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Chapter 2
LILY had been ignoring me totally. We hadn't even made eye contact once. I was utterly miserable and dejected. At least before I could get a glare or a frown out of her. Now… absolutely nothing. The note had been cleverly slipped into her bag by Peter in the middle of Potions when Lily was too busy with her cauldron to notice. All day long, I had been wondering if she would stay behind. Truth to tell, I didn't think she would. As soon as she found out that I had written the note, she would leave. Besides, it was sort of obvious that I'd sent her the note. If a teacher wanted to see her then they could easily have called her to their classroom, rather than asking her to stay behind.
The meeting was going to be held in the Heads' room. This room belonged exclusively to the Head Boy and Head Girl. It was an enormous room, circular in shape. There were huge book cases (full of books) covering about three quarters of the wall. It had a large fireplace, comfortable sofas scattered around and a massive mahogany desk with deep and plush chairs where the Heads could discuss things that needed to be done. There was even a bathroom off to one side, which I had never used (although I'd seen the Prefects' bathroom once when Remus had given me the password to use it and I'd been astounded. This one was probably many times better).
When I entered Lily was alone. She stiffened as I came in, but otherwise there was no reaction from her. And then began one of the most awkward thirty minutes of my life. She wouldn't even look at me. I didn't try to talk to her. Everything could wait for after the meeting. Besides, I didn't have anything to say. What can you say to someone who you've accused of being cruel and heartless? And, since I had sworn an oath that I wouldn't talk to her again out of necessity, it would have been the height of indignity if I had broken that expletive within forty eight hours of its being uttered. So I followed her example and got on with some of my Potions homework. However, it was only a few minutes later that I gave up – I was hopeless at Potions and wondered every lesson how I had gotten into the NEWT class after the Potions OWL. Sirius or Remus always helped me with my Potions. I certainly couldn't do it alone and without a library to help me.
Lily was sitting at the desk and was getting on with some Charms homework. I'd heard that she was exceptionally talented at Charms. Just like I was at Transfiguration. She was practising a Flame Freezing Charm. I was on the sofa in front of the fire and could just see her from the corner of my eyes. Again I felt that pleasant squirm in my abdomen as I looked at her profile in admiration. She was using Bluebell flames, making them flutter and dance in midair as she practised the Freezing charm. Muttering words that I couldn't catch, she passed her hand through the flames without any obvious pain. She did this several times and each time her hand stayed in the flames longer than last time, and I imagined it must be tickling her (judging by the smile on her face). But then on one occasion, as she was passing her hand through the dancing flame, something went wrong and she cried out in pain.
Almost instinctively I leapt up and raced over to her. She was grasping her hand, her green eyes shut tightly against the pain. Bluebell flames – although really useful because they were portable – were about twice as hot as normal flames. You could get seriously hurt if you came into contact with them. As I raced towards her, I remembered once when I had been burnt with Bluebell flames. I'd been about nine, and my mother had some in a jar in my room – like a nightlight really. Curiosity, however, got the best of me, and I nearly ended up with no index finger.
I reached the desk, and took Lily's hand. She tried to pull it back from my grasp, her eyes still shut from the pain, but I kept hold. Differences aside, she was in pain.
"Stop it Evans. Let me help you. You're hurt," I spoke gently to her. Although I doubted whether she could hear me. As I looked at her hand in mine, I could see an ugly, red burn covering her palm. It was starting to blister. I pulled a chair over, and sat down. Lily's breaths were coming in short gasps. The pain she must be going through… I couldn't imagine.
"Evans. Evans!" She opened her eyes and looked at me. "Breath deeply."
There was a glass of water on the desk within arm reach. I pulled out my wand, and pulled the glass nearer to me. Concentrating, I turned the water into ice and then taking Lily's hand, I wrapped it around the glass. Almost immediately, the ice started to melt. For the next few minutes, I sat next to her, constantly turning the water into ice.
I looked up once, and found her green eyes regarding me. They were stunningly clear as she looked at me. But then almost immediately she looked away, and then taking her hand away from the ice, she looked at the wound. Pulling a handkerchief out of my pocket, I gave it to her, and then standing up went back to my Potions homework. It was a moment before she spoke.
"Thank you." Her voice was weak and hoarse, barely above a whisper. She was still probably in a lot of pain. And I looked at her sitting at the desk a few feet away from me. How vulnerable she looked. How delicate, how fragile. And yet, she hadn't cried. Not one tear had fallen. I admired her strength.
"You're welcome." I wanted to say more, much more. I wanted to fall on my knees in front of her. I wanted to ask for her forgiveness. But I couldn't.
Dumbledore and McGonagall arrived a few minutes later, just as Lily had finished wrapping her hand up.
