And
when I lost my heart so many years ago,
I lost it lovingly and
willingly to you ...
If I had to choose again,
I would still
choose you ...
Storms are funny things. Some people only find them to be angry forces of nature that block out the treasured light of the sun. Others revel in them, finding in them peace and become fascinated while watching the rain come down and the wind blow.
At this particular moment, Harley Cooper was not feeling peaceful. She hadn't anyone to help her or give her pieces of plastic this time to protect her hair or her dress. She exited the Beacon hotel with her arms thrown up against the wind, as it whipped at her body, and the rain pelting her. She was feeling so many emotions, that she barely comprehended how she was still on her feet. Harley figured it was her anger that kept her moving. She was angry at Mallet for being so dramatic and for not listening. She was angry at Gus for being so absentee and obsessed with his Spaulding name even after all this time. But most of all, she was angry at herself. She was furious that she had let it spill what had crossed her mind - that she might still love her ex-husband. She let out a bitter chuckle. Oh, that's right. She had to be in love with Mallet or he wouldn't listen to what she was saying. She was angry that she didn't feel a hundred percent sure about Gus. She was angry at her mother for not being here, or at the fact that she was alone right now on a day that was supposed to have been flooded with sunlight.
Words Mallet had said kept ringing in her head. When was the last time she had followed her heart? Harley didn't know - which was probably a very bad sign. The image that kept resurfacing over and over in her head was the night that she threw all Phillip's things to the curb, became drunk and depressed, and slept with Rick while still married to Phillip. It was the very picture of her doing the thing that she most loathed other people doing to her. Cheating. Being untrue. Harley often wondered what Phillip had been thinking while he cheated on her with Beth in the middle of that San Cristobel snow storm. In her heart, she knew that he hadn't been falling back in love with Beth at that time, but had let desperation and history cloud his reason.
Harley reached the door of Company, and slumped against it. Was she doing what Phillip had done? Was she letting desperation, fear of the unknown, or history cloud her reason? Is that why she was feeling herself pull away from Gus, and back to Mallet?
I love you, Harley Davidson Cooper. I love you more than any man has ever possibly loved a woman.
She could hear his voice, as surely as if he was standing right next to her. And a warm feeling flooded her heart, and sent a rush of warmth into her cold fingertips and down to her toes. She felt it spread across her shoulders and felt her cheeks flush. A feeling started inside her. A little pinwheel of light and heat inside her heart was causing it to swell, and she closed her eyes. A sad smile lifted the corners of her mouth.
I am looking at you, and right now every part of me is calling your name. Forever.
Forever, repeated her own heart with a combination of release and conviction. How many times had she wondered why it seemed as if she didn't have a soulmate? As if every man that came along had convinced her that he must be her one great love, but then let her down? Something always seemed to get in the way. Gus had supported her and she had loved him for that. She had been grateful. But had she let herself fall so far because he had seemed to have no baggage? No past loves that could someday make her feel only second best? They say one never forgets their first love. Harley wonderingly pondered that phrase, and how true it rang. Falling for Mallet had been pure. It hadn't involved reasoning, it had been natural. He was her other half.
"He's still my other half," she whispered, balling up her fists tightly against the back of the door. Harley pushed the door open quietly and looked at the site before her. Rain-soaked guests of what was supposed to be her wedding were chatting in little groups at various booths and tables around the restaurant. Buzz had turned on the radio, softly, and music was playing in the background. Gus was near the back, and had a huge clipboard in one hand and was madly flipping papers with the heading of "Spaulding Enterprises" with the other. He was talking animatedly into his cell phone, it being propped against one shoulder. Zach was pulling at his pant leg, and Gus shooed him away and mouthed "in a minute" to the boy. Zach wandered back to a table and propped his face against his arm in disappointment.
