Why do I want him still? Why when there's nothing there? How to go on with the rest of my life - To pretend I don't care.
"You have to be kidding me," Harley said stoutly, her mouth agape.
Gus frowned. "No, I'm not kidding you. I think this is definitely the best thing for us."
Harley stared straight ahead, looking at the road. Gus was driving them over to Towers for an evening out. She had been looking forward to a quiet dinner, but she had just had a bombshell dropped square on her shoulders. "You have decided to take control of Spaulding. I can't believe this. We just were trying to cut all ties with this mess. They are poison, Gus. Poison. Why can't you see that?"
Gus scoffed. "They are my blood, Harley. Alan's in jail ... I can't just leave Spaulding Enterprises to fall into Lizzie's hands or Alexandra's. Are you kidding me? We would lose everything."
"What are you talking about?" Harley's face was screwed up in disbelief. "Alex knows that company like the back of her hand. She has spent years in it, and years trying to get control of it. She will do just fine. And she loves you enough to make sure you don't wander around penniless."
"No, I don't think so," Gus said. "The fact that she would protect Alan first tells me that I have to take it before I regret it. This is what we need, baby. You have to see that."
"I don't see it."
"I don't want to have this poor man's life with you. I want to provide."
"Gus, don't you see ..." Harley moaned. "I don't care about things like that. I don't need that! The kids don't need that. I can go back to work at Company or we could both look into rejoining the police force. We don't need to have money the Spaulding way. I'd rather have it the clean, honest way."
"You can't be serious," Gus didn't look at her. "I'm sorry, but I can't do that. The company rightfully belongs to me, and I'm going to take it and make it bigger and better than ever. You will see, and then you will be sorry you ever questioned my motives."
Harley leaned her head against the car window and was silent.
"And, uh, one more little detail," Gus said slowly. "We don't have a home right now. I've already had some people move most of our stuff into the mansion. That way we have somewhere to stay for the next while till our house is done."
Harley looked at him sharply. "The Spaulding Mansion? You want me to take my boys and come move into the Spaulding Mansion with you? That house ... I hate that house. You know I hate that house. Rick already said that they still have room enough for the two of us at the Bauer's. Can't we go there?"
"Harley," Gus said. "I already gave the orders. I said my girl and I were moving in, and that's what we're going to do. We'll have the big house to ourselves, to do whatever we want! It's freedom."
"No, it's prison all over again," Harley muttered to herself. "But this time, I don't have someone to help me escape if the walls begin to close in."
"What? What did you say?" Gus said offhandedly.
------------
Harley was mildly surprised to see the Towers parking lot fairly full. She didn't expect it to be this way tonight, and to her chagrin realized it would mean a noisy and exoteric night. She allowed Gus to take her by the hand and pull her close to him as they entered the biggest dining hall in the edifice. She blinked a couple times as they walked in, the lights were quite dim.
"SURPRISE!" yelled a chorus of voices. Harley eyes went wide, and Gus broke into an easy grin.
"Oh, honey!" Blake gushed, running forward immediately. "You look so radiant tonight! Maybe a little bit taken aback ... but totally gorgeous. Perfect for one of many engagement parties! Yay! Congratulations again!"
Harley pulled Blake aside. "You didn't. Oh, Blake, please tell me you didn't."
"Of course I did," Blake said happily. "What, you're not excited? We've got tons of food ordered, tons of guests ready to party, and Ross even got some guys to bring up a great stereo system for some dancing. And look! Marina and I spent hours decorating."
The lighting sparkled on the chandeliers and there was pink crate paper and balloons neatly scattered around the room. The room hummed softly with instrumental music in the background, and people we're in groups laughing joyfully and smiling at Harley and her fiancee. Buzz was helping the many chefs bring out platters and platters of food. Everyone was dressed up to the nines. Harley was glad that she hadn't decided to go to dinner in scrubs or something. As Blake had said, Harley did glow even if her countenance had been a bit downcast. She wore a shimmery scarlet dress that fell just barely below her knees, and was strapless. Her golden hair lay around her shoulders in soft waves.
"Um, thank you, Blake," Harley said, forcing a smile. "You really didn't have to do this."
Blake's smile faded. "Is everything okay? You do look a bit pale."
"Well, I'm only getting ready to be the next Spaulding Wife, but that's only a technicality," Harley smile became sarcastic.
"Spaulding Wife?" Blake repeated. "Is that like Stepford Wife?"
