Title: emotionless
Author: kait.
Chapter: 10.
Disclaimer: I own all the characters you don't recognize because they aren't on the show. Other than that i own the computer that i'm typing on, and the cd that's playing on it...but i don't own that band...or the song...or anything else for that matter. Lyrics are from If I told you this was killing me would you stop? by the Juliana Theory and What it is to Burn by Finch. (both amazing songs).
Rating: R - if you aren't completely sure why, you'll figure it out eventually.
Author's Notes: I'm speeding things up. Just read this and I'll explain at the end.
Acknowledgments: To Chris, who motivated me to write a chapter in less than a week; and to Kat who is not only there when I need her, but also in my sleep.
Just in case you forget what happened last time:
When he reached for the door handle he found that it was already being pushed open by someone on the other side. As the door opened it forced Atticus to take a step back, and as he impatiently waited for the person to get out of his way, he looked straight ahead sensing that they were at eye level.
Each one of them stared back into the other's eyes, unsure of exactly what they were seeing.
One's mind echoed earlier thoughts and he now held no doubts about recognizing his own offspring. The other was fluctuant as to what his reaction was supposed to entail. This, he had never expected.
The greeting was simple. The emotions fore and aft it, were not.
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The silence between them was beginning to be deafening. Their eyes were locked so tightly staring back at each other that pangs of irritation were pulsing through both of their faces, but neither one moved.
A father took in every detail of a son he had ever known, and the son stood looking at the man who had given him life, yet he had never met. They felt torn, looking at another so close to their own being. Being ripped from each other's own flesh and blood.
Atticus was the first to move. Tearing his eyes away from the man who had consumed his thoughts for countless hours of innumerable days. Years of hate. He pushed passed him quickly and made his way out the door. As he quickly walked away he fell nearly into a delusional trance. Still questioning what exactly had just happened.
Ten minutes later he was in his room. He wasn't sure how he got there or whether or not he had remembered to put away the groceries. All he knew was that his door was locked, Rory was outside it, his stereo was turned up very loud and he was sitting on his bed with his computer on his lap.
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52 hours later he emerged from his room to take a shower. He was in the hall long enough for his mother to rise out of her chair in the kitchen, and walk down the hall just in time to have the bathroom door shut in her face.
Something had conspired between her son and his father. She just had no clue what it was. She was so curious, she was nearly impelled to go see Jess at the inn. However, she knew nothing good could possibly transpire of them meeting again. Searing words laced with underlying innuendo and the implications of what ifs. She was sick of What if'. She spent 10 years with nothing but that phrase reiterating itself in her mind over and over again.
They would talk eventually. It was bound to happen eventually, the two of them discussing the situation; The three of them discussing the situation. She barely knew how to deal with things in three-way circumstances.
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It would have been tacky to show up early, so naturally after Atticus hightailed it out of his house he drove to downtown Hartford. Walking up and down the streets he was pulled into a record store located down a main alley to the left, right across from one of Hartford's infamous tattoo parlours. That was the place where Oliver Terra got the japanese symbol for bad' tattooed on his right bicep. The same tattoo that a week later every girl in school had had a close-up view of. Well, almost every girl.
Hours that had been previously spent in the store suddenly caught up to Atticus and his mind was no longer appeased with simple tasks. It kept skipping from one thing to another. He felt like a ten year old with ADHA, only mix it with some crack cocaine. Not even the classy stuff, just the stuff that gives you a cheap trip.
He glanced at his watch and figured that if he grabbed a cup of coffee at the café just down the street, and pulled out a book he could get lost for a few hours, he headed out the door and in the direction of the store. When he walked in he suddenly noticed that a few of the patrons were Chiltonites and prayed that they wouldn't recognize him. He didn't so much mind these ones, they were in cahoots with Tobey after all, but he just felt like being alone at the moment.
However, he had no such luck. The four of them quickly ambled over, obviously on a coffee high, and assembled themselves around his table.
Dodger! What's up man? Atticus remembered his name was Tanner. He'd only met the band' a few times, but their sound was decent and they were pretty mellow for Hartford-folk.
Not too much. he gave them a slight smile, as he slowly remembered their names. How's it going with you guys?
