Okey dokey, next chapter. I am so sorry I took so long to post this! "Revolves" around Ed Wood, Tim Burton's funniest movie in my opinion. Oh, and odd enough, Bela Lugosi's death day is August 16th. This plays some part in the story. The story is timeless. It does not take place in any particular year or century; it's just the day dates that are specified. The development of the chapter is a bit long, and cheesy. But hey, all sci-fi stories in the 50's were somewhat cheese.

I can promise you more "action" and "suspense" in the future….

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, except for Alice (who was introduced in the beginning). Although with some shackles and some elbow grease, I can own them….

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Six months later…

"Last night, a grand party was held at meat tycoon, Donald E. McCoy's meat packing plant, to announce Edward D. Wood Jr., former film director, producer, screenwriter, and actor's, retirement from the business..."

Kathy Wood walked into her living room to find the TV on, and the local news anchor announcing her husband's name to thousands, maybe millions of people.

"Ed! Hurry up, you're on TV!"

She fixed her short, blonde hair bob and straightened out her skirt before sitting on the couch facing the television screen. He may be in only black and white color, but he sure does look handsome on TV. The anchorman continued with his report.

"Edward Wood is known as the director, writer, and producer of such films as Bride of the Monster and Plan 9 from Outer Space, and also starring actor in his first feature film Glen or Glenda. The Hollywood local has also been known to dress in women's clothing on and off set, on occasion…"

Edward Wood ran into the room and plopped on the couch putting an arm around Kathy's shoulder. His slicked-back hair fell out of place from excitement.

"What did…what did I miss?" He was still out of breath.

"They just started talking about you." Kathy turned up the volume on their T.V.

"He was also close friends with Hollywood legend, Bela Lugosi, star of Universal Pictures' Dracula and also star of Wood's own films until Plan 9 from Outer Space, in which he died during shooting. Wood's guest list included his pals and movie actors, Paul Marco, Conrad Brooks, and Bunny Breckinridge; former T.V. show host, Vampira, former wrestler, Tor Johnson, and showbiz psychic, Criswell, along with many other friends and his wife Kathy Wood…"

Kathy squealed with excitement. Ed couldn't help but chuckle at his wife's excitement.

"Edward Wood has officially and successfully earned himself the title of The Worst Director in Hollywood History, and has earned his most famous movie the title of Worst Movie of All Time. And only by retiring has he earned himself the title of a Hollywood Has-been. I speak for everyone in our fine state of California when I say that this retirement has been nothing but a financial blessing for Hollywood. And so we say goodbye to our good friend Edward D. Wood Jr., may his career rest in peace."

Kathy quickly picked up the remote and shut off the television. But it had been too late. She bit her lip and moved closer to her husband's side.

"Oh, Ed, it was just one man. Besides, they should never be thatharsh on T.V."

Ed's face turned pale. He knew this was going to happen. Nobody's ever appreciated his movies, except for his friends and for Kathy. But he could never tell whether they really liked his movies, or just pretended to.

"He wasn't being harsh, he was being truthful. From the minute I offered to take the job as director of Glen or Glenda, I didn't stand a chance. I'm just glad Bela wasn't alive to see this.

"If Bela were alive, he would be so proud of you!"

Ed let out a lighthearted chuckle. He has always been the optimistic voice in every bad situation he was involved in. And now here he was, the pessimistic bastard that couldn't care less even if the world were to suddenly explode. As long as it was all over and done with. He smiled down at Kathy, who rested her head on his shoulder.

"Yes, I'm sure the man who cursed Boris Karloff is swelling with pride at a man who called it quits after being beaten to a pulp by Hollywood." Ed stood up and scratched his head. He looked away from Kathy, watching the rain pour down against the window glass. "I just don't get it Kat. I did what everyone else did. I brought my ideas to life, only to have them brutally murdered. I'm lucky my movies were actually considered to be seen at some point or another. As far as I'm concerned, Bela would be spitting on me now." Ed leaned his head against the window and saw Kathy walking toward him in the reflection of the glass.

Kathy had never seen him so depressed! Even when he got the phone call that Bela died, he still kept his spirits up, behind the grief. Plus, she had never heard him call her "Kat" before.

