Glossary
baka - idiot yoshi - alright!
onegai - please mada - not yet okiru - wake up daijoubu desu ka? - are you alright/fine?
sou ka - i see/so that is it osoi - you are late (in this context)
nani o shite iru - what are you doing?
hanashite - let me go!
gomen - sorry (casual)
hakama - pleated pants shiranai - I don't know
"Love me love me, say that you love me
fool me fool me, go on and fool me
love me love me, pretend that you love me
leave me leave me, just say that you need me."
- Lyrics from "Lovefool", by The Cardigans.
Kagome turned to her side and stared at her pink bolster. Her eyes wandered aimlessly around her bedroom; pink walls, pink ceiling, pink bedsheets, pink pillow, pink rug, pink mousepad, pink pyjamas and her pink furry slippers. She suddenly felt very overwhelmed and disgusted by the girly colour, as if her room was dipped in a bucket of pink paint, or washed with it. She mentally made a note to herself that she would change all of them today. She did not think that Sesshoumaru would like someone who was into of all colours, pink.
She was not really sure why she had not bothered herself with her room before either. Perhaps she wanted to keep a part of her youth and innocence with her. Perhaps it reminded her of the way Inuyasha would cast a disdainful look at her pink bedsheets, or some of his scathing remarks about the colour. Perhaps she wanted to keep the memories of them together in her bedroom; it was afterall the only time that they were truly together alone, far from the worries and threats of Sengoku Jidai. She recalled scolding him for leaving his dirty footprints on her tatami-covered floor, him sleeping soundly and peacefully on her bed while hugging Tessaiga tightly to himself, and him kicking Buyo off the bed when the cat decided to go into one of its playful bouts.
Kagome smiled dreamily to herself, sat up and rubbed her crusty eyes. The warm sunlight flooded in through the opened window and the fresh cold morning air gave her a peaceful feeling, which was something she had not had the luxury of for a long, long while. Winter was not as cold as before, and she wondered whether it was the same where he was.
"Baka, stop thinking about him!" she chided herself and decided that she would revamp her room before going back to face him. In a dazed hurry, Kagome rummaged through her wardrobes and drawers, her mother's room and Souta's room, and came back with a huge tall pile of stuff. Within an hour, there was not a single pink thing in her room other than her slippers and the walls. She dumped the pink stuff into a big laundry basket and sat on her chair, taking a breather as she brushed a moist stray lock of tousled hair away from her face.
"Yoshi!" Kagome smiled, she had finally stopped procrastinating after all these years and changed her room. Her bedsheets were blue, her pillows and bolsters were sea-green, her rug was black with colourful Gundam robots, and she hoped that Souta would not kill her for stealing his favourite rug. She would get another one, but for now, this would do. Looking at the mass of blues and greens relaxed her greatly, and she wondered for how long she had not notice the change in herself.
Is it that long? she mused to herself as she took a hair band and tied her hair up into a ponytail. Disregarding the beads of perspiration all over her body, she plopped herself face down onto the new sheets, and inhaled deeply. She could smell the clean scent of washing powder, and the soft powdery womanly scent of her mother. Kagome closed her eyes and smiled lazily, wondering again whether Sesshoumaru would mind her scent on his furry pelt.
She had dreamt of him again, continuously without fail for three straight nights. Each time she would see herself in a tight lover's embrace with him, and she could hear his warm breathing, smell his strong masculine scent and feel his firm chest heaving up and down. But he would always tell her firmly that he was not Hauru, and she was not Sophie. Then suddenly, he would slip away sadly and fade into the darkness around them. And she would wake up, not understanding why that dream had occurred.
She had tried, and fought hard not to think about him. But she had to confess that she had failed terribly, other than the times when her mother prepared delicious dishes for her. Sesshoumaru was on her mind, every hour, minute and second. He was always lurking somewhere behind in her brain, and she thought it silly to berate herself about it. She simply had no control over her thoughts about him, and they were a hundred times stronger, or worser than she had missed Inuyasha.
"Inuyasha..." the name rolled off her tongue softly. She missed Inuyasha too, and wondered what he was doing now. A smile crept up her face when his scowling face appeared in her mind. He was always so boyish, always so angry, always so edgy, always so lovable. Sesshoumaru was totally different. He was always so strong, so silent, so composed and so... deadly.
