person who becomes a wolf during the full moon and hunts human prey!"
There was silence for a moment. Then the owner shrugged. "Whatever. Some kind of monster, anyway. Welcome aboard."
"Sorry, I've changed my mind," Remus muttered, already halfway out the door.
