Title: Emotionless
Author: Kate, kait or k8. to each their own, call me whatever you want.
Chapter: 5.

Disclaimer: Don't own it, probably never will. I don't own the band Anti-flag either.

Rating: R

Summary: AU fic. At 36 years of age, Jess Mariano has become the last person he ever wanted to be -- his father. In this chapter: do you really want to know? yeah, i'm not telling. ok, well i'll tell you that most of this is looking into Atticus' past and showing you how he got to where he is now.

Acknowledgments: Although she probably won't ever read this because she's a massive Trory fan, ChristineCS had a major role in inspiring me to write this. While my idea is extremely different from hers, we have some extreme parallels between her and my story. Not to mention that her fic is absolutely beautiful and brilliant on its own, and I definitely recommend that you all go and read it.

Author's Notes: Hmm, well I did better this time, I got more reviews. Guess taking a stand works sometimes (huh kat?) Oh, I will be updating SWK...um, by Christmas I promise ok? it'll be my christmas present to all of my wicked reviewer. Thank you to everyone that reviewed, it really, really means a lot to me. ok, so REVIEW! REVIEW!! REVIEW!!!

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He opened the door and threw his keys on the table in the hall. It had been one fucking long day, and he was way too tired to even think about going out that night. He walked down the hall, into the living room, and flopped down onto the wide armchair putting his feet onto the ottoman.

His arms lay limply beside him and his head had fallen back onto the headrest when the ringing of the phone sounded. His eyes opened slowly and he glared at it from where his head lay. Picking it up didn't seem like one of his bigger priorities at the moment. Actually, he felt so wasted that dying was higher on his list of ascendancy.

But he felt compelled to press the button linking him to the caller. A ringing phone always intrigued him because 9 times out of 10 he had no clue who was on the other end, and he loved things that were unpredictable. He would have guessed that it was his mother, however she usually didn't call until after 8. Maybe some slut he'd screwed around with in the past week...what were all of their names again? He remembered that Kiera had been the day before, but before that it was a little hazy...he knew that when he slept with the first one he had been very, very drunk. To the point where he no longer could remember where he lived and ended up sleeping on someones back lawn. He thought about the second one and remembered that she was extremely hot. A perfect, tight body and long blond hair...she hadn't been a virgin. Actually, she was pretty far from a virgin, she'd been killer in the sac. But what was her name?' he thought.

Shane. It hit him quickly, and he wasn't quite sure why it had such an impact on him when he remembered. His attention snapped back to reality when he realized that he had been holding the phone in his hand for a quite a few seconds.

his voice was cold and gave the obvious impression of a negative disposition.
the seductive voice on the end rolled the r' at the end of his name, and he quickly knew who he was talking to.
Taking a deep breath he slowly exhaled and in the most collected voice he could muster evenly pronounced Teal. How may I be of service? he always tried to seem as unshakable as possible around these Chilton girls, even when he seemed
Well my as positive and upbeat as you sound I'm going to insist that I ask nevertheless. It seems that my parents have decided to go out of town, leaving me with the responsibility of throwing the first party of the year on Friday. Of course being one of Chilton's most distinctive seniors I thought your presence would be indispensable.
A Chilton party? he pretended to mull it over, yeah right', No thanks.
Well it wasn't an unexpected response, but you can't blame a girl for trying. I'll see you tomorrow.
he was ready to end the call but Teal never gave up that easily, especially where a guy was concerned.
Oh, if it makes a bit of difference... she waited to make sure she had his attention, Dominique will be there.
His voice grew slightly cold as he said, See you tomorrow and she knew that she had gotten to him.

Atticus hit the end call' button on the phone, and went back to his original position. Staying like this forever was moving up on the list.

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Cutlery and jaws dropped all over the room, and not because someone had just sworn in Stars Hollow, moreover because at the entrance of the diner stood Jess Mariano- whom no one had seen in eighteen years. He took a step towards the counter and broke the stilled atmosphere that had been created, into a near-frenzy.

The diner was loud, and Jess took this opportunity to approach a stunned Luke. They made eye contact and the diner stilled once again. From somewhere deep inside Luke he used whatever strength he had and slowly said the words Get out

Jess simply nodded and exited the diner. He hadn't wanted to talk to Luke, he just wanted his presence to be known. And now that it was, he had a new destination.

