The Lost Memory.


"Somewhere, a voice calls, in the depths of my heart
May I always be dreaming, the dreams that move my heart
So many tears of sadness, uncountable through and through
I know on the other side of them I'll find you

Everytime we fall down to the ground we look up to the blue sky above
We wake to it's blueness, as for the first time
Though the road is long and lonely and the end far away, out of sight
I can with these two arms embrace the light"

- Always with me (Spirited Away OST); directed by Hayao Miyazaki.


"SESSHOUMARU!" Kagome shouted with all her might but her voice seemed to shrivel and drown in the mighty rush of air past them.

Sesshoumaru stared into silent darkness as he felt himself swirling downwards into nothingness. He welcomed the sudden cold, it seemed to quell the fiery pain in his head and the incredible sensation of weightlessness was driving the horrible gory images away. He could feel a pair of hands clinging onto his arm painfully, and it made him uncomfortable. He wanted to shake off that pair of hands, to continue in this dreamless and painless state, when he heard it.

The voice was soft and distant, as if someone was calling out to him urgently from the far corner of the never-ending darkness. He tried to locate the direction of that voice, but he could see nothing other than the dark hollow space that he was trapped in. He frowned when the feminine voice reached his ears again, it was louder, and more insistent this time round. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and tried to concentrate, the pain in his eyes was getting more and more intense, and his head hurt. When he opened his eyes, he saw a long slender arm trying to reach him desperately. Without a second thought, he lunged forward and closed his fingers around it.

All of a sudden, Kagome felt her left arm being grabbed and before she knew it, she was pulled down forcefully and her face was smashed onto his chest, while his right arm held her firmly to him, their bodies flushed straight. She instinctively wrapped her arms around his waist tightly and squeezed her eyes shut, mentally preparing herself for her premature death. Kagome buried her face deeper into his chest when she suddenly felt enveloped and surrounded by overwhelming youki, her mind unable to decipher and comprehend anymore.

Sesshoumaru felt his back hitting and crashing through rustling branches whilst prickly pines scratched his face and his body. His hand wound itself tighter around the woman that was crushed against his body, hoping that she would not get hurt as he tried to command his youki-cloud to slow down their descent. Kagome could hear the cracking and snapping of branches and then a loud plop sound. She drove her fingernails into her palms hard, creating small half crescents, fully convinced that she was dead until she heard a loud choking sound that rumbled from his chest. Something wet and icy splashed onto her face at the same time and Kagome opened her eyes in shock from the sudden coldness.

The first thing that greeted her sight was Souta's familiar dark blue shirt, dotted with wet cold snow. And long tendrils of straight silver hair looped within her black wavy locks. Realization hit Kagome and she looked up; she was lying on top of Sesshoumaru in a very suggestive position, with his hand around her waist, her breasts pressing against his heaving chest tightly while his legs wrapped themselves around hers.

"Sesshoumaru!"

Kagome could not think of anything else to say as the taiyoukai beneath her tried to breathe after the hard and not-so-graceful landing. The pain from the initial backache was now doubled with the throbbing headache and he thanked his lucky stars that they had fell onto a heap of thick snow instead of sharp rocks or bone-smattering boulders. It took Kagome a good while to realize that Sesshoumaru had somehow broken the deadly fall and had suffered the brunt of the impact as she stared into his opened mouth, wisps of his warm breath partially clouding her sight. She quickly scrambled off him and plopped herself on the snow beside him, not caring about how cold it was. She shook his shoulders hard, confused and frightened that she had personally delivered him to the Netherworld.

"Sesshoumaru! Sesshoumaru!"

The taiyoukai was being shaken so hard that giddiness replaced the splitting headache, and after finally catching his breath, he grasped one of her arms, hoping that would calm her down and stop her high-pitched shrieks before he went deaf. And it did. Kagome stopped when she felt his grasp on her left arm tightened, and then relaxed.