The stress must be getting into his head. Kathy wrapped her arms around Ed and rested her head on his back. Her warmth ran up his spine, causing him to jerk his head around in alarm.

"Hey Ed," she cooed. "If it'll make you feel better, my pink sweater came back from the cleaners today."

Ed looked down at her, his smile growing up to his ears.

"Angora?" Kathy nodded sheepishly. Nothing made him feel happier than wearing Kathy's clothing. Even then, he was wearing her undergarments, which, she didn't know about. Oh well, he thought. She'll find out tonight…

The Next Day…

"Ed! Come quick, they're playing Dracula on TV!"

Today was the one year anniversary of Bela Lugosi's death. Ed wanted to host a party of some sort, but Kathy thought it would be best if Ed had rested a while before going out again. Kathy was sitting on the couch, once again, watching Dracula start on the same TV channel, Vampira, a friend of theirs and actress in Ed's movies, used to host. It was their favorite channel. All day, they would play their favorite old horror and sci-fi movies. Ed called them once to ask them to play Plan 9 from Outer Space, but they turned him down. Then they turned him down three more times.

It was storming outside again, and everyone was afraid there might be another hurricane. That's how paranoid the people in their neighborhood were. The suburbanites that pack up all of their belongings in bubble wrap and look for a storm shelter when the weather man says there might be a tropical storm.

Ed ran in the living room towards the window, looking up towards where their television rod stood on the roof. Kathy turned up the volume on their television.

"Ed, you're gonna miss the beginning!" Ed waved his hand back at her.

"I'm sorry Kathy, but I saw some lightning strike toward our house earlier. Do you think lightning could strike at low levels?" Kathy turned down the TV volume and raised an eyebrow at Ed.

"Low levels!" Ed rolled his eyes and turned towards Kathy. God! She knows what I mean!

"You know, towards the ground or maybe the roof of our house." Ed looked out the window again, trying to see past the sheet of pouring rain. "I should probably go out there and--"

CRASH! The crash of lightning boomed through the neighborhood, followed by a blinding flash, causing Ed to fall back while Kathy let out a short screech.

"What in the world!"Ed stumbled up, wide-eyed with shock, still seeing spots from the flash. He heard Kathy let out an angry moan.

"The TV's out! I keep changing the channel, but all I get is fuzz!" Kathy sat angrily on the couch switching from channel to channel, only to get the same blank screen, with the same static buzzing. Ed rushed over to the couch, sitting down beside Kathy, staring at the blank screen.

"I told you it would hit the rod." Ed walked over to the television screen and crouched down, playing with the different knobs and fiddling with the antennae. He noticed the screen clearing up and stepped back standing right in front of Kathy. She got annoyed and cleared her throat loudly. Ed looked back and sat beside her. Whoops! They sat watching the screen clear up. The image faded in and out until it finally stopped, completely clear. Ed and Kathy sat there confused by what they saw.

"This isn't Dracula!" Kathy reached for the remote, only to have Ed grab her wrist, not taking his eyes of the screen.

"Hey! Ed! What--"

"Shh! It's talking!" Ed's smile widened at the screen. This is one wild sci-fi!

On the screen was something that looked like a chimpanzee, but it had auburn hair that fell down to its shoulders. It also had eyebrows and red colored lips! And it was wearing clothes too! It was sitting at a desk in a very dark room, but a torch on the wall behind it lit it perfectly. It wore a white jacket with a green sweater underneath and a silk scarf with odd tribal patterns off its shoulders. Its face was rather close to the screen, probably to avoid any attention. Ed and Kathy held their breath as it began to speak.

"Hello," it had the feminine voice of a woman, but spoke in a low whisper. Ed grabbed the remote and turned the volume all the way up. Luckily, Kathy had stuck a tape in the VCR earlier to tape a Swamp Creature marathon. Ed pressed record.

"Do not leave the room and do not turn your viewing machines off. Believe it, or not, your species depends on it," it let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, I've forgotten my manners. My name is Ari. In case you're wondering, yes I am a woman, and yes, I am an ape."