Kagome sighed loudly to herself, and recalled his question, "Kagome, what do you want from me?"
"What do I want from you? I want you to tell me that you love me, baka," she mumbled to herself and rolled over to lie on her back, pulling the bolster up to her and imagined that it was his furry pelt. Yes, she wanted him to tell her that he love her. But did she love him?
What about Inuyasha?
Kagome thought for a long long while as she stared at her pink ceiling.
It was time to stop going in circles. It was really tiring and frustrating. She did not like pink anymore, and neither could she continue to love Inuyasha anymore now that Sesshoumaru had invaded her heart. She did not want to tie herself down with chains of responsibility or loyalty anymore. Inuyasha had never even claimed her, like Kouga did. She would go with her heart, and not think anymore, until Sesshoumaru recovered. Then, perhaps then, she would make a choice. But until then, she would not force herself to think anymore.
He wanted her to stay with him, and she knew that from the bottom of her heart she wanted to too.
She knew that he liked her, although she was not sure whether he knew that himself.
And she wanted to love him, and him to love her back. Whether that was a naive and childish goal, she would leave that to Fate.
Kagome smiled. For the first time, her heart was as free and as light as the speckled sparrow that landed on the sill of her opened window.
"Houshi-sama..." Sango called out to Miroku gently. He was still unconscious, and his forehead was incredibly hot. His eyebrows were creased in a deep frown, and his pale lips were slightly parted. Sango knew that he was in pain, and hoped that there was no poison smeared on that wretched knife. She would personally hunt Byakuya down to the ends of the earth if Miroku died.
"Sango, he'll be alright. He'll just need to pull through this stage," Kaede fixed her good eye on the young man and prayed that he would really be alright. They could not be sure whether any of his internal organs was punctured, and there was nothing that they could do until he wakes up.
"Don't worry Sango, Miroku will be fine. He has sucked in so much poison from Saimyoushou and each time he recovers!" Shippou tried to comfort his taijiya friend and gave his best smile.
"Keh! He'll just grope for your butt later if you are not careful!" Inuyasha tried to comfort in his own way too, but it went unappreciated as Sango swung Hiraikotsu at his head and Shippou bit hard on his leg.
"AWWW!" The hanyou clutched at his pained head and tried to shake off the kitsune, while Kaede dragged him out of the hut with amazing old granny's strength, inwardly wishing that Kagome would yell out 'osuwari' at that very moment.
Sango waited until they were out, and reached a hand out to brush away his moist hair. She knew that what Shippou said was right, but she still could not help herself and to worry for his health. It was true that Miroku had recovered everytimefrom Saimyoushou's poison, but she knew that he teetered on the edge of Hell's entrance each time when the poison attacked his body. Sooner one day or later, she knew that his weakened body would give out and up, and he would leave her for good. There was only so much that a person can take, with or without Kazaana.
She fingered his tiny ponytail and smiled bitterly to herself. She liked it a lot, and thought that it looked good on him. But she never had the guts and courage to tell him face to face. He was always so flirtatious, always so carefree, that she was afraid to confess her love for him outright. Somewhere in her heart, she knew that he loved her too. But they kept it to themselves, other than revealing a little from time to time, perhaps it was a form of security for each other. They have so much on their hands to deal with, so many ghosts in their minds to banish, and so many things to tell each other; that it was sometimes impossible to even try to say.
"I like your hair, do you know?" Sango whispered as the faint shafts of morning sun shone on his pale perspiring face. She could see the faint lines of worry around the corners of his eyes, on his forehead, and wondered how strong he had been all along, for the group and for her.
"Onegai, don't die now. Don't leave me yet," she laid her head on his unhurt chest gently and cried softly. She loved him as much as she loved Kohaku, and she was so afraid that the two most important men in her life would leave her alone in this world. One was her first true love, the other was her only blood-brother. Somehow Sango knew that everything was coming to an end, even though she could not explain it. But the dreaded feeling was coming closer to closer, and she was frightened. That Miroku would die before her, that Kohaku would leave her kin-less, that she had no one to look to and live for. She wanted to establish a family with Miroku too, to bear him a dozen children and to see his naughty-yet-innocent smile every morning. She could remember how her heart burst and leapt with joy when he told her that he would marry her when everything was over and done with. And popped the question of asking her to bear his children. A dozen of them.
