Title: Compulsion
Author: Annerb
Rating: Mature
Summary: She is his disease, his own personal sliver of insanity.

Classifications: Missing Scene (Shades of Grey), Drabble (200), S/J
Season: 3
Disclaimer
The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-1, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

Author's Note: This is in response to the GateShip Wednesday Shorts "Shades of Grey" Challenge.


Compulsion

"No, Carter. I haven't been acting like myself since I met you. Now I'm acting like myself."

The words hovered sharply, long after they were said. He longed to take them back.

The problem was that they were true. And they both knew it.

Before her there had only been a dark attachment to duty and repentance, the undeniable pull of blowing himself up for the good of his planet.

But then she was there, making him, just for a moment, forget.

Now his heart wavers in its devotion to duty, choosing to abandon honor.

She is his disease, his own personal sliver of insanity.

And she knows it.

Which is why neither of them mention the lies and betrayals as he ruthlessly slams into her, her back pushed carelessly against the nearest convenient wall.

He needs the connection, even as he feels the deep compulsion to make her feel, even if just for a moment, the same insanity that plagues him.

He hears her inarticulate cry and feels her nails dig into his back, knowing he has succeeded.

He knows he's not the same, that he never will be.

But maybe the real insanity is that he doesn't care.