"Let's hope not," Harley rolled her eyes. "So who did you invite? Who's here?"
"Oh, you know," Blake flung her hand out. "The usual. All your family, Rick, Mel, Danny, Ross, Bill, Olivia, Cassie, Reva, Josh ... basically everybody. I think even Dinah said she would come, which I wouldn't be too excited about but I did remember you two were close once. I had to invite Beth, Lizzie, and Alex because of Gus. Who else, who else. A bunch of our old clients from Harley's Angels, and some of your friends from SFPD. Those snobby looking people in the corner are a bunch of the other Spaulding board members. Oh, and I think I saw Mallet over by the champagne."
"Mallet? He came?" Harley looked up.
"A little bit excited, huh?" Blake looked at her knowingly.
Harley tried to look innocent, but it made her look quite ridiculous and caused Blake to giggle. "Shh! Blake! I just am surprised that he would show up. I mean, we weren't exactly in a happy place earlier today."
"Ooo, do tell!" Blake cooed. "The secret longings for another man at her engagement party! Sounds like fodder for my next Great American Novel."
"Put the pen away, Darlena," Harley smiled in spite of herself. "Everything is under control."
Blake only smiled. "You go and greet your public. I'm going to see what Ross is up to."
Harley looked around the room, and saw that Gus had been talking to Olivia. She cocked her head in curiosity, when she saw Olivia make a furious gesture at him and then storm off. She saw Gus looking rather pleased with himself, and moving on to greet an overdressed member of the Spaulding Board.
"Hello, Harley," a deep, husky voice breathed close to her side.
Harley jumped and spun around. "Mallet! Don't do that!" She whacked his arm, and tried not to look too pleased to see him.
"Ouch, lady," Mallet gave a whimper and backed up a step. "I think you owe me a dance now that you've crippled me for life. You can spare one dance for your now lame ex, can't you?"
"Now lame?" Harley gave him a crooked grin. "You have always been pretty lame."
"Thanks!" Mallet spread his hands. "Only learned it from the best."
"Mmm," Harley rolled her eyes. She then looked at him seriously. "No hard feelings about earlier, right? I didn't mean to ... keep rubbing everything in your face. I'm not sure what's wrong with me today. You'd think I would be happy and spreading sunshine. But no, I'm just making everyone miserable as usual."
"You never make anyone miserable," Mallet put his arm around her shoulders, and gently hugged her to him. "I can understand that this has all been an emotional roller coaster. Just remember that I'm in your corner, not trying to throw you out of the ring. Okay?"
Harley nodded, and breathed deeply. He smelled wonderful. His cologne overtook her and brought back floods of memories. Mallet looked very handsome tonight, as usual. He was wearing a white shirt that was unbuttoned to right above his chest, and a black suit coat and pants. He was freshly shaved, and she felt the strange urge to reach up and feel the smoothness of his jaw and cheek.
Suddenly Blake took up the microphone. "Attention, hello, is this on?" Ross gave her a thumbs up. "Right. Well, thank you all for coming tonight to celebrate Gus and Harley's engagement!"
There was a loud smattering of applause, and a couple catcalls from Bill and from Rick. Harley gently broke away from Mallet and stood there smiling sheepishly. Gus came over and leered a bit at her, laughingly, and then waved his arm up at the crowd. Harley thought his joviality odd. He usually hated big to-do's and all the boisterous attention.
"So a toast to the happy couple!" Cassie cried out from the crowd. Many glasses raised high. Harley noticed Olivia's was just raised only a smidgen. Cassie continued. "To Gus and Harley!" And the crowd echoed it. Olivia just looked at Harley meaningfully, and then ruefully took a small sip. Bill put his arm around her comfortingly and whispered something. Harley peered over and saw Mallet take a short drink from his glass, and then set it down.
"A dance! A dance!" Buzz clapped. "Their first dance as almost man and wife!"
A bunch of people laughed, a bit courteously, and Harley flushed. She wondered if they were remembering that her and Gus had been engaged before. She shifted uncomfortably, and then nodded at Gus. Gus took her hand and led her to the middle of the floor. Harley didn't notice Olivia slip over to the stereo, with a sneaky smirk on her face. Ross had abandoned his post as DJ, since he had preset the CDs. He didn't expect a certain sly brunette with an agenda to slip over to the table.
Harley and Gus stood in the middle of the floor waiting expectantly. Suddenly the music started, and Gus began to spin her around. Harley, with a befuddled expression, realized what was playing. A jumpy little tune ...