"Sesshoumaru?" her voice was frail and soft, even in the dead of the winter night.

"Are you... calling me?" his voice was ragged and breathy. Before he could even open his eyes, Kagome crashed onto his body again and cried out loud, not giving two hoots to whether he would dissolve her with his acid-poison or simply shred her into pieces with his claws. She was so glad and relieved that he was alive, and that she had inot/i sent him to Hades. Sesshoumaru was stunned and shocked for a good minute, before he patted her back and mumbled, "aa..."

He could feel her hot tears sliding down his neck and her long hair was strewn wildly over his face, infiltrating his nose with the most incredible scent he could ever think of. It was light and clean, yet held that tinge of soft sweetness. It somehow reminded him of the fresh scent of wild flowers, after the summer rain had washed the stifling heat away from the earth.

"You smell nice..." Sesshoumaru mumbled again into the masses of sweet smelling hair, as he twirled a lock of her smooth raven hair between his fingers and brought it up to his face. Kagome froze at his words and tensed. It was so unlike of Sesshoumaru, to save her and then pay her a compliment on her bodily scent. Kagome instantly drew herself away from Sesshoumaru and crawled backwards, not knowing whether it was better to fall to one's death or to get killed by a youkai later. He was afterall a taiyoukai.

Sesshoumaru was confused at her reaction and opened his eyes, but he could not see anything at all. The fiery pain suddenly returned to him and he clutched his head, hissing in pain as he tried to get up. But his foot slipped on the wet thick snow and he fell forward, face down into the pristine white snow. Kagome gasped loudly, inwardly wondering whether Sesshoumaru had gone mad as he flipped over and laid on the snow motionlessly.

"Why can I not see?" his low voice was soft, yet thunderous in her ears. Kagome did not dare to answer him, lest he sensed that she was her, the miko who travelled with Inuyasha, the ningen who had once bravely stood up to him, the onna who had denied him Tessaiga three years ago.

When she did not answer, Sesshoumaru used his forefinger and sliced the uncomfortable gauze that was wound around his head carefully. He then brought his hand up before his face and forced his eyes open, causing the newly healed skin to split again. He winced in pain and gritted his teeth, but he still could not see. Everything was pitch black, yet he could hear the onna's sharp breaths, smell her fear and confusion, and feel the cold snow underneath his skin.

"Am I blind?" his voice was toneless, but Kagome thought that she could almost hear the despair and helplessness in it. She shook her head, and chided herself mentally that he could not see her.

"Iie, demo... shiranai. Gomen ne..." Kagome apologized for her lack of words, she could not assure him a speedy recovery or promised him that he would regain his sight. And for this, she felt oddly apologetic and depressed.

Sesshoumaru remained silent for a long while as he laid his right arm over his abdomen and stared into the midnight sky. He could feel the throbbing pains in his body and the soft fluttering of snowflakes as they landed on his face and eyelids. Kagome's fists relaxed when she saw that he was not going to kill her, yet. But she still could not summon up the needed courage and guts to go near and check on his wounds. She was wondering how she was going to go back to the cave when he suddenly spoke again.

"Why are you afraid of me?"

Confusion replaced the fear and anxiety that was reflected in her deep molten orbs. Kagome's lips parted slightly as she cocked her head to one side, not knowing how to answer him. "Sesshoumaru.. sama?"

The taiyoukai did not move from his spot as he turned his face to her, revealing the ugly scarred flesh around his eyes, "is that my name?"

Kagome's eyebrows shot up in surprise and adjusted her position before her limbs got frozen from the numbing snow, "you... don't remember?"

Sesshoumaru sat up slowly, not wanting to scare her away. It seemed that she was his only clue, to who and where he was. He guessed that she knew him, since they fell to the snow together and even addressed him respectfully.

