Ross felt quite excited as he finished the phonecall to book his plane tickets, it was the first time that he had actually not cared about the price of the seats or even the time for that matter, he didnt care. He held the telephone in his hand and sat for a moment, he just hoped that things would go well when he was over there, he feared any awkwardness with Rachel as all he wanted to do was catch up with her and see Emma, he knew that he would have to control his true feelings when he was with her, she had made it pretty clear that she didnt want that in the present moment. He just hoped she wouldnt be looking radiant as she always did everyday, he knew there was no chance in that happening, unless Paris had an effect on her natural beauty. Very unlikely. But he just didnt want to see her looking so gorgeous, everything he wanted standing infront of him yet, she didnt want him. But god did he want her.
He had to snap himself out of his trance as he sat on his sofa, he only had to think of her these days and he would lose all concentration for anything else around him, including himself. Today he knew would be a hard day, he had to go and teach his first class of the semester, he never usually dreaded it and even if he did have a bad day, a few months ago he would have the positive thought of coming back to see Rachel and Emma, the two most important people in his life right now. But now, he had nobody apart from himself to moan to, the odd call to his parents and Monica would often call, but everybody had seemed to go their own way. He would have been fine with it, but knowing that he didnt have what he hoped for that day at the airport, it made him feel angry that everybody else was happier than he was. He knew he was being selfish, he should be happy for everybody else. Monica and Chandler now had everything they had ever wished for, he did feel happy for them but he couldnt help feeling envious of them, they had eachother and two children now, they were a family and he just couldnt help but wonder what he had done wrong, he should deserve that too but he had nobody now but a can of beer to socialise with.
It was only 12am, and already he felt exhausted. His lecture wasnt till 2pm, and he couldnt think of anything he could do possibly till then, the feeling of being alone had sunk in and he almost felt like he could cry, but what good was that going to do. None. He thought about ringing Monica, she would hopefully have time to talk to him, they hadnt spoken for a week or so now. He picked up the phone and pressed the first two digits of her number, then he remembered that the number was no longer theirs, he had gotten used to dialling that number so much over the years that he couldnt get used to them having any other number or any other house for that matter. Just as he peeked into the address book on the coffeetable, the phone began to ring in his hand. 'Hello...'. He said, unsure of who the other caller was.
'Ross, is me Mon...'. He heard his sister say.
He laughed. 'Thats weird, I was just about to call you...'.
'You were? Well thats weird because I was going to wait until you called me because I know you like giving calls, not recieving...' She joked.
'Well, I am a giver..' He sniggered.
'Yeah I know, I was in the next room...' She laughed. Obviously talking about the time when Rachel and Ross were first dating, he blushed as she pointed this fact out to him, but also felt a feeling of sadness loom over him. 'Uhuh...' He said.
'You ok Bro?' She asked. Sounding slightly concerned.
'To be honest with you, Im not Mon...Im really not, I just feel so...so...'.
'Ross, I think you should come and see Chandler and me sometime next week, you sound like you need some company...'.
'I do, but next week I'm going to see Rachel in Paris so I can come to see you another time yeah?'.
'Sure, so your going to see Rachel next week? So soon?'. She asked.
'So soon? Well I would have gone a lot more sooner if she would have asked, I miss her so much...'.
'Gee Ross, are you sure things are going to be ok with you two when you see eachother again?'.
'Why wouldnt they? She seemed fine with me on the phone, its not like anything has changed between us...'.
'Ofcourse things have changed Ross, shes on the other side of the world to you now, things arent just going to come together now...you need to move on..'. She told him. The words hit him hard. 'Mon, you dont understand...I lov...'.
'I know you love her' Monica interupted. 'But she obviously doesnt feel the same way, I mean she loves you as a friend and as Emmas father but you need to respect that she is trying to move on with her life now...'.
'Yeah without me, and I cant deal with that Mon, I know she feels the same as I do, I just need to make her realise that...'.
'Dont do anything stupid Ross, I was talking to her yesterday and she seems so happy out there...'.
'She does?'. He asked her.
'Well yes, she seems happy and settled over there...'.
'Did she mention us?'
'No...'
'No?'.
'She didnt mention you at all Ross...she was too busy telling me about her new job and how Emma was doing and the people she had met...'.
'So basically I'm forgotten then...'.
'No...no...Ross, she hasnt forgotten you, she just wants things for her...she seemed really happy on her own out there, and theres something you should know...'.
'What?' Ross asked.
'Shes...shes...'. She stammered.
'Shes what?'. He asked again.
'Shes...met somebody new'. Monica blurted out.
Ross was stunned. This must be some sort of joke. 'Shes met someone?'.
'Yes...'.
'But she has only been there for...'.
'I know, she didnt say that she was serious about him...just that theyre dating'.
'Theyre dating? So soon it will be serious and before I know it, I'll be out of the picture..' Ross said, starting to raise his voice.
'She didnt ask me to tell you, but I thought you should know...'.