Sango was frightened, that none of this would happen. Her fingers clutched desperately at his deep purple sash as her tears wet his robes, "Miroku... mada... you promised..." If he were to leave her there and then, she did not know what she would do with her life. Sango knew that she was not strong at all, opposed to what Kagome and Inuyasha thought of her. She was ridiculously weak and dependent, on her only shaking will and on Miroku. He was her saving grace. He was her light at the end of the tunnel. He was the wings that could help her soar to the air.
"Miroku... okiru..." she sniffed hard. If only he would open his lids, if only she could see his gentle violet irises, then all of her fear would be banished to the darkest depths of Hell.
A weak smile appeared on his face. Oh how he loved to feign unconsciousness! To be honest, he was much weakened, and in great pain from the wound. But he knew that Sango would without fail reveal her true feelings and thoughts everytime in such situations, and to hear his name on her tongue was the greatest gift that she could give him now. Sango would always address him formally, and he wished that someday she would let go of her reservations and called out to him lovingly, like the way she did now.
He draped a heavy arm over her back and rested his palm over her head, "Sango..." Oh how lovely was her name too.
Sango jumped up with a jolt and brushed away her tears, blushing hard and hoped that he had not heard any of her ramblings. She would die from embarassment. "Daijoubu desu ka?"
His smile grew wider despite that her warmth left his cold body, her eyes were red and swollen, and her long straight hair was tousled in a sexy way. He wished that he could comb her hair, "aa, I think so. How long have I slept?"
She hurriedly smoothed her hair and replied, "three days."
"Sou ka... are you well then?" he asked.
Sango nodded her head and turned away, "I'll get you some water houshi-sama."
Miroku's smile disappeared and he quickly grabbed for her wrist, "Sango."
The blushing taijiya's eyes widened at his grab, and turned around, "houshi-sama..."
Miroku frowned a little, she was being formal again. He wanted to tell her that he had heard every of her words, and knew what was going through in her mind. He probably understood her better than she knew him. And he longed to hear her call him by his name again, she had such sweet voice when she was not battling.
"Sango, I will not break my promise," he looked solemnly into her dark brown eyes.
Her eyelashes fluttered a little, and the blush deepened as her soft pink lips parted. After what seemed like a long while, Sango finally smiled, "I'll get you some water."
He smiled too, and let go of her wrist. And inwardly cursed himself for not going for her soft butt just now. Such pleasures could wait, he comforted himself as he closed his eyes and imagined things that were forbidden to him.
"Kagome-neesan!" Rin squealed happily when she saw fingers holding tightly onto the ledge of the well and the tip of her familiar dark bow jutting out. She ran forward and circled both her hands around Kagome's wrist, hoping to lend a helping hand when she felt another familiar presence suddenly appearing beside her.
"Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin and Jaken both greeted happily. The little one knew that her lord would be happy to see Kagome back, and before she could say more, his strong arm pulled Kagome up and the miko was stunned with the force he had used. She thought that it was ialmost/i desperate as her feet landed on the ground with a soft thud. She let out a scowl and rubbed her wrist a little, "do you have to be that forceful?"
Sesshoumaru heard her irritated question and frowned hard. He had thought that by satisfying the crave to kill, he would feel less frustrated and confused. But after he had almost wiped out the youkai in Inuyasha's woods, he realized that his heart and mind were still thinking about her. 'Seeing' her in flesh and blood now made his blood boil, for unknown reasons.
"Osoi," his reply was cutting and the tone sounded angry.
Kagome rolled her eyes, she had hoped to come back all smiling and happy but to be greeted by him in such a way was not what she had expected. She turned to Rin and rummaged through her backbag, fishing out a bar of chocolate and a lollipop, "Rin, for you."
Before she could pass the candies to Rin, she felt his arm going around her waist and before she knew it, she was taken high up into the air. For a moment she could not breathe and when her vision cleared, she was looking down at an irritated Jaken waving Nintoujou at them and a smiling Rin, who was squatting down to pick up her fallen presents. Kagome realized that Sesshoumaru was flying, and it then dawned on her that he had regained his usage of his youki-cloud.
"Nani o shite iru! Hanashite!" Kagome kicked hard, angry that he had just snatched her away without her permission, and in such an ungraceful and unromantic way. This was not the welcome that she had envisioned, which was more or less of a heartfelt smile, a tight hug and perhaps, a long kiss.
