Chapter Thirteen: Revelations
(PS. Don't sue me, I use some Monty Python stuff in here)
"Alright, so you two just go off and… uh… act like none of this ever happened," God had said. "And I'll wipe everyone's minds."
"But wait!" Anakin cried at the last moment. "If you wipe everyone's mind, no one will know about the show!"
"Oh thank the force," Obi-Wan sighed.
Anakin glared then turned his puppy-dog glance back on God. "After all of this work? You can't just take it away from me! You will not take it from me!"
"You have done that yourself," Obi-Wan reminded, paying no attention to the copyright charges and focusing instead on the fact that it was Anakin who had suggested the universal mind-wipe.
"Yes," God said. "Besides, the lord giveth and the---erm---force? Taketh away."
"Please!" Anakin begged. "Gawd, I'll do anything! Any other solution you have!"
"Well…I suppose seeing as I am all-powerful I guess I could only erase the part of peoples' minds that knew about the embarrassing truths."
Obi and Ani got on their knees. "Yes, oh please, Gawd!"
"Very well."
And thus the entire universe's mind was wiped and no one knew about either Anakin's nor Obi-Wan's little secrets… or so God told them…
PALPATINE'S OFFICE
"Hey, Chancellor," Sly asked, turning away from the video screen and back to her boss who came waling over. "Who are they talking to?"
Palpatine used his newly author-given supervision. "I dunno, the screen's a little fuzzy where those midgets on stilts covered by a sheet are standing."
"Wait," Sly said with wide eyes. "They think sheet-covered-stilt-using midgets are the embodiment of the force?"
"Apparently so," Palpatine said with a chuckle. "Oh this won't do at all." And with that, he hopped on his speeder and began to fly to the field where Anakin, Obi-Wan, and the midgets that apparently only Palpatine could see were.
THE FIELD
"Okay, everyone's mind has been wiped," said what the two Jedi took for a very large, near-ground cloud. "We now demand tribute."
Skywalker and Kenobi shared a glance. The older gentleman asked, "Gawd, what kind of tribute do you wish for?"
There was silence for a moment. "If you wish to appease the embodiment of the force, you must go and fetch… a shrubbery!"
cue dramatic cord
Kenobi and Anakin cried out disbelievingly, "A shrubbery?"
"Yes. One that looks nice. And not too expensive."
The two Jedi sighed and decided it best to get Gawd what he wanted.
SOME ROAD
"See any shrubberies yet, my Padawan?"
"If I did, Master, you'd be the first to know," he replied irritably.
All of a sudden, from out of nowhere, the two stumbled upon a small man with a cart of flowers and plant-goods.
"Excuse me," said Kenobi, stopping the extremely short man with a pat on the shoulder. "Is that a shrubbery you have there?"
"What, this?" he said, gesturing down to the cart. "Oh no, this is only some supplies. I do make shrubberies though. I am Samwise the Shrubber. I make, design, and sell shrubberies."
Anakin shared a shrug with his Master as they both thought the same thing: Eh, it'll work.
THE FIELD
God stared down at the shrubbery. "Very nice, I like the laurels particularly. But there is one small problem."
"What is that, oh Gawd?" Obi-Wan asked.
"The author is getting bored with ripping off other comedians' ideas and has decided to switch the plot line around a little bit."
"And how does this affect us, oh Gawd?"
"Because now you must face…" the blanket came whipping off and "gawd" was revealed! "An army of midgets! ATTACK!"
Obi and Ani: 0.0
"RUN AWAY!" They cried as the thousands of midgets that had 'somehow' managed to fit under that sheet came screaming and chasing after them, sticks and arrows in their hands.
Anakin felt them at his heels (author laughs at political incorrectness of that sentence). (author gets sued). (author laughing not so hard now). Suddenly, he felt himself losing his balance and beginning to fall to the earthy floor below. He began to cry out when suddenly he felt a hand grip him by the collar and pull him up. Thinking this was the end, he forgot all about his lightsaber in his panic, and allowed himself to be plopped down inside… Chancellor Palpatine's speeder? He looked down and saw Obi-Wan still running for his life. Anakin then turned to see his friend Palpatine sitting beside him with an ugly look on his face… or maybe all his looks were ugly because his face was--- nevermind.
"Chancellor," Anakin said with worry. "We have to save Obi-Wan!"
"Have to, Anakin?" With that, the politician (probably a Republican—erm—I mean…) sped off.
Anakin gasped and turned back to see Obi-Wan now a speck behind them.
"Master!" He cried, about to explode with one exclamation when he remembered what the author had said. He then thought of something else. "Ahem. WHY!"