We both stood up to greet them.
"Good evening Professors." I said politely, followed a moment later by Lily.
"Ah, good evening Mr Potter and Miss Evans. Please sit down." Dumbledore and McGonagall took two chairs on the far side of the desk. I came and sat opposite them, within a few feet of Lily.
They took a few moments to settle themselves in.
"Now," Dumbledore turned to the both of us, "We will not take up too much of your time. I realise you must have some homework you should be getting on with." We remained silent. The meeting continued.
Twenty minutes later, it was drawing to a close.
"It is up to you to make sure this happens. Lately, more and more rules are not being followed. Discipline has to be implemented," Dumbledore said.
Professor McGonagall nodded. "I saw a third year Slytherin walking in the second floor corridor at ten o clock yesterday. Unacceptable. As Head Boy and Girl you both need to make sure that the Prefects are carrying out their duties."
All I had done for the duration of the meeting was nod. I was a bundle of nervousness.
Finally Dumbledore and McGonagall stood up and bade us good night and left. As soon as the door closed, Lily silently began packing her bag, without once looking up at me. It was like I didn't exist.
I cleared my throat. What else could I do? I had no idea. Sirius had told me what to say to her if she waited behind. But she wasn't was she? She was packing her bags. And I had no clue how to start.
Lily finished putting her things in her bag and straightening up, she started for the door – still not looking at me. I was about to be left sitting in my chair all alone, looking like an idiot.
"Evans, wait."
She didn't slow down one bit. So I did the only thing I could think of. Pulling out my wand I quietly muttered: "Claudo Ostium." The door shut with a bang, and there was a click. It was now firmly locked. The only way to open it again would be to use my wand (since it was the one who cast the spell) and tap it three times. Moony's invention; ingenious.
"Alohomora… Bombarda…" I could hear the frustration in Lily's voice, but the door still remained shut. She turned slowly until she was facing me. There was defiance in her eyes. Her wand was still in her hand – the one that was hurt. She pointed it at me now, and said in a dangerous voice: "Open the door… now."
I'd forgotten most of what Sirius had told me. They say necessity is the mother of invention (what then was the father? I always wondered), and now as I sat with her wand pointing at me, my brain invented the perfect excuse. This would do. This would do very well.
"We need to talk Evans." My tone was slightly rough. I couldn't help myself. She was still looking rebelliously at me – her green eyes regarding me. I continued: "In a strictly professional capacity of course." She lowered her wand as she understood what I was saying. I could see I held her attention. So I carried on speaking: "What's going on in our private lives has got absolutely nothing to do with what happens in this room Evans. You're Head Girl and I'm Head Boy. If we don't talk then obviously things aren't going to be done. You heard Dumbledore and McGonagall just now. The Prefects are slacking. People aren't following rules… it's up to us to make sure that doesn't happen."
She came and sat back down. It was a start I supposed. At least she wasn't ignoring me now. There was a silence. And then I took a quill and some ink out of my bag, and grabbing a spare piece of parchment I looked back at her. "A list. We need to make a list about the things that need to be done." Lily sighed, finally recognising the inevitability of the situation.
"First things first: the prefects need to be sorted out." She was counting things off on her fingers, her eyes looking anywhere but me. I started to write what she was saying. "There are twenty two prefects in Hogwarts. And then there's you and me. That's twenty four," her tone was thoughtful, "so let's see. Prefects patrol the corridors in two's. So we need to divide Hogwarts up into twelve different areas, for each pair." I wrote it all down silently and then said:
"I'll do the dividing ok? I'll show it to you on Saturday to see if it's alright." She nodded. Still avoiding my eyes.
"And I'll make the pairs."
I inwardly groaned. The chances of her and me being in a pair were slim then. But I nodded anyway.
"So we'll have a meeting with the Prefects on Monday to tell them about this," she stood up once again to leave, "we also need to talk about punishments and the taking of points. Knowing some of the Slytherin Prefects…" her voice drifted off. "I'll do that."
I continued writing. She walked towards the door but then found it was locked. I jumped to my feet and quickly came over to her, still not meeting her eyes. The door sprang open after I'd tapped it three times with my wand. She slipped out of the door.
"Evans…" but then something Sirius has said came back to me. "Lily…" she stopped, waiting, her back to me. "I'm sorry." My voice was barely above a whisper and I poured all of my guilt and regret into it. I could see her shoulders begin to shake, and I had the urge to go and wrap my arms around her slim body and bury my head in her red hair and… just hold her. "I'm sorry." She turned to look at me, and I found my breath stop. There were tears in her eyes, and great wrenching pain as well. It was like she was being torn from the inside. Pushing me back inside the classroom, she shut the door behind her as she came in too. I was confused.