"Talking apes, eh? This is gonna be good." Kathy quickly hushed Ed. Keep your commentary to yourself!

"Now, down to business. I am from a planet only a short distance from yours. And our kind is dying. My planet's leaders have formed a companionship with the citizens from the planet Mars. They plan on wiping out your entire species completely. Please believe me!" They noticed she kept looking over her shoulder to see if anyone was watching from behind. "If you are not convinced, I have a tape that was made six months ago." She reached down below the screen, under the desk and pulled out a video tape. Then she reached above the screen, fiddling with something, making clicking noises and finally looked at the screen again. "This is a meeting between my leader and the Martian leader. This is them planning your total annihilation." The look on her face was solemn, hardly blinking once.

Ed and Kathy were completely captivated! Their eyes never left the screen and they never moved once! They held their breath for a long period of time, before quietly and slowly exhaling and inhaling again, only to hold it for even longer. The screen went blue, for only a second, and then changed, showing a tall ape in war armor standing in front of a circle of tiny, repulsive creatures, with two more tiny, repulsive creatures standing in the center. Kathy gasped at the sight and grasped Ed's arm tightly. Ed let out a demented giggle, still keeping his eyes on the screen. They were watching the same meeting that took place six months ago. The same meeting that was "secretly" recorded, and sealed the alliance between the Martians and the apes. Five minutes later, the screen went static until Ari showed up once again.

"Ed, do you think this is real?" Kathy stared at the screen with worried eyes, still gripping Ed's arm. Ed only smiled more.

"That's exactly how they want you to feel, Kat."

Great, he's calling me "Kat" again!

"The official date of the invasion is August 20th of this year. By the time this will get to you, it will be only four days away. So I'm guessing you have already received my package," Kathy's face turned pale. She had gotten a package the other day. A rather large one at that. She quickly got up and ran into their bedroom.

"Kathy, where are you going!" Ed turned around, still sitting in his spot. Ari continued…

"Unfortunately, a group of humans will receive a fate worse than death. The Martians plan on capturing a group of what they call 'superior beings' and take them to our underground perimeter, where they will be tested, and eventually, dissected, dead or alive," Kathy came running in with the package clasped in her hands, and dropped it on the couch, in-between Ed and Kathy's sitting spot. She retrieved a steak knife from the kitchen, and tore open the package revealing a large binder. Ed's smile quickly vanished.

"In the package are the records of all of the test subjects scheduled to be taken for experimentation. Each document has all of the experiment's information, including location. Find them, and hide them somewhere safe. Don't look for me, I'll find you." There was a loud clank in the background, causing Ari to jerk herself around in her chair. Ari turned back to the camera. "You have four days," she sped, and then the screen went blank.

Ed and Kathy sat there on the couch, looking like a pair of deer caught in headlights. Ed looked down at the binder. He put on a nervous smile, "Kathy, um….did your sister put you up to this?" Kathy stared at him in shock.

"Because it really was convincing, I got to tell you." Ed laughed nervously and got up to stop recording. He took the tape out of the VCR, waving it around and giggling to himself.

"Ed, are you on something! I did not set that up, and my sister certainly didn't! And what about the binder! Do you think I-?"

"Ah yes! The book of the doomed!" Ed went to the couch, and snatched the book from the couch and held it in front of him in a very dignified manner. "Let's take a look inside, shall we?"

Ed flipped the book open to the first page, showing the photo of a corpse-like man with scraggly blondish-green hair, dull white skin, and some kind of green stain around the outside of his mouth.

"Oh! Who's this character?"

Kathy began to lose her patience.

"Let's see, Betelgeuse! Hmm, interesting name, very original! Height, five foot, ten inches. Death date, unknown. Occupation, Bio-Exorcist! Now this is creativity!" Kathy scowled at Ed, gritting her teeth.

"Edward…"

"Oh wait, there's more!" Ed turned to the end of the binder, but before looking at the photo, he looked at Kathy again and raised his eyebrows. "Why Kathy, you look upset." Kathy only crossed her arms, while she watched Ed giggle at his own annoying arrogance. Let him find out for himself, she thought. Ed looked down at the binder and glanced at the photo. It took a second for it to register, before he realized, the man in the photo was him. It had all his dental records, medical records, etc. The smile on his face vanished; the color on his face washed away. Underneath his "superior stats", he saw the words:

Status for Experimentation:

Delusional optimist; "Transvestite"rare human species: scheduled for Sector C.