"Aa, it seems like that to me," he tried to rub the fresh icy snow into his face, it was amazingly refreshing and cooling for the burning pain around his eyes. Kagome narrowed her eyes, wondering whether it was the fall that had knocked the sense out of him or he was just waiting for an opportunity to kill her. Iie, he's not like that. He could kill me just now, but he chose to save me... Kagome was trying to sort through her maze of thoughts when he spoke again.

"Who are you?" Sesshoumaru sat up and crossed his legs in a lotus position, his back straight as he faced her. Though he could not see her, he could still locate her position and gauged the distance between them to be about ten steps.

Kagome stared at Sesshoumaru, not understanding how he could remain so calm and unperturbed, as if nothing had ever happened.
He must be still in pain... She saw trickles of blood flowing down his face and winced, not sure whether she should reveal her real name, or give a fake one. She eventually decided that it was no good lying to him, he would discover it sooner or later and she was not prepared to lose her life over a lie.

"Kagome, my name is Kagome."

Sesshoumaru paused for a while, and nodded his head gravely. He had no inkling of her name at all; he could not even remember his own. He fingered the bandages around his waist and chest, "did you.. take care of my wounds?"

Kagome could only squeak a soft yes.

She is afraid of me... he thought to himself and decided that he would have to quell her fear, he had no intentions to harm her. In fact, he needed her, to help him regain his memory. It was as if there was some unresolved issue, unsettled business left at the back of his mind, nagging at him constantly, to tie up the loose ends and cut away the irritating knots.

"Arigatou," he bowed his head slightly and stared into her face expressionless. To Kagome's chagrin, she realized that the streak of pride and arrogance had not left him even though he seemed to have lost his memory. She crawled to him warily, still feeling a little tense at the possibility that he might strike her. Sesshoumaru could feel her warm breaths against his cool skin and stilled, not daring to make any abrupt moves lest he frightened her again.

"Ano... can I clean your wounds?" Kagome asked politely as she pulled out her personal hankerchief from her pocket. Sesshoumaru nodded his head stiffly and thought that his caretaker had the most soothing and melodious voice he had ever heard. And when Kagome leaned forward, her scent flooded his nostrils and filled his mind with images of large wild flowerfields.

"You smell nice," he said as she dabbed carefully on the caked blood, which seemed to coagulate fast. The hankerchief in her hand halted at his remark, and then she smiled. His remark instantly brought back painful yet fond memories. Inuyasha had once made that very same comment to her as he laid his head on her lap. It was the night of the new moon, and Inuyasha had been thoroughly exhausted after the fight with a cunning spider youkai, what with the transformation back to human. She could never forget such things, it was locked away in the most secure chamber of her mind. It was funny to her that both brothers made the exact same comment to her, and both were not in their usual spiteful nature.

He could sense the pause in her movements, and frowned slightly when the unmistakeable scent of salty tears reached his nose.
"Have I said something wrong?"

Kagome shook her head and brushed away her tears, "iie. It's just that... someone said the exact same words to me once before..."

"Is he your lover?" the next question came out almost immediately.

Kagome paused, not knowing how to answer this question. She proceeded to brush the remaining blood-stained snow away from his eyes gently, "shiranai..."

He raised one of his perfect eyebrows and tilted his head by a fraction, "a one-sided love then."

Kagome laughed out nervously while cursing his intelligence inwardly, "maa.. you can say that..."

"Hmm," was all that he said as Kagome continued her task. It seemed to her that Sesshoumaru had indeed lost his memory, if he could not even remember his own name. She looked at him warily, but could not detect any falsehood in his voice nor his questions.

"How are we related?" Sesshoumaru had a thousand and one questions in his head that were dying to be answered. He was not a very patient person, and these questions muddled his head as random images spun around.

Kagome sat down opposite him and pulled up the collar of her wintercoat, wondering how long they would have to stay out in the open forest, in the middle of nowhere and under falling snow. It took her sometime before she got the right words out of her mouth as she tried to figure out the best way to answer him.