'Well thank you..'. He said sarcasticly.
'I'm doing you a favour Ross...'.
'How?'.
'You know now where you stand, so you wont do anything stupid...'.
He went silent.
'I love you Ross and I dont like seeing you like this...' She told him. 'Please come to see us soon, we want to talk to you...'.
'Ok..'.
'You wont do anything stupid about Rachel will you?' She asked him again.
'...No...'.
'I just want the best for you..' She told him. 'Speak to you soon...You know where I am'. She put the phone down leaving him shocked and slightly confused, she had met somebody new already and this guy could possibly become somebody special to her, then become Emma's step father. He didnt care whether she had met somebody knew, it didnt change his feelings. He was still Ross, and she was still Rachel.
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Rachel thought long and hard about the night before on her date with Joshua, it was the first time that she had opened herself up about the relationship with Ross, usually it was too complicated to talk about, but she had told him everything, from the very beginning.
They had reached their forth glass of chardonay, and the two plates were cleared apart from a few left overs on Rachels plate, she could never finish a meal, she had always commented that the inside of her stomach must be tiny. Joshua had been sat in the same position since she had started the storytelling of her relationship with Ross, he was someone who seemed the type to talk to other people instead of talking non stop about himself. 'So you and Ross, how did things end between you before you came here huh?' Joshua asked, before drinking more from his almost empty glass. Rachel lowered her head and stared at the tablecloth, 'I...I dont know how it did end to be honest, It ended and it didnt end if you understand what I mean, I still have to consider our history and the fact that he is Emma's father and one of my best friends..'.
'Do you still love him?' Joshua asked her. She noticed her expression change completely as he asked her, she could tell what answer he was hoping for.
'Umm, in some ways...yes, of course I do but its so complicated with us, when I left he told me that he loved me but I just couldnt handle it as I was so looking forward to coming to Paris, so I didnt want anything to ruin my plans but when I got here, I did regret leaving him in that way as I didnt want to hurt him...'.
'Seems pretty complicated, so let me ask you...'. He reached over to touch her hands across the table, 'Where does this leave things for us?' he asked her.
'Oh...I dont want you to feel like you are getting in the middle of something because your not, he doesnt live here and I do want to move on but it seems hard for some reason, its always been that way with us...'.
Joshua sighed. 'Can I tell you what I think?'.
She nodded.
'I think you do still love this guy...'.
'You do?'. She asked.
'I do...and no matter how attracted I am to you, or how great I think things could go for us, I think you should get things straight with Ross first, I dont want to be the reason why he cant be with you and why Emma cant have both parents with her...'.
'But Josh--'
He laughed. 'I'm not dumping you as I think we can still have fun together, but after hearing all this stuff about you guys...I feel that your trying to make excuses for yourself about being over here, your using it to say your not in love with him...arent you?'.
She shrugged. 'I wish I knew, I really do...I guess I'll know when I see him again, that usually works...'.
'Is he coming over here?' He asked her.
'Yes next week I think..--'
'I'll make myself scarce for now then' He laughed. 'I just want to put things on hold between us if anything now just to give you the chance to think things through, ok Rach?' He asked. He picked up her left hand and kissed it affectionately. 'I think your an amazing woman, and I think this Ross guy sounds genuine and you two seem to have something you want to hide...so just think things through yeah?'.
She nodded. 'Thank you Agony Uncle' She laughed. 'I think your right...I have a lot of things to sort out in my head, I wasnt expecting to meet somebody like you so soon though, so thats kinda threw me off..' She laughed.
'I do apologise..' He winked.
Rachel sat with the pen in her hands, she was supposed to be doing an assignment for work but other thoughts had taken over her brain. 'I cant do this...' She told herself as she slammed down the pen. There was only one thing she could do right now and that was to call Ross, let him know she was wanting to talk properly when he came over. Emma was busily playing in her pen, 'Sweetie, I'm just going to ring your Daddy then I'll make you some lunch, ok Emma?' She said, reaching over for the phone. Emma answered with a tiny scream. 'You carry on playing with your toys angel...' Rachel told her as she began to dial Ross' number, she checked the time before she rang as she didnt want to ring him at an early time again. It was 5oclock in Paris, so Ross should be home now she guessed.
She got the answering machine. He must be at work.
'Hi Ross, Its Rachel...I umm, I just wanted to ring you to talk about next week, have you booked your tickets? Well...Just call me when you get the time, we need to talk about a few things...Ok, I'll speak to you soon...I wont be home all day tomorow so if you can, ring me later tonight...Bye' . She put down the phone and sighed. She hated leaving messages, she really felt like having a conversation with him, not his machine. 'Right Emma, I'll get you your tea now sweetie...' She said as she padded off to the kitchen. Things were looking better in her apartment now, the boxes had disapeared and most of her things were settled in, all she needed now as a bed. The sofa was comfy, but not the ideal place to sleep every night.
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