"Do you want to fall to your death then?" his voice was cold and low, reminding Kagome of his old-self.
Kagome gulped, has he remembered? She hoped that he was not bringing her to some desolated place to shred her into pieces and then dissolve her body with his poison. She would like Inuyasha to be able to recognize her body at least.
"How did you do this?" she asked weakly and thought that she was getting a little too giddy from the position that she was in now, with her stomach bent over his arm like a rag-doll and her hands clutching tightly to the straps of her backpack.
But he did not answer her. He had just discovered that he could now channel and control his youki when he was ruthlessly pulling out the hearts from youkai, and it surprised him how easy and effortless it was, yet he could not remember till then. He was in no mood to answer her never-ending questions, he wanted to soothe and calm his raging blood. He wanted to be near her, with no one else around to disturb them at all.
Kagome shut her eyes tight, the fast descent made her nauseous, and she really did not want to throw up her breakfast from the sky. That's littering, she tried to joke to herself. She could not understand why Sesshoumaru was so angry, so hurried, and so disturbed. It was unlike him, to lose his cool and she wondered what had happened or went wrong for him to behave as such. When she felt her feet touching ground again, she was so glad that she released her death-grip over her backpack and remained bent over his arm.
Without a word, Sesshoumaru spun Kagome around and pulled her to his chest abruptly, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as tight as he could. Kagome for once thought that he was trying to kill her by suffocation and choked as she struggled in vain, "can't... breathe... tight..."
He let out a soft sigh and loosened his grip, humans were so fragile and weak. He buried his face into her hair and inhaled deeply, oh how he had missed her scent. That familiar sweetish summery scent that warmed his insides, making his heart flutter just ia bit/i. She was real, standing before him, in his embrace. He could feel her pounding heart against his ribcage, her ragged breathing and her soft warm body flushed straight against his torso. He had missed her so much, so very much that he thought that he would go crazy. He could not even count how many days since she returned, but it did not matter. She was now with him and that was all that he wanted.
Kagome frowned, she was still angry, albeit a bit relieved that he had not sought to kill her but merely to hug her. She surmised that he had missed her from his hungry crashing hug, and that being gentle to ladies was probably not in his youkai dictionary. But when he did not let go of her after a long while, her anger receded and she closed her eyes, leaning slightly against his beating heart. She had missed him terribly too, and had so much to tell him. She wanted to let him know that she had changed her bedsheets, that she had rejected Houjou again, that she would let go of her reservations and not think so much when she was with him, and that she really liked him a lot, a lot.
But now that he was hugging her so tightly and desperately, she could not help but to smile a little. Sesshoumaru did like her a lot too, whether he knew it or not. And it was nice, to be in his arms again. She had hungered so much for his prescence, for his hug, for his sarcasm when she was all alone in Tokyo and in her bedroom. No amount of her mother's oden, her grandfather's lame jokes and Souta's boyish smiles could relieve her aching desire for him. She wanted so much to touch his face, to run her fingers through his silky hair, to kiss his lips, to trace his markings, to smell him and to hold him. Like the way he was holding her now.
She wrapped her arms around his waist and tightened her hold, pressing her cheek into his firm chest and smiled happily. "Sesshoumaru?"
"Hn."
"Did you miss me?"
There was a long pause, before he finally slowly let out a grunt. Her smile grew wider, she recognized that deep sound.
"I missed you too, a lot," Kagome rubbed her cheek against his chest, inwardly thanking Kami that there was no spiky armour around him.
His eyes flew open, Kagome was admitting her feelings to him. Had she thought through carefully? Had she reached a conclusion and answer?
"You went away for so long," he could not help but to say it out. He felt wretched and confused, like a little child deprived of his long-awaited gift.
"I need to see my mother, and my brother... gomen," she apologized and played with his hair, curling the ends of it into her palms.
"Hn," he grunted again.
"Say you miss me," her eyes remained shut as she tickled herself with his hair. She had to put a stop to this game, even if it would end eventually when she return back to Inuyasha and her friends. When he did not respond, she pouted and pulled away slightly, looking up into his handsome face. The sun was behind him, and she could not see his face properly other than his eyes. The same usual stark golden irises gave her a jolted feeling again, now that her chest was pressed against him so tightly. There was a rawness in his eyes, as he looked back into her deep brown eyes. She knew that he could not see her, and she waited. His lips parted, but nothing came out.