The other two remaining guys all shook their heads. Vaylen, the lone girl in the band rolled her eyes and spoke up. I'm good Dodger. All caffeinated and ready for the show. she laughed.
You guys are playing tonight? he was suddenly interested, at least he knew he wouldn't be listening to hits from the 90's.
This time one of the mute guys spoke up, Yeah, you know three Cappuccinos before a set, it's a rule or something. The other three laughed, Atticus just sat slightly uncomfortably.
Is Tobey playing with you guys?
No. He said he wanted to be at the party, not watch. Tanner laughed, You know him, Mr. Congeniality.
After a few moments of silence the other mute guy- Skogen- spoke up, Hey dude, I thought you lived in the Hollow now.
I do. he replied simply.
Then what are you doing way out here? You don't party.
Correction, I don't party with Chilton. I've made an exception however, just for tonight.
They all butted in with a few more comments, inquiries, formal gossip, and he evaded most of them until finally the group had to leave to go set up. The second they left the table, Atticus emerged himself in the worn copy of something by Tolstoy he grabbed blindly off the shelf before leaving his room.
A few hours later he glanced at the clock and realized that he had waited long enough to definitely not look like he was eager to attend this party. He stood, dropped a ten on the table for his coffee and walked out of the building.
The thing that had changed the most in his life was money. He had never had tons of it; they had never had tons of it- until recently, with Rory's job in L.A. Since then they could afford private school, plane tickets, two apartments, two cars and almost anything that either one of them needed. He still knew how to not take money for granted though, and that was one of the things that separated him from the rest of the people at Chilton.
As he approached Teal's house in his car he looked at the sheer size of it. It was incredibly massive and he suddenly realized just how much money he was surrounded by. He parked his 2006 Jeep Liberty in between a silver, Porsche Boxter and and a sleek BMW convertible that looked like it had been on the market for less than a week.
As he walked into the open french door he glanced around at the lengths that she had gone to decorate the place and snorted. This is a bit much. He scoped the, looking for someone - anyone - who he could slip into a comfortable silence with.
He suddenly didn't know what he was doing here. He didn't want to be here, this wasn't his scene and it wasn't helping. He turned back to the door and Oliver walked up behind him, putting his arm around his shoulder.
he said, exasperated. What, are you doing here?! He was drunk. If it wasn't apparent from the fact that he was practically dependent on Atticus for support it was because his words were slurred and he was over-enunciating his words.
Oliver, have you been drinking? Atticus tried his best to feign utter ignorance and astoundment. He momentarily considered retreating to the door again as someone lifted Oliver off his shoulder but then changed his mind and headed in the direction of what looked like the kitchen.
He entered the spacious kitchen and saw three massive buckets filled with coolers, beer, and pop. That meant that somewhere within this party there was hard liquor. Otherwise Teal wouldn't have bothered buying pop - there was no alternative to alcohol at a party in her mind. Grabbing a Smirnoff Ice he proceeded to go find the bar. He used his shirt to get the cap off the bottle and took a long swig. The flavoured vodka poured down his throat, but it wasn't good enough.
He needed it to burn.
As he approached the newly-located bar he finished off the last off his Ice and placed the bottle on the mahogany counter. A senior, who was acting as bartender, was busing himself with two blonds behind the bar and Atticus decidedly took matters into his own hands by jumping over the billet. He grabbed a shot glass and filled it three times before taking a break.
He hadn't eaten in over two days and the alcohol hit hard and fast on his empty stomach. He leaned on the sink for support while he caught his breath and his eyesight straightened out. He stood, and walked back around the bar. That would be enough of that for now, he thought.
He still didn't want to be here, but he was trapped due to a scene that Oscar Graham was making near the main entrance. He decided to look for a library. People this rich always had one, and they barely ever used it which meant that all the books would be in excellent condition. Upon entering the library he realized two things, one, Tyler Hunter was already there - book in hand. And two, he wasn't nearly drunk enough.
Her metallic eyes burned into his as she glared at him from across the room. She was sitting in a large armchair, her dark hair draped around her shoulders in stylish waves. A floor-length black skirt adorned the lower half of her body and she wore a dark red silk top that wrapped around her torso, leaving the majority of her arms exposed.
She looked good- really good. And it bothered him. And there the two were. In the library; shooting daggers; silent.