In that instant, Ed stared up at Kathy, his eyes bugging out of their sockets. Ed looked dazedly over at Kathy and turned the book around, showing her the documents. Kathy put her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming as a bolt of lightning crashed outside. Ed put on a weak smile.

"They used the worst picture of me," Ed's eyes rolled back into his head as he fell to the ground unconscious…

Two Months Earlier…

"You have four days," Ari whispered to the Martian camera. The underground hideout had already been built, and the troops had begun training. Unfortunately, the ape troops and she were the last of their kind. She and another fellow ape physician had been brought down to prepare and carry out the experimentations scheduled in four months. Luckily, neither the apes nor the Martians have discovered she is also a human activist and an ape anarchist. She believed that apes and humans could co-exist peacefully--if given the chance. She also believed that they were capable of their own culture. The scarf around her neck was made by one of her father's human slaves. She had tried many times to tell her friends or her father's associates this, but it usually ended in laughter or the famous "point your finger at the ape traitor" motion.

After moving into the hideout, she set up a secret office, where she had acquired, (or rather stolen) many pieces of Martian equipment and their "secret documentary tapes". She had begun planning, stealing maps of the underground lair, and most importantly, the documents and the lists of all the humans scheduled for experimentation. (She didn't exactly have to steal it, because her and her partner was in charge of not losing it. Oh, well, at least she used an old photo book as a decoy). Now, she was planning on sending a warning signal to the human planet, using the Martian's satellites. It would take the signal at least sixty days, more or less, to reach the human's satellites. She kept the lights off in the room, the door under three different locks, and a small silver desk lamp at her desk. She heard a clatter outside the door and quickly said her last words and shut the camera off.

She ran over to her door and looked thru the peep hole. She found one of the smaller ape troops fumbling with his sword, trying to hold it up for at least five seconds. Ari chuckled to herself and turned back to her desk. She quickly darted back to the door, after hearing the troop screech in terror. She looked thru the peep hole to find General Thade raising the troop's sword over his head, ready to bring it down on him. Ari was ready to storm out and jump on his back, until Thade threw the sword to his side, and walked away, pounding his chest and snarling at the young soldier.

Stupid bully. He wouldn't know leadership if it ran him through with a pike! Ari always hated the way General Thade treated the humans, and she hated him even more for the way he treated his own kind. She waited until the young soldier scurried completely out of sight, before she slowly opened the door, and headed on her way to the hideout's core. She would have to go there and send Dementia the signal from the Martians main satellite. She was given a special pass that could get her anywhere in the hideout, anytime she wanted.

She slid her pass card into a small slot and waited patiently for the small blinker to turn green.

The future of the human race is in my hands, and I have to wait five damn minutes for the door to open!

Present…

"So Ed, tell us why you dragged us over to your place again." Conrad Brooks sat on the arm of the couch next to his good pal Paul, and Tor Johnson, the biggest brute he ever laid eyes on standing behind him. He and the rest of the group, Bunny, Criswell, and Vampira, watched Ed nervously pace back and forth in front of the television, bumping into the coffee table once or twice as he stroked the pink sweater on his back. Conrad looked over at Vampira and Criswell, who were standing only inches apart. They met eyes with him, looked at each other blankly and just took another sip of their tequilas.

Kathy poked her head out the kitchen door.

"Anybody need a refill?" Vampira walked towards the door, only to be suddenly cut off by Ed, who was sweating profusely.

"Kathy, where's the tape!"

"Look out!" Vampira shoved her way in-between Ed and Kathy into the kitchen.

"Ed what are you worried about? It's already in the machine!" Ed caught Vampira digging into their refrigerator.

"You got any vodka?" Kathy glanced behind her. "In the cupboard!"

When did we drink vodka? Ed jumped out of his thoughts and searched for another question.

"Erm, did…did you rewind the tape?"

