Chapter Eleven: The Suspense Chapter of DOOM!
SOME FRAT-PARTY"Hey, Albert, keep the noise down, look what just happened to Anakin and Obi-Wan!"
"Yeah, Gil, hold my beer glass, I can't wait to see what's going to happen!"
SOME SORORITY GET-TOGETHER"Ginger, how can you care about makeup at a time like this? Look what's happening to Obi and Ani! And look at the bottom of the shaft they're falling in to! There are lions!"
SOME OPERATING ROOM"Can you hold this pancreas for me? This is IMPORTANT Nurse Helen, there are spikes at the bottom of the shaft where the hungry lions are pacing about!"
AUTHOR'S HOME"Hm… how many more ways of describing what is happening without actually doing anything are left for my disposal?"
DENTIST'S OFFICE"Uh…it's uh…" Dr. Frank continued to stare at the TV. "A…a cavity, yeah. Oh my GOSH! Anakin used his batman-esque rope-thing to cling to the wall! But look at Obi-Wan! He's still falling! Gee, he's pretty close to the bottom now…"
BEAUTY SALON"Oh no! If Anakin doesn't save him soon, Obi's a gonner! Hey, you wanted a crew-cut right?"
SKI LESSONS"So yeah, just, um… keep a close eye on the…uh…thing…and—" Instructor's Mind: Oh my god, who was the idiot who said mountains can't get cable? Last time I checked, Obi-Wan and fallen and landed directly on a lion's back. Ouch, that must have hurt…
"Mommy, why is Mr. Bradley holding his crotch like that?"
Oh well, at least Anakin was starting to climb back up the shaft when I left. Hm, I wonder how Obi-Wan's doing?
"Mommy, look at me! Hey, what does 'Black Di-a-mond' mean----AHHHHH!"
"GEOFFERY!"
NASA LAUNCH-PROCEDURE"And take-off in five, four, three, two---OH MY GOD, did you see the way Obi-Wan used the force to pull Anakin down off of the cliff and onto another lion's back?"
"Houston, we might have a problem…""Eh, I got problems of my own, ya bastard, don't you ever call just to say hi? Sheesh."
"Uh, there seems to be a shortage on fuel for the return journey, so—""Yeah? Well Anakin and Obi-Wan are stuck in a pit riding on lions with a spiked floor! I think you can deal, sir!"
PORNOGRAPHY STUDIO"Yeah, babe, that's it! Ride him! Ride him like Anakin's ridin' that lion!"
SOME FORTY-YEAR-OLD'S MOTHER'S BASEMENT"Woah, Jim, Anakin almost fell off that time!"
"I know, Reginald, and check out how Obi-Wan grabbed him by the collar and pulled him onto the same lion!"
"And now he's whisperin' something… something like 'Don't you think about running away without me, Padawan.'"
"Yeah and now Anakin's sayin something back…like… 'Even though I saved your skin ten tim—'"
"And lookit how Obi-Wan socked him!"
JERRY SPRINGER'S SHOW"Ani, Ani, Ani!"
"Obi, Obi, Obi!"
Jerry: "Well, I feel neglected."
SOME BAR"Jesse, c'mere and see how this Kenobi's cleaning Anakin's clock while still on the lion's back!"
"I know, Velma, but Anakin's putting up a good fight!"
"Jesse… what's Obi-Wan doing to Anakin's head?"
"It looks like he's pulling at Ani's hair."
"Yeah and---oh my goodness! Jesse, are you seeing what I am seeing?"
"Sure am, Velma. That Skywalker wears a wig!"
"But didn't the author already use something like that in one of the previous chapters?"
"…shut up, Velma."