"Say you miss me," Kagome insisted again. She wanted to hear him say that, to hear him say her name. She was desperate for it too, and hung onto his waist tightly, clenching her fingers around his top as she looked deploringly into his raw hungry eyes. His lips moved a little after a long while, and Kagome was almost on the verge of tears. Was it so hard to admit that he missed her? Was it so hard to admit that he liked her too? Was it so hard to tell her that he wanted her, as much as she wanted him?
"Say it, say you miss me. If not, I'll... I'll..." her voice trailed off, she would really cry if he did not say.
Sesshoumaru frowned hard, it was worse than thinking, harder than killing, and more torturous than the pain in his eyes that he had dealt with. She was asking him to say it, and now she was threatening him. He had so much that he wanted to tell her, but everything seemed choked in his chest and the words died in his throat before they could come out. His blood was raging again, seeming to travel in opposite directions and clashing with each other.
"I'll... I'll make you regret it!" she bit her lower lip hard, to such an extent that she drew blood.
His eyes widened at her issued threat. What would she do, to make him regret? Her temper was so fiery and volatile, that it frightened him for a moment. Emotions and words swirled around in his mind, slowly piecing together as he opened his mouth again. Kagome thought that she would go mad, she could see Sesshoumaru struggling with himself, yet he was so stubborn, to say it out. She gathered a small amount of her ki to her hands, burning him slightly at the sides and took the opportunity to slip away.
"Kagome! I... I like you," he blurted out desperately as he winced in pain and caught hold of her arm, pulling her back forcefully and hugging her so tightly as if he was afraid that she would escape from him. He could not have her away from him, again.
Tears rolled down her cheeks. It was really too much. Kagome smiled, and then laughed out loud. He had finally said it out loud, he had finally admitted to her and himself, he had finally told her. She, a ningen, had forced a taiyoukai to admit his emotions. Was that not a notable accomplishment?
Sesshoumaru frowned at her girlish laughter, was he being mocked? Was she taking advantage of his confusion and tricking him to say it out? Was she-
Kagome tip-toed and pressed her lips firmly against his down-turned mouth, as she tried to wrap her arms around his neck. He was really too tall for her, she mused to herself. His eyes widened at her sudden kiss, and he could feel her falling and slipping down. Before she could steady herself on her toes again, he pulled her up and fell onto the ground with her on him. Kagome was shocked and for a moment thought that her bones might snap. But his lips captured hers in a searing hot hungry kiss and all was forgotten as she tried to return it as much as possible.
His hands travelled up and down her body, round the curves and into the dips. Her long soft hair was cushioning his neck as she kissed him as hard as he did. Their passionate kiss continued for as long as both could endure, until she had to pull away for air. Heat rose to their faces as they stared at each other hungrily for a moment, before Kagome reached up, using her forefinger and traced the outline of the dark blue crescent moon on his forehead, then down to the maroon stripes across his cheeks. She could feel the soft cartilage under his nose, and the feathery softness of his lips.
He is so beautiful, she thought to herself while Sesshoumaru's hand rubbed her neck sensually. Kagome closed her eyes, it was definitely good to be in his embrace again. He did things to her that no one did, and things that she had never thought of. Her mind was swimming in his caresses, his fingers were like hot flaming torches as they travelled down her thick sweater and went inside.
She let out a soft moan, she could feel his fingers rubbing underneath her breasts, near her wired bra. Sesshoumaru frowned a little at the obstrusive contraption around her chest. His fingers moved up, and he could feel her soft round mounds and taut nipples underneath the thin fabric of the contraption. He cursed inwardly for his lack of sight and slid his hand in between the valley of her breasts
"What is that?" his voice was low and husky, and it sent shivers down her spine.
She giggled a little as his fingers moved to circle around her left nipple, sending another round of shivers down her body. "That... is a .. bra..." she could not speak properly, and thought that her speech sounded slurred.
"Hn," he grunted and flipped her over, carefully slicing her sweater into two halves and continued to grope his way around her chest, inwardly wondering how the damned contraption would look like and what purpose did it serve. Her eyes rolled up in pleasure, she knew that he was curious about her bra, but the way his hand was roughly moving across her breasts produced the desired effect that she had hungered for. She promptly pushed him away, unbuttoned the shirt shakily with her fingers and whispered, "I want to feel you."
