Chapter Five – Soulful thoughts, soulless heart

Jasmine POV

I was sleeping, dreaming of blood and death. The streets were on fire, people dead and dying all around. I chased them, killing and feeding however I wanted. There was a sudden movement beside me. My eyes snapped open and I saw Raven. Their were tears running down his face and he was panting. "Shit. Shit shit shit shit."

I sat up and touched his shoulder. "You okay?" I asked. He started to cry. "Hey, hey." I moved in front of him. It looks like he'd had another nightmare. I wrapped my arms around him and lowered his head onto my shoulder. "Shh, it's okay. It's okay." I started rocking him slowly. It reminded me of when I was little and my mum would rock me to sleep after I'd had a nightmare. "It's okay," I whispered. "They can't hurt you anymore. Your safe. I promise. Shhhhh." I knew what it was. Ever since he escaped from the Initive he'd had nightmares. He wakes up screaming nearly every day. I stroked his hair and he started sobbing.

"It hurt so much," he sobbed.

"I know, love. I know." We stayed like that for a while. After a bit he stopped crying and we just lay down together. I wondered what he was thinking. I wish I could see into his head.

"Jas?" He said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Why d'you never let me call you Emma?" I froze. Barely repressed memories of pain and fear came rushing back to me.

"My name is Jasmine," I said.

"Yeah but…wasn't always." He turned so he could look into my eyes. They were a bright yellow. I've been told that my fangs are pure white. His, though, look like they've never seen a toothbrush.

"Look, Raven…" I began.

"An' why do you always call me that?" He interrupted. "Y' used to call me Mathew."

I sighed. "Yeah, but that's before I learned your real name."

"It IS me real name." I grabbed his hand.

"No. Its not."

"It IS!"

"No. It's not. Mathew was the name of a little boy who is now dead. Glazzior killed him. And he made you. Just like you killed Emma and made me."

He moved closer to me. "So you don't think we're the same as we used t' be?"

I frowned, wondeing what the hell had brought this on. "Of course not." I sat up and looked down at him. "Do you?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. Don't really feel that different. I mean, I do on th' outside. Feel stronger, faster…can see in the dark. But on the inside…" He sighed. "Fuckin' 'ell. I remember everythin'. Remember all me mates. Remember me family. I still miss 'em y' know. I feel the same on the inside now as I did then. It's jus'…There's sommat else in me now. I wanna kill, smash, destroy. It's sommat…sommat…"

"Evil?" I asked. I don't want to talk about this. It brings back to many memories. But I don't want to look weak. So I kept quiet.

"Dunno. I guess. Can't think what else to call it. Jas?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think we're evil?"

"Yes, I do," I said without hesitating. "We don't have souls, Raven."

"Yeah but…you care about me right?" I did care about him. I cared about him so much. "An' I care about you. I can feel 'appy an' sad. I mean, yeah, I like killin' an' torturin' as much as the next vampire, but wot about the other stuff?"

I sighed again. "I don't know. I don't know if evil can laugh. I don't know if evil can feel true joy or love. I'm not a philosopher. I don't know the answers to all the hows and whys of being a vampire, and to be quite honest, I don't really care. We are what we are. Except it."

"That's wot everyone's bin tellin' me to do."

"Then do it. It's good advice."

"One more thing."

"What?"

"You really think we don't 'ave souls? Even with all that good stuff we can feel?"

I stared at him for a few seconds, and a thought came to me. "Do you?" I asked carefully.

He seemed to think hard. Really hard. "I don't know."

"Raven, when I was human and you were telling me about being a vampire, you told me you felt your soul leave you."

"No I didn't!" He protested.

"Yes you did," I said.

"I didn't. I said just before I died I thought I felt sommat leave me. I could 'ave imagined th' whole thing."

I really wanted to stop talking about this. I stroked his cheek. "There's not much time to sleep," I whispered softly. "Only about half an hour till sunset. And think I can make you feel better."

I grabbed his cock and, well, you can guess what happened after that.

A/N: I know this chapter wasn't very good, sorry. I had literally NO good ideas.