"I am your... ally."

"Ally?" his lips tightened into a firm straight line. Yes, he had enemies, this part was recollecting itself in his mind fast as a vague image of a tall man with dark wavy hair came to his mind. Red eyes glinted voraciously at him. Someone has injured me, someone tried to kill me.

"Hai, ally. We are fighting against the same enemy."

"We?"

Kagome slapped her forehead, now she had to explain who 'we' were. "Um... I am not part of your group. I travel with my friends."

"Who are your friends? Whois under my care? Who is my enemy?" Sesshoumaru pressed on, he needed to find out as much as possible before he got attacked again.

Kagome bit her lips, things were progressing too fast for her liking. "I travel with a kitsune-youkai, a houshi, a taijiya and... your otouto."

"Otouto?" Sesshoumaru was beginning to develop a small headache. He had not stopped to think that he might have a family. The idea seemed unusually far-fetched to him.

"Erm... his name is Inuyasha."

"Inu...yasha... it sounds familiar," Sesshoumaru pursed his lips as he thought hard. He seemed to have some hazy recollections of said person but yet could not put a finger to it, to whether he like him or not. Kagome took the chance to continue and hoped that he would forget about Inuyasha for now.

"Also, you travel with a kappa-youkai called Jaken, and you have a young human ward. Her name is Rin."

Sesshoumaru was jerked away from his train of thoughts instantly, "Rin?"

Kagome smiled and thought of how happy Rin would be if she knew that her beloved lord was alive and kicking, "hai. You saved her from the ookami-youkai and brought her back to life with Tenseiga."

"Did I?" Sesshoumaru asked absentmindedly, the name sounded very familiar, and held some value of importance in his mind. Tenseiga too. A bright blue arc of light flashed past his eyes as he tried to recall the girl from his jumbled up memories.

"Ee, she follows you wherever you go," Kagome rubbed her palms together vigorously and suspected that Sesshoumaru's skin was made of hide.

"Who is our enemy then?"

She narrowed her eyes and stared at her soggy sneakers, "Naraku."

Sesshoumaru remained silent, the name sounded offensive and repulsive to him.

"Why do you take care of me then?" Sesshoumaru thought that it was almost too good that she had offered to take care of him; and too easy to come up with convincing stories when he could neither see nor remember.

Kagome was stumped at his question, his tone was laced heavily with his blatant suspicion and doubt, and she could not help but to feel that her help and kindness had gone unreciprocated.

"You! What do you mean! I almost died with you! So much for trying to help you!" She frowned and got to her feet, not knowing whether she should leave him now and try to get back to the cave by herself.

Sesshoumaru smirked, he was now sure that she was indeed his ally. But his little smirk did not go unnoticed and Kagome could feel heat rising up to her throat and head. She felt angry and wretched at her absurb stupidity for going so far to help someone who had tried to kill her and the man she loves, who did not even show signs of appreciation and was starting to doubt "my selfless noble motives!"

"What are you smirking at? You.. you... ahh-chooo!" Kagome sneezed. And before she could try to give Sesshoumaru a piece of her mind, the second sneeze had prevented it from getting out of her mouth. His smirk grew to a grin and he got to his feet fluidly, pulling his caretaker to him and held her struggling shoulders against his chest firmly. "You are cold."

Kagome stopped her fidgeting when she realized that he was trying to warm her up. She blushed hard at their intimate physical contact and tried to wriggle out, it was so wrong to her. Her heart belonged to Inuyasha and she was not supposed to hug his ani-ue. But her rational side pleaded with her that she was indeed freezing and his bodily warmth was much needed. Kagome could not refute that and had to admit to herself that being pressed against him felt nice and hot. He was much better than her heater and she felt strangely protected and comforted.

"I am not," she sulked into his chest wound and thought that it sounded childish, when she let out another loud sneeze.

"Is it?" his smile widened at her trembling body.

