Key To My Heart – Chapter Six – Troubled thoughts.
Giles POV
I opened the door to my flat and walked in, firmly shutting the door behind me. It's been just over a month since I left Sunnydale and returned to England. Over a month, and not a day has gone by when I haven't thought about them. Leaving the Hellmouth was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Try as I might, I cannot escape the guilt of leaving them. Buffy, Willow, Xander, all of them. I love each and every one of them. But I did the right thing. The others have learned to make their way in the world, and so must she.
"I did the right thing," I said out loud. It didn't help.
I made my way into the living room and poured myself a glass of whisky. I drained the glass and stared gloomily about the room. Then I noticed the light blinking on the answering machine. I thought about ignoring it and just wallowing in self-pity. "Oh, what's the use," I muttered. I got up and played the message.
beep "Giles its Willow, are you there?" Upon hearing that voice, my throat seemed to close up, and I found it hard to breath. "Giles, if you're there, pick up, please." She was silent for a moment. "Okay, I guess you're not in. When you get this, call us. It's important." The machine beeped again, signalling the end of the message
I stared at the answering machine. I've wanted so much so hear their voices. I scolded myself for getting too emotional. I picked up the phone then put it back down. "For God's sake man, you're an adult." I picked up the phone and firmly pressed the numbers. The phone rang. I had to fight the urge to slam it down. After the fourth ring someone picked it up.
"Hello?"
I cleared my throat. "Hello Dawn, is that you? It's Giles."
She didn't say anything. "Dawn? Are you there?"
"What the hell do you want?" She hissed. I felt a sudden sharp pain in my chest.
"Um…w-well, I've just got home and I found a message on my answering machine from Willow, asking me to call."
"Why the hell would Willow want anything to do with you? Y'know, after you abandoning us and everything."
The pain in my chest got worse. "Dawn, I truly am sorry that I left, but I be…"
"No!" Dawn shouted. "You can't just pack up and leave, and then just phone up like there's nothing wrong!" I heard Dawn choke back a sob, and I had to fight to keep my voice under control.
"Dawn, I am sorry. Please believe me."
"If you so sorry then…then…" Her voice went quite. "Why did you leave, Giles?"
I wiped my eyes, which were getting a bit damp.. "Because…because I believed it was the right thing to do."
"Why?"
I took a deep breath. "I did it for you and Buffy."
She snorted. "Sure."
"Dawn, I was doing everything. On Halloween, after that incident with the vampires, Buffy left it to me to discipline you. When she returned from heav…from where she went, she left me to look after yourself and the house. Whenever a crisis emerges, she doesn't try to understand it herself. She lets others work it out, then deals with it after we tell her what to do…"
"So that's it?!" Dawn screeched. "She's just too…too…inconvenient for you?!"
"Dawn, that is not the reason. I love Buffy like she's my own flesh and blood. But, Dawn, Buffy is not a girl anymore. She's a woman. A very capable woman might I add. But she doesn't trust herself. And if I had stayed, she would have always come to me, and I would have helped her. She must learn to trust herself, not just as a Slayer, but as the woman she now is."
"Yeah but…but…she would have. You didn't have to leave."
I began to get angry. "Do you think I wanted to?! Do you think I don't regret it?! Day and night I think of you all! Day and night I think of the dangers you all face, and that I've run away and…and…I can't breathe!" I paused and realised what I had said. I took a deep breath. "Dawn, I am so sorry. I have no right to burden you like this."
"No it's…its fine."
"It most certainly is not. It's just…" I sighed. "Is Willow there please?"
"Um…no. She's kinda moping over Tara."
Icy fear gripped my heart. "Tara? Has something happened to her?"
"What? Oh! No. No, she's fine. It's just…remember that memory thing before you left?"
"Y-yes. Yes, I remember."
"Well after that, she kinda left Willow and moved out."
"Good lord! Are they both alright?"
"Um, well like I said, Willow's just sort of moping around. I haven't seen much of Tara." She trailed off, and I don't think either one of us really knew what to say.
"You wanna talk to Buffy?" Dawn asked finally.
"Um…I'm not sure that's wise," I said softly.
"She misses you you know," Dawn said quietly. "We all do. Well, Spike doesn't seem to care all that much."
I gave a dry laugh. "No, I don't suppose that he would."
"Yeah, I guess not."
"Well, tell Willow I called, will you?"
"Yeah sure."
"Well…goodbye Dawn."
And I could hear the sadness in her voice when she softly replied "Bye Giles."
She hung up. I hung up. I went back into the living room to the whisky, and this time I didn't bother with a glass.
A/N: Well, what did you all think? REVIEW!