"Ed, it's all ready to go!" Kathy pushed Ed through the door and led them both into the living room. Vampira followed, staggering slightly, clutching the vodka in her bony hand.

"Ed is this another one of your poor attempts at porn? Because if it is, that tape should be burned before anyone sees it" Bunny lit his cigarette, looking down at his watch. Everyone was starting to lose patience. Each one of them had received a frantic call from Ed, saying that they needed to see something really important and that their lives depended on it, whatever that meant.

"No Bunny, this is bigger than that! This is not a movie, a test shooting or anything like that! This is real stuff!"

"Ed just play the tape!" Criswell grew more irritated as the amount of alcohol in his glass shrunk down to nothing. Vampira sensed this and walked, (or at least tried to) over, filling his glass to the rim with vodka. Criswell nodded his head and went bottoms-up. Ed was on his knees in front of the screen, fiddling with the VCR. When he finally got it to work, he leaped up onto the couch, sitting in-between Kathy and Paul.

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The screen went blank again and Ed walked over to the screen to shut the VCR off. He looked towards his circle of friends. They were the most nervous looking bunch he'd seen in his life! Around the time Ari began talking about the list of victims, Kathy passed around the book. Bunny found himself listed as a homosexual, Tor as an abnormal "alpha-human", and Vampira as an eternally depressed being. And now they all stood huddled around the couch, wide-eyed and shaking like a pack of rabbits that had just been chased down to their burrow by a rabid fox. Tor clutched the book open to his page in his massive, chubby hands. Criswell's glass shook in his grasp. Vampira swayed back and forth, holding to the empty vodka bottle for dear life. Criswell raised his glass to Vampira, hoping to get a calming refill. Unfortunately, he only got an empty vodka bottle face down in his glass.

With a small hiccup, Vampira found her voice, and spoke up.

"Edward! Hiccup! What are you trying to do to us! Scare us to hiccup death! You ought to be hiccup! Put away for good!"

"No! Guys please, I wish I were making this all up, but I'm not! And the reason I called you guys over here was for two reasons."

Bunny stared at him blankly. "Well…"

"Oh, right. Number one: You guys are the only people on this good green planet that still acknowledge my presence. You guys are the only people I know would believe me about this. Number two: This mission takes more than two people.

"Two people?" Tor grumbled.

"Yeah, it was going to be me and Kathy."

"What is it exactly that you plan to do about this?" Criswell may have been drinking, but he was still sober enough to tell something was fishy about the situation.

"Well, we're going to use that book," gesturing to the book still open in Tor's hands. "And find these victims-"

"Yeah. Then what?" Criswell lifted an eyebrow and looked around, seeing everyone nod in agreement. Ed was starting to get nervous. He's right. What are we going to do then?

"Well," he was searching frantically for an answer. Then, zang! "We're gonna use the map the ape lady gave us and find the tunnel that leads to the underground hideout!"

Silence. He realized that just then he sounded like a child reading his science fiction comic book to his friends. What am I saying! Do I have any idea what I'm telling these people? I must sound like such an idiot! A fool, a stupid, good for nothing--

"Sounds like fun!" Vampira piped up. Everyone stared at her confusingly.

"I mean hiccup! Come on guys! What have we got to lose? As far as I'm concerned, we're hiccup! Losers and we have nothing else better to do!" She staggered over to Tor and yanked the book out of his clutches.

"If we have to go to…hiccup!" Vampira sifted through the pages until she stopped at one. "Gotham hiccup! City, then we'll go to Gotham City. If we have to go to…hiccup!" sifting again. "Hiccup! Spectre! Then we'll go just for the heck of it! Even if this does turn out to be some big scam or prank, or whatever, hiccup!" She shoved the book at Ed's stomach and turned to her "audience" "So what! At least we would have had hiccup! A heck-uva time!"

Nobody moved an inch. Nobody moved to blink or even to breathe. Bunny put out his cigarette on Tor's shoulder, who hardly seemed to notice, and walked over next to Vampira.

"If I may interrupt. Ed, would you happen to have a large car?"…

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Whew! Ok, that took a while. Read and review (if you want, I'm not pushing you because it took so long)

Adios, Bubba!