You
got the body now you want my soul
Don't even think about it, say
no go
Now I'll do anything you want me to
I'll do almost
anything that you want me to
But I can't go for that
No can
do!
Harley and Gus were busy trying to laugh off the peculiarity of this song cropping up as their first engagement dance, and were lessened embarrassment by other couples joining them on the floor. They all danced jubilantly, but Harley had a very foreboding feeling inside. She was at that moment trying to believe if she believed in signs. She didn't know that the harbinger, the messenger that was sent to give the sign was the dark-haired, sultry woman near her dancing wildly her husband. Mallet had seen Olivia fiddle with the tracks, and smiled to himself over her boldness that had only been caught by him. He could read emotions flit across Harley's face that were so unbelievably brief, that he summed it was only he who could read her that quickly. No one else noticed. Not even her partner on the floor. Marina came up to him just then, beaming, and pulled him into the fray.
"Where's Danny?" Mallet asked.
"Well, Godfather, he's off doing some kind of funny business," Marina said. "He had to take a call. He'll be back. I won't get too lonely. And plus, Dad said you looked a little bit silly standing there like a stiff and that I should come and get you to ease up."
"Leave it to Frankie, huh? And funny business ... don't you mean family business?" Mallet shot a glance over at Frank, who saluted him from afar where he was dancing with Beth. Marina gave him a shove, good-naturedly, at his quip about Danny's familial ties.
The dance ended, and the couples all broke apart and began to mix it up for the next song. Gus was pulled into a dance by Alexandra, who looked like she was yakking his ear off about something official. Marina skipped off to a recently returned Danny, and he pulled her close. Mallet stood there for a moment, and saw Harley looking at him across a couple heads. She smiled and held out her hand. He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms in a swift, familiar motion.
Olivia slunk back onto the dance floor, this time her and Reva swapped partners and Olivia began to dance with Josh. Josh shook his head at Olivia. "Olivia, what did you do? You look like the cat who just ate the canary."
"I didn't do a single thing," Olivia said righteously.
The music began, slow and powerful. Mallet had been determined to restrain himself, and keep Harley at a distance. But Harley tossed her hair back, away from her face and looked up at him with her eyes twinkling in the wispy lighting. He instinctively pulled her body against his, and he began to move with an easy, deliberate rhythm. Her mind told her to resist him, to not let him overpower her senses again ... but she needed this.
"You're very tense," Mallet's voice whispered against her hair. "It's okay. I'm not going to step on your feet."
"Well, it's been a long time," Harley raised her eyes. "You might have gotten rusty."
Just
when I believed I couldn't ever want for more This ever changing
world pushes me through another door
I saw you smile and my mind
could not erase the beauty of your face
Just for a while, won't
you let me shelter you?
"Rusty?" Mallet smirked. He gracefully spun her around and back into his arms in one fluid motion. They swayed in time to the music, and Harley's heart fluttered against her chest in a way it hadn't in so long that for a moment she didn't recognize its movements. Their bodies moved as if they were parts of one being. Harley felt the warmth of his body seeping into her skin. The proximity had left Mallet strangely breathless, and he dipped her in time as the beat of the song picked up and neared it's climax. Harley pulled out hard and twirled back into him again. He pulled her into a spin with his body, and easily lifted her off the floor and brought her up so her head was level with his. When their eyes locked, Harley suddenly felt every part of her go weak, and yet at the same time she felt invincible. Fearless. The future was not frightening or obscure. The future could only be here, dancing forever in his arms.
The song was ending. Mallet wanted to curse the world for making songs only around three to four minutes long. Three to four minutes was not long enough for him to hold her. Harley seemed to begin to stir, and as if trying to shake away her intoxication she tried to focus on the room. No one had seemed to notice what had just transpired between her and Mallet. She thought she might have seen Olivia glance her way, but maybe not. She looked around fretfully for Gus, and saw that he was still in Alex's grip somewhere across the room. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and started to try and pull away from Mallet.
Mallet reluctantly released her, already feeling colder without her so close. "What are you doing?"
"I ... we ..." Harley couldn't find any words. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Dancing with you," Mallet said softly. "Don't tell me you didn't feel that."
"Feel what?" Harley felt exposed under his piercing gaze, and had to avert her eyes.
Mallet looked at her incredulously. "I know the truth, Harley. That was everything. It doesn't matter where you go or what you do, I will always be hanging on to moments like that. Moments where we are real."