\\watch your mouth
some things are better left unsaid
you let your pride stand tall
why don't you say that to my face
if i told you this was killing me would you stop?//
He was the first to move. It was when he realized that he was holding a half-empty bottle of whiskey that he was pulled out of his stupor and looked down. He lifted it to his lips and let it pour down his throat again.
That stuff fucks up your liver. came from the other side of the room.
He glared at her, Dying doesn't sound terrible right now.
Aw, did something bad happen to you Dodger? she said with mock sympathy.
He snorted, Like you would ever care Tyler.
I did. she lifted her eyes to his, I used to.
He held her gaze, And we all know whose fault that was. then he dropped it.
It's just amazing that with all the women you've been exposed to you've still managed to become completely, and uncontrollably infatuated with one.
He waited a few moments for her to look away. I never lied to you.
She sighed, You say that, and you truly believe it, but we both know that you were never actually in love with me.
He crossed the room to where she was sitting, You honestly believe that I didn't?
How many girls have you slept with since the last time we talked? Atticus was silent. She sighed again, That's what I thought.
You don't get it.
No... I'm not the one lost in a fallacy.
Her words stung him, and the combination of the liquor and her statements were making tears form in his eyes. I have to go.
What else is new? she sounded exasperated, Go. Run. I'll get over it. I always do.
He turned on his heel and made it to the door before he heard her utter the words he had never doubted she would, Run to her.
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He reentered the party and saw Teal leaning seductively talking to a group of guys. She laughed and he started walking towards her. Half way there, Tobey interrupted his course of travel by stepping in front of him.
Atticus had to catch his balance after stopping in order to keep himself from landing on the ground. Of all the places to be unable to hold my liquor, he thought. Shit. he could anticipate what his friend was going to say, and he didn't want to hear it.
Dodge, what the hell are you doing here, and why the hell are you drinking that? he pointed to the bottle in his hand, We both know that you and Jack don't get along well.
Atticus rolled his eyes.
Where have you been anyway dude? You missed two days of school, and your mom said that you weren't in a talking' mood every time I called.
Like she said, he stated, I haven't felt like talking. He looked at Teal again, and pushed passed Tobey, I've gotta go.
He walked away quickly enough that Tobey didn't have time to ask any more questions. As he approached Teal her eyes caught his with amusement and the group that surrounded her quickly diminished.
Dodger. How nice of you to join us at my humble establishment. she said, a smile playing on the corners of her lips.
Where is she?
Teal's eyes rolled and she pointed up the staircase. Before she could so much as wave him away he was half way up the flight, three pairs of eyes following him the entire way up.
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He walked down the hallway slowly, trying to sense where she was. He came to a door that was left half-open and he wandered inside. He closed the door and locked it behind him. The room stood empty, but light emerged from beneath the bathroom door.
Seconds later, as he stood in the center of the room, eyes fixed on the door, she emerged. Her blond hair was down, her eyes sparkled and when her gaze landed upon him she smiled. It wasn't an innocent smile, she knew why he was here.
She took a few steps towards him, her heels making fateful clicks' as they grazed the hardwood floor. He was here for her, but she wouldn't give him the pleasure of being the seductive one. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip, and closing her eyes, took a deep breath.
Before she had a chance to open her eyes, his arms were around her and his lips were upon hers. He backed up until the backs of his legs hit the edge of the bed. He sat back, and she landed on his lap. He searched her mouth with his tongue, getting a response of desire that matched his own.
She pushed herself off of him and he stood up. Before she was even aware of it, she was half undressed and straddling his hips at the head of the king-sized bed. He unclasped her bra, and flipped her over so that he was facing her, from the top. Removing the last two articles the adorned her body, he gazed down at her. He used his tongue to taste the skin above her navel.
He descended and found that she tasted sweet everywhere. It was addictive, he lifted himself back over her and found that she still had her eyes open. Although he could not read them, he knew her mind was anything but blank.
He entered her; she was smooth, and although her skin was delicate, her persona was not. They built a rhythm, and both lost awareness of where they were, but not who they were with.
\\Like a bad star
I'm falling faster down to her.
She's the only one who knows
what it is to burn//
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a/n 2: I'm sorry that i didn't continue with the jess/atticus wavelength, but i needed to go here first. this chapter is about his character.
