JOURNAL ENTRY 8: SHE'S A SCHIZOPHRENIC; HE WANTS FREEDOM TO DO THINGS
I woke up thirty minutes after seven. I was still lying at the same bed I was in. I was surprised to see Itachi beside me, with his hands entwined in my body. What had just happen?
I scratched my head. I tried to get out of the somewhat jigsaw puzzle when I heard a yawn coming near the door. It was Kisame. He saw me trying to untwine myself from Itachi's arms. I just smile faintly.
"What the hell happen? Don't tell me you…" Kisame asked in great curiosity and surprise.
"Dimwit! That's not what you mean!"
"Then… why… you… and Itachi…"
Kisame was stuttering and he was making gestures. I interpreted that he thought something happened to us last night. It made me annoyed. I would let anyone touch me or make love to me just that easy! I was not that type of girl!
"Cut it off, Kisame! It's not what you think!" I shouted.
"Then, what is it?"
"I actually… don't remember…"
"It must be it! You must have made love with Itachi last night!" Kisame exclaimed with a triumphant smile.
"It's not what you think, Kisame." A voice beside me said.
Itachi slowly released me from his embrace. He smiled to me faintly, as if he was greeting me a good morning. What's good in the morning if I can't remember anything that happens last night? I felt I was been so far away. Nothing from the memory of yesterday I can still recall. What's going on with me?
"Then tell me, Itachi. What happened?" Kisame asked with his naughty grin.
"She's just afraid. So, I decided to sleep beside her. That's all."
I was afraid last night? Afraid of what? I can't clearly remember what happen. All I remember was a red moon and the long and passionate kiss. Did I say a passionate kiss? I looked at Itachi's direction in bewilderment and confusion. He just gave a signal to Kisame to get out of the room.
Kisame immediately got out of the room. I scratched my head. I suddenly held Itachi's sleeves and tugged them.
"Tell me, what happen?" I asked.
"Mild Schizophrenia. That's what you got." He answered.
"Huh?"
"You tend to forget things that might hurt you after. You make up a personality that can automatically forget and erase memories of happiness. That's why you're confused. You're afraid to get hurt. Emotional trauma has taken you."
"Did you take up psychiatry?"
"No. Tell me. There were instances that you don't remember the words or things you do?"
"Yes."
"Then, my judgment is right. You have a mild schizophrenia."
I felt a pain in my head. I slowly rubbed circularly my temples, All of a sudden; Itachi held my both hands and said.
"Don't forget this. I'm here to protect you. That's what the kiss signifies for."
"So, what I remember last night was true?"
"Yes. You thought it was a dream right?"
"Sort of." I said while scratching my head. I was still in wonderment.
"Then, don't forget last night."
He stood up from the bed and gently kissed my forehead. He reached for the doorknob and told me.
"There's nothing else I would like to protect except you."
He opened and gently closed the door.
…After three hours…
"…There's nothing else I would like to protect…"
"… Except you…"
His words were still stuck in my head. I was watching Keiko outside the headquarters doing her training. She told me that even she's already a member of Akatsuki; she still needed her training. She wanted to be the strongest and best lady ninja in this organization. Just like Itachi…
"Hey! What are you thinking? It must be very deep!" Keiko suddenly shouted at my ears.
"Why did you shout at my ears? What is that for, Keiko?" I replied.
"What for? Waking up from your nice little daydreaming session."
"Huh?"
Keiko sat beside me. She looked at me with curiosity and wonder. I looked at her and blinked.
"You know what… you're indeed lucky." She said, with her fingers playing with her brunette hair.
"Lucky about what?" I asked.
"Itachi…"
"I don't get it."
"Lady ninjas here want him so much. Everyone here wants to become his partner or even just an allied. You're just so lucky…" She sighed.
"Ah… I think I heard that from him before…"
I noticed I was starting to remember everything that happened yesterday. He told me that lady ninjas in Akatsuki were dying to be with him. Yeah… we teased each other seducing words. Actually, it's just him. It was starting to get clear. Maybe Itachi was right. I had a mild schizophrenia after all.