"How dare you Potter? How dare you call me heartless and then expect me to forgive you like that?" The tears were flowing freely now. I collapsed to the ground, the strength leaving my legs, and looked up at her, my own heart as heavy as lead as I felt her pain. I didn't have anything to say. "So you help me when I get hurt. I've thanked you. And just because I have you think that I have to forgive every wrong you've ever done? You know how arrogant that is?"
My head was reeling. This was all wrong. "No, Evans… you don't understand." I whispered.
"Don't understand what? What's there to understand?" She was nearly sobbing now. "And… I'm… I'm not heartless. I'm not cruel."
"I… I… don't think you are Ev–… Lily… I don't." My voice was quivering, and I was on the verge of tears myself. A few words from her had reduced me to a quivering mess. I was furious with myself. I struggled to my feet. And put a hand on her shoulder. She shook it off. "We… were… fighting." Each word was a struggle. It was like I was drained of all strength. I could barely stand. What was happening to me? "And… and… I got caught up… and said… said… that…" She still wouldn't look at me. "You… you see don't you Ev–… Lily? You won't even look at me now. You won't even… even give me a chance. I feel… I feel like you think I'm insignificant… that I don't matter… that I don't exist. And sometimes… sometimes… it's like you think I'm not… not worthy enough for you."
She turned to look at me now. I imagined I must have looked pale. Whatever it was, her eyes widened, and shaking a few strands of her fiery hair to one side, she wiped her tears. I managed to stagger over to a chair, and sank gratefully into it, feeling completely drained. Burying my head in my hands I groaned. "You think… you think I'm the same… the same big-headed, conceited Potter don't you… Lily?" Her silence said all. I looked up at her, and found that she had also sat down in chair across from me. There were tear streaks on her face, and she was looking at the grounds, her eyelashes casting shadows on her cheeks. I decided to tell her everything.
"I wrote the note Lily," saying her name wasn't so hard anymore. She looked up at me, her eyes full of intensity. "I… I wanted to apologise. I would have gotten down on my knees if need be. I would have done anything because… because I couldn't bear the way you looked at me after… after I walked away from you." She still remained silent. "Say something." I whispered. Wiping my eyes, I stood up and retrieved my wand – it had fallen when I had collapsed to the ground. Then I returned to my seat and looked at her. She had still not said anything. There was a silence that lasted several minutes. I sat absolutely still.
"You know why I say 'no' every time Potter?" she said suddenly, breaking the silence. I shook my head, looking at my clasped hands. "Because as far as I know you still are big-headed and… and conceited."
There were so many things I wanted to say to her. "Why?" was all I could whisper. She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose with the tips of her fingers. Suddenly, I realised how tired Lily looked. The thought shocked me.
"You alright?" I asked her. She looked up at me, surprised.
"Oh what would be the use? She whispered to herself.
"Lily…" she looked up. I dragged the chair nearer to her, and took both of her hands in my own. They were smaller than mine and fitted perfectly in them. We were made for each other. Her fingers were long and graceful, and clean. Such feminine, delicate and slender hands. She stiffened. I looked straight into her eyes. "Listen to me. One chance. That's all I'm asking for. One chance." She said nothing. "If I still disappoint you, then you've got every right to think of me as you want and I'll… I'll leave you alone I promise, but please… please give me one chance Lily." My voice was barely a whisper. I could see her green eyes measuring my own. "I'm not asking you to go out with me. But… give me a chance to be… to be your friend. To know you. To talk to you. To walk with you. And maybe, you could help me with my Potions." This brought a smile to her face. And then she said the word that meant the most to me in the world:
"Okay."
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Author's Note: I didn't know where to include this, so I finally decided that this would be the place. Anyhow, some very observant person has pointed out that the Flame Freezing Charm is painless, and so Lily should not have been hurt. However, I read back to the passage regarding this, and I found out that I can give two answers to this query:
First of all: "She was practising a Flame Freezing Charm." This means that Lily is practising the Charm; she is not adept at it. When she gets burnt, she has merely cast the charm wrongly.
Secondly: "She was using Bluebell flames, making them flutter and dance in midair as she practised the Freezing charm… Bluebell flames – although really useful because they were portable – were about twice as hot as normal flames." I must have looked ahead and anticipated this problem, and sine JKR tells us nothing about the characteristics of Bluebell flames, I used a little of my own incentive and made them much hotter than usual flames; so that if anything were to go wrong, then Lily would be badly brunt.
So not only is she practising the charm, she is also using twice-as-hot Bluebell flames… thus doubling the chance of anything going wrong.
Acute observation though!