Sesshoumaru raised one of his eyebrow, her voice was different, and he trembled a little, not knowing whether that was out of excitement or nervousness. Was Kagome prepared to give herself to him, now? Did she know what she was saying, and doing to him at the same time?
"Kagome," his voice was stern and solemn. But the deep aching hunger that coursed through her veins and body, became more intense when he spoke. She did not know that his voice could be so sexy, and it aroused her further.
"Onegai," she finally managed to pull the shirt away and could see his lean firm chest, his well-worked out muscles, the stub at his left arm and his fair smooth unblemished skin. She longed to feel him, naked, his searing warmth against her chest, his hardness against her. His pale lips parted at her request, he could feel himself getting warm and hard, very hard.
"Kagome..." His hakamas was jerked down, and he fought every monstrous urge to take her wildly, to toss her around, to plunge into her like never before. He had not laid with a female for so long, and her sudden ambiguous request was driving his mind to the edges.
"Just this once, I want to feel you," Kagome almost pleaded as her hands slid down his strong muscled thighs. She wanted to see every part of him, to feel every part that moved with his graceful body, to just be with him. Sesshoumaru decided that it was now or never, to claim her first, and she would probably stay with him, if that happened.
"Kagome..." he called out her name again, he could feel his erection rubbing against her naked thighs as Kagome slid off her skirt and unhooked her bra from the front. Sesshoumaru pressed down against her, careful not to put his whole weight on her lest he crushes her. Upon the sizzling contact of skin to skin, both hissed softly at the heat. She could feel his hotness on her body, and his hardness pressing against her thighs. It gave her a wondrous floaty feeling, and the hungry ache seemed to move and consolidate at the center of her privates, inside the entrance of her core. She shifted and squirmed a little, wondering how it would feel like if it was ithat/i pressing against her moist folds. No amount of sex education would be able to give her an experience, that's what her friends had told her.
"Mada," he whispered huskily to her ear and kissed her ear, sucking on her ear-lobe gently for a while before moving his lips down to hers. They kissed for a long while as his hand massaged her breasts firmly, giving the hardened nipples a soft knead every now and then. Kagome thought that she would explode, as she arched her responsive body up to his touches. She had never knew that she would react like this, like a hungry wanton slut. But the frightening thing was that she did not mind at all. She knew that she wanted him, and he wanted her too. Inuyasha would never do this to her, and neither did she want him. The only person she wanted was Sesshoumaru, and no one else.
"I think... I love you," Kagome spoke through her ragged breathing as he wrapped his mouth over her nipple. He paused for a while upon her statement, and thought he could almost see stars in his mind, and that his heart might really burst. Kagome had finally told him that she loved him, and not Inuyasha. It was him, Sesshoumaru the taiyoukai, him, him, and him. Not Inuyasha, not the hanyou, not his half-brother. Not anyone else, but him.
"Hn," his eyes glazed and he teased the other free nipple while he continued to suck hard on the right bud. All that went through his mind was that Kagome loved him, Kagome was his, Kagome would stay with him. He had reached his goal, he had succeeded. When he heard another moan from her, he rubbed his fingers against her wet folds, causing her to buck up like a startled deer. His erection was almost painful, and he wanted nothing other than to take her now, right and then.
"Kagome..." he panted against her rising breasts, while her fingers were busy clenching themselves around his long hair. She did not respond, but continue to squirm as his fingers circled around the bundle of nerves in front of her core. It was driving her crazy, and all she could think of was to spread her shaky legs wider to give him more access.
He closed his eyes and moved his face down to her privates, he wanted to smell her, to taste her, to feel her on his tongue. The moment that she felt something wet licking at her, a sudden gush of uncomfortable heat rushed down to her belly, and it was almost painful, this hunger in her. She had heard so much about sex, and now she was going to experience it. She had never thought that things would progress to such a state, but she was oddly not scared at all.
"Do you.. love me?" she asked amidst the haze in her mind.