Maybe. I didn't know. I just started to figure out everything when he told me what was his judgment. If I remember correctly, it was all started when I was 6. I started to make up another personality to take up the reality and leaving the real me locked up in the cell. So, if my real self emerged… it's all been the happiest or either something memorable happen. But since, I already etched to my mind that no happy moments to last for me… it was the other side of myself taking over and erasing all those moments…
… To prevent getting hurt…
… To avoid lies…
… To stop my heart from breaking pieces…
And when it happens, I tend to forget everything that took place. There were memory lapses… memories broken or a missing piece. Maybe that's why I was getting confused, and believed the collection of lies I laid to myself as…
… My own set of truths…
"Then, he knows!" Keiko screeched.
"Why did you screech like that?" I asked.
Keiko's cheeks suddenly glowed in red. She prevented my eyes to avoid seeing her expressions. I already knew what was with that blushing of cheeks. I suddenly pinched her arm and whispered to her ears.
"You have a big crush with Itachi, right?"
"How… did… you…" She answered.
"Ah… let's just say it's a girl instinct."
"Yeah… I know what you mean."
"I don't think Itachi know already that you have a big crush on him."
"You think so?"
"Well, if you're not a show-off girl…"
"Of course not!"
"Then, he doesn't know it."
"Why doesn't he know it?"
"Itachi can read gestures. I noticed that to him last night. So, if you're not showing off much of yourself at him, he wouldn't notice you having a crush on him."
"Th-en…"
"Well… he doesn't like show-off girls."
"I… ss-ee…"
I noticed Keiko's eyes. They were shimmering beneath the morning sun. Her hair almost covering her face made her more beautiful. She looked like an innocent lady. But she was a sheep beneath the wolf's skin. She was dangerous. She was like other pretty girls around who deserve such prestige and good destiny. Though she was an assassin, there's still remains a heart of a girl who was looking for her soul mate. Maybe, ladies were meant that way.
"I promise not to tell him." I said.
"You won't?" she answered.
"Of course, I won't."
"Promise?"
"It is a promise."
Keiko handed me a silver shuriken. It was shining. She smiled in bliss and contentment. Then she placed it in my hand and closed my fist.
"A sign of your promise. Keep it. You can use that as a protection."
"Thanks." I said indifferently.
But deep inside my heart, I was happy. I felt I found a friend in Keiko's personality. I felt so delighted, but I was so much afraid to trust this emotions. I tried to become what I really I was, but it seems so hard. I wanted to be myself, but there's a cloud of doubt living in me. I wanted to take it away, but seems I can't live my life without it.
I slipped the shuriken in my pocket. A figure suddenly came up to my back and greeted with such sweet and sincere voice.
"An angel out of the garden. Such beautiful thing to see."
I turned my head around and recognized the golden eyes. It was Iyasu, and so as the muscular man. He smiled sweetly and I responded it with a wicked smirk.
"Hey! Angel… how's your sleep?" asked the muscular man.
"And, since when did you call Subaru an angel?" Keiko asked.
"Since I saw her with Itachi and Kisame!" the muscular man said.
"You really like pretty girls, aren't you… Koji?"
"Of course! There's no reason not to like them, especially this attractive little angel!"
"I think I want to throw up…" Keiko sighed.
"Where's your guardian, Subaru?" Iyasu asked me sincerely.
"I don't know. He just entrusted me to Keiko." I replied
"He should not leave you alone, especially with this freak."
Keiko suddenly stood up from the bench and pulled out a kunai from her holster. She pointed it to Iyasu.
"Who's your calling freak, bigheaded?" Keiko said.
"I never leave her." A familiar voice came from the other side of the forest.
Itachi and Kisame came out of the trees. They were not wearing their capes. He was just wearing his normal ninja outfit and so as Kisame. They walked to our direction.
"But Subaru told me you entrusted her to Keiko?" Iyasu said.
Iyasu walked to Itachi's direction. It was almost 1 meter away from each other. Both of them suddenly stopped. Kisame came to me and whispered.
"The flame is getting better, Subaru. You're combustible."