Nearby with her back turned, Harley saw Olivia sitting in one corner, holding Emma on her lap, and filling out some paperwork on the table. Every once in a while, she would look up and favor Gus's back with a glare. Harley watched her father come out from the back, carrying cups of hot coffee and cocoa. At the site of the cocoa, Emma wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and whispered something in her ear. Olivia smiled and stood, leaving her paperwork behind, and carried Emma over to get a drink. Harley edged carefully over, still being unnoticed due to the hubbub. She looked at the papers Olivia had been filling out, and had to keep herself from gasping loudly. They were forms to press charges of kidnaping against Gus - for taking Emma during the time that Gus believed obsessively that Olivia was guilty of Phillip's murder and that he would do anything to Olivia in order to free Harley. She straightened up slowly, her face becoming like a mask. Then she heard it. "When A Man Loves A Woman" was the song now playing on the radio. Harley's senses were overwhelmed, and she felt as though all her questions about believing in signs had just been answered.
"Harley!" Blake had turned around to look at the time, and had therefore noticed Harley standing silently in the corner. "You scared me to death! How long have you been here? Why didn't you say anything? Well, what are we going to do? I guess we could have the ceremony in here. It's just raining too hard to try and have it inside. Do you think anywhere else is open right now?"
"I just called over to a couple other places," Frank called over to Blake. "Everyone seems to be booked right now. That's so weird." Frank grinned at his sister. "I guess everyone wants to get married today. I don't see why, though. It looks like a natural disaster film out there."
Gus looked over to where they were standing and wriggled his fingers at Harley, while still talking on the phone. Harley waved back, half-heartedly. Despite finding out that he had again played unfairly during the black time when she had been accused of murder, almost incriminating another innocent woman ... she still felt sorry for Gus. She felt sorry for how misguided he seemed right now, and how ...
"Gus, I need to talk to you," Harley said calmly, walking over to him.
Gus covered the mouthpiece on the phone. "Can it wait a sec, hon? I've almost sealed an important contract with one of our bigger clients. This could rake in millions. And we're kind of sitting ducks, anyway, aren't we? Oh, yes, Mr. Salisbury I'm still here ... and I think you're going to like what else we're prepared to offer!" Gus patted Harley's arm, and then turned away.
Harley watched him. Olivia walked up beside her, looking ashamed. "Harley, I saw you ... reading those papers. I didn't know you were here. I ... I'm not really going to press charges. I wouldn't do that to you, not after everything that has happened. Gus just got under my skin, again, earlier and I was trying to vent my frustrations."
"By filling them out so you have something to hang onto, just in case he ever threatens you again?" Harley said, her voice was void of emotion.
Olivia shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe."
Harley could only nod in return. Gus snapped shut his phone, and turned to her smiling. "Got him! Right. Well, what do you have to tell me, baby? Wow, you're really wet. Where have you been?"
Harley pulled Gus out of earshot, into the back halls of Company. "Gus," she began slowly. "There is a difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone ..."
------------
Mallet sat still chained to the huge bed in the Marler's suite. He wasn't sure how long he had been there now, but it had to have been a good almost forty minutes. Forty minutes, he assumed, was definitely enough time for Harley and Gus to be almost done with their ceremony. He unwillingly pictured Harley's radiant gaze as she pledged her forever to Gus. It would be over, then. Mallet would fade into the woodwork, by his own choice, as Gus and Harley embarked on their next great adventure. Once they were married, Mallet wouldn't try to wreck that. As long as Harley was happy, he would stay cooped up in his little corner of the police station filling out reports and reading new assignments. He would hope that overtime the pain in his heart would dull, and he could function as he had before. Robot-like.
Again he struggled against the chain. The leg of the bed was too sturdy, though, for him to get any leverage or hope to weaken the strength of the links. Mallet had already pictured the either humorous or greatly disturbed looks Blake and Ross would favor him with when they walked in that door - unprepared to see a greatly stressed detective handcuffed to their bed and sitting helplessly on the floor. Mallet shook his head. He wasn't helpless. He knew that if he was consciously trying, he could probably free himself. But his heart just wasn't in it. He didn't really care anymore what happened to him. He had nobody that would come looking for him. Frank or Marina might casually notice that he wasn't around. But it wasn't like Alan calling out the bloodhounds to find a missing Gus, or Buzz doing the same for Harley.
Mallet closed his eyes and leaned his head against the bed. He felt something slip from underneath his right lid. The single tear rolled down his cheek, leaving a wet path behind it. No others came. His body was reworking itself, almost. It was trying to remember how to stifle emotion and just exist.