Kagome frowned and bit her lower lip at his words. It was taunting, and his voice held that edge of seduction that she did not like at all. This was all too strange, being held by a taiyoukai who did not even consider himself as their ally before. She stepped hard on his boot and took the opportunity to wriggle out from his iron grasp, "I am fine."

The smile was wiped off from his face at her cold reply and he remained silent, wondering how many minutes would pass before she would admit that she was freezing. He had not expected her to be such a stubborn person, and with such a quick temper too.

Kagome stared into his face as he stood proudly and steadily before her, he did not look injured nor in pain at all. She hated the silence that followed her reply, his face revealed zilch expression and neither did he move nor respond. It frustrated Kagome to no end and she jabbed her finger into his right chest, earning a slightly surprised look from him.

"You pompous-" her voice was promptly cut off as loud, long howls resounded through the thick woods, sending even colder shivers up her spine as her finger froze on his chest. Images of dead deers dragged around and torn apart by wild hungry beasts from a National Geographic documentary flashed across her mind and Kagome gulped.

"They must be attracted to my blood..." Sesshoumaru remarked to himself absentmindedly, wondering how many of such insignificant hungry ookami he could handle in his current condition when Kagome suddenly ducked to his back and yelped, "kuso! I can see them!" A dozen pair of faint gleaming yellow eyes stared back at her hungrily as the wolves made their way slowly to their prey.

Sesshoumaru raised his right eyebrow at her use of uncouth language but thought better than to say anything, "aa, I know."

Kagome tugged hard at the shirt and prayed that they would have enough energy and time to flee, "hayaku, ikimasho!"

He called forth a string of youki to his right fingers and Kagome could see the bright green whip as it sizzled against the snow, "naze? They can serve as food."

Before she could retort that she did not have much faith in his current condition and that her trusty bow was not with her, Sesshoumaru flexed his youki-whip and said, "matte." All she heard was one loud whoosh as his acid-whip sliced through the air and swooped down to the pack of ookami. A soft crack sound followed, and one of the head of the wolves was flung far away from its body. Her jaw dropped at his accurate aim as the rest of the wolves whimpered and fled. Obviously his lack of sight does not affect him... Kagome was still in a daze as Sesshoumaru returned to her without the carcass.

"Lowly youkai that are inedible, a waste of my effort," he mumbled as he knelt down on one knee.

Kagome could only stare at him, she thought that she would have been made a delicious meal for the ookami-youkai. Sesshoumaru sighed inwardly at her silence, it seemed to him that Kagome was suffering from a minor shock and he did not feel good that his capabilities were doubted, even though he had no idea how he did it.

"Get onto my back."

"Huh?"

He let out an audible soft sigh this time round, "we need to get back right? You are my eyes for now."

Kagome could only nod her head and clambered onto his warm back obediently, locking her arms around his neck, "the cave should be right in front of us, up there."

He hooked his right arm under the back of her knee and replied curtly, "I will not be responsible if you fall you know."


A/N: Im sorry if Sesshoumaru is a little OOC and confusing. But I hope you can understand that he has lost his memory, his sight, and he has a vague idea of certain things in his mind, but they are all too hazy for him to understand. His character might appear a little vague, uncertain, exploratory and that's how I wish it to be. ;p And oh, feel free to shoot me any questions. I know I left out quite a few explanations but its hard to include everything ne?

daijoubu - Im alright/Im fine
ningen - human
onna - woman/female
iie - no
demo - but
shiranai - I don't know
gomen ne - sorry (casual form)
arigatou - thanks (casual form)
ano - excuse me/erm
maa - well.
kitsune - fox
taijiya - demon exterminator
houshi - monk (buddhist)
otouto - younger brother
ookami - wolf
ee - equivalent to yes, like "aa", "hai"
kuso - fk/shit
hayaku, ikimasho! - quick, let's go!
naze - why
matte - wait