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He landed on his king-sized bed and pulled out a porno mag from underneath his pillow and flipped through the pages. Somehow, he just wasn't in the mood. He picked up the remote for his CD player and turned it on, Tearing Everyone Down by Anti-Flag blared- it was old, but still so good.

Tobey leaned back on his pillow, sometimes he hated being rich. No, all the time he hated being rich. He hated everything from the uncomfortable pants he was forced to wear daily, to the fact that he barely had a moments peace. Getting set up on dates sucked too, because he never once found someone he actually wanted to be with, or someone that had more brains than boobs.

He thought about the time that he had gone with Atticus to New York, and he had insisted that he take him down while Atticus dropped a deal. That had been almost three years ago, and that was when Tobey had started on crack.

He didn't do lines very often, and not even Atticus knew that he'd done it more than once. But he always had a stash in his room, for those days when he needed an escape. That was why Tobey had quit playing football - he couldn't pass the drug tests.

He didn't blame Atticus for it - he didn't blame anyone for it. He loved the way that it felt when he was stoned. It was the only time he felt free from his obligations of being the rich boy.

And it was the only way that he could keep the pain from seeping inside, because it put up a saccharine barrier and for a little while, he could pretend everything was okay.

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Atticus rolled out of the chair almost an hour later. He had fallen asleep and now had the feeling of being drugged. He walked into his room, sleep beckoning him towards his bed. He entered and headed straight for the double on the left side of the room.

No girl had ever slept in that bed - he made sure of that. He'd actually never fucked anyone in his own bed, he thought that it was petty. Not that having sex then ditching them was any better, but at least he wasn't bringing home strays. And that way he knew that his mother would never walk in on him.

Rory didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve the life she had, she needed better. Not that there was anything too wrong with her life, but she shouldn't be as cold as she was.

That's why he called her Rory, because she made him suck it up and deal with the life that they had, and it wasn't always fun.

When he was nine they moved to the interior of New York City and he had to walk to the school bus each day by himself. Past where there were deals going down, people being beat up, and whores trying to hustle a little boy for money.

When he was twelve a pimp talked him into fucking some guy for some quick cash. That was when Atticus lost his virginity - to a man. That was the last time he'd been intimate with a man. He swore it off after that one experience, and was abstinant for the next three years.

When he was fifteen they moved to Los Angeles. He screwed quite a few girls while he was there...some he got paid for, and some he just did for fun. The hardest part about living there though was that the whole time he was getting shipped back and forth to Hartford. Of course, being in Conneticuit was a lot closer to New York (and some of his old friends), than L.A., so he made the trip down to see them quite a bit, much to Rory's disproval.

He stayed in Hartford, in an aprtment that he and Rory shared, and he only went to school four days a week, which was why school had always been hell for him. When he wasn't there he took correspondance courses and made sure that he was always caught up, but he never was able to do very well, so he didn't try very hard. But he did it to the best of his ability, because he promised his mother that he would graduate from high school. And that had been the only thing she'd ever asked of him.

However, the trips to the city became more frequent as he got older and the second semester of junior year his mother got so fed up with him that she just pulled him out of school and brought him back to L.A. for good. But while New York turned him into a true American bad boy, L.A. turned him into a sex junkie. Rory couldn't be there for him, and everyone else in their lives were too busy to take care of him on their own, so she decided that what he needed was what his father needed - Stars Hollow, for good.

So mid-August she'd packed up everything they owned and moved them back to the east side of the country. To small town, Conn. Rory comprimised - not for the first time - her life to make someone else happy, and make sure that someone else was safe.

He'd nearly shat himself when he found out, and the two fought for ...actually, they were still fighting. But his calling her Rory wasn't out of disrespect, it was for the pure fact that mom' wasn't a term that he ever wanted to use. He hated every fibre of the word and since he was little he had refused to use it out of spite.

He had an obsession with words, yet he barely ever uttered them.

He'd gotten more used to the idea of living here as of late. There were a few good things about Stars Hollow - close proximity to Tobey, Luke, Lorelai and his aunt and uncle. Not that he'd really spent all that much time with any of them in the past two weeks.

He made a mental note to visit the Danes household sometime in the very near future. But not tonight. He was too tired tonight. The phone rang startling him from his near-sleep.

Twenty minutes later he got off the phone with Rory, and drifted back into his subconscious.