Rachel stirred her coffee as she kept an eye on Emma keeping herself busy in the playpen, she hoped she was a happy child, she seemed to be happy but Rachel had remembered her childhood as being with both of her parents. She hoped Emma didnt feel deprived of her father when she grew up, seeing him once a month at the most was sure to effect her, Rachel knew that and tried to always think of the positive things. Emma would understand the situation as she grew up, and Ross wasnt the type of guy to not speak to his daughter on the phone everyday, he wouldnt forget about her therefore, she would always know who her father was. But Rachel wasnt too sure where that left her, obviously she would soon be on the look out for a man to lift her off her feet and make her happy, and also be a father figure for Emma whenever Ross wasnt around. 'What do you think Emma? Daddy wants to come and see you in a few weeks, would you like that sweetheart?' Rachel said to her daughter, handing over Hugsy to her, the cuddly toy which Joey had always loved but had offered to give it to Emma to keep. 'Dada!' Emma yelled, she sure knew who her father was, and Rachel didnt want it any different, moving here wasnt to get away from anything but it was to start afresh, and it felt good, especially now that she had gotten the worst over with and spoken to Ross. She expected him not to talk to her after the incident last week, she didnt mean to reject him but she was so taken back by his words, she didnt quite know what to say. She was glad that she could see him again, they could talk properly about things but she was pretty sure she didnt want to go down that road with him again, she loved him as a best friend and Emmas father, but the thought of getting back together scared her, when they were together it was too good to be ruined, but it was ruined. And she couldnt ever take that heartbreak again, not with anybody, especially Ross.
I wish it was simple
But we give up easily
Your close enough to see that
Your the other side of the world
To me
'Mummy's going to be starting her new job tomorow Emma, and your going to be staying with Mrs Taylor next door...I know you dont know her angel, but shes going to look after you sweetheart, Mummy wants you in good hands...and Im sure you and Hugsy will be just fine for the day..' She smiled.
The time was almost dinnertime, and Rachel was on simple rations for now, bread and milk was the only thing she had in at the moment, and ofcourse Emma's babyfood which was most important, she looked inside the cupboard. 'Aha, We have cheese atleast...I'll make myself cheese with bread, how traditional here in France huh Emma?' She said, taking out the block of cheese then the loaf of bread. 'And I'll get you your favourite dinner sweetheart...'. Reaching for the pot of babyfood for her daughter. Things were going well, she was finding her way slowly, but she was getting there. Just then the phone began to ring, she wasnt expecting any calls. 'Oh, I wonder who that is Emma...'. She said, moving over to find her cellfone. She was happy to see Monica's name as the called, 'Its aunt Monica!' She announced to her daughter. 'Bonjour!' Rachel said as she answered it, giving her best friend a preview of the only word she knew in French.
'Rach, Its me Mon' She heard her friend say, she sounded a bit low as she said it. '
'I know its you Mon, I havent forgotten you just yet..' Rachel joked. 'I was going to ring you this evening, but youve beat me to it'. She laughed.
Monica was slightly surprised at Rachel's mood, she half expected her to sound sad or maybe lonely after leaving New York but she sounded just fine, but sometimes Rachel put on a front. 'You sound happy Rach, have you settled in?' Monica asked, 'I expected you to sound rushed off your feet...'.
'I am rushed off my feet, but Im taking my time...its just lovely here Mon, I'm really happy...but I do miss you guys'. She sighed.
'I miss you too Rach, but you know...changes are good, me and Chandler are just getting used to the parent thing, and the twins are a bit of a handful but we can deal with it...you know me' She laughed.
'I wish I could see them grow up, I will have to come back in a few months time...Its just so hard to get flights there and what with the new job and everything...its going to cost Ross a lot to get here when he comes, even though we're getting money off because of our situation...but its still a lot of money even when we get a flight discount...'.
'Uh huh, so...Ross huh, whats going on between you two?' Monica asked, Rachel guessed that this was probably the main reason for the conversation, Monica was his sister afterall and she had always argued with her when Rachel had said things would never work. 'Nothings going on Mon...' Rachel told her.
'Nothing huh? Why dont I believe that Rach?' She asked her.
'You dont have to believe it, Yes he told me he loved me last week...but I just...just cant do this right now'
'Do what? Its not going to take much to just tell him you love him back Rach, if you do love him that is...'
Rachel swallowed. 'I dont know Mon, I just dont know...'. Her voice began to quiver, she hadnt yet been on the subject of her and Ross for a while now, and now she had to speak on the subject, but the truth was, she didnt know how she felt.
'You dont have to explain yourself to me Rach, but I know how Ross feels about you...he may act like he doesnt love you when he next sees you because hes embarrassed about the whole thing, but if you know how you really feel..I suggest you tell him, sort things out Rach...'.
Rachel let out a cry. 'Its not that easy...'.
'Whats not easy Rach?'.
'Us...Me and Ross, we never have been easy'. She was now aware of Emma staring up at her, probably wondering why her mother was crying.
'I know that, but maybe it can start to get easy if you just be truthful with him...hes already gave you his side of things, he loves you and Emma and I know you love him deep down...so just tell him Rach' Monica told her.
'Umm, I need to think on my own Mon, I'll see him soon anyway...'.
'Ok Rach, promise me you'll think about it...'.
'Yeah...'.
'Promise'
'I promise'.
She heard Chandler calling Monica in the background, 'I need you Mon! Jack has had quite an explosion in his nappy...!' He yelled.
Rachel let out a laugh. 'I'll let you go, wouldnt want to deprive you of doing a stinky nappy Mon...' She laughed.
'Haha, very funny...I'll speak to you soon Rach...'.
'Bye Mon'.
'Bye'.
She put the phone down and stood up from where she had been sitting. Emma was standing up with her arms out of the pen. 'Oh sweetie, Mommy isnt upset anymore...I know I was crying but its only because of things I need to sort out with your Daddy..'. She picked up her daughter and sat her on her hips, 'I promise everything will work out Emma...' She kissed her on the head and squeezed her tightly. 'I promise'.
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