Harley was feeling more confused than ever. "This is a party for my engagement. I can't be doing this here."
"Then let's go somewhere else," Mallet said taking her hand. "We need to talk. This is becoming a lot bigger than just you and I. You can't deny that. There is something that is holding you back from moving forward fully with Gus, and there is something that is keeping you from reaching out to me. I am drowning in all these mixed signals."
"No, no," Harley stepped back, looking very anxious. "Please, Mallet. Don't dredge up the past right now. I can't deal with that after all that's happened. We just have to put everything that happened behind us and move on. You can't keep waiting around for me. I'm not going to run back to you. I can't. I just can't."
Mallet nodded curtly. "The next time, you will be the one who comes to me."
"Come to you?" Harley's mouth fell open. "What makes you think I'm going to come to find you?"
Mallet held up a finger, almost sternly. "I'm not going to sit here and play games with you. If denial is what you want to wallow in, go right ahead. I won't 'dredge up the past' anymore right now. But I will be waiting. When you need me, you can come find me. But I'm not going to linger around where you are anymore, in hopes that you will favor me with a few words or that I might get a chance to watch you smile."
"Well, you're going to be waiting a very long time," Harley said flippantly. "Come prepared to catch the bouquet, because that's the last piece of me you'll ever be able to hold. I'll let Olivia take you your invitation."
"Fine," Mallet spat.
"Fine!" Harley growled. And with that she walked purposefully towards Gus. About halfway to him, she began to waver as feelings of regret overcame her. She turned back around discreetly, but Mallet was gone. Whether he had left or was just somewhere else in the raucous room, she couldn't tell. She was so tired of Mallet lifting her spirits, only to leave her feeling defensive and tongue-tied. What was happening to her? What happened to the picture Gus painted of this picturesque family life with her picket fences and her heart finally having a permanent home? Was that even what she really wanted? She had waited her whole life for stability, and now it seemed she was subconsciously sabotaging it. Harley had shut down the part of her mind that kept dwelling on Mallet and all he had done for her, because it was making her question her choices. She couldn't stand the thought that she might be making another mistake.
Frank pulled Harley aside at that moment, and sat her down by him at a table. "What's going on, sis? You look like you're at a funeral, not a party."
"Oh, I'm just a little bit overwhelmed, I guess," Harley patted Frank's hand gratefully.
"That's an interesting way to put it," Frank raised his eyebrows. "I thought for a second that I was going to have to storm over there and separate you and Mallet with a crowbar, and then the next second it looked like you two were worlds apart. I don't think I've ever seen you like this. Not to mention, all I'm seeing tonight is Gus schmoozing with the Spaulding bigwigs. I think the world has turned upside-down, to be perfectly honest ... unless I've simply had too much to drink."
Harley stared into space. "Mallet told me that if I wanted to talk to him or anything, that I would have to come to him the next time. He won't be coming to me anymore."
"Interesting," Frank said thoughtfully. "I did notice that you have begun to push him away instead of keeping to that policy of maintaining a friendship with him. Why is that?"
Harley wanted to burst into tears. "I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I have PMS twenty-four hours a day, Frank. All I do is mope around and want to pick fights. I thought that getting engaged was going to make me lighter than air, and I was going to just be floating around for the rest of my life."
"I see," Frank paused. "I think you need to go try to talk to him again."
"Ah, Frank," Harley said. "I try and we end up sharing something ... this something that floods my soul and makes me feel like all is right. And then suddenly I'm yelling at him because I can't stand to think that I'm letting my old feelings for him interfere with what I feel for Gus."
"Your old feelings?" Frank examined her expression.
"Frank," Harley warned. "What is going on with everybody lately? First Olivia, then Blake, and now you?"
"Maybe it's written all over your face everytime he's in the same room," Frank offered.
"That's fantastic. I'm sure Gus is thrilled about that."
"Harley, I don't think he's been noticing a whole lot today. So in that you're safe."
The fact that her own fiancee remained so oblivious to her stress and her emotions did little to comfort Harley. She sighed in defeat. "Fine, Frank. I will go talk to him. Heaven knows I'm not going to ever feel any kind of peace till I do. Although you have to know how much I hate letting him be right. Or letting you be right. Or letting anyone but myself end up being right."
"Well, that's what brothers are for," Frank threaded his fingers behind his head casually. "To help their crazy sisters. When will you go see him?"
"Tomorrow," Harley said decisively. "I will pay him a visit first thing tomorrow."