"What the hell are you talking about, shark-face?" I answered.
There were looking the same as last night. Itachi's cynical look and Iyasu's resentful smile, but now it was more dangerous than before. Their facial expressions to one another were sending curses and threats to each other. They maybe were exchanging foul words to discourage each other. I didn't like it. I felt I was surrounded by war. I stepped back two steps at the back of Keiko.
"What's wrong?" Keiko asked.
"Nothing." I told here apathetically.
Iyasu sighed. He was about to burst into laughter. He was like mocking Itachi in his laugh.
"Coward. If you weren't, you already killed me." He said.
"If we were not inside this headquarters, I can easily do killed you." Itachi replied.
After that short but harsh conversation, Itachi approached me and checked my wrist. His eyes were glittering in deep and incomprehensible concern. Iyasu saw my injured wrist. He suddenly rushed off to my front, sweeping away Itachi away from him.
"How could such angel have this injury?" Iyasu asked.
"Back off, Iyasu." Itachi warned.
"You have almost killed her."
"It was an accident."
"Accident? Liar, you really want to hurt you didn't you? Your lust to kill has already invaded you."
"You don't anything, Iyasu. So, better go away from her or else…"
"What? You're going to kill me?"
"I should before."
"But, you know technically that we can't kill an Akatsuki member unless he retires."
"I don't' care."
Iyasu was trying to shorten Itachi's patience, and so as his control. If Itachi wouldn't hold on himself, he can kill Iyasu in just a blink of an eye. But, instead of picking up a kunai and slash Iyasu's throat he approached me and told me.
"I'm sorry to leave you here."
"Sorry for what? You don't have to apologize for something." I said.
"Just accept it."
"Ok-ay… Fine… I do…"
Itachi faced Iyasu's face. He was already raging in anger, but trying hard to control himself to punch or used any jutsu to him. Then, he told him.
"If I saw again touching her out of my sight, I will really going to kill you."
"If you can, Itachi… if you can…"
Iyasu and Koji (his muscular assistant) went away and entered the headquarters building. I was left with Itachi, Kisame and Keiko. Keiko as usual hid her emotions for Itachi and left behind her vulnerable side. I was shocked when Itachi held Keiko's wrist and scolded her.
"I told you to watch her closely! If you did your job that well, Iyasu will never get close to her! You're really weak, Keiko!"
"I- was tra-ining… so…"
I suddenly spoke out to defend Keiko. He didn't have to blame Keiko if Iyasu talked to me. I was so much pissed off very much I slapped Itachi's face.
"You dumb! Why blame Keiko? It was Iyasu who talked to me first. And, in the first place, Keiko didn't know anything. If you told her not to let me talk to Iyasu, then this thing wouldn't happen! Where has your brain gone, Itachi? In your stomach?"
Keiko and Kisame were so shocked. They were so much dumbfounded in what I just did. Itachi's eyes widened. I caught him off guard. My eyes narrowed and I was in fury. It wasn't really right to scold somebody that didn't know anything. He was really stupid! That idiot assassin!
"I was just only protecting you, that's all." He spoke.
I was shock. I suddenly felt ashamed on what I just did to him. But, after all I just defended Keiko from a mistake she didn't made. Itachi bowed down his head. He suddenly signaled Kisame and Keiko to go inside the headquarters. After the two ninjas went inside, he embraced me like he was cuddling his loved one.
"Just let me do the things that I want to do long time ago. Just give me the freedom, just once…" He whispered.
I was frozen at that moment. I now understood what he meant. Maybe, he was just making up for all the things that he regrets doing in the past. And, through me, he can repay those mistakes. But I still didn't get the reasons clearly. And…
… What's with his past that bugging him too much?
… That motivates him to protect me?
A/N: Ahh… chapter 8 finished! Hope you like it. Sorry for not updating immediately. I was busy attending make-up classes and also doing assignment for my Health Ethics these past few weeks. Please also read "Holding Unto the Key". It is a one-shot fanfic. Please review and thank you for reading it! I'm outta here! Have a nice day!