Suddenly, he heard the creak of the door but he didn't open his eyes. He knew who was there, and he didn't have the heart to look anyone in the eye. He didn't have the strength to see the smiles that had been on their faces since they had come from a wedding, or to meet their penetrating looks when it was plain that he had been about to lose it. He hadn't wiped the tear from his cheek yet. "Look, could you please just help me unlock this thing? I'll answer your questions in a minute. Just help me."
Footsteps approached him. A single pair. Ross must not be here yet, Mallet thought carelessly. He heard the rustle of fabric as someone knelt beside him. He felt a cool hand touch the side of his face and turn his head, and he slowly opened his eyes and tried to focus. She was beautiful, and she was very wet.
"Yes," said a voice that caused him to tremble. "It's my turn to save you."
"I'm asleep," he croaked closing his eyes again. "Even my dreams are going to torture me. Ow!"
"Would you usually feel that if you're dreaming?"
"I'm usually not pinched to death by angels when I'm dreaming." And he smiled, and her heart was warm. "I guess I should congratulate you."
"Yes, I think you should," Harley moved her thumb across his cheek, wiping away the moist path the tear had left behind.
His voice cracked. "I'm sure ... I hope that you will be very happy. But Gus is waiting for you."
"No he's not."
"What? Where did he go?"
"He's not here, Mallet. Look at me."
Mallet met her eyes, trying hard to understand. Harley held up her left hand and wiggled all her fingers where he could see, reminiscent of how he had lifted her hand to study her fingers back when they had sat together at Company. This time, her ring finger wore no ring. Mallet felt his lips part, and his eyes widen. He couldn't say anything, but could only stare from her finger, and back up into her face. She was smiling at him. It was not a smile without sadness, but it was a smile without chains. Her eyes were soft and they watched him with an expression that caused nostalgia to flood every fiber of his being. But it wasn't the kind of nostalgia that made him wistful for the past and made him feel lonely.
It was as though she could read his thoughts. "You aren't alone anymore. You'll never be alone again."
"What ... what did you do? Why ... why? I never wanted ..."
Harley put her finger to his lips. "You said something to me earlier. Do you remember what it was?"
"I babbled on about a lot of things. I wasn't trying to make you feel like-"
"You are babbling again, Mallet." Harley smiled. "Let me help you. You said to me that I could love ... many people. But I can only be in love with one person."
Mallet didn't move. He barely could breathe. He could only watch her.
Harley began to caress his cheek, and she placed her forehead against his. "I'm in love with you, and only you. You are where my heart is. I had buried this feeling so deep that I didn't even recognize it until you were by my side again."
Mallet inhaled shakily. This couldn't be real. Could she have finally ... come back to him? Of her own will? Without her chasing her and confusing her. Without feeling obligated or feeling torn. Without bitterness and without conviction. Without any hate. He felt her pull away from him, and his heart started to sink.
Harley held up a small silvery key for both of them to see, smiled at him again, and freed his wrist. He immediately took it in his other hand and rubbed it and finally adjusted his body so he could sit comfortably. Harley took his wrist in her own hand, and he winced slightly. His wrist was very red, telling her he had strained. The look in his eyes told her that part of him had wanted to stop her, but he had taken away his choice willingly to let her choose and be happy.
She began to rub it gently. He was still frozen. "Harley, I love you. But I didn't want you to throw everything away. I thought you were happy."
"I think I forgot what those words truly mean," Harley said softly. "Love. Happiness. I realized that I was becoming invisible to Gus; I knew inside that if I left him, that he probably wouldn't spend years writing me letters or years in agony. I don't know."
"But ... how could he have damaged your trust more than I did? I did something far worse ..." Mallet's face tightened, and he looked away.
Harley gently turned his head back to face her own. "Gus and I were in a self-destructive mode. We are always second guessing and being suspicious. He has one set of goals, and I have another. We aren't in the same place anymore. Those kinds of patterns would only lead to a stressful relationship. But all that is just fine print. I had to leave ... because I'm in love with somebody else. Take note of that, Mallet. I'm in love with somebody else. They say you never forget your first love. I've certainly never forgotten you, I've forgiven you, and I love you. But I have to ask you something."
Harley paused and the room was very still, except for the sounds of their breathing. Mallet was still trying to overcome his shock and deal with the onslaught of emotions overwhelming his heart and soul. "What do you have to ask me? Anything. Anything."