He stopped his administrations upon her question, her virginal scent was driving him crazy and he was not sure of his answer. He had never thought about this before and moved his body up, pressing his nose against hers. She opened her eyes and looked into his golden orbs, the ferocity and rawness in it aroused her further. She wrapped her fingers around his erection tightly, causing him to let out a faint groan.
She rubbed the tip and brought it up, it was sticky and slimey, with some translucent liquid on her fingers. She tasted it gingerly and kissed him hard. He could taste himself in her mouth, and it drove him wilder. Kagome could feel his erection rubbing against her hot aching entrance, and she asked again. She would not let him in if he did not love her, she had not lost her senses entirely yet.
"Do you love me?" she asked, with an almost pleading tone in her voice. She was so scared, that he did not love her. She was not sure whether she was thinking properly either, but she knew how much she had sunk into it, so deep that it was almost impossible for her to pull herself out, like quicksand. She realized that she did not merely like him, she loved him. More than she had ever loved Inuyasha. She wanted someone like Sesshoumaru, someone strong and silent, stand-offish and cool.
He panted hard as the wintry breeze grazed his back. He tried hard to think, but all that he could think of was the wonderful, sinful pleasure and friction that he would get if he bury his throbbing aching shaft into her hot tight core. He knew that Kagome wanted an answer, and that she was not forcing him. But truth be told, he had no idea to whether he loved her or not. He was not even sure whether he really understood love. All he knew was that he wanted Kagome. Now.
After what seemed like a long while, he finally answered her. "I want you, Kagome."
His voice made her shook, yet she persisted, "but do you love me?"
He frowned hard, trying to shake off the thoughts of desire and lust away from his mind. He wanted to answer Kagome, but he did not want to deceive her either. "Shiranai, I'm not even sure whether I know what is love."
His answer made her felt so cold, and disappointed. Kagome closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him down. She wanted to cry, yet not. She wanted him to hug her, so she hugged him instead. She knew that he was telling the truth, and it would be difficult to get an answer from him.
He sensed that she was disappointed and upset. But he did not know whether he was prepared to entrust his scarred heart to her. What if she was like her? He squeezed his eyes shut, today was not a good time to take Kagome. She was prepared, but he realized that he was not. She wanted his love, she wanted his commitment, and he was not ready to give her any of these.
"Sumanai," he apologized and wrapped his furry pelt around her shivering body. He sat up and brought her up with him, with her kneeling in between his outstretched thighs and her arms still wrapped around his neck. A tear rolled out from her eyes, and she silently berated herself for being weak. She had been a strong woman for so long, she had been through worser situations before, and now all it took was one of his apologies, to break down her wall of will.
"Don't, I know it's hard," she rested her face in the crook of his neck. She wanted to blame him, for giving such a sloppy answer and apology. It was so anti-climax, she tried to make herself laugh. But she could not laugh, nor blame him. And the fact hit her in the face hard, that somehow subconsciously, she had indeed, truly fallen deep in love with him.
"I love you," her voice was weak, she was frightened. Her love might go unrequited.
"Aa," he closed his eyes and hugged her tightly. He was afraid too, that he would never be able to give her the answer that she wanted so much.
"Try to love me," she continued.
Sesshoumaru paused for a long while as he placed a soft kiss on her naked shoulder, rubbing his thumb over the wound that she had taken for him. He could not respond to such a request, until he was absolutely sure that he was capable of loving someone. The silence hung heavily between them, and she pulled away as she donned her clothes on, and helped him with Souta's shirt as he tightened the knot around his hakamas.
"These buttons are bothersome," he remarked as his fingers fumbled with them. Kagome smiled, and buttoned it up for him. When it was done, he held her close to his chest for a long while.
"Will you stay with me?" he thought that his voice sounded a little shaky and cursed himself for that.
Kagome closed her eyes wearily, "let's not talk anymore about this, shall we?"
His lips parted at her request. He felt her arms sliding around his waist, and her head resting against his heavy heart. He weaved his fingers through her wavy locks, and closed his eyes.
"Aa."
A/N: There you go! A whooping 6000+-word chapter. Im not at all happy with the first bit actually. I know a lot of you must be banging yr heads against your desks or monitors by now... but like what I've said, there will be no lemons, as far as I can see it. twiddles thumbs
And FYI, Sango actually means "coral". Isn't that such a lovely name? )
Special thanks goes out to Trouble in Shangri-La. She kindly beta-ed my lime. ;p