"I have to ask you," Harley began slowly. "Will ... I be enough this time? What if you wake up again some morning and realize how dependent we are on one another, and that sort of everlasting commitment frightens you away again? And can you forgive me for pulling away for so long? You have to understand we can't just pick up where we left off."
"I know that," Mallet said, pulling his wrist away from her hand and taking both her hands in his own. "I never wanted to go back. I just want to move forward with you, for always. I will not be afraid again, Harley. Time has done something to me. It has taught me what is and was important, and how I want to need you. I want to need you by my side forever, and I want you to know that I can't live without you. My life was so hollow for all those years. I know better. I will not ever take you for granted again."
"But can you forgive me?" Harley said firmly. "I have to know."
"Are you kidding me?" Mallet shook his head. "You never had anything to be sorry for."
Harley smiled, but her eyes were distant as if lost in a memory. "I wish that I had gotten your letters. I would never trade my children, but I wish so badly that so many things that happened hadn't happened." She looked back at him. "But you came back. And you were there for me when my entire world was falling apart. Somehow you helped hold it together. Somehow you gave me a reason to hope and to believe again. You keep saying that you just were sleepwalking through life till you saw me again ... so was I. I am alive again. I'm whole."
Mallet exhaled deeply and leaned his head back against the bed, letting out a soft laugh. Harley inched over to sit alongside him, stretching her legs out alongside his and leaning her own head back. They sat side by side quietly for what seemed like a long time, both lost in their own thoughts and hesitancies. Mallet looked over at her, and then put his arm around her shoulders. "You're still wet! You're going to get sick. We have to go back and get you something to put on. I can't believe you've been running around in the rain all day and not wearing a jacket or something."
"Stop trying to boss me around already," Harley folded her arms, but he caught the twinkle in her eye. "Blake and Ross could be back any minute, so we have to go anyway."
"Okay, well, my car's outside," Mallet said starting to get up. "I can drive you to Company or the Bauers and you can get what you need and then I guess ... we ..."
Harley smirked. "You have no idea, do you? You're living in a hotel. I'm living in someone else's house. Where do we go? I actually have a solution to that problem, sweetie. I hope you don't mind that before I came in here, I kind of went into your room here at the Beacon and put together a little ... bag ... for you."
"Bag?" Mallet looked at her in surprise. "A bag for what?"
"For where we're going, of course!" Harley replied taking his hand.
"Uh, where are we going?" Mallet asked suspiciously, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "And exactly how did you get into my room? I never gave you the means to get in."
"Er," Harley flushed slightly. "I told them that I was your ... wife. That we had just gotten married and I was supposed to meet you up there. The guy I talked to was new and didn't know who I was or who you were. I mean, I had the outfit for it." She spread her arms, looking down at the wet whiteness of her gown.
Mallet and Harley stood there, a bit awkwardly, for a moment. Mallet bit his lower lip, and Harley fidgeted with an imaginary spot of lint on her dress.
"Well," Harley said slowly. "Now that we're acting like two teenagers on a first date ... let's go. We don't want to miss our flight, do we? Hurry up!"
------------
One surprisingly (for Mallet) short flight later, the Detective and the Runaway Bride were walking up an all-too familiar path. Mallet eyes were alight as he took in their surroundings. The clouds had disappeared as they flew into their destination, and soft sunlight was bathing the ground with an unearthly glow. The air was cool and comfortable, and there were still many flowers along the wayside in blossom. The very scent in the air triggered memories of love, desire, passion, and peace.
"Cross Creek," Mallet breathed. "hasn't changed a bit."
Harley chuckled. "Well, that's not entirely true. Bill and Olivia did some remodeling when they took over, but I can't really complain because Olivia was all too willing to let me borrow the place for ... however long I needed." Harley got an impish look in her eye, and suddenly bolted towards the door. Her abrupt movement caused Mallet to start, and then watch her in consternation.
"Harley .. what .. ?"
Harley was struggling to unlock the door quickly, a big grin on her face, and finally it gave and she stepped in. Mallet began to stride towards her and right before he got to the door, she slammed it in his face. "Harley! Dammit, what are you doing? Have you lost your mind?" He tried the door but she had locked it. "